Nahio Saga

Started by Fenikkusu October 4th, 2004 1:22 PM
  • 690 views
  • 3 replies
Seen October 27th, 2004
Posted October 8th, 2004
3 posts
18.6 Years
~~EDITED VERSION~~

**G for General audience (may contain teenage boys screaming like little girls)

Please give me constructive criticism at least. Any other mistakes, hints and most of all good feelings about it would be great to hear.**


Episode 1: The Origin

A small boy popped smoothly through the front door.

Teer! Dont think I didnt hear that! Teers mother yelled down the hall of the house.

The deep voice of Teers father sounded, Why are you late Teer Kusion?

The boy quickly answered like hes got nothing to lose, I was playing with Pokemon! Teer thought. Then started again to say, With Yete! He thought of it!

The father went on to say, As long as youre only going to the Professors place, we do worry about you

The mother interrupted saying, Only the crazy Professors place? Im not one hundred percent sure about that guy!

The father moved his head toward the general direction of his wife, The Professor is the least we have to worry about, our little boy isnt little anymore

The boy noticed that hes not really apart of the conversion anymore and so tried to escape without the detection of his two parents. He easily made out that it didnt work, with his dad holding him firmly by the collar.

The father halted all talking the mother was trying to get across to him. And started to talk in a jokingly manner, Hey... Baby, wouldnt it be the sweetest if we could keep teenagers in a Pokball like we do with Pokemon?

The very talkative wife started to think. She then goes on the say, You know what? I think they made something like that. Maybe we should look it up?

The clever teen quickly came back with, No mum, thats for keeping the female gender in. Im sure they called the type of Pokball, Perfect World.

The husband got a small smile on his face. The withering look on his wives' eyes stops the enjoyment of the moment in its place. There was silence for a few seconds. The son then pulled a piece of paper out from his bag. While passing it to his father he says, Could you sign this?

Hes father started reading the paper and then asked somebody to get him a pen. The smooth lady turned around and quickly picked up a pen. The father subconsciously thanked his wife, and moved the pen closer to the paper. He signed the paper.
Have a nice time tomorrow. Also, all's fair in love and war so because you were late in this evening, you are going to bed early. The father said with great confidence.

The boy then rolled his eyes to the top of his head in frustration, and then walked to his room. The husband then moved his head in the direction of his wife. Looking her in the eyes, he expected a well done grasshopper type of look from her. She then laughed for a reason that was unknown to her husband and continued to prepare the meal with her man.

__________________


The next day Teer thought about others becoming Pokemon trainers. The field trip to Pokemon grasslands was no help. Only one more year he told himself. He kept on thinking about that golden age of fifteen, when three at a time the people that wanted to become Pokemon trainers would have the opportunity to become one.

Every year each grade would go on a field trip, after each year the field trips would become harder. Teer was at the highest level, which was of course because next year was when you obtained your Pokemon. On the trip there were teams of fours. Each teacher had his or her own group; they had to get help from the parents to supervise.

This year the grasslands were unbelievably dry. The children stuck closely behind the main teacher, for she was the one with the protection.

Someone screamed. The other groups froze. It was a pack of Houndour and a Houndoom that were threatening Teers group. The teacher knew what could happen if one of the deadly dogs used a fire attack in the grasslands.

The leader slowly opened her backpack up to reach for something, while still looking at the Houndooms movements. She looked the Houndoom straight in the eyes. She became ridged, and crumpled to the ground, as if in slow motion. She was left defenceless. Her bag dropped dramatically on to the sandy pathway. Three new looking Pokballs then fell out.

Teer looked over to the Pokballs. He moved to draw one of them. Then heard a voice from another in his group. Are you going to help us?

She was Teers old classmate. She looked over to him with in fear, but he could sense an innocent smile.

Something snapped. Everything changed. The moment altered Teer. Teer picked up one of the balls, and, saying nothing ran. Teer ran as fast as his legs could take him, bitterly aware that this choice would guide him to what he was to become.

The scared boy ran as far away from his team as fast he could. Leaping over a knot of grass, he gasped as he realised there was a steep bank on the other side. Blocking his face from the bushes that stung, he could not see and literally started to roll down the steep terrain.

Finally Teer was stopped by a swollen, fast moving river, which was only going to make his escape worse.

The river churned faster and faster. Teer saw that he could do nothing. He looked down at the Pokball still tightly grasped in his hand. He yelled, I choose you!

A golden light shone from the ball. A red stream of light pointed towards the water and began to form a Pokemon. A bright blue Pokemon poked her turquoise coloured head out of her patterned shell. The Squirtle opened its bright red eyes.

The water Pokemon was swimming in front of Teer as if all was right with the world. Teer screamed at it, Help me!

Squirtle started scratching its head with no idea what was going on. Teer rolled his eyes to the sky and let out a big sigh. Then he grabbed on to the shell of Squirtle knowing that he was still safer with the natural swimmer than on his own.

Clutching furiously to the hard shell in the seething water, Teer, and then the small Pokmon looked up only to see a few short moments later, an immense, foaming waterfall up ahead. Teer screamed like a little girl and Squirtle was so shocked that all the Pokemon could do was stare at the ever-closer waterfall. Teer bit his tongue to stop his shrieks and began to shake the Pokemon. Teer then shouted, Arent you going to do something?!

Squirtle then snapped out of it and started using Tail Whip like a motor of a speedboat. Both of them shot out of the water and onto the land as Squirtle pulled a very cunning Water Gun technique on the raging water.

Teer tried to pull himself together. He attempted to calm his burning lungs. He wanted to get back to normal. As Teer sat on the damp grass he wrapped his arms around his knees and curled up into a ball. His throat burned. He wept.

Lily

◕ ‿‿ ◕ double rainbow.

Female
New Joisey
Seen February 26th, 2017
Posted June 26th, 2011
3,329 posts
18.7 Years
Okay, interesting fic, but one majorrrrrrrrr problem. Stick with either the past tense or the present tense. It went from present to past to present to past...you get the idea, so try sticking with only one, as it will confuse the readers. ^_^

Second, whoa. A lot happened in the first chapter, and I was dramatically surprised when Teer decided to run away. That part, that mid action when Teer had the decision of picking up the pokeball and either helping or running away could've used more of the effort. I found that part to be a frightening peak, as he ran away to my SHOCK. <The poor kids with the houndours/hourdoom...> That just proves, authors have mysterious powers...>_>;

Squirtle...never would've expected it. Try adding more emphasis when he was scared the most, as it will make the story much more appealing.

Overall, wow. I never would've expected him to run away but fight instead. oO; Great job though, next chapter should be interesting..

( ‿‿ ) PM me for a contract.
Seen October 27th, 2004
Posted October 8th, 2004
3 posts
18.6 Years
Thanks for the tips, they are very spot on. You're right on everything you said. I'll try to put everything you said into practice with my next chapter (as well as improving this one).

EDIT:

Edited story, lots of improvements. Me sister helped me edit it.

Again thanks for the advice.
__A perfect world__


~m3 da Fenikkusu s|r~

Pokemon GBA New Zealand!
Pokemon TCG New Zealand!


Seen October 27th, 2004
Posted October 8th, 2004
3 posts
18.6 Years
G for General audience

Episode 2: Seek and you shall find.

A machine beeped. Footsteps echoed in the large house. It was midday; the sun hovered directly over the home and gave it a dark gloomy feeling. Quickly down the stairs came a small woman. Dressed in tight clothes she breezed over easily to the machine. She answered the machine just before she allowed herself to that the breath she needed.

She answered the machine then rushed out of the hollow home, her black-coiled hair bounced as she ran out. In the other corner of the same room there was a trophy with a picture next to it. In the picture there were five people; all but one looked similar to each other.

__________________

Teer woke up. Twas a beautiful clear night. The moon was at its fullest and it was easy to see the surroundings. Teer wondered at the magnificent stars. The stars are bright and beautiful tonight. Teer mindlessly said to himself. He next thought. Stars! Bright! I can find my way to the next town! I knew I didnt study astronomy for nothing!

Teer checked his watch to see what time it was. Only a few hours till morning, better get moving. Teer began searching the stars; he found the right ones then followed them. Nahio! Get ready for Teer Kusion!

The early sunset and the morning dew made Peduncle some site to behold. The outside of the town sparkled while the inside was nicely organised and full of many colours. Almost everyone in the town was up for the markets, the markets made the town grow bigger then it really was. This was because many people from the surrounding towns would go to these main markets, even people from Teers hometown of Summerhill. Which clearly wasnt good for Teer.

Teer had finally gotten to Peduncle; still he wondered where he was. Hoping that no one would see him, Teer raced to the Pokmon Centre. After the Pokmon Centre doors opened he slowed down to a walk. Once he was inside he looked around to be if there was anyone he knew in the centre. Because in a small town, word gets around fast, and the whole of Summerhill would have known by now.

Without any manners the wild-looking boy scuttled up to the counter and spoke as if he were in a rush, What town is this?

Its Peduncle. Said a stranger in a black hooded rain jacket. The thin built anon person took off his hood and continued to say, Teer what are doing here?

The dirty, semi-lost boy knew straight away who this unique person was. Seek, I should ask you the same question. An awkward pause fell between the two.

Havent you ever heard on manners before? I asked you first. Snapped the hooded character in a know-it-all kind of way.
The tired boy tried to think of something as soon as possible. Im Im on an errand for my parents. Anyway, like I was about to ask. Why are you here? You should have been up to Mariyold village by now. Teer said the first sentence very fast with the others following in quick succession.

Suddenly Seek stood up fast, the two were almost the same height but Seek was just that bit shorter. Seek moved closer to Teer and face-to-face said, For some reason I dont believe that why dont I believe you? Because to move from town to town you need a Pokmon, to have a Pokmon you need to be a Pokmon Trainer, to be a Pokmon Trainer you need a PokCom, and to get a PokCom you need to be over sixteen.

Seek sat back down in a legs spread, cool and relaxed position. He continued by saying, Now from what I can remember, youre not sixteen yet. But, why would I care? I would love to see the cops catch you anyway, even if your parents did let you go this far.

Relieved, Teer sat on a chair that was behind him. You didnt answer my earlier question, what are you still doing here?

Well the other two, Loca and Tyve went theyre own way. Even your brain should be able to work out why they went together so I thought I could get in some extra training in the first part of my journey, which always helps.

Teer replied quickly, You got lost didnt you?

I wouldnt make comments like that if I was in your position. Seek replied with a threatening tone.

The silence stretched between the two for some period of time.

Seek stands up then started his ending speech, Well, seeing the Pokball in your pocket I would give you a battle. But of course you dont have a PokCom to battle me with. So until you get one we cant battle. Ill be moving on to the next town soon after I check out these markets. I heard you could get almost anything in these markets.

Teer hung on Seeks lasts words to him. The only problem was cash. Teer paced outside still thinking.

But at that moment thinking was going to get Teer nowhere. Doing was what he needed to get on with. (Of course Teer doesnt know of what I just said. So because Teer was a male, he couldnt multitask. This resulted in him bumping into a signpost outside the Pokmon Centre.)

Teer stared at the signpost and noticed, Missing Pokmon! His brown eyes scanned the poster more closely, which was on top of others. Kecleon! Teer yelled, which seemed somewhat random to others in the general distance of the loud black haired boy. Kecleon will be impossible to find. Teer thought to himself. The advertisement was only posted yesterday, and the description of the Pokmon mentioned that the Pokmon never ran too far from the area.

Teer moved his curls from his eyes to check for any last details on the announcement. The new trainer stood up directly and started looking into the murky grey sky. As he looked up Teer had an idea.

Squirtle, use Water Gun on the ground to spray mud over the place. Teer yelled while he was releasing the shelled Pokmon from her ball.

Squirt, squirtle. Squirtle piped up right before the rush of water sounded from her mouth.

Hmm, how can I make this faster? Teer wondered as he watched his damp Pokmon. I know! He thought as he was suddenly struck with inspiration. Grabbing Squirtle by the collar of her shell Teer started to run around town. Something happened. Movement at the corner of Teers left eye caught his attention, a red line. Teer twisted his arms throwing his Pokmon in the direction of the line.

Something covered in mud fell down with a splash and started to rub furiously at its own eyes. Teer dropped Squirtle in midair. With both arms open, Teer ran towards the unknown Pokmon ready to catch it using the weight of his chest and upper limbs. Once he had grabbed the muddy Pokmon he ran to the address that was describe on the flier. As he ran away he yelled, Com on Squirtle!

Squirtle rolled her eyes and continued to jog as fast as she could behind Teer, which (for-your-information) wasnt very fast.

Suddenly Teer saw the entrance of the house, but he was going so fast he couldnt stop. Teer tried to stop but he slid past the front door. In a cloud of dust Teer tumbled over. All dirty, the tired young man knocked on the door. A young girl anxiously answered the door. Once Teer proudly announced that he had found the lost Pokmon all by himself, she snatched the invisible Pokmon from Teers arms and compressed it against her chest as hard is her small arms could.

Oh Kerry! Youre back! The little girl cried while she smudged mud on her face from the Pokmon. Hey, everybody! Kerrys back! The front door was suddenly crowded with the girls extended family as they rushed out to see the Pokmon.

One particular senior person came out to thank the young hero. Oh, thank you so much young man for bringing our Kerry back to us. It would have taken little Yazmin here ages to recover from her loss, and I didnt think anyone should go through that, no matter what age.

The retired man passed the reward money to the grinning young man. Teer made a one-eighty degree turn, taking a step. Then made another one-eighty turn. Excuse me, would you know where I could find a PokCom?

Hmmm (think: old Wiseman kind-of-way), glad you asked young one. My grandson used to work on the PokCom. He lives on the other side of town. Sell is his name, and hes not the perfect grandson when it comes to rules let me tell you! The lass here will take you there and tell Sell what is going on. The aged man was about to call for the young girl.

Wait I dont want to be responsible for getting this girl hurt in any way, Teer said in a low voice.

I appreciate your concern, but this young lady is older then she looks. She also knows this town inside out. I have seen this girl at work; she is smart and very trustworthy.

Teer was stunned. The old man called the girl over, and told her what was happening. Just before they were about to move off, Teer gave the man back the reward. The two then went on their way.

Squirt, squirt, squirt. Squirtle slowly dragged her tired legs.

Oh, Squirtle, there you are. What took you so long? Teer replied back with a hint of sarcasm. Squirtle gave Teer the evil eye. Okay, return. Teer shouts. A red beam strikes Squirtle and removed her to her Pokball. Teer clicked the small button in the middle of the Pokball to minimize it.

Shall we move on? Teer smiled kindly at the girl. The shy girl replied by flashing Teer a small blushing smile like they do so many times in animes. Then energetic girl shot off as fast as she could, Teer ran right after her.

Walking right up to the door, the girl knocked as soon as she could reach. After the door was opened, a tall, thin man with glasses came out. Hey, you must be the young man who found Kecleon. He nudged his glasses up his nose to focus on the pair as he said it.

Wow, the old man sent you a message that fast? Teer replied with no shame in his disrespect of the aged.

Yes well, come on in. Sell said. Then while he got the PokCom ready the others sat down. After a while Sell came out and asked the boy what his name is.

Teer opened his mouth, and then snapped it shut as a thought occurred to him. He began to think furiously.

My name is Siah Britannica replied the newly named boy. Sell typed something into a small device.

Well Siah, heres your new PokCom Sell passed Siah this new piece of equipment. Place it on your belt, you can pull it off and use it and just as quickly click it back on. As you go along your journey you should find the many thing the PokCom can do. But first things first, pass me your Pokmon. Siah passed his Pokmon to the technical master.

Sell placed the Pokball into a small opening in the PokCom, and the Pokball fit into the gap perfectly because it was made to fit. Here is all the information the PokCom has to give on your Pokmon. Sell said while giving the PokCom to the boy.

Siah was somewhat surprised with the results, especially with the fact that he was the first one to use Squirtle after which she had been at the breeding centre for special Pokmon.

Could I personally look at your Squirtle for a minute? Sell said after a few seconds of Siah reading information.

Hmm, yeah, sure. Squirtle come out. Siah looked confused for a moment as he spoke.

Sell gathered Squirtle from the floor and started to examine her. Okay, well you have a healthy young Squirtle you know, Squirtles are not very common around Nahio. Their natural environment is across the other side of the world.

A silence fell between the threesome. Well, I have to get going. Siah said as he got up.

If you dont have any other plans, I suggest you travel to the mountain village of Sienna. Youll find heaps of trainers there; its a tourist place. From there you can choose which gym to head to. Im sure you know almost everything about the gyms; its every young persons dream to enter the league. Trust me, Ive been there before. Sell said.

Well thank-you for everything. Im hope well see each other again. Siah laughed nervously, suddenly anxious to get going.

No, I know we will. Sell remarked with great confidence.

Siah opened the front door and began to leave.
Wait! Piped up a soft voice. My Granddad wanted you to have this before you left. Yazmin passed Siah the same bag of money he gave back to her grandfather. Siah looked shocked. My Granddad says you cant give it back to him now.

Siah pulled the bag closer to his chest, and his mouth split into a bright smile. Siah turned again and walked outside. Pulling his PokCom off his belt, Siah looked up the direction of Mount Sienna.

On the road out of town, Siah noticed something. It was Seek. Seek! Siah yelled.
Seek stopped where he was. Siah came to a stop directly behind him, only a few metres away. Seek reached for his belt.

He whipped around quickly, eyes gleaming. And Pokball in hand he said, I Choose You!

To be continued
__A perfect world__


~m3 da Fenikkusu s|r~

Pokemon GBA New Zealand!
Pokemon TCG New Zealand!