The Legend of Giratina

Started by Oblivion Reaper 2.0 June 27th, 2009 8:29 PM
  • 681 views
  • 3 replies
Age 26
Male
Hell
Seen June 15th, 2011
Posted March 24th, 2011
490 posts
15 Years
This is my first fanfic
I will try to update every couple days
Also the Introduction is not the Prologue


Introduction
They say it lives in the world the opposite of ours...an ancient graveyard
They say it was banned due to it's violence
It is known as the Rengade Pokemon
This is Legend of Giratina and his epic fight against God it self, Arceus...


There so cute...untill they grow up
Age 26
Male
Hell
Seen June 15th, 2011
Posted March 24th, 2011
490 posts
15 Years
In the Beginnig there was One
Then One spawned Two that held power of Time and Space
Then One Spawned Three that held the power Will,Knowledge, and Emotion
The One would be later called Arceus,the God
The Two were known as Dailaga and Palkia and the Three were called Azelf,Uxie and Mesprit
Then Arceus created Mew, who was to give life
However There was One more who was a Renagade known as Giratina
It was created to guard the Disortion World, a placed where the evil spririts live
Giratina was far more powerful then anything Arceus had created and it's power matched Mew it self
Giratina however started as a good natured Pokemon
But the Evil Spririts corrupted him and soon raised an army of ghost to fight Arceus for controll of the universe...
This is the Legend of Giratina...


There so cute...untill they grow up

Citrinin

Nephrotoxic.

Age 26
Male
New Zealand
Seen August 2nd, 2010
Posted July 19th, 2010
2,778 posts
13.9 Years
In the Beginnig there was One
"Beginnig" should be "Beginning".

The Two were known as Dailaga and Palkia
"Dailaga" should be "Dialga".

soon raised an army of ghost
"ghost" should be "ghosts", as an army is a group.

and it's power matched Mew it self
"it self" should be "itself".

fight Arceus for controll of the universe
"controll" should be "control".

Also, be careful with commas - you should have a space after every comma. For example, "Azelf,Uxie and Mesprit" should be "Azelf, Uxie, and Mesprit". Also, be careful with capitalisation - at some points in the story, like with "Evil Spririts", you capitalise non-proper nouns mid-sentence.

Apart from that, you've got an interesting verse up there that has a lot of potential to be developed into a good story, but it needs to be longer, so we readers have more to think about and enjoy. :)