As requested, here is my review.
I think the concept is very intriguing; however, I find it extremely hard to comment on the actual concept because of grammatical errors. Usually I'd go through and point out the grammatical errors and then discuss other review topics, but in this case, I think it would be easier for me to break it down line by line.
“Pokémon, some see them as friends, others as helpers, others as allies, but intelligent people see them as powerful tools. If you control Pokémon you control the world. That’s the purpose of Team Fusion, that is my purpose...in life.”
It should be: "If you control Pokemon
, you control the world. That's the purpose of Team Fusion
; that is my purpose...in life." You forgot a comma and should have used a semi-colon in the last sentence because if you notice, the two phrases you connected with a comma before could actually be separate sentences.
To be honest, I think this first line is a complete turn-off. It seems extremely cliche. In fact, I think the prologue would be more intriguing if you just scratched this line completely and started with "Pokemon are mysterious..." We don't need to know about Team Fusion because we learn about Adam Graymore.
“Pokémon are mysterious creatures that have unlimited power... but limited abilities...” “For example, Fire Pokémon can burn a whole city, but water Pokémon put their power down. Same thing for water Pokémon, water Pokémon can flood the land, but electric types weaken them. Everything has its weakness, or as I call it, limitation. But what if there was a Pokémon that nothing could weaken its power...”
What is with the quotation marks? I don't think anybody needs to be speaking. You can get rid of all of those, and then maybe this would all make more sense.
Same thing for water Pokémon, water Pokémon can flood the land, but electric types weaken them.
In general, I would avoid using the word "thing" as much as possible. In this instance, "thing" is very vague and makes Adam Graymore seem uneducated, which I do not believe you intended to imply.
“I have spent years studying Mew, Eevee, and Ditto...” “They are perfection uncompleted; they have limitations to their powers, but have some ofthat true power.
You need a space between "of" and "that." The comma after "powers" is unnecessary.
“Mew can transform into any Pokémon and learn any move of any type, because of his DNA.”
Technically, Mew is genderless.
Look, I could go on for a long time correcting minuscule mistakes. I really do not want to be mean, but before you start writing, you should have your English rules down pretty solid. I like your idea, but I don't think you have the most basic foundation to build off of- an understanding of the English language.
What I would recommend is to begin by reading. Read books (not just fanfics)! This will help you learn specific English rules and gain a greater vocabulary.
I also recommend continuing to write. Practice will eventually make perfect (or close enough, anyway). To become a better writer, start by writing something other than fanfic because us reviewers usually do not bother putting the time in to give a thorough review of your work. Unfortunate, but true. Even now, I know that I have skipped over many subjects I would like to talk to you. However, all of it would take too long to type! Show your writing to a teacher and let the teacher do his or her job- teach you!
In the meantime, while you are developing writing skills, plan your story. Thouroughly and systematically. Know what is going to happen in the end. Know how your characters are going to grow and change. Plan ahead now, while you have the chance because once you start writing, the story can get messy very quickly! Be organized!
Look, I really hope I was not too harsh. I want you to continue this story, but mostly, I'd like you to become a better writer. Work on that first!