Speccy's Morbid Poetry

Started by Spectreon September 28th, 2004 11:45 PM
  • 629 views
  • 16 replies
Age 34
Insanity Forums
Seen November 8th, 2004
Posted October 3rd, 2004
38 posts
18.6 Years
This is a disturbing poem about a train...clicky clicky (it's a picture-poem hybrid)
Choo-choo

And this is a poem I wrote after a bad period of my life.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
You took me
Into the dark room
Where there was no light or hope
And shadows lurked everywhere

You threw me
On the metal-frame bed
With the ragged sheets
And the worn matress

You cut me up
With switchblades
And laughed
As my dark blood was spilt

You hurt me
You shattered me
You violated me
You crushed me

You laughed
As your friends had their fun
Preying upon my helplessness
My paralysis was your spur

When it was over
And the shadows withdrew
I lay in the corner
Rocking back and forth

Covered in blood
Bruises in the shape of your hands
Blooming upon my pale breast
And casting a dark stain upon my soul

My eyes were glassy
And clouded over
My hair was matted
And tangled like my thoughts

My thoughts were murky
Darkness, misery, despair
Had taken root
And hope seemed all but gone

I was a fool
A fool to trust you
I trusted
But I will trust no more
I trust nobody

Nowhere to run
Nowhere to hide
Nobody to trust
Nobody to tell

My spirit burns strong
I will forgive
But I will never forget
I hate you

Remember that
I hate you
I will forgive
But I will never forget

Nowhere to run
Nowhere to hide
Nobody to trust
NObody to tell

I hate you
Remember that
I will forgive
But I will never forget

I shall remember
Always.....


Insanity Forums
The land of shiny moon pengiuns! Weeee!

I'm insane, but I don't bite. ^^ *afefefefefefefefe*
Age 34
Insanity Forums
Seen November 8th, 2004
Posted October 3rd, 2004
38 posts
18.6 Years
Well, thank you! ^0^

Me ish so glad....that I'LL POST MORE POETRY! >:3

You shattered me
Like the glass on a mirror
As the bloodied shards fly
So does the phoenix aflame
Poised for flight
Wings spread bright
Spring from night
Into the sun
Rise from the ashes of blood, of pain
Of misery and suffering
Be reborn in beauty and glory
And use the shards to weave a new future


Insanity Forums
The land of shiny moon pengiuns! Weeee!

I'm insane, but I don't bite. ^^ *afefefefefefefefe*
Age 34
Insanity Forums
Seen November 8th, 2004
Posted October 3rd, 2004
38 posts
18.6 Years
It's just a poem I made after some interesing nightmares I had.

I was hoping the choo-choo part would add grim humor and make it more creepy, if you get what I mean. XP


Insanity Forums
The land of shiny moon pengiuns! Weeee!

I'm insane, but I don't bite. ^^ *afefefefefefefefe*
Age 34
Insanity Forums
Seen November 8th, 2004
Posted October 3rd, 2004
38 posts
18.6 Years
Well, the second poem is all about the bad stuff that happened to me, but don't worry, I don't think there are any evil trains chugging around in Los Angeles. XD


Insanity Forums
The land of shiny moon pengiuns! Weeee!

I'm insane, but I don't bite. ^^ *afefefefefefefefe*
Age 34
east siiide
Seen March 20th, 2005
Posted December 19th, 2004
420 posts
18.7 Years
i wasn't talking about the train, but nonetheless, i am relieved *ahhh flushhhh...*
j/k lol. there are evil trains everywhere, and vending machines *shudders*

anyway, speccy, you did a magnificent job on both poems and i can't wait to read more of them in the future...
name changed to ~\Ethereal_Knight/~
Age 34
Insanity Forums
Seen November 8th, 2004
Posted October 3rd, 2004
38 posts
18.6 Years
This is a crappy poem I typed in a minute just now. Words have a habit of leaping to my head. XD

You are my dark shadow
Haunting me
Tormenting me
With past memories
You cling to my shoulder
And weigh me down
One day...
I stood up
Eyes flashing
Hands thundering
"I FORGIVE YOU."
With a bloodcurdling shriek
And a ghastly dance of pain
You vanished
But..
You will forevermore leave
A dark stain
As your legacy


Insanity Forums
The land of shiny moon pengiuns! Weeee!

I'm insane, but I don't bite. ^^ *afefefefefefefefe*

Butter Knyfe

Sasuke is love, man! 8D

Age 30
Glomping Sasuke. 8D
Seen January 16th, 2006
Posted December 22nd, 2005
67 posts
18.7 Years
Wow, those are some pretty powerful poems. I can almost feel everything that you felt. That last one really touched me somehow.
Bishie - Itachi Uchiha .:. Links - Fanfiction.net|Xanga .:. Credit For Stuff That's Not Mine - Naruto Christmas Pic: Found it while Google-surfing

Happy Holidays Everyone!

Age 35
Band room
Seen December 26th, 2005
Posted November 10th, 2004
329 posts
18.8 Years
meh this is quite cliche, believe me I've read the same thing hundreds of times on other poetry forums Ive been too, and heard things very similiar in creative writing classes Ive taken. You could've take the premise to much grander heights IM0.
as for advice theres not much I can give except: don't insult your reader by presuming he or she cannot decipher strtegically placed metaphors. Instead of feeding your reader every little detail give them part of the story and then leave some open to interpretation.

"You took me
Into the dark room
Where there was no light or hope
And shadows lurked everywhere"

-heres a good example. You have already lost my interest by giving me too much of the story. Instead of telling me where "they" brought you, I would rather you tell me how you felt as they were bringing you into the room. You don't neccesarily have to tell me straightforward that there was no light or hope and such. Instead give me something to think about. This pretty much applies to the rest of the poem.
"We must carry war into every corner the enemy happens to carry it, to his home, to his centers of entertainment:a total war. It is neccesary to prevent him from having a moment of peace, a quiet moment outside his barracks or even inside; we must attack him wherever he may be, make him feel like a cornered beast wherever he may move. then his moral fiber shall begin to decline, but we shall notice how signs of decadence begin to disappear."- Che Guevara

"shoot, coward, you are only going to kill a man"-Ernesto "Che" Guevara