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Old March 30th, 2010 (6:25 PM). Edited April 2nd, 2010 by RainbowMunchies.
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RainbowMunchies RainbowMunchies is offline
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    Fireflies

    Story by. RainbowMunchies
    Music by. Owl City

    You would not believe your eyes if ten million fireflies lit up the world as I fell asleep…

    Ash woke slowly, a sweet scent filling his lungs. The ground around him was soft with the petals of billions of sky blue Forget-Me-Nots.

    Above him, millions of golden orbs lit the dark field with a pulsing brilliance.

    'Cause they fill the open air and leave teardrops everywhere…

    Quickly he turned.

    A girl stood a few feet behind him; her blue eyes alight with the flames that danced around them. A thin cotton dress of bright yellow gingham fluttered about her knees in a gentle breeze.

    She smiled at him and held out her hand.

    You'd think me rude but I would just stand and stare…


    Ash sat engrossed with her sheer beauty. His eyes shimmered chestnut and gold.

    He knew this girl.

    I'd like to make myself believe…


    She stepped forward.

    That planet Earth turns slowly…

    Ash extended his hand.

    It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep…

    What was this feeling?

    'Cause everything is never as it seems…


    He didn't want it to end.

    'Cause I'd get a thousand hugs…


    The hill exploded in light as she leapt at him, throwing him backwards in a truly loving embrace.

    They tumbled playfully and Ash knew love and never-ending joy and inner peace all at once.

    From ten thousand lightning bugs…


    "Kaaaa!" the girl laughed into his chest, their bodies tangled in a pile of mirth.

    Her face lifted, and Ash grinned into endless sea-blue eyes, framed by a halo of
    sparkling light and platinum blond hair.

    As they tried to teach me how to dance…

    All at once the two were on their feet, spinning giddily.

    The lights around them blurred into a wall of stars, but each saw only the radiance of the other.

    A fox trot above my head, a sock hop beneath my bed…

    Ash pulled her close.

    She grinned playfully at him, her white teeth illuminated, her cheeks a bright red.

    A disco ball is just hanging by a thread...


    She pulled away and held his hand as she ran across the field.

    The flowers beneath them remained perfect, despite their carefree tromping.

    I'd like to make myself believe…


    The glittering spheres parted subserviently before them.

    That planet Earth turns slowly…


    The girl stopped suddenly in a burst of euphoria and spun in place.

    Her dress flared around her in a yellow and white hodgepodge of raw innocence and beauty.

    It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep…


    Ash's heart surged with love.

    'Cause everything is never as it seems…

    He jumped at her, giggling with anticipation.

    When I fall asleep…

    He caught her in a usaring-hug.

    The flowers welcomed them softly.

    Leave my door open just a crack (Please take me away from here)…

    He looked into her eyes and saw years of undeclared love.

    'Cause I feel like such an insomniac (Please take me away from here)…

    The light around them burned more intensely than ever.

    Why do I tire of counting sheep (Please take me away from here)…

    Ash saw his shadow draped across her face. A smile held strong, but tears began to fall
    from topaz stones.

    When I'm far too tired to fall asleep…

    They glittered in the light as they fell.

    To ten million fireflies, I'm weird 'cause I hate goodbyes…

    Ash leaned down every so gently.

    I got misty eyes as they said farewell…


    All she could see was umber fire…

    But I'll know where several are If my dreams get real bizarre…


    And the world was all at once the two of them.

    'Cause I saved a few and I keep them in a jar…

    Her hand came up to twine securely into ebony hair.

    He moaned into her lips and they giggled softly together at the sensation.

    I'd like to make myself believe that planet Earth turns slowly…

    She smiled and rolled Ash over, leaning above him.

    The flowers tickled his neck.

    It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep…

    The light around them began to grow dimmer.

    'Cause everything is never as it seems when I fall asleep…

    Ash brought his hand up to feel her face; to memorize her features.

    She leaned into his touch, her petite hand covering his own.

    Her eyes shut delicately.

    I'd like to make myself believe that planet Earth turns slowly…

    Hazel eyes looked up in wonder.

    His thumb traced circles on her cheek.

    The tan skin blazed beneath his hand.

    It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep…

    Her lips parted.

    A soft sigh escaped.

    'Cause everything is never as it seems…

    A single tear fell.

    It hit Ash's hand, and he wiped it away soothingly.

    A smile formed.

    When I fall asleep…

    Ash's thumb traced bright pink in the ebbing radiance.

    He pressed on her bottom lip, pulling it down tenderly.

    I'd like to make myself believe that planet Earth turns slowly…

    Love.

    Love?

    He sat up swiftly and crushed his lips to hers in an uncontrollable act of passion.

    It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep…

    She pressed back.

    Their lips mashed together in a symphony of pleasure.

    'Cause everything is never as it seems…

    Their breathing synchronized.

    Their eyes shut tight, the bliss intensified.

    When I fall asleep…

    Is this what it felt to be complete?

    To be whole?

    To be filled to bursting?

    I'd like to make myself believe…

    Complacency isn't a sin.

    It's a reward.

    Like fitting the last piece of the puzzle into the rainbow of colors.

    That planet earth turns slowly…

    Hands frantically pulled everything closer.

    The light was fading slowly, but the closed eyes saw nothing.

    Their bodies fell bit by bit into space.

    It's hard to say that I'd rather stay, awake when I'm asleep…

    Ash felt the pressure fading.

    Tears formed as the scent withdrew.

    The light beyond his eyelids slurred.

    Because my dreams are bursting at the seams…

    A gasp escaped his lips as eyes of liquid bronze snapped open.

    In his arms Pikachu slept, smiling blissfully-

    A sky blue Forget-Me-Not clasped between her paws.






    I don't own any aspect of Pokemon.
    I don't own any aspect of Fireflies or Owl City.
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      #2    
    Old March 31st, 2010 (2:54 PM).
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    zapdos926 zapdos926 is offline
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      ????
      wait, was Pikachu the girl????
      and isnt pikachu a boyinthe anime????
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        #3    
      Old March 31st, 2010 (3:13 PM).
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      Krystallyn Krystallyn is offline
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        Haha. Cute. I love how you incorperated the song into the short story. And I love how the girl was pikachu. ♥
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        Shine like gold, Buzz like a bee
        Just the thought of you can drive me wild
        Oh, you make me smile☼




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          #4    
        Old March 31st, 2010 (5:12 PM).
        RainbowMunchies's Avatar
        RainbowMunchies RainbowMunchies is offline
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          @Krystal: Thank you. :D I don't really like songfics, but this came out rather well. >w<;

          @Others: Really? REALLY? You go to all the trouble to read through my story, and all you can say is I probably have the sex of Pikachu wrong? That is not constructive, and is not the point. Pikachu can be whatever I want her(/him) to be because I am the author, and Pikachu's sex is unknown. If you'd like to argue, feel free to scream yourself red in the face, but please do not put pointless comments like this on my stories. Thank you.
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            #5    
          Old April 1st, 2010 (4:26 PM). Edited April 1st, 2010 by Raibutai.
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          Raibutai Raibutai is offline
          Pixels and Pikachus. Bliss.
             
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            I see, you want me to prove it. (Read down for the actual post, lol)

            http://bulbapedia.bulbagarden.net/wiki/Ash's_Pikachu

            Quote:
            Originally Posted by Bulbapedia
            In Where No Togepi Has Gone Before! it was confirmed that Pikachu is male. When a Togepi used Attract on Pikachu, Meowth, Piplup, Croagunk and Yanmega, all but Yanmega were affected (coincidentally, this also revealed Yanmega as being female).
            Anyways, I think the fic is okay. Good use of verbs, and nicely placed adjectives. Mmm. Though, it's pretty unclear here and there, especially governing... grammar.

            Eheh... Sorry.

            Anyway,

            Quote:
            Originally Posted by RainbowMunchies
            A gasp escaped his lips as eyes of liquid bronze snapped opened.
            Yeah, you can probably see this now. (snapped open)

            So, what I'm seeing here is... Pikachu is a human at first? The mention of her "tan skin" and "dress" make it seem so. What are you trying to get at here? Maybe a transformation? Make this clearer, and more artistic this piece shall become.

            Although I'm technical, and don't support the female rendition of Pikachu, I wasn't aiming anything at you with the gender remark. Try not to take what people say on the internet personally, at least not on here. And PLEASE don't get angry. I already can tell you're scary when you're angry. Just take what people say, think it over, and you'll become much better at what you are already doing.

            See!? I'm not rude! Lol. And, sorry Astinus. Don't kill me!
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              #6    
            Old April 1st, 2010 (7:26 PM).
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            RainbowMunchies RainbowMunchies is offline
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              Thank you rabutai for your rebuttal. Believe me, I didn't mean to sound like I really wanted an argument. I base my writings off the first few seasons of the anime. That is, there is no way to tell until the more recent television episodes that Pikachu is male. I do not use details beyond the first season, so I do not expect to be put under the discipline of later seasons. I feel that's fair, don't you? I suppose if you really wanted to argue about it, then whatever. I use Pikachu as either/or, and a lot of people say stuff about it, but I feel in the end it's more about the story.

              I'd like to make it clear that it wasn't really your questioning of the gender that made me upset-- I get comments on that all the time, and I typically ignore them. What I was annoyed by was the fact that I have come here from FFdotNet, hoping to find more magnified and helpful critique, and the first two comments I receive are about something (somewhat) pointless towards the story. I suppose if you wanted to argue about accuracy, we could run around in circles a few times, but based on your more than prompt apology and explanation of yourself, I glean that you are intelligent, and realize the point I am making here. :3

              Now, on to response of your real review...

              The story itself is a dream, illustrated in the end by the real Pikachu's sleeping with the flower in her paws. It is meant to be somewhat dreamlike, which I hope explains the rather vague descriptive factors, and lack of rigid plot of sorts. The quote you gave doesn't seem incorrect to me. Last I checked, one of the definitions for "snap" or "snapped" (its past tense) is, "to act or move with quick or abrupt motions of the body," which would make perfect sense in a situation where his eyes are opening quickly. I also explicitly say in the text that the girl is just that-- a human girl. The reference to Pikachu curled against him at the end should clear up any doubts the reader has. There is also the second idea of Pikachu and Ash's dreams merging, explaining her mysterious possession of the same flower Ash saw throughout his dream.

              I would truly like to thank you for your true review. You aren't the first who's commented on the vagueness of the text. It's something I will work on, though I'd like to remind readers that this piece is dream-like, and therefore somewhat spacey in its telling. XD
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                #7    
              Old April 2nd, 2010 (6:57 AM).
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              Raibutai Raibutai is offline
              Pixels and Pikachus. Bliss.
                 
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                Ooh! Now it makes sense.

                The grammatical error I found was "snapped opened." You don't use two verbs (with the same tense, anyhow) together, so it should end up as "snapped open."

                And I used to be on Fanfiction.net, they have some immature reviewers there, even more so than me. ;P
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                  #8    
                Old April 2nd, 2010 (4:35 PM).
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                RainbowMunchies RainbowMunchies is offline
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                  Ahhh, I see. Thank you for explaining! >w< It's fixed now.
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