I will, don't worry, and its good to get some, it means I can improve. Also, the first Chapter is ready to be posted...
I have also checked it on Word, hope you like it.
Chapter One: A Legend is Born
FIVE YEARS AGO
New Bark Town. A child of the name Seth is currently watching Television. The eight year-old doesn't know that around him, the
people of Johto
are anxious
(a region cannot be anxious ;) ), as a threat from far away is looming over.
A man known as Zeke, a powerful leader of a team that emerged as if they came from the Sunset is the leader of Team Dusk, and he is after the Souls of Johto.
(edited sentence) He plans to corrupt the world with them after using an item known as the Chaos Sceptre to influence the souls to use Chaos. However, he does not know the location of them. To do so, he needs to find the famil
y who ha
s the map to these Souls. He needs to find them before Team Flash do
es. But he
was too late.
(also be sure to stay in the same tense form, you're writing in present tense so keep up with that :) )
Team Flash are a force dedicated to good. They help
ing and
are planning to defend the Souls from Chaos. However, the side of Order is protecting the family.
(this sentence is confusing, that because Team flash is helping and planning, that this Order is protecting the family) Seth is being watched over by the Flash-Rangers, his protectors. But this
will soon change. The rangers left when Seth
's Mum and Dad, Amber and Kyle
respectively (for clairty), arrived home.
"Dusk Squadron A, move in." Zeke commanded to a radio device, that sent a signal to five men, elite Traibers
(?) who moved in for the kill.
(perhaps it could be clarified as to why they would kill, as opposed to capture etc, how evil is Zeke and his Team?) However, Amber heard them.
"KYLE! It's them! We need to go! Get Seth and go out the back!" She yelled. Kyle ran and grabbed Seth.
He sent out his Luxray and Noctowl to defend himself. But Pokemon wouldn't help this time. As Kyle ran, he heard a gunblast from
within the house. Dusk w
as attacking in a more violent way than normal.
"Seth, listen. I need to tell you something. I have a friend who lives in Cherrygrove City. Take this Cyndaquil and go to him. And take this map. It is the map of the Souls of Johto. It might not mean anything to you but it will in the future. Go, and remember me and your mother love you." Kyle turned and ran back into his house, with Seth running the opposite direction.
(Did Seth have anything to say, was he afraid of his parents leaving?)
Seth ran and hid, scared to go any further, even with Cyndaquil. Route 29 was a large route for a beginner, and Seth being only eight wouldn't go. Then he heard more shouting. Gunshots... Explosions... Screams.
(Three ellipses max ;) ) Then he felt something skim the side of his head. He was bleeding, and in the tree next to him, there was a spatter of blood, with a bullet wedged into the trees bark. Blood was starting to trickle down his face and onto his clothes. He ran as he saw the Dusk trainers chasing
him, with
a Dusknoir, Houndoom and Honchkrow
out also following him. Suddenly there was a huge flash of light. A Flash Ranger had appeared. Out came a Gallade, Raichu and Metagross. Seth spun round dizzily. He collapsed on t
he floor
(do you mean ground?), not knowing if his family were alright...
Seth woke up, shouting and crying out. A Flash-Ranger was next to him.
He looked around and saw he was in the underground Cherrygrove Base. The Ranger looked very depressed and solemn. Seth knew what he was about to say. He broke down and cried hard, frustrated and angered, but most of all upset. His
mum and
dad had been killed for something his dad had given him
, the Map of the Souls of Johto. He looked at it, and put it in his backpack.
(was it still in his hands after he passed out, perhaps it should be described that he took it out to look at it) He then felt his head. No bandage, but a huge scar, that he didn't want to see.
(No bandage? I hope he isn't Wolverine :P) He grabbed a headband and pulled it over.
(Might want to say where this headband was found/received) A Flash One
, red and
yellow.
He didn't know what the map was for, but he would find out, some way. And he would find the Souls of Johto,
for his parents. Now an Orphan, but a trainer
, he would try to achieve his parent
's goal, and hopefully, just maybe...
(haha I had to laugh at this, so does this mean then that it would be in the point of view of Limited third person omnicent? Meaning that the narrator only knows certain things or thoughts of some characters?)he fainted ag
ain, and the Ranger left him to rest.
TO BE CONTINUED....