Capture ღ

Started by Elekish♥ May 30th, 2009 2:18 AM
  • 533 views
  • 3 replies
Age 26
Australia... Somewhere... o.o
Seen June 8th, 2009
Posted June 8th, 2009
71 posts
14.4 Years
Prologue~
The Ending of Freedom


My eyes ached as the adjusted to the dim, restricted light. I rustled - it was very uncomfortable for me to not see; my eyesight was very good. Usually I could see ages away. Whoever had captured me locked me tightly. I remembered my final moments of freedom.

Buzzing around the forest was peaceful. Nothing to do, everything to think about. But I had plenty of time to think about anything. I was free. A free Yanmega. As I traced the trees, I saw many other free pokemon. Butterfree giggling happily in the treetops, Scythers and Scizors slashing at each other as a part of their mission to grow stronger, Ledyba and Rattata sitting peacefully in holes in the trees. I could see all this, yet I couldn't see the one thing that would capture me forever.

The tackle, the fire. I looked up to see a Quilava looking down at me. I tried to fly up, but I couldn't. A red and white ball was flying at me. I felt myself shrink into it's power. I tried rocking the ball. "Escape the ball," was all I could think. But I was too weak. The last think I could think about was the Scyther and Scizor training with their rapid scythes. Maybe I should have trained with them...


Chapter 1~
First Battle


I rocked around gruffly, but I couldn't stop it. The trainer was - running? I couldn't tell, but I could here the rough screeches of a Raticate, the grinding of it's teeth. I felt sorry for it, for it must have had the same fate as I.

"Guess then; I've always got... Yanmegaria!" I felt myself shooting out of the small ball. I zoomed into my full size, a dazzle of white light. It blinded me, more than the darkness of the ball. Yanmegaria? Who was that? I must have been chosen instead. "Yanmegaria, tackle attack, NOW!" I heard my trainer shout out the command. I tried to ignore it, but I couldn't. How? The voice overpowered me, forced me, to obey. I rammed my head into the Raticate, it hurt a lot.

"Yanmegaria! Tackle again!" I rammed full force into the Raticate. Surely I had concussion by now. Serious concussion. I bet no trainer had ever thought about whether or not their Yanmegas got concussion. It hurt. "Okay, got him now! Ancientpower!!" Ancient- What now? But instead of wondering, I found myself lifting some of the ground up with my mind, and then hurtling it at the Raticate. Then, sooner than I knew what was happening, I felt the hot, sharp fangs of the Raticate in my leg. It stung badly. I fell... hurtling towards the ground, my head throbbing, by legs in a twist to try and protect my dignity from falling, but my mind had closed before I hit the rocky ending made by gravity.

~

Hope you like it.
[Hint~ haven't finished yet ;)]



ZAP!



JX Valentine

Your aquatic overlord

Female
Harassing Bill
Seen August 19th, 2020
Posted December 8th, 2012
3,276 posts
19 Years
Superficial nitpick: I really don't mind if you use the font in the prologue (although it looks fuzzy on my monitor... which is a laptop monitor I clean frequently), but could you please not use the font you're using in the first chapter? X_x Old eyes can't see that well, so I literally have to squint to figure out what you're saying there.

Full review will come later, once I decide not to be lazy and copy-paste your work into a word processor or something.
Professional ninja. May or may not actually be back. Here for the snark and banter at most.

Need some light reading?
Anima Ex Machina (Chapter 20 now available)
The Leaf Green Incident (SWC 2012 winner)
Braid (Creepypasta apparently)
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Seen May 27th, 2016
Posted October 18th, 2012
563 posts
14.7 Years
I love where you were going with the prologue very nice. Some parts i didn't quite understand though. I think it was due to grammar. There also were a bit of spelling errors. You might want to type your story up in microsoft word from now on so you can spell check and it can help you with your grammar along the way. Good job and keep it up! Again, very unique prologue.