Metroid Prime: The Bounty Hunter (PG-13)

Started by Raichu Master October 8th, 2004 9:22 AM
  • 674 views
  • 7 replies
Age 34
Good question...somewhere around here...I think... o.O
Seen August 3rd, 2008
Posted August 1st, 2008
6,032 posts
19.2 Years
Here's the short little Preview I mentioned earlier!

Introduction


The shattering of windows came from a space ship as it orbited Earth. An armored humanoid came lounging headlong out of the shattered window. As the humanoid rolled away, an explosion came flooding out. The orange being got up and turned around just in time to see a black figure jump out of the ship and into the vast darkness of space.

"Dammit!" the humanoid exclaimed in a foreign tongue.

Before the rest of the ship was destroyed like the room the being just lounged out of, it jumped off the ship and landed on it's space ship, entering it, demanding the computer to track down the demon.

"Location not known" The computer replied.

"Dammit!" The being exclaimed again this time in the english tongue. "How can I find it!?" It spat at it's computer.

"Calm down Samus. Head back down to Earth, your ship is in low supplies. You have plenty of time to get Radley, but first go get something to eat, I'll protect your ship." A calm, yet firm, voice said from behind the bounty hunters back.

Letting out a grunt, the bounty hunter unlocked the clamps on her helmet, and took it off. Shaking her long blonde hair, the woman revealed the fair skin, yet pale from space exploration, and the fine features of her profile.

"Aye, sounds like a plan to me." She said setting her helmet down and going into the transfer pad. "Take care of my ship while I'm gone. If anything happens, I'll come after you and tear you to peices like that dang black dragon!" She threatened one last time before disappearing to land on the friendly planet of Earth.

Well that's the preview, as you can see it's rated PG-13 because Samus has a bit of a bad mouth (Don't blame it on me it's always been like that.) bounty hunter, also there is alot of violent fighting scenes. Again my chapters will be alot more discriptive than this, and better grammar. This was kind of a quicky to get y'all prepared.

Member of:
Anime Watchers Club
Romance Anime and Manga Club

Kyosuke

.·Simple Complexity

Age 34
Pickering, On
Seen August 8th, 2018
Posted May 17th, 2014
2,485 posts
19.7 Years
The prolouge is not bad at all, but it would be nice if you added something interesting at the end to make members think, "Ohhh I wonder whats going to happen next" and want to come back for more.

But it does look interesting to see a metroid fan-fic, I do want to see more of it and you have your first fan already ^^.
"Life isn't perfect, but sometimes you have to make the best of it."

After 7 years, Xbox Live is Still Amazing

·!¦[·Latest pieces of Writing·]¦!·
Age 34
Good question...somewhere around here...I think... o.O
Seen August 3rd, 2008
Posted August 1st, 2008
6,032 posts
19.2 Years
Wow...a fan...! My first fan on this fanfic forum! YAY! ^^

Sorry about that, I just wanted to give something out to tell everyone what was up with the story! ^^

Chapter 1: Memories

"Welcome back Samus!" A tall lanky man greeted her with a smile as she step off the pad.

"Nice to ya again, Jim." She said solemnly and then walked passed him, even though she was supposed to have some down time, Samus didn't feel comfortable away from her ship. She had never worked with a partner, and she didn't trust him.

As the armcannon retracted into her forearm armor, revealing the rest of her right arm. She press a button on the wrist of her left arm, and her armor evaporated revealling a very athletic and refined body, thanks to all the years she spent blasting space pirates and hunting down her sworn enemy Radley. She was dressed in a blue tanktop that matched the color of her eyes and blue jeans that were tight enough so the armor could fit over them, yet they flared at the bottom, for a stylish edge.

Exiting the completely white box called the Teleportation Room. She turned left down a corridor composed of metal, which led to the exit out of the Bounty Hunter Corp.

"Two of them slices, will ya?" She grunted sitting at a table in a pizza parlor.

"Right away, miss." the waiter said as he disappeared behind a swinging door into the kitchen.

Samus gave a deep sigh as she leaned against the back of the both, and pulled out a picture of a young man, who's features would classify him as hansome by any means.

The dark brown hair and bright emerald eyes, sent a pang of guilt up her spine. She took her thumb and gentle carassed the picture before forcing herself to put it away, before she got tender.

"Here you go." The man said interupting her from her deep and involved thoughts of the man in her picture.

"Aye? Ah thanks." She grunted again as she nodded, taking the pizza and tipping the waiter.

As her pizza got cold, she just stared at the both beside her, apparently thinking about something. Samus's eyes widened as a flashback of her and then young man sprang into her mind.

"Come on!" The young man said cheerfully as he ran into the parlor.

"Hold up Scott!" Came a voice very recognizeable to Samus, because that voice was her own. When she entered the parlor she appeared alot more gentler and alot more beautiful than she already was. Her voice was also joyful, instead of grunts, which she could feel heart sink at the sould of how happy she had been.

"Sam you shouldn't be that tired! We're a team! Everytime I see you in battle your amazing!" Scott chuckled, his voice giving Samus a longing.

"Er...thanks..." the young girl replied actually blushing.


She snapped out of the flashback there reminding herself that Scott had been lost in space the lsat adventure they went on, because of her falture to save his life, the life of the only person she had ever cared about, the man that she was going to marry after they got back from that one mission.

She shoved those memories back into the deep depths of her mind, wanting to forget about her passed.

After eating her now cold pizza she got up and walked out of the building, trying to find something to take her mind off of what she had just saw.

At that moment her communicator went off, and the voice of her new partner came through loud and clear.

"Samus, we got problems! Get back to the ship at once!" He exclaimed.

Samus nodded to the voice and sprinted back to Bounty Hunter Corp., while pressing the button on her communicator, making her armor reappear over her body.

As she was about to teleport back to the ship she activated her armcannon and started to charge her power beam.

Getting to her faithful ship she busted the door to her controls down because it was looked. "I'm here!" She shouted aiming her now fully charged beam in all directions trying to find the enemy.

Member of:
Anime Watchers Club
Romance Anime and Manga Club

Kyosuke

.·Simple Complexity

Age 34
Pickering, On
Seen August 8th, 2018
Posted May 17th, 2014
2,485 posts
19.7 Years
I really like the first chapter, it was nice short and sweet, told a bit about Samus's personalty, but not too long. The only thing I can say right now as its only the first chapter, are the minor spelling mistakes that are there, but its not too major.

But great start though XP.
"Life isn't perfect, but sometimes you have to make the best of it."

After 7 years, Xbox Live is Still Amazing

·!¦[·Latest pieces of Writing·]¦!·
Age 34
Good question...somewhere around here...I think... o.O
Seen August 3rd, 2008
Posted August 1st, 2008
6,032 posts
19.2 Years
The only ones that'll be really big are the ones that have action scenes. Which will be most of them when I get farther into the story.

Chapter 2: Return to Space

After taking a good look around, she found her ship completely recked, the window was broken in, signalling that someone had smashed through the window into the ships interior.

The beam died down and she lounged towards her helmet, since the air had been sucked out of the chamber.

After the helmet was safetly on her head she flipped on her thermal visor, to find any finger or footprints.

Sure enough, there was signs of a struggle, the only thing that really caught her eyes were the marks left by the intruder, they were dinosaur-like. "Space Pirates..." She whispered under her breath.

"Ew! Computer Online!" She said running, more of a falling motion, to the computer trying to get the computer up.

"Emergency System engaged." A robotic voice said.

"Give mea report, what has happened?"

After a few seconds of hesitation, the computer computed, "Data not found."

"Is the ship able to be repaired?"

"Yes, approximately 10 days."

"Track my partner, where did he go?"

"Scanners pick up RA 1289 headed to the m57 at a rapid pase."

"Computer scan ship, tell me what attacked."

"Space Pirates...5 of them...Henry killed off 4 of them, scanners pick up that he was possibly knocked out and dragged away."

"Computer...tell me...where the space pirates are, or were I can track them down. I'm not letting this partner disappear like the last one."

"Space Pirates are stationed near Saturn, due to the Earth-Pirate agreement, stating that the Earth wouldn't interfer with Pirate activities if they stayed passed Saturns orbit.

"Take me there. Teleport me there."

"You do realize that I can't help you if I do that."

Samus, who was getting frustrated with her computers hesitation, the same computer that had back her, the same computer that was modeled after Scotts personality, the same computer that she trusted, the computer that was her most loyal companion. "Computer do as I say, or I'll destroy you along with this ****ed ship!"

"Very well, enter the transfer pad, and I'll get on repairs right away." The computer said realizing that she meant what she said.

Samus just turned away and entered the transfer pad. Before teleporting, she connected her communicator to the computer so she could get the configuration for her other suits and weapons.

Then her computer obediantly transfered her to the back enterance of a pirate colony.

Samus was willing to take out a whole space pirate colony if it meant that she would get closer to finding her new partner...and perhaps even the whereabouts of her long lost companion Scott.

Getting her armcannon out again she stealthly snuck up to the back door, successfully evading the camreas and sensors. There she gathered her thoughts and prepared herself to take on the colony.

Member of:
Anime Watchers Club
Romance Anime and Manga Club

Kyosuke

.·Simple Complexity

Age 34
Pickering, On
Seen August 8th, 2018
Posted May 17th, 2014
2,485 posts
19.7 Years
Wow thats pretty good, the only thing I can think of to comment on your fan-fic so far is to make it even longer because this has promise.
"Life isn't perfect, but sometimes you have to make the best of it."

After 7 years, Xbox Live is Still Amazing

·!¦[·Latest pieces of Writing·]¦!·
Desu no Aleph (Ah-LEP)
Seen February 10th, 2009
Posted July 20th, 2008
3,002 posts
18.7 Years
really good fanfic , Raichu Master. But I agree with Liquid Thunder, you need to do it, at least, a little longer. But the whole fanfic is great! now let's see, Liquid Thunder + Max Hunter= 2 fans, good job, hehehe
LOOK AT ME!!!!! Good! now... leave me alone! XD

http://207.46.8.124/cgi-bin/getmsg/peke9%2ejpg?&msg=0D03E21B-1AE6-4797-90C9-C2E192C1F1EA&start=0&len=110892&mimepart=8&curmbox=00000000-0000-0000-0000-000000000001&b=aef3c92fab14f3194454a747cf05fce1&disk=10.1.106.215_d2924&login=maxz72&domain=hotmail%2ecom&_lang=EN&country=MX&SafeRedirect=%26hm___ts%3d1174535620%26hm___ha%3dad07d426dd387a236c308f7379efdad6
Go for it, kid!
Age 34
Good question...somewhere around here...I think... o.O
Seen August 3rd, 2008
Posted August 1st, 2008
6,032 posts
19.2 Years
Chapter 3: Reality

Charging her beam, Samus was about to use it on the door, to blow the door in.

Firing the beam at the door, with a direct hit, it had no effect on the door.

"Wha?" She started to say, but had no time for the pirates were on her like nats on a dead carcus.

Jumping back she tryed to throw her armcannon out in front of her to deflect a blast, but it malfunctioned, and retracted, leaving her to get blasted by the space pirates' firey missle.

"Dammit!" She spat as she tryed her gapple to get ontop of a high deck that was just above her head, but instead she felt herself contract into a ball.

What's going on!? she said forcing herself out of the ball form. "Die!" She said now getting that there was some sort of force, that was causing her suits malfunction.

What was a bounty hunter as experienced as Samus to do, when all the weapons and gadgets fail? Samus gripped her hands into a solid fist, she jumped into the air, pleased to find her space jump boots worked perfectly.

Doing a graceful somersault she came down hard with a a kick thrusted down at a pirate.

Jumping lightly off her victim the pirate was flung helplessly into space.

But all this time had gone, and the space pirates had time to surround her, their weapons functioning normally.

All at one time, they sent missles hurling towards the skilled bounty hunter. Space pirates, who weren't the smartest intergalactic beings (but certainly one of the most technically advanced), didn't have time to react to Samus. She simply ducked and let the missles fly over her head.

Killing the surrounding foes, she sprinted into the colony enterance, only to find the end of a rifle into her face, smashing her helmet and knocking her out.

Another blast came, this time from within the colonies prison cells. There was no doubt that Samus was awake and furious, this caused most of the Space pirates to flee to other colonies further away. The remaining, where of the elite trained, and some of the smartest individuals in the galaxy.

Let's stop here for one minute to concern what just had been said. I had said that space pirates were dumb, but here is the some the of the smartest individuals in the galaxy! How can this happen from such a stupid race!? Simple, space pirates as a whole species are stupid, but a select few are very intellegent. Back to the story...

Samus, who had, by this time, gotten through most of the security with ease, her weapons functioning with perfection.

Unfortunatly, for Samus at least, the floor to the controls was guarded by a security code.

Finding that more reinforcements were coming she prepared an ice beam, which is as the name hints, it's a beam of ice that freezes enemies on contact.

Fireing her trusty ice beam at the enemies, she found little comfort in what the pirates did. For the space pirates recognized the ice beam, and rebounded off the left hand wall, flipping over the beam and lounging at Samus with amazing speeds.

Not having her helmet, for it was destroyed, she had no choice but to do a few backward flips to avoid being bombarded with enemies, whos weight far exceeded her own.

Sending a fist at the monsters, the front pirate, obviously the leader by the reaction to the beam, caught her fist and throwing her against a wall; it came quickly with it's other hand to pin her chest against the wall, and the other hand let go of Samus's fist to hold it's sword up to Samus's exposed throat.

Having no fear of being cut, she leaned against the sword slightly, having the effect she hoped for. The pirate had hesitated, because he thought she was just going to give in.

A fist came into his gut and her flamethrower met his face.

"Tell me how to get the code." She said her voice deadly.

The space pirate smirked, it's hidious lips curling into a nasty grin. "Never." He said in English, which was to be expected of one so smart and clever. He did, however, think himself clever, as female space pirates were slaves, and very stupid, which was no surprise since even the men were equally stupid.

But to its horror, Samus melted it's head away, and turned to the others as the leaders body fell hard to the ground.

"Tell me." She demanded, her super missle raised and ready, although that was her only one that she equiped herself with, she was hoping she could bluff and not use it.

Angry shouts of english/space pirate tongue came spitting at Samus, who knew all the tongues of most of the lifeforms in the galaxy, could easily disifer it into simple threats and curses.

She regretted having to use her only super missle, but she used it, totally the army that the commander brought, along with the a chunk of the colony.

On the outside it looked, exactly like I said, a big chunk out of the space craft.

Samus then dashed in the opposite direction as the objects in the corridor were being flinged out to space.

Making it safely into a pitch black room, and after using her thermal visor to scan for any lifeforms, she slowly came to the harsh reality, that maybe, just maybe, this mission was impossible for her to complete...

Member of:
Anime Watchers Club
Romance Anime and Manga Club