Old thread

Started by Antoshi June 3rd, 2009 7:28 AM
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  • 13 replies

Antoshi

Imagination Station

Male
Seen March 11th, 2023
Posted January 19th, 2020
132 posts
18.6 Years
Rewriting this story a bit! Will post a new version of the story in a new topic.

Incinermyn

The Abomination Lives!!!

Age 37
Male
Wisconsin, USA
Seen July 29th, 2018
Posted May 21st, 2016
646 posts
15.8 Years
At first glace, I thought it was going to be yet another one of those self-indulgent journey fics that seem to keep cluttering up Pokemon sites all over the web. But, after I read it, there seemed to be a bit more this than that. Concept might strike others a little dry, but I like it. It's different! If there were any concerns of mine, I'd have to say that you could cut out the bold statements in the dialogue. Not that it isn't allowed, just I find it more professional to not try and make certain things like laughter or pain stand out by highlighting it. Just a thought...

Antoshi

Imagination Station

Male
Seen March 11th, 2023
Posted January 19th, 2020
132 posts
18.6 Years
At first glace, I thought it was going to be yet another one of those self-indulgent journey fics that seem to keep cluttering up Pokemon sites all over the web. But, after I read it, there seemed to be a bit more this than that. Concept might strike others a little dry, but I like it. It's different! If there were any concerns of mine, I'd have to say that you could cut out the bold statements in the dialogue. Not that it isn't allowed, just I find it more professional to not try and make certain things like laughter or pain stand out by highlighting it. Just a thought...
Thanks for your input! Honestly, though, I do find it necessary for the bold statements, as I want the projection of more emotion to be obvious to the reader.

Antoshi

Imagination Station

Male
Seen March 11th, 2023
Posted January 19th, 2020
132 posts
18.6 Years
Rewriting this story a bit! Will post a new version of the story in a new topic.

Antoshi

Imagination Station

Male
Seen March 11th, 2023
Posted January 19th, 2020
132 posts
18.6 Years
Rewriting this story a bit! Will post a new version of the story in a new topic.

Incinermyn

The Abomination Lives!!!

Age 37
Male
Wisconsin, USA
Seen July 29th, 2018
Posted May 21st, 2016
646 posts
15.8 Years
Thanks for your input! Honestly, though, I do find it necessary for the bold statements, as I want the projection of more emotion to be obvious to the reader.
Well, a lot of people here read not just the creative verse, but also for quality of the writings. I was only making a suggestion since it'd look cleaner, but whatever.

I do have another concern, though. After some parts of dialogue, you continue with an entire paragraph. You should break them up, since speak can stand on its own without much else to back it up afterwards.

Example, from chapter 2: <"Fireball!" Antoshi exclaimed, "use Rollout, again!"

Fireball stared down Blaire's Arcanine, both Pokémon covered in dust and scratches. Arcanine was panting, seemingly on its last legs, while Fireball called upon the strength of his indomitable spirit for one final Rollout attack. Fireball shouted as he rolled his body into a giant ball and spun himself at Arcanine with incredible speed, kicking up small rocks and pebbles along the way. Blaire grit her teeth as she watched Fireball approach.>

True, if it's only a short sentence or two afterwards, then it would be okay to leave it. But otherwise, you need to break it up like that so it doesn't look chunky to the reader. Again, it's just a suggestion, but it might help.

Antoshi

Imagination Station

Male
Seen March 11th, 2023
Posted January 19th, 2020
132 posts
18.6 Years
Rewriting this story a bit! Will post a new version of the story in a new topic.

Incinermyn

The Abomination Lives!!!

Age 37
Male
Wisconsin, USA
Seen July 29th, 2018
Posted May 21st, 2016
646 posts
15.8 Years
Mmm... Mmm... Mmm... Okay, I won't preach anymore (though I still wish you'd have taken my advice into consideration, even just a little).

I have to say though, I like how Antoshi's character is growing. Could probably use just a tad bit more to his backstory, but for the most part you've got this down pretty tight-pact. Cool!

Antoshi

Imagination Station

Male
Seen March 11th, 2023
Posted January 19th, 2020
132 posts
18.6 Years
Mmm... Mmm... Mmm... Okay, I won't preach anymore (though I still wish you'd have taken my advice into consideration, even just a little).

I have to say though, I like how Antoshi's character is growing. Could probably use just a tad bit more to his backstory, but for the most part you've got this down pretty tight-pact. Cool!
Even still, this is only the first story, there's more yet to come and more yet to reveal.

Antoshi

Imagination Station

Male
Seen March 11th, 2023
Posted January 19th, 2020
132 posts
18.6 Years
Rewriting this story a bit! Will post a new version of the story in a new topic.

Incinermyn

The Abomination Lives!!!

Age 37
Male
Wisconsin, USA
Seen July 29th, 2018
Posted May 21st, 2016
646 posts
15.8 Years
Even still, this is only the first story, there's more yet to come and more yet to reveal.
And you make it sound like you're being reprimanded... No! This is a lot better than most of the stuff newbies post. You actually grasp what's required of you as a fic writer, even though it isn't totally perfect yet. I mean, it takes time to become good, even then it can still be hit and miss depending on what your readers like. I know that first-hand.

Antoshi

Imagination Station

Male
Seen March 11th, 2023
Posted January 19th, 2020
132 posts
18.6 Years
Err, I didn't think I was being reprimanded, I was just telling you this is far from over.

Incinermyn

The Abomination Lives!!!

Age 37
Male
Wisconsin, USA
Seen July 29th, 2018
Posted May 21st, 2016
646 posts
15.8 Years
Err, I didn't think I was being reprimanded, I was just telling you this is far from over.
Well, it sounded like you were kind of taking it hard on yourself for a moment there... Still, you should try some other works too; try and experiment and find what else you're good at writing (Original Region might be interesting, if you feel like exercising your imagination a bit. Again, just a suggestion).

Antoshi

Imagination Station

Male
Seen March 11th, 2023
Posted January 19th, 2020
132 posts
18.6 Years
Well, it sounded like you were kind of taking it hard on yourself for a moment there... Still, you should try some other works too; try and experiment and find what else you're good at writing (Original Region might be interesting, if you feel like exercising your imagination a bit. Again, just a suggestion).
I don't want to knock your suggestion but I've been doing this on and off for 9 years now, writing fanfiction for everything from Mario to Pokemon to Sonic to MapleStory... usually whatever I was into at the time. For the moment though there's nothing I feel like writing about except this particular series.