gotron228

^_^

Male
Australia
Seen June 18th, 2018
Posted May 30th, 2018
413 posts
15.9 Years
That's right this is the Pokemon Crystal Rewrite!

Introduction
I have always wanted to write a Pokemon FanFic and so I was thinking what if I rewrote Pokemon Crystal version in my own way so basically Pokemon Crystal with most of the story completely re-done,new characters not known to the Pokemon games, Anime or even Manga. This is my version of Pokemon Crystal.


-Also Remember this is my first FanFic so I need Criticism I don't care if it's harsh or not I don't mind I just need to make this FanFic good as my first piece of writing so please criticism is needed!

Prologue
-New Beginnings
"Kogane, Kogane, Kogane!!! It's time to get up now dear your supposed to get your first Pokemon today from Professor Elm and you'll be late if you don't hurry".

A young boy got up and smiled at his mother already dressed and prepared to meet Professor Elm.

"Well, umm, son, you, really are prepared aren't you?" his mother said cautiously thinking why he would wear his clothes to bed.

"You bet I did!, you see I went to bed with my clothes on just in-case something like this would happen!" said Kogane enthusiastic. He then rushed to the staircase and shot down his stairs as fast as he had ever ran in his life. He then left his house and made it toward Professor Elm's lab. Just as he was about to enter he had heard screams come from a distance.

"Help!, Help!, Help!"

Kogane knew that it was no time to enter Professor Elm's Lab if someone was in danger so Kogane ran towards the sound of the distant screams. He had made his way toward the person calling for help. It was a boy, even younger then Kogane.

"Help me please" the boy said he had panicked even more.

"What is it?" questioned Kogane.

"My Magby fell into that lake when we were training and sank to the bottom!, he's only a Baby Fire Pokemon and I don't know how to swim please, please, please get him for me!"

Kogane looked at the boy and nodded then dived into the lake. After 2 minutes of holding his breath Kogane found the Magby, it's foot was caught on a rock and it was loosing air and fast. Kogane grabbed the Magby and pulled it's foot from out of the rocks the Magby then scurried to the top of the lake. Just as Kogane was going to follow the Magby to the top he caught a glimpse of a Mysterious, Elegant Pokemon it was a white had two large wings and a long tail and it resembled a bird. Kogane decided to swim closer and stair more at this beautiful creature. It was staring at Kogane and it swam closer as if it had decided to trust Kogane, just as Kogane had decided to touch it he felt someone grab his arm and pull him out of the water he landed on the side of the lake with the boy and a female, the female wearing with Blue hair, shorts, a white jacket covering a red shirt and a yellow bandanna on her head.

They were both staring at him then the boy jumped on Kogane and hugged him, as-well as his Magby. "Thank you so much mister! My Magby would have never survived if you didn't jump in there and rescue him!" said the boy thankfully still hugging Kogane.

"Ummm, Don't sweat it kid." replied Kogane not knowing what to say seeing he had never been thanked this much not since he repaired his Mum's toaster.

"Please don't call me Kid, My name is Nole named after my father the great master Noland of the Battle Factory!" "My father gave me this Magby last year on my 9th birthday!" Nole smiled at Kogane waiting for him to give out his name.

"Ok then Nole, My name's Kogane".

Kogane and Nole then looked at the Blue Haired Girl. “Kogane was the first to speak.

“Thanks for pulling me out of that lake then he put out his hand, I'm Kogane”.

She then looked at him then smiled. “I'm Kuri, and your welcome”. Then she shook his hand.

Nole then looked at her then bowed. “I am Nole son of the Great Master Noland of the Battle Factory”.

Kuri looked at Nole strangely then she bowed trying to to dishonour him in anyway. “I'm Kuri but you probably already heard me say that. Kuri then heard something beep and she pulled out a device which resembled a Mobile Phone she then opened it up and looked at it. “I'm sorry guys I would stay and chat but I really have to go my Mother's waiting for me!” she then ran off.

Kogane then looked at Nole. “Your Magby must be badly damaged from that water why don't you come with me and get him fixed up at Professor Elm's lab?”

Nole then nodded politely and walked with Kogane to Professor Elm's Lab.

-To Be Continued-

I know it's a bit short but it is the Prologue

Authors Notes Prologue
Spoiler:
Kogane is Japanese for Gold so instead of naming the main character Gold I wanted to make it sound interesting.

Kogane was originally going to be Kin(Also Japanese for Gold) but the Rival Silver's name in Japanese is Gin so Kin and Gin didn't sound right to me.

The name Kuri comes from the word kurisutaru which means Crystal but I didn't want Kuri's name to be kurisutaru so that's where I took the first four letters from kurisutaru to make Kuri

-More Authors notes coming in Chapter 1-
Currently playing:
White 2/Ultra Sun/Pokemon Quest

Neutrino

The Jelly-Stuff of legend...

Age 28
Male
Leeds, England
Seen July 10th, 2010
Posted March 28th, 2010
333 posts
14.3 Years
Well, I like the plot, there were some bits that were hard to udnerstand, and perhaps a few places with no commas where they should be, but nothing, I think that gives reason for me to break it down into bits and study/correct it, since that would waste a lot of time! Keep it up! ^^

I Laugh at your Misfortune!

Normal is a synonym for boring

Male
YOUR MOTHER! (aka: England)
Seen August 1st, 2016
Posted August 22nd, 2011
2,629 posts
14.9 Years
Well, the writing is all right but I can already notice some Mary-sueish qualities which you want to cut off quickly.

1, Main character waking up late to go get his Starter. Biggest. Cliche. Ever.

2, Its the prologue and he's alreay saved a life....I don't need to go into that, do I?

3, He's seen Lugia at the beginning of his journey. Also a VERY common aspect in OT fics is spotting a legendary right at the start.

4, Less so, but Japanese words for names is quite an over-used thing. You're kinda stuck with the main characters, but maybe steer away from that for others.

There were also a few grammar errors: you capitalized Mysterious and Elegant for no reason :\. Also, your description is a little inconsistent. Some is very good, but you could have described the dive a little better, rather than just saying "after 2 minutes". Oh, that's one more point. In proper writing, its better to write out numbers under one hundred.