Originally Posted by dark_giratina
“now now Nova, we don’t want to be classed as Barbarians do we?”, replied Surge, tickling his beloved and oldest partner, Raichu, under the chin where he liked it best.
"now now " should become "Now now " (or "Now, now, ")
You lack some punctuation at the end of the dialogue in quite a few places, like here:
Originally Posted by dark_giratina
“Hes insane”
(in which "Hes" should be "He's", by the way.)
Originally Posted by dark_giratina
We put our armies up to defcon 1,recruit
"defcon 1,recruit" should be "DEFCON 1, recruit".
Originally Posted by dark_giratina
They all ran outside to see a lone figure there with her six Pokemon viciously attacking any passers by.
It was Cynthia
"It was Cynthia" should be "It was Cynthia." For maximum effect, there should be a blank line between these two sentences.
Originally Posted by dark_giratina
you can have Johto, they’re so weak and pitiful. Milotic, Flash!
This is just bad military strategy. Johto is poised perfectly to attack Kanto, and Cynthia seems to be alienating them for no valid reason. Also, this massive change in personality does violate canon, unless you have a good explanation cooked up for it later.
If you wish to set up the story so it's Kanto and Johto vs. Hoenn and Sinnoh, that's fine, but you need a better reason than it's too weak. For example, Kanto and Johto being close allies.
In summary, the grammar does need a workover. As far as the story goes, I think the threat of Sinnoh should have been developed more. It is unlikely that Surge's only thing to say was that they've got uptight in hostile. In rhetoric, you provide examples, however stretched, to get people on your side. Surge could have provided examples of events and acts that show how they become a threat, specifically to Kanto or to one of its allies. This has potential, but the ideas need to be developed more.
Hope I helped. :)