Pokemon on the go.

Started by PoketronHacker July 19th, 2009 11:07 AM
  • 463 views
  • 1 replies
Age 27
Male
Hoenn, Littleroot Town
Seen January 19th, 2020
Posted August 2nd, 2016
29 posts
15.7 Years
Pokemon on the go

As the Magikarp swim far and wide,
the great Onix are using bide,
The Heracross fall from the trees,
honey is being created by Combees,
the Wingull fly in the blue skies,
as Bonsly use there fake cries,
the Jigglypuff sing people to sleep,
and people tell of the ancient Lileep,
So now as far as the people know,
Pokemon are on the go.

Misheard Whisper

I also happen to be a model.

Age 28
He/They
Nimbasa Gym
Seen October 3rd, 2022
Posted September 27th, 2022
3,488 posts
14.3 Years
Your lines all rhyme, which is a positive start. But there is no rhythm whatsoever, which would be OK, except for the fact that I can tell it's supposed to have rhythm. Try adding a word or two, or taking one away to make it fit nicely. The actual poem isn't very long; this isn't necessarily a bad thing. In your case, however, it doesn't help. I can see what you're trying to achieve, but it needs a bit more expansion.

As for mechanics, the start of a line warrants capitalisation, as do Pokemon moves like Bide. You got 'there' and 'their' mixed up in line 6, as well. Other than that, not bad. In a nutshell, just capitalise things, learn your homonyms, and expand.
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