Parts of this I really liked, parts of it threw me off. I honestly feel this whole thing could do without "You shall become -- /My greatest mistake" at the beginning. It just feels somehow unnecessary in that it sort of explains the poem before you get to the poem? Or maybe it's just that I feel I've heard it other places before, and isn't on par with the more original language you use later (I loved "you sound so comfortable drowning", by the way).
On a similar level, the last two lines don't seem to me to mesh with the general caliber of the piece. As for mechanical things - well, I think "decent" was meant to be "descent", and "As your honey drips". Ampersands and dashes I assume were added for aesthetic value, and they don't distract me too much so I don't mind them being there. I do feel that you put commas in places that don't need them, most notably at your line breaks and in the first line between "you" and "as".
So there you have it. My disjointed, non-poetry-expert review. I liked this piece a lot, in general, but I think it might be even better with some trimming and editing here and there. Anyway, we don't seem to get much stuff in this section so it was nice to see some quality work.
I know not all that may be coming, but be it what it will, I'll go to it laughing.