I awoke from my slumber. I thought nothing, and I saw nothing.
(These first three sentences begin with "I." Too much repetition can make it sound more like a list, less like a story.) I was in a void with objects,
(What objects? Describe them.) demons, and solid structures that held important emotion. These walls were gods to my domain
(of my domain?) for they kept me in this space.
(Maybe a stronger word here, like dungeon, would give a better sense of being imprisoned.) I became humbled
(Try describing the feeling of being humbled instead of just telling the reader.) and reached out for a long and cold object, which I promptly hid under
neath.
(The way you describe the object before the character has even touched it makes me think that he was looking for something long and cold rather than happening to find one) In the matter of seconds, the object
grabbed me; so I screamed violently
(Screams are usually violent, it's like saying 'wet water') as I fought the newly discovered
("newly discovered" doesn't give me a good image of what this demon is) demon away from me. Soon I was out in the center of the realm
(is this the void from earlier?) with the demons and objects and gods all around me. The shy demons
(don't call them shy yet, not until you've shown them to be shy in some way-) that remained silent
(-anytime after here is okay) I called objects or gods. The demons that chirped, buzzed, rang, or moved by an inch
("moved by an inch" doesn't seem frightening or threatening. Use some other words like 'crept forward' or 'loomed toward') were active demons ready to kill me.
I knelt down to my knees
(cut out "to my knees" - kneeling is always done on one's knees) and prayed to the walls. No words came from my mouth only emotion
(show me how emotion comes out when words don't) and determination
(the same for determination) that these walls will protect me from the demons within my newly formed world
(I'm not sure I understand why your character thinks he created this world). At that moment, the walls opened up to me.
There stood a new god who broke through the walls.
(Give a whole separate sentence showing the reader the breaking through the walls. It's action - don't limit it to a simple description of the god.) He had a pale faced
face* and his hair was blond.
(I want some more godly verbs and descriptions to give me a better picture of this god.) He wore white attire.
(What kind? Armor? Robes? Jeans and a t-shirt?) With him stood another god that
who* was also dressed in white, but he had not broken through the walls and opened them up for me
(Cut "and opened them up for me" - you already used that phrase and it's already established that's what breaking though the wall does). He was black skinned, not like the higher god;
(Why is he higher?) thus he was now the lower god that I respected
(Why?) with great emotion.
(Again, show the emotions, or at least tell which emotions) And with great emotion came great song.
Suddenly the lower god grabbed me, and I cried for the higher god to save me. No sensible word came from mouth,
(You already used this phrase, try another.) only racial slurs.
(Not sure why this needs to be here. I feel I'd understand more if I had a better picture of your main character.) The lower god then struck me down.
(Maybe you should go back a few sentences and mention the character standing/sitting up so that he can be struck down.) He was furious
(Show him being furious: make him snarl or yell or have his eyes narrow.) at my sudden fear,
(Nothing made me feel the character was afraid so I don't understand this part.) so I began bellowing prayers showing the lower god my apologies and sorrow with mumbled words.
(Can't bellow and mumble at the same time.)
A metal rod was rammed into my right arm,
(Switch this out of passive voice. "Somebody/something rammed a metal rod into my right arm") which was now pinned behind my back. There was
(Cut "there was") a cry that escaped my bitter lips, and then
(You don't need "and" and "then" here. Either one by itself works.) my eyes closed. I rested for a few minutes until I awoke.
("Awoke" implies waking from sleep, not so much getting up from resting... unless you're trying to imply that everything up to this point was a dream.)
When I awoke a demon had bonded
to me. He had a hold of my arms and wrapped them around my my body, and I was
(in?) my body.
(I'm confused. What was he before he was his body?) As I looked around myself
("myself" isn't necessary here) I saw the gods I’ve seen from before
(the gods I'd seen before). They were the lower gods, the walls.
(I getting lost at this point) I worshiped
(Worship is a "telling" word that explains what someone does, but doesn't always give a good idea how they do it) them with a groan. I was telling them I was weary from a strange sensation in my stomach, but I was now happy for they have returned to protect me.
(Perhaps a little dialogue would be in order: "I am weary from a strange sensation in my stomach," I said. "But I am now happy for you have returned to protect me.") I knew no harm could fall upon
(befall? come to?) me now.
At my resting place I was contempt
(content?), and no demons came near me. I fell a sleep
asleep* and continue
d to glorify the walls for many days until
(cut starting here: I stopped praying and worshiping the walls. For some strange reason, I couldn’t bring myself to do it for
until here) the pressure in my stomach had become violent and my body became stiff.
I then made every attempt to remain happy,
(Why is he now concerned with being happy?) so I didn’t talk and I slept for most of my days
most days* even when my mouth was dry and the sting in my stomach continued to climb to a point of unbearable pain.
The pain drove me into the depths of desperation. I began to gnaw upon anything I could find. First I tried the demon, but it was no good
(No good in what way? Inedible?). So I requested
(To whom does he make this request?) a taste of one of the walls.
(I thought the walls were gods...) As I proceeded to chew the walls, they stiffened and my jaws couldn't bite through the fortified walls.
(Cut the first "the walls" so as not to repeat your wording in the same sentence.)
Finally, I was furious at my gods. I swore at them and made an emotional outburst
(Cut "made an emotional outburst" - dashing into walls is obviously such an outburst so there's no need to further describe it as such.) by violently dashing into the gods. They did not crumble, but
(Cut "but") nor did I for three hours straight
(and "straight"). When I did fall, blood had splattered upon the hugging demon
("hugging" is too cute a word) that bonded
bound* my arms. I panted as I fell, and cried with all my energy.
(all my might? strength?) Yet no tears came; only blood came. It came and came
(use some more variety here... poured, gushed, etc.) until it stopped, and then I stopped.