Okay I would usually break down the poems bit by bit but I think I'll just take your writing style in general from what I've read. Your first poem is almost like tired drivel. I've been in that situation many many times where I would drift to sleep and my mind would just start rhyming. The next morning I might have some lines written down or perhaps memorised. But what I will say is. You seemed to just write drivel here and publish without fixing it up a bit. So what I will suggest is when this happens don't just leave as is because it was what you felt at the time. Remember poetry is a piece of work and you don't always need to just keep everything as it was written. I make plenty of drafts before I'm happy with something. So I would advise making your first one a draft as it seems to have a few odd lines and some stuff that can be taken out. Also try not to abbreviate to much, what I mean is, when you said "Cause" you should always say because regardless, remember that poetry is all about the words you use to describe an emotion, event, person, place or thing. That is effectively what poetry is. So what is your biggest concern in poetry? The words you use, always try to use the best ones you can. I think you'll agree with me that some of the words you mentioned in the first poem weren't very poetic. I know you've said this isn't your best work but I still think you should scrap some of it. For example, cursing in poetry is unnecessary, and I'll tell you why, the best way I can explain it and what I've always said is that it is almost like cheating due to the fact that you are trying to display your anger or repute using a foul word rather than actually sitting down and thinking of how you could express this particular feeling. I'll tell you an experience I had when I started writing poetry, I just could not display a way of showing anger in a poem. So what I did was I practiced bad read other poetry about anger and got more of a poetic sense of how things would be put into words. So I decided I would try write a small poem about anger. So I did. It grew and eventually I came up with this.
This ill temper I have is making me mad
I blow up and I don’t know why
I wish for just a moment I could handle my anger right
I wish for just a moment I could love you right
I wish my attitude would just go away
I wish my anger would stay at bay
This outlook I have on life needs to change
This outlook I have you needs to say the same
I love you deep down inside
I wish you would see
That you’re the only princess for me
The anger I have deep in side
Comes out when I least expect it
This anger I have in me should just go away
This anger I have is an annoyance
This anger I have has messed my life up
This anger I have is stupid
Anger you have messed up my love for you
Anger you have messed up my life
Anger you have destroyed who I am inside and out
Anger you are the devil
Anger you are all that is bad
This anger I have in me has made me fight
A fight that was not worth it
Anger you made me hit the wrong person
Anger you made me do the wrong things
Anger you are the feeling that I would never miss
Anger you have caused me so much sorrow
Anger you have caused nothing but grief.
Anger just go away
See? I used to be terrible at describing anger until I decided to work on it and practice a little. You should sometimes keep an archive of drivel you write when you are asleep. Often it tends to be very good or mindless drivel that makes sense. So you should maybe work on that a little bit.
Now onto your second poem.
Never blame your accent in poetry. Just because your accent shouldn't be involved in words on paper. However I do understand that you say poems allowed but try think of the other readers. Always remember that the feeling an words come from the heart first and then they come from your mouth. So keep the wording universal. This was a little better but needing some work.
A fire burns strong in the crackling thunder
This line was almost amazing. the use of crackling describing fire is always nice. However I don't believe I've ever heard crackling thunder. thunder gives of a roar and crackling is like quick sharp noises and hasn't much relevance to the sound of thunder I'm afraid. But it was a good concept. You have some nice descriptive writing but you need to work on flow. Your flow sometimes lacks consistency and power. I find myself stopping while reading and I find the lines don't run in together too well. Hmm other than that it is okay I mean you need a little practice. I'll avoid writing too much on this seeing as in you will upload more.