Some Ideas For My Fic

Started by ShinjisLover April 25th, 2009 5:57 PM
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ShinjisLover

Seen May 11th, 2016
Posted July 5th, 2010
3,043 posts
14.4 Years
Well, I've been thinking about this fic for four years and I've only currently started writing it. I have many, many ideas, a few which are definite keepers and a few, which I will explain, are just. . Kinked up. I need to know if these are even good ideas first before I can begin to improve them. And I'm pretty sure I'm posting this in the right spot.

Main character: Nareta
Regions traveled: Kanto - Sinnoh (all)
Currently stopped: In Sinnoh

Idea #1 -
The first idea I have (which is way, way later on in the story), the main character, Nareta (obviously), has her emotions taken away by Mesprit, whom she accidentally touches without knowing what it could do. Her traveling partner, who will be revealed once I actually write the story, tries to get her emotions back after seeing her without them for a few days. Of course, I'm still working on how she gets them back. But, before I do, I wanted to know if this was a good idea or not. And then I will work harder on how she gets them back.

Idea #2 -
A new organization: Kurai-Dan. There are two partners who are named Narasami, or Mimi for short, and Hizaki. Kurai-Dan is an evil organization bent on world domination and purely such. They are also interested in the capture of the Legendary Pokémon, Mew. Mimi and Hizaki follow Nareta because they are interested in her Raichu, Floatzel, Gabite, and, Mimi's old Pokémon, Stantler. However, Nareta doesn't want to give up her Pokémon due to Mimi being an abusive trainer (i.e., she whips and beats her Pokémon). However, as a Buizel, Floatzel gets captured. In the process, despite not wanting to, Buizel is forced to evolve.

Idea #3 -
An evil Pokémon: Nareta's Hypno. As a wild Pokémon, Hypno possessed Nareta, making her destroy a single town before being captured by her (this idea I'm keeping). Afterwards, Nareta gains powers. She is able to see a single future event (up to 24 hours from her predictions) if she can touch the person's face, head, or any body part. She is also able to see, for a split second, the emotions of people. One more thing, she can understand PokéSpeech, but only for the Pokémon with whom she has close relations, like her Raichu. Unfortunately, she's also a more cautious battler, making her lose more often if she hears her Pokémon's cries. She is also considered more of a 'weirdo' due to the fact that she must touch the people to get predictions. Nareta can only see events of love and tragedy (be it a broken heart or a broken limb). This is the one I'm most reluctant to use . . . I really think she needs more flaws with this power before I can use it.


Suggestions to make these ideas better? Should I get rid of/improve any of the ideas? Most of these are in Sinnoh, except for the Hypno one. That also lasts the year before Nareta heads off to Sinnoh (where she rests).

JX Valentine

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Posted December 8th, 2012
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Idea #1 -
The first idea I have (which is way, way later on in the story), the main character, Nareta (obviously), has her emotions taken away by Mesprit, whom she accidentally touches without knowing what it could do. Her traveling partner, who will be revealed once I actually write the story, tries to get her emotions back after seeing her without them for a few days. Of course, I'm still working on how she gets them back. But, before I do, I wanted to know if this was a good idea or not. And then I will work harder on how she gets them back.
I really like the idea of something of importance of the main character being stolen by a legendary/ordinary pokémon, but emotions are quite a doozy here. Not saying you shouldn't go through with it. In fact, if you can pull it off, that'd be seriously kickass. However, what you're looking at is essentially a Rei Ayanami: zero emotion and probably no perceivable personality. That's going to be incredibly difficult to write, and a few readers may just be put off by it because the character will probably refuse to react to anything that happens to her. Basically, I'm saying it might be easy to forget that you can't have her react the same way as any other character might (sort of like, she can't jump away from something in fear because she won't be able to feel fear, she won't be able to connect to the people she meets because she can't feel sympathetic or happy/friendly, that sort of thing), so it might be incredibly difficult.

If you think you can do it, I'd say try it. If you find that it doesn't work or are intimidated a bit by the task of paying very close attention to what your character does, it'd still be really interesting to see a legendary take something away from a character, so I'd say definitely try playing with other prices before you scrap the concept altogether.

Idea #2 -
A new organization: Kurai-Dan. There are two partners who are named Narasami, or Mimi for short, and Hizaki. Kurai-Dan is an evil organization bent on world domination and purely such. They are also interested in the capture of the Legendary Pokémon, Mew. Mimi and Hizaki follow Nareta because they are interested in her Raichu, Floatzel, Gabite, and, Mimi's old Pokémon, Stantler. However, Nareta doesn't want to give up her Pokémon due to Mimi being an abusive trainer (i.e., she whips and beats her Pokémon). However, as a Buizel, Floatzel gets captured. In the process, despite not wanting to, Buizel is forced to evolve.
Not entirely following the part about Mimi being an abusive trainer and how that connects to Nareta. I suppose if you're going for a Ash-style, "No! I must be kind to my pokémon because they're my friends," then okay, that sounds understandable. And I like the idea of actual pokémon abuse being addressed by someone other than A.J. Still, it sounds like a pretty generic basic idea (as in, hero versus the evil team that wants to take over the world and steal the hero's pokémon), so it'll probably fly. You'll probably want to develop this one a bit further to make it slightly less basic and to take it a step beyond the usual Team Rocket formula. Kurai-Dan sounds incredibly sinister/cult-like, so I'm hoping you play this up with an elaborate plan to take over the world (elaborate a la what every other team aside from Team Rocket usually comes up with -- mmm, Team Dim Sun).

Idea #3 -
An evil Pokémon: Nareta's Hypno. As a wild Pokémon, Hypno possessed Nareta, making her destroy a single town before being captured by her (this idea I'm keeping).
That's really badass.

Afterwards, Nareta gains powers. She is able to see a single future event (up to 24 hours from her predictions) if she can touch the person's face, head, or any body part.
And that's potentially hilarious. I think the limitation of this power in itself is enough to justify it, really, simply because, come on. Molesting people just for the sake of reading their future? "Honest, officer! I wasn't groping him! I was trying to predict what will happen to him five minutes from now!"

Of course, the fact that you limit this power to only moments of love or tragedy really helps too. It reminds me of Ora from Clover. Really cool power that ends up being not particularly useful except in certain situations.

One more thing, she can understand PokéSpeech, but only for the Pokémon with whom she has close relations, like her Raichu.
This I think it a bit more if-y. On the one hand, it can potentially be more of a hindrance than a help, but on the other hand, it may just make people sound off the Sue alarms, particularly if you're also making her unable to feel emotions (like sympathy) on top of this. It could be considered essentially matching with canon, though, if she can simply understand what her pokémon are thinking the way Ash can get a vibe from Pikachu just because they've been together for long enough to get that close to one another.

If that's what you mean, then sure, it's one of those things you can get away with by pointing to canon and going, "Hey, they did it, so I can too." Which is always convenient, I think.
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ShinjisLover

Seen May 11th, 2016
Posted July 5th, 2010
3,043 posts
14.4 Years
That's going to be incredibly difficult to write, and a few readers may just be put off by it because the character will probably refuse to react to anything that happens to her. Basically, I'm saying it might be easy to forget that you can't have her react the same way as any other character might (sort of like, she can't jump away from something in fear because she won't be able to feel fear, she won't be able to connect to the people she meets because she can't feel sympathetic or happy/friendly, that sort of thing), so it might be incredibly difficult.
For this, I have the apathetic part down pat, so I'm not worried about it being hard to write. Even then, I'm going to practice a little bit (though I have an apathetic person in another fic, which turned out wonderfully, though I discontinued it. . </somewhat off-topic addition> XD).

Kurai-Dan sounds incredibly sinister/cult-like, so I'm hoping you play this up with an elaborate plan to take over the world (elaborate a la what every other team aside from Team Rocket usually comes up with -- mmm, Team Dim Sun).
I've made them incredibly violent. They use guns and have even shot at Nareta before. Once, they've shot Nareta's Stantler because he had jumped in front of Nareta to save her life. So I tried my best not to make it 'generic', though I'm still working out a few kinks. . And I do think I'd like to shy away from the generic Team Rocket. . If you have any other suggestions, that'd be perfect.

That's really badass.
XD Yeah, that's why it was a cool idea. XDD

This I think it a bit more if-y. On the one hand, it can potentially be more of a hindrance than a help, but on the other hand, it may just make people sound off the Sue alarms, particularly if you're also making her unable to feel emotions (like sympathy) on top of this.
For this, I didn't quite follow. I think you misunderstood, or I had forgotten to mention this one little detail, or perhaps it was even a typo. Because she does get her emotions back. I do agree, though, this was a major thing I was worried about. I'm still thinking about tossing that or making it just her Raichu and nothing else. . I'm just not so sure, still.

Nice in-depth review of my ideas. You've really helped me, believe it or not, especially with the Hypno giving Nareta powers deal. So I will definitely keep the predictions in, especially (I seem to love that word today XD) since you think it would be cool. I'd also like to appease my readers, so. .

And when did you get your name changed, woman!? XD I almost didn't recognize you.
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Seen January 27th, 2013
Posted January 28th, 2012
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I have to note one thing about Kurai-dan. Seeing as the name is in Japanese, your fic might lose some of its credibility early on. Fangirl Japanese has ruined the language for us all, and nowadays it's hard to use Japanese words in the midst of an English text without the audience automately frowning upon it. I just want to make sure that you know the risk before you post the fic. However, if you feel that you can afford to lose some of the fic's credibility or that you can retain it later on, then of course it's okay. I just thought I'd note it to you.

That aside, the name Kurai-dan kind of bugs me. It is, essentially, "Team Dark" or "Team Depressed" in English, which leads me to think about suicidal goths waving guns. What I'm saying is that I can't really imagine any organisation calling themselves depressed or gloomy. Jax (Valentine, I just can't keep up with her name changes anymore) said that it sounded extremely sinister to her, so this is obviously just my impression of the name. Of course, depending on the group, it might even be that they'd want to call themselves "Team Depressed"... It depends on their viewpoint. Names like Team Rocket and Team Galactic are bound to be more appealing for new recruits, but maybe Kurai-dan only wants to get certain kinds of recruits... I don't know. You already said you'd develop some crazy quirks for them, so maybe you can take this into concideration and make the name a bit more fitting.

The other things either sound good to me or Jax already covered them. So, I have nothing more to add... I think you'll be quite fine with this fic either way!

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ShinjisLover

Seen May 11th, 2016
Posted July 5th, 2010
3,043 posts
14.4 Years
Well, I use the Japanese names (since I'm more used to them) in my fic which, I know, it unappealing to some people. But it's a risk I'm very willing to take. As for Kurai-Dan, it's Team Dark, pretty much. (Or, technically, Dark Gang). But I've been thinking about a name change for them. (Something else)-Dan. I just don't know what it would be, if anything.

Oh, and I most certainly don't use random Japanese words. It's just the names of people/objects/species of Pokémon. So there won't be any "SUGOI!" or something stupid like that. You can count on it.
Age 32
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Seen January 27th, 2013
Posted January 28th, 2012
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14.8 Years
Well, I use the Japanese names (since I'm more used to them) in my fic which, I know, it unappealing to some people. But it's a risk I'm very willing to take. As for Kurai-Dan, it's Team Dark, pretty much. (Or, technically, Dark Gang). But I've been thinking about a name change for them. (Something else)-Dan. I just don't know what it would be, if anything.

Oh, and I most certainly don't use random Japanese words. It's just the names of people/objects/species of Pokémon. So there won't be any "SUGOI!" or something stupid like that. You can count on it.
Ah, it's not like I expected you to use random Japanese words xD Some people just seem to be really sensitive of Japanese in fics. I can understand that, though, because fangirl Japanese really irritates the heck out of me. Especially since I actually do speak Japanese, and I can actually spot the countless grammar mistakes they do... The worse I've ever seen was a few days ago, in a Fullmetal Alchemist fic.

“Hai... and the view is beautiful... Arigato gozaimasu Edward-kun.”
“Doitashimashte... but tomarimas!”
Half of the lines were in Japanese, and damn it, it wasn't even proper Japanese... *veins pop* </off-topicness>

By the way, were you aware that "kurai" also means depressed, gloomy, sorrowful and so on? Because that's why I got such a funny impression of Kurai-Dan. I really suggest you change their name if you were thinking about doing so anyway. I can also help you if you want to... What about Kagai-Dan? That would be "Team Assault/Violence" xD I don't know, I'm not very good with names for evil teams. Mine is called "The Legendary League", which is totally lame, I know. I do have a reason for the awful name, but really, it's just an excuse...

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ShinjisLover

Seen May 11th, 2016
Posted July 5th, 2010
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14.4 Years
That was. . The worst case of fangirl Wapanese. XD

By the way, were you aware that "kurai" also means depressed, gloomy, sorrowful and so on?
At first, I hadn't been. Once I realized it meant more than 'dark', though (about a week ago), I wanted to change it. But I suck at making up names, so. . XD

What about Kagai-Dan? That would be "Team Assault/Violence" xD
Gang Assault/Gang Violence? XD That sounds like. . A pandemic in the city or something. But I feel your pain. Like I said, I suck at making up names. . The best one I had come up with was "Rai-Dan", named so because the main Pokémon in the gang all have 'rai' in their name, including the ex-member: Nareta's Raichu (long story).

JX Valentine

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Harassing Bill
Seen August 19th, 2020
Posted December 8th, 2012
3,276 posts
19 Years
As a note, to be honest, the reason why I say it sounds incredibly sinister is because compared to canon names, "Kurai-Dan" really is. XD; I mean, really, Yamiyami-Dan? Go-Go-Dan? Snatch-Dan? Seriously, guys?

But yeah, whatever you'd like to name the team, I say go for it.

If you have any other suggestions, that'd be perfect.
Mostly, I was thinking (when I wrote that post last night, at least) that it's not so much the attitude of the grunts that really does it so much as the sinister plan. For example, Team Dim Sun's main goal is to take over the world, but it attempts to do so by turning a giant tower that people think is a symbol of peace into a giant mind-control device that brainwashes all of the wild pokémon in the region. Personally, I think that's kind of badass.

For another example, Team Galactic's after "peace on earth," but in order to do so, it decides to take the classic "get the ultimate power, destroy the universe, and reshape it to our master's will" route. Extremely sinister and actually rather badass. You've got something similar with Teams Aqua and Magma (who want to essentially throw the earth off-balance because they're operating under the delusion that it'll help somehow), but it's to the point where you can't actually tell which side to choose.

In other words, it's definitely a good thing to have actual evil grunts, but I'm interested to know what the leader's plans for world domination are. The more elaborate/original, the better in this case, I think.

Because she does get her emotions back.
Okay, now I understand a bit more.

Basically, I was wondering if she was actually pulling a Dr. Doolittle or if this was just empathy. If it's just empathy with the pokémon she's closest to, then I think you can probably get away with doing it. If it's actually a power in which she hears her team's cries and can understand what they're actually saying, then that's a different story.

Nice in-depth review of my ideas.
Thanks. I was half-asleep and slightly tipsy, so I was wondering how much actually made sense/was helpful. XD;

And when did you get your name changed, woman!? XD I almost didn't recognize you.
Not too long ago. I haven't been around enough for my entire flist to notice, though, partly because my computer decided to hate me for awhile and partly because of schoolwork. XD;
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ShinjisLover

Seen May 11th, 2016
Posted July 5th, 2010
3,043 posts
14.4 Years
Yamiyami-Dan?
O.O . . . XDD Aha! That's dumb. It reminds me of Sableye due to its Japanese name being Yamirami. Sableye isn't very threatening. . >.> C'mon, creators, focus! >=O

The more elaborate/original, the better in this case, I think.
The capture of Mew to gain the knowledge of Pokémon needed to know in order to make a brainwashing machine that will keep all Pokémon under their control. That's just what I got so far. I also wanted to make them very experimental, as in they take certain species of Pokémon in order to test out their brainwashing machines, which usually winds up either killing or retarding said Pokémon. And that's what Nareta wants to stop. Unfortunately, she is a teenage girl who likes boys. . XD

Basically, I was wondering if she was actually pulling a Dr. Doolittle or if this was just empathy. If it's just empathy with the pokémon she's closest to, then I think you can probably get away with doing it. If it's actually a power in which she hears her team's cries and can understand what they're actually saying, then that's a different story.
I was thinking about taking the empathy toward her Raichu route. I might just go with that.

Not too long ago. I haven't been around enough for my entire flist to notice, though, partly because my computer decided to hate me for awhile and partly because of schoolwork. XD;
I've been wondering why I haven't been VMed. XP

JX Valentine

Your aquatic overlord

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Harassing Bill
Seen August 19th, 2020
Posted December 8th, 2012
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19 Years
O.O . . . XDD Aha! That's dumb.
Yeah, and the English name (Team Dim Sun) isn't much better. XD Apparently, Blake Hall is capable of making really awesome plans for world domination, but he sucks so much at naming things.

The capture of Mew to gain the knowledge of Pokémon needed to know in order to make a brainwashing machine that will keep all Pokémon under their control. That's just what I got so far. I also wanted to make them very experimental, as in they take certain species of Pokémon in order to test out their brainwashing machines, which usually winds up either killing or retarding said Pokémon.
Okay, that's definitely better, especially given the fact that you're including "lol, what does this button do?" kinds of experiments that could royally mess with the victim.

It's a bit difficult to get how they'll be able to figure out how to build a brainwashing machine from what they've gleaned from Mew, though, considering Mew just has the DNA of all pokémon (or supposedly, anyway) and not so much the mindsets. That is, unless you were:

1. Saying the machine somehow affected a pokémon's brain chemistry. I suppose you could say Mew's got similar chemistry going on in his skull compared to the other pokémon. (Although, uh, I'm not entirely well-versed in neuroscience, so, uh, this could be BS too.)

2. Saying that as an ancestor/powerful psychic, Mew does have similar brain patterns to other pokémon.
2a. Or that, as a powerful psychic, Mew has particularly easily read brain wave patterns. Also potentially BS here.

3. Having them assume that Mew is connected with all pokémon, so the experiments are partially trying to figure out whether or not this is true.

I'm not entirely sure about this part, admittedly, so if you go with something completely different, it's probably for the best. XD Either way, basically, I'm wondering how you'll be able to connect the research from Mew to the concept of mindcontrol, so I hope you'll play around with that as well.

I was thinking about taking the empathy toward her Raichu route. I might just go with that.
That's cool. =D

I've been wondering why I haven't been VMed. XP
Oops. XD; I swear, once I get these papers done (three by Friday), I'll VM back.
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ShinjisLover

Seen May 11th, 2016
Posted July 5th, 2010
3,043 posts
14.4 Years
Okay, that's definitely better, especially given the fact that you're including "lol, what does this button do?" kinds of experiments that could royally mess with the victim.

It's a bit difficult to get how they'll be able to figure out how to build a brainwashing machine from what they've gleaned from Mew, though, considering Mew just has the DNA of all pokémon (or supposedly, anyway) and not so much the mindsets. That is, unless you were:

1. Saying the machine somehow affected a pokémon's brain chemistry. I suppose you could say Mew's got similar chemistry going on in his skull compared to the other pokémon. (Although, uh, I'm not entirely well-versed in neuroscience, so, uh, this could be BS too.)

2. Saying that as an ancestor/powerful psychic, Mew does have similar brain patterns to other pokémon.
2a. Or that, as a powerful psychic, Mew has particularly easily read brain wave patterns. Also potentially BS here.

3. Having them assume that Mew is connected with all pokémon, so the experiments are partially trying to figure out whether or not this is true.

I'm not entirely sure about this part, admittedly, so if you go with something completely different, it's probably for the best. XD Either way, basically, I'm wondering how you'll be able to connect the research from Mew to the concept of mindcontrol, so I hope you'll play around with that as well.
This is kind of a case of 'all of the above', pretty much.

See, they all think Mew is the ancestor of all Pokémon (like the Pokédex says). That being said, they believe that, since Mew contains the DNA of all Pokémon, it's like a (God, I suck at explaining things XD) base, if you will, for all other Pokémon genes. It's like killing two birds with one stone. Instead of going through each individual Pokémon species, they'll get to Mew.

I'm still working on it, though, as you can see. ^^"

Oops. XD; I swear, once I get these papers done (three by Friday), I'll VM back.
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