The Seasons

Started by Midori Chi October 9th, 2004 6:37 PM
  • 903 views
  • 8 replies
Female
Texas
Seen October 27th, 2019
Posted September 8th, 2016
5,522 posts
18.8 Years
Summer is the time for kids to play,
for staying up almost everyday.
Fall is for going back to school,
and the most kids think that this part is cruel.
Winter is for wearing jeans and long sleeves,
and most of the trees lose all their leaves.
Spring is time for happy and joy,
and no more school...Oh boy! Oh boy!
Age 30
Daydreaming of what tommorow shall bring...
Seen February 25th, 2005
Posted February 19th, 2005
5,471 posts
19.2 Years
Could use a little bit of work, but its a good start. ^^ I'm sure you'll improve once you start doing more work. Poetry is very hard to write, and needs some concentration. Keep on trying. ^^
Let the two of us become one
Holding on to the coward waves
We continue with our journey
The space between our hug
An endless dream
Cutting through the rainbow
Heading for the promised light
Unpaired~Triplets with Jolteon!!! and Dark_Pikachu~Evil Twins with Eliana~Rivals with Max Hunter~Sidekick of Moonlight Dreams~Sibling of Marina99~Real Sibling of Daiaki
~*My Hero is Vaporeon*~
Age 31
Tennesse -_-
Seen September 28th, 2013
Posted May 23rd, 2005
828 posts
19.7 Years
I was never a fan of rhymes so my opinion is biased, but, in general the poem is very rudimentary. A good bit more thought and length would most definitely improve the piece. Trees lose foilage in fall rather than winter, and in a temperate climate, one begins wearing long pants and sweaters in autumn as well. Happy should be replaced with "happiness" as one cannot happy. In the second verse, "staying up..." just ends without any more thought. What is summer for? Why are you staying up? To when? Adverbs, infinitives, something along those lines. I really do not like the "Oh boy, oh boy" bit... I think you might be able to replace that with something more... Overall, these are just my opinions, and as always, please pardon my constructive critisism. I honestly mean no harm.

Rogue: "What am I going to do with you Remy LeBeau?"
Gambit: "I have a list, but I left it in my other pants."
-- Astonishing X-Men #1

Rogue + Gambit
The Mississipian and the Lousianian Cajan, too cute together


--The Daily Post, the Xanga of Blaine--
Female
Texas
Seen October 27th, 2019
Posted September 8th, 2016
5,522 posts
18.8 Years
Yeah...I just made this one night,not even thinking of how I wrote it. When I was typing this poem down,I thought,"This poem needs some help" So...I'm thinking of fixing it a little bit by taking out a few words and putting new ones in...

P.S. Legendary Pokegirl,I didn't know you liked Inyuyasha!
Seen March 30th, 2005
Posted March 11th, 2005
1,912 posts
18.6 Years
LOL, this poem was very bouncy, I liked it! Perhaps the third line from the top could use some fixing, it just sounds a bit choppy to me, but otherwise I like it! ^_^ 9/10

~Kelsey
*)
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(. (.` ♥ Kelsey

Now officially moving to a new name, with Steve's OK, I shall now be known as Mori Seirei. ^.~
Age 62
Male
Melbourne, Australia
Seen April 26th, 2018
Posted June 9th, 2014
11,439 posts
19.7 Years
I think it's a cute little rhyme. It's easy to remember for kids, anyway.


"One reason why mathematics enjoys special esteem, above all other sciences, is that its laws are absolutely certain and indisputable, while those of other sciences are to some extent debatable and in constant danger of being overthrown by newly discovered facts."
Albert Einstein

"What science can there be more noble, more excellent, more useful for men, more admirably high and demonstrative than mathematics."
Benjamin Franklin

"Mathematics, rightly viewed, possesses not only truth, but supreme beauty – a beauty cold and austere, like that of sculpture, without appeal to any part of our weaker nature, without the gorgeous trappings of paintings or music, yet sublimely pure and capable of a stern perfection such as only the greatest art can show."
Bertrand Russell

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