Together We Fight

Started by Spectacular Hero June 18th, 2009 8:47 PM
  • 586 views
  • 4 replies
Age 28
Seen January 26th, 2011
Posted September 16th, 2010
108 posts
14.3 Years
This is a fic I've been thinking about for a while, well a year actually. You see we're always seeing the Pokémon World as a world in which Pokémon live together with us, which is exactly what we have in real life a show, but what if there really was a Pokémon World inhabited only by Pokémon? What would happen if Pokémon managed to travel to our world, would we understand them or can they actually speak? and what about the evil Pokémon that cross worlds, who would stop them? Well you're about to find out.

This will hopefully be good.

This fic is rated PG-14 to R mostly for lenguage and violence

Together We Fight

Prologue: Charmander’s Challenge

It was a dry land, covered with rocks and moss, and lava falling all around the land. This land was known and Flame Tip, the place where all the fire type Pokémon lived and trained, this is one of the many regions that make up the great Pokémon World; a world totally untouched by humans, a world full of exotic creatures all alien to our world.

This is where adventures begin, where the unexpected can become expected, where everything you dream becomes real.

“Come on, your slowing us down Sal!” the Arcanine was running at a great speed, jumping every rock and magma cycle that came between his way, his long yellow mane that combined with the light of the sun, its tiger like orange and black fur made up for most of its body. It had four legs; which actually made it go faster. Arcanine turned around and laughed, he knew he won that’s why he just kept skipping around. “I thought you said you’ll give me a challenge this time,” he said and laughed.

“We’ll see about that Stripe!” Sal yelled and started to catch up with his friend. Sal had a salamander like body, orange skin, big black eyes, a long orange tail with a flame tip; he also had long fangs that came out from his mouth and long claws. “I still haven’t give up on beating you!” he yelled and started jumping by pushing himself with his legs.

“Right, let’s see how you take this!” Strip chuckled and jumped over a huge black molten rock, he spun in the air and landed on the other side, but no sooner after his feet touched the ground he started running once more. Sal grunted with annoyance; he knew Stripe was faster and had more agility.

“Damn it, Flamethrower.” Sal opened his mouth wide and let out a jet of burning flames; the flames passed all of the rocks, melting each and every one of them. Stripe turned around and jumped before the flames would hit him. He landed and started using Extreme Speed; this practically left Sal out of sight. “Got you, Megakick!” Sal pushed himself forward by using the power of his glowing legs; he jumped right in front of Stripe, sending rocks flying all around after landing.

“You cheated,” Stripe said while wiping some of the dust from the rocks off his eye, too bad when he had time to turn to Sal, the salamander Pokémon was already ahead of him. “You’re such a cheater,” Stripe said and started running once more.

Just then a current of air pushed both Pokémon back and sent them flying to a crater, Sal grabbed one of the rocks while Stripe bit his tail; but not the flame so that his mouth wouldn’t burn. Then from the skies another Pokémon started landing, he looked like a giant flying dragon, he had black skin and a red colored belly, his wings were big and black just like its skin, it had a long neck and a big dragon like head with two horns; it also had two small arms and short legs.

“Salazar, what are you doing?” the Charizard asked as he landed in front of the glaring Charmander. Sal just stared at him and held his head up high.

“I was just having a small race with Stripe here, why are you here dad?” Sal asked staring into his father’s fury red eyes. His dad turned to Stripe and smirked.

“How many times do I have to tell you Salazar? There’s no way you’ll be able to defeat an Arcanine at its own game, especially Stripe, instead you should be back at the crater preparing for your test,” he grabbed Sal by the arms; even though Sal didn’t like it his dad kept the grip. “It was good to see you again Stripe, I’ll be waiting to see you the day of Salazar’s test.” Stripe nodded as the Charizard spread his wings and flew off from the ground.

“Why did you do that dad, I was winning!” Sal whined as he looked up to look at his father’s face, he didn’t even turn to look at his son, he just kept flying forward. Sal looked down, they were closing in to their home, the crater of Flame Tip, the place where the Charmander, Charmeleon and Charizard line lived; the place where the leaders of the mountain resided. Sal’s father started landing and the two stepped onto the ground, there was a cave that took straight into the crater.

“Let’s go, your mother was worrying,” he said and started walking in; the ground shook with the power his feet sent out. Sal turned around to look at the rest of Flame Tip and then followed his father. The two kept walking through the cave, seeing various Charmander and Charmeleon, the Charmeleon were digging through the crater, creating new routes, and the Charmander were all gathered around one big hole; apparently they were having a class. “Go back to class now Sal, and I don’t want to see you out again,” he father said and started walking again.

Sal sighed, he hated school; they only thought the basic stuff, how to fight and what attacks they’re able to learn, but they never let them practice it. But what he hated the most was the Evolution Exams, they talked about it for two weeks till the time of the exams take place; even to classes that aren’t suppose to take it yet. Sal walked over to a rock and sat down next to a Charmander with gleaming blue eyes and a bow around her head. “Hey Trish,” Sal said as he waved at the female Charmander.

“Skipped again, you know you’ll have to repeat the year if you keep missing class right, and you’ll miss the exams if you keep missing the lessons,” Trish said as she turned back to the normal colored Charizard that was talking to their students about the Evolution Exams.

“Now, as all of you know, the Evolution Exams consist in a battle against a fire type living in Flame Tip, if you defeat the Pokémon you’ll be able to evolve into Charmeleon level, consider this as a graduation test.” The teacher turned to her students and prepared to answer any questions.

Sal raised his hand. “Yeah, is there any prove that if we win that fight we’ll evolve, I mean has anyone here actually evolved without having to take that exam?” Sal asked and started at his teacher; he didn’t really like the fact that everyone thought that exam would define if they’ll grow or not.

“Even though no one has, everyone that has passed the exam has evolved instantly,” his teacher answered turning to another student; Sal was always bugging him about the beliefs, which everyone in the crater trusted completely on. Then they heard a loud roar the screeched through the whole crater. “Well students, that’s it for today,” he said and the class started climbing out of the hole.

“You really need to get a better personality Sal,” the female Charmander said as she walked right next to Sal. Sal just grunted.

“I know Amy, but you know I don’t like that ceremony crap, that’s why I’m leaving today.” Sal turned to Amy with a serious look, Amy as anyone looked at him with disapproval.

“Sal, it’s our culture, why do you hate culture so much?” she asked putting her claws on her hips.

“’Cause that culture’s old and people believe in it too much, you’ll see, I’ll get out of here and battle Pokémon that live out of Flame Tip and I’ll come back a Charizard,” Sal said looking up at the roof with confidence in his eyes. “Now, see ya,” he waved and started running.

Amy turned around; she liked Sal but she didn’t want him to cause more trouble to their clan, he was the leader’s son if he disappeared all of a sudden it’ll be destruction for everyone there.


The moon was shining right over the crater; which signaled that it was time for Sal to make his move. “I’ll live this ****ing crater and make a name for myself,” Sal said and started walking out of the cave; good thing his own tail flame was enough to light it.

“There it is,” he saw the exit right in front of him. “I’m finally gonna get out of here, see ya suckers.” Sal turned around one more time and grinned as he walked out of the cave. Just as he got out though a blast of flames tried to blow him back, Sal ducked and jumped once the flames were gone. “Slash!” he yelled and slashed down on his assaulter, but he flew up and dodged the attack.

Sal gasped on the darkness of the night, he was almost invisible, but Sal knew who it was his father. “In the name of the crater and my name Lord Fiara, I command you to go back into the crater my son.” Fiara lowered down and glared at his own son; he was even willing to use brute force.

“Dad leave me alone, I can do what I want!” Sal screamed as he growled at his father. Fiara didn’t listen and fired a ball of crimson flames. Sal jumped away but the waves of energy sent him bouncing on the ground.

“If you don’t comeback, I’ll have to kill you,” he said and flew up. “Air Slash!” he yelled and dove down, Sal just stared at the attack as it hit him and made a huge gash on his chest. This made Sal fall from the cliff and bounce around the volcano. “I’m sorry Salazar, but this is what I have to do to protect the clan.” He closed his eyes and flew back into the crater.

Sal just kept bouncing off the cliff; he felt his bone break apart like wood was cut with an axe; his eyes lost all color as he finally admitted the fact, that his father never really loved him, just the legacy he could carry. *I’ll comeback, and I’ll kill him.* he thought as he was about to land. *But I need to get stronger.* Then the spot where he was about to land became a giant black hole. Sal looked down; through the hole he could see someone throwing himself at a bed.

He knew it was a human, they thought it that in class. A teenager probably around Sal’s own age, fourteen maybe. The kid had his hand on his face he looked totally embarrassed. The kid had a combed back black hair, with a tan colored skin; he was wearing a white shirt with crimson sleeves and the word Aeropostal on it.

“I’m such an idiot how could I do that?” he asked himself. He walked to the desk in front of him and grabbed a paint set, then started drawing.

*Who’s this kid?* Sal asked himself as he fell in the hole.

End of Prologue
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ShinjisLover

Seen May 11th, 2016
Posted July 5th, 2010
3,043 posts
14.4 Years
I'm here just like ya asked, bud.

It was a dry land, covered with rocks and moss, and lava falling all around the land.
Here, you repeated the word 'land' twice. Most people don't like when the words are repeated. So use a thesaurus to figure out a different word for land. Earth, terra-firma, et cetera.

This land was known and Flame Tip, the place where all the fire type Pokémon lived and trained, this is one of the many regions that make up the great Pokémon World; a world totally untouched by humans, a world full of exotic creatures all alien to our world.
The first and should be changed to 'as'. After 'lived and trained', there should be either a period or a semicolon since 'this is one of the many regions that make up the great Pokémon World' is a sentence that can stand on its own.

This is where adventures begin, where the unexpected can become expected, where everything you dream becomes real.
I didn't like how this flowed at all. Instead, you could've tried:
"This is where adventures begin - where the unexpected can be expected and where everything you dream becomes real.

“Come on, your slowing us down Sal!”
Your should be 'you're'.

the Arcanine was running at a great speed, jumping every rock and magma cycle that came between his way, his long yellow mane that combined with the light of the sun, its tiger like orange and black fur made up for most of its body.
Instead of saying 'came between his way', you should've said 'stood in his way'. Also, there should be a period after 'way'.

It had four legs; which actually made it go faster.
This sentence was unneeded.

“Got you, Megakick!”
This should start a new paragraph since it was so far away from the original dialogue. And Mega Kick is two words.

he grabbed Sal by the arms; even though Sal didn’t like it his dad kept the grip.
After 'it', there should be a comma.

“Why did you do that dad, I was winning!”
Instead of a comma, there should be a question mark.

Trish said as she turned back to the normal colored Charizard that was talking to their students about the Evolution Exams.
Normal colored Charizard? And what does that look like? You should describe it.

Sal asked and started at his teacher; he didn’t really like the fact that everyone thought that exam would define if they’ll grow or not.
I think you mean stared instead of started.

Sal was always bugging him about the beliefs, which everyone in the crater trusted completely on.
Trusted completely on? You either mean depended completely on or just trusted completely.

“I’ll live this ****ing crater and make a name for myself,” Sal said and started walking out of the cave; good thing his own tail flame was enough to light it.
I think you mean 'leave' instead of 'live'.

Sal gasped on the darkness of the night, he was almost invisible, but Sal knew who it was his father.
He knew who it was his father?
I'd rephrase that. To something more like:
", but Sal knew who it was. It was his father."

He knew it was a human, they thought it that in class.
. . . I don't quite understand this sentence at all.

A teenager probably around Sal’s own age, fourteen maybe.
That's not a complete sentence. It would've been had you said "It was a teenager . . ..".

The kid had a combed back black hair, with a tan colored skin; he was wearing a white shirt with crimson sleeves and the word Aeropostal on it.
Had combed back black hair, not had a combed back black hair. And tan colored skin, not a tan colored skin.

I didn't like this story very much. I think part of it had to do with the overusage of commas that should've been periods and semicolons. Another was the description of the battle between Salazar and Fiara. Saying Salazar bounced isn't a good way to convery Salazar getting hurt on the side of the cliff.

You also need more description. What did the school look like? You never did explain it.

However, I do have to say that I enjoy Salazar's character.
Age 28
Male
650
Seen November 13th, 2009
Posted September 8th, 2009
62 posts
18.5 Years
Here, you repeated the word 'land' twice. Most people don't like when the words are repeated. So use a thesaurus to figure out a different word for land. Earth, terra-firma, et cetera.
Hey, there's no need to go thesaurus-hunting! All you have to do is rephrase it. Such as:
Flame Tip was a dry land, covered with rocks and moss, with lava flowing around it
Actually, I'd probably say it differently, but that'd be changing the style too much.

Neutrino

The Jelly-Stuff of legend...

Age 28
Male
Leeds, England
Seen July 10th, 2010
Posted March 28th, 2010
333 posts
14.3 Years
Well, after a marvellous critique by Shinjislover, I can't see anything that needs further updating. The plot itself was original, and I liked that. But, at the end, I didn't quite understand what happened. I know that he fell into a hole to the real world and all that, but I didn't understand how you set it out. It should like fine if you revamp it a little. ^^