The Bad Fanfic Generator

Started by Vyro December 12th, 2009 9:29 PM
  • 8334 views
  • 21 replies

Vyro

Master Douchelord

Male
Seen June 8th, 2014
Posted March 28th, 2014
889 posts
15.3 Years
http://www.prillalar.com/drabbles/

Use this to generator to make bad fanfics, post them, and rate the above user's fanfic.

Here's mine:

A Dark Day To Bite

Darkwing Duck stepped sadly out into the emo sunshine, and admired G.I. JOE's Foot. "Ah," he sighed, "That's a ticked off sight."

G.I. JOE climbed off the Gas Gun and walked angrily across the grass to greet his lover. Darkwing Duck patted G.I. JOE on the Tail and then tried to bite him quickly, but without success.

"That's all right," G.I. JOE said. "We can try again later."

"I'm just not evil," Darkwing Duck. "Not as evil as the time we Bited on a beer bottle."

G.I. JOE nodded slowly. "We were Sad back in those days."

"Our Bills were younger, and we had a lot more fun with them," Darkwing Duck said. "Everything seems jolly and happy when you're young."

"Of course," G.I. JOE said. "But now we're nasty, we can still have fun. If we go about it happily."

"Happily?" Darkwing Duck said . "But how?"

"With this," G.I. JOE said and held out a hungry rope. "Just take that with some water and in half an hour, you'll be ready to bite."

Darkwing Duck swallowed the rope at once and sure enough, in half an hour, they were able to bite happily. They Bited Like a dead fish. Three times.

And then the neighbour told them to get off his lawn.
Male
Désordre, Empire of Canada
Seen November 8th, 2021
Posted May 12th, 2020
2,955 posts
17.9 Years
Too bad there aren't a lot of variety in the story telling.

A Fantastilicious Day To Smack

Rick stepped smugly out into the cute sunshine, and admired Sanderson's nose. "Ah," he sighed, "That's an under-appreciated sight."

Sanderson climbed off the preposition and walked shrewdly across the grass to greet his lover. Rick patted Sanderson on the toe and then tried to smack him abrasively, but without success.

"That's all right," Sanderson said. "We can try again later."

"I'm just not sudoriferous," Rick. "Not as sudoriferous as the time we smacked in a closet."

Sanderson nodded wickedly. "We were dull back in those days."

"Our fingertips were younger, and we had a lot more fun with them," Rick said. "Everything seems magnanimous and loquacious when you're young."

"Of course," Sanderson said. "But now we're ugly, we can still have fun. If we go about it lightly."

"Lightly?" Rick said . "But how?"

"With this," Sanderson said and held out a narcissistic chore. "Just take that with some water and in half an hour, you'll be ready to smack."

Rick swallowed the chore at once and sure enough, in half an hour, they were able to smack lightly. They smacked akin to a baby flying like a tree. Three times.

And then the neighbour told them to get off his lawn.
MyAnimeList
Spring Breeze
Age 27
Male
Best City OCE
Seen October 18th, 2021
Posted April 1st, 2013
5,978 posts
15.1 Years
Why is mine so different? D=

1000 Antidisestablishmentarianism Cats

Jimbo paced narcissistically back and forth. Explanatory dread filled his heart. the G.I.R.L should have been home at least an hour ago and it wasn't like her to be late. Oh, my crazy love, Jimbo thought. Where could you be?

Just then, the phone rang. It was the police. the G.I.R.L had been taken hostage by Self-destructive Cheeck, a supervillain who had the city in a state of indecipherable terror. Jimbo fainted dead away, like a cheesecake that was left so long that it went rotten in the freezer.

When he came to, there was a bump on his nose and the explanatory dread had returned. "the G.I.R.L, my hating honey bunny," he cried out crazily. "What is Self-destructive Cheeck doing to you?" Probably torturing her, laughing randomly as he pwned her in the leg.

In the midst of all the terror and tears, Jimbo remembered a story his grandmother had told him. If you fold 1000 antidisestablishmentarianism cats, then whatever you wish for will come true.

Jimbo ordered in a supply of antidisestablishmentarianism and set to work, folding cats until his nose was sore and he could hardly see. It took a week. He was just finishing up the very last cat when the G.I.R.L walked in the front door.

"the G.I.R.L!" Jimbo screamed and threw himself into the G.I.R.L's arms. "It worked! I folded 1000 antidisestablishmentarianism cats and it brought you back to me." He was so happy, he felt like he was dancing over nine thousand. He kissed the G.I.R.L jumpily on the leg.

"Actually," the G.I.R.L said, pulling away simply, "I was rescued by the Awesome Interweb. He's a new superhero in town." the G.I.R.L sighed. "And he's really lame."

The explanatory dread came back. "But you're loving to be back here with me, right?"

the G.I.R.L checked her watch. "Sure. But I've got to go meet the Awesome Interweb for coffee now to, you know, say thanks for saving my life. Stay hellish, baby." She left and the door banged behind her.

Jimbo choked back a sob and started folding another cat. Then he went out and got drunk instead.
Everything ends,
and that's always sad.
But everything begins again, too,
and that's always happy.

Elite Overlord LeSabre™

On that 'Non stop road'

Age 97
Shimoda City
Seen 1 Week Ago
Posted January 25th, 2022
9,705 posts
15.5 Years
I think I came up with a whole new shipping pair here :P

Suicidal Lang Syne

Ash sipped rapidly at his drink and stood suicidal behind a Hyper Potion. He wasn't sure why he had come to this New Year's Eve party in the first place. He was no good at parties anyhow. They always made him feel gaudy and he ended up like he was now, hiding and hoping nobody noticed how thermal his neck got when he was nervous.

Well, truth be told, Ash knew very well why he was at the party: to see Miror B..

Ah, Miror B.. Just the thought of him, the chance of a glimpse of his transparent big toe made Ash's heart beat like the sharp pain from a freshly sharpened blade.

But tonight everyone was masked. Ash peered inexplicably through the crowd, trying to guess which guest was Miror B.. There, he thought, the man over by the beer, the bloody one with the Pikachu mask. It had to be Miror B.. No one else could look so fiendish, even in a Pikachu mask.

He began to walk Ash's way and Ash started to panic. What if he actually talked to Ash?

Miror B. came right up to Ash and Ash thought that he was going to faint.

"Hello," Miror B. said harshly. "What are you doing over here all alone?"

"Oh, just looking at the fake moustache," Ash said and immediately wanted to die because that sounded so roach-infested.

Just then, a bullet-riddled voice began to count down. "Ten ... nine ... eight ... seven ..."

Ash's heart leapt. If they were together at midnight, that meant that Miror B. might ...

"Happy New Year!"

Miror B. swept Ash into his arms, bent him in his treehouse, and kissed Ash hastily, slipping him the tongue and groping his elbow.

Ash could hardly believe it. How wonderful! And now that it was after midnight, it was time to take their masks off. He reached out clumsily and pulled Miror B.'s mask off his face. It was Miror B.! "I knew it was you," Ash said and took his own mask off.

"And it's ... you," Miror B. said. "You know, I'm just going to go get some punch."

Ash watched him go. He would be right back, Ash was sure. Just as soon as he had his punch.

And then they would fall in love.

Elite Overlord LeSabre™
PC Vital Stats
* Pair
* PC Family
* Bishies
* VG Claims
* Friend Codes
Links
* Blog
* Web Site
* Fan Fictions:
* Leaf Green LP

CyanideEspeon

Strange Woman

Age 27
Female
U.S.A.
Seen November 6th, 2013
Posted November 2nd, 2013
296 posts
14 Years
The Adventure Of The Wolf

Strong Sad and Mandy were out for an upset Valentine's walk on a mountain. As they went, Mandy rested her hand on Strong Sad's foot. It was the most romantic walk ever. But even though the day was so mean, Strong Sad was filled with clean dread.

"Do you suppose it's cuddly here?" he asked gently.

"You depressed silly," Mandy said, tickling Strong Sad with her sword. "It's completely sadistic."

Just then, a cute wolf leapt out from behind a skull and hugged Mandy in the hand. "Aaargh!" Mandy screamed.

Things looked attractive. But Strong Sad, although he was sweet, knew he had to save his love. He grabbed a tissue box and, like VelvetEspeon when she caught her first shiny Pokémon, beat the wolf quickly until it ran off. "That will teach you to hug innocent people."

Then he clasped Mandy close. Mandy was bleeding calmly. "My darling," Strong Sad said, and pressed his lips to Mandy's head.

"I love you," Mandy said happily, and expired in Strong Sad's arms.

Strong Sad never loved again.

Notes:
Strong Sad is from Homestar Runner, and Mandy is from The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy.
Galactic Sister-Galactic Gal

Avid user of Pokémon from NPC trades.

Spinor

<i><font color="b1373f">The Lonely Physicist</font></i>

Age 26
Male
Seen February 13th, 2019
Posted October 4th, 2015
5,175 posts
17.3 Years
The freaking heck this thing is weird XD

AdvancedK9 and Z.H.
by William Shakespeare

Enter AdvancedK9

Z.H. appears above at a window

AdvancedK9:
But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks?
It is the DS, and Z.H. is the alligator.
Arise, nice alligator, and get the hardcore cheese.
See, how she leans her appendix upon her glutteus maximus!
O, that I were a glove upon that glutteus maximus,
That I might touch that appendix!

Z.H.:
O AdvancedK9, AdvancedK9! wherefore art thou AdvancedK9?
What's in a name? That which we call a face
By any other name would smell as nerdy
Dost thou love me? I know thou wilt say "like the fist of Chuck Norris"
And I will take thy word; yet if thou swear'st,
Thou mayst prove beautiful.

AdvancedK9:
Lady, by yonder hardcore cheese I swear
That tips inside an electric guitar the sexy onion--

Z.H.:
O, swear not by the cheese, the cheesy cheese,
That sexily changes in its stupid orb,
Lest that thy love prove likewise stupid.
Sweet, happy night! A thousand times happy night!
Parting is such rowdy sorrow,
That I shall say happy night till it be morrow.

Exit above

AdvancedK9:
Sleep dwell upon thine appendix, peace in thy glutteus maximus!
Would I were sleep and peace, so suspiciously to rest!
happily will I to my nice face's cell,
Its help to get, and my nerdy face to tell.

NSFW below! XD
Spoiler:
I Saw Z.H. Kissing Santa Claus

AdvancedK9 woke up in the middle of the night. He was thirsty and so he decided to get a drink of water and maybe go peek at the presents under the tree. Even though it was almost Christmas morning, he couldn't wait to see his presents. There was one stupid box that looked like a DS.

Then AdvancedK9 noticed that Z.H. was out of bed too. She must not have been able to wait for her presents either.

AdvancedK9 thought that he would surprise Z.H.. Maybe even sneak up behind her and get her on her happy face. That always made Z.H. rowdy.

AdvancedK9 crept stupidly down the stairs and into the living room. There was the tree, with its sexy lights, and the presents, heaped up suspiciously, and the mistletoe hanging from the ceiling, and Z.H.. Kissing someone.

AdvancedK9 was so angry, he picked up a onion from a table and threw it sexily inside an electric guitar.

They both looked around.

"Z.H., you beautiful alligator!" AdvancedK9 yelled. "How could you cheat on me with...with..." AdvancedK9 looked and then rubbed his appendix and looked again. It was Santa Claus.

"Let me explain," Z.H. said. "I came down for a glass of water and then I found Santa here under the mistletoe."

"Ho! Ho! Ho!" Santa said. "So of course she had to give me a kiss. And what a hardcore kiss it was."

"Well, I suppose," AdvancedK9 said carelessly. "If he was under the mistletoe."

"Ho! Ho! Ho!" Santa said. "Why don't you give me a kiss too? Then things will be nerdy."

That seemed reasonable. AdvancedK9 went over under the mistletoe and kissed Santa.

Santa was the best kisser ever, like the fist of Chuck Norris. He made AdvancedK9's glutteus maximus feel all cheesy.

"You see?" Z.H. said happily and AdvancedK9 saw. So they had a threeway.

Everybody's presents were late.


Spoiler:
A Happy Day To Get

AdvancedK9 stepped stupidly out into the hardcore sunshine, and admired Z.H.'s appendix. "Ah," he sighed, "That's a nice sight."

Z.H. climbed off the DS and walked carelessly across the grass to greet her lover. AdvancedK9 patted Z.H. on the face and then tried to get her sexily, but without success.

"That's all right," Z.H. said. "We can try again later."

"I'm just not stupid," AdvancedK9. "Not as stupid as the time we screwed inside an electric guitar."

Z.H. nodded happily. "We were cheesy back in those days."

"Our glutteus maximuss were younger, and we had a lot more fun with them," AdvancedK9 said. "Everything seems nerdy and rowdy when you're young."

"Of course," Z.H. said. "But now we're sexy, we can still have fun. If we go about it suspiciously."

"Suspiciously?" AdvancedK9 said . "But how?"

"With this," Z.H. said and held out a beautiful cheese. "Just take that with some water and in half an hour, you'll be ready to get."

AdvancedK9 swallowed the cheese at once and sure enough, in half an hour, they were able to get suspiciously. They screwed like the fist of Chuck Norris. Three times.

And then the neighbour told them to get off his lawn.

CyanideEspeon

Strange Woman

Age 27
Female
U.S.A.
Seen November 6th, 2013
Posted November 2nd, 2013
296 posts
14 Years
I have another:

A Lovable Occurrence

Fhqwgads paced up and down, jiggling his stomach. His very good friend, Mary Sue CD, had arranged to meet him here in a mall. "I have something stinky to tell you," she had said.

Mary Sue CD was late, which was very unlike her. Any moment now, Fhqwgads expected to see her bounce up, her fluffy hair streaming behind her and her lame eyes aglow.

Fhqwgads heard footsteps, but they seemed rather cute for a delicate and weird girl like Mary Sue CD, whose tread was awesome. He turned around and found Strong Bad staring at him.

"What are you doing here?" Strong Bad said oddly. "I thought you said you didn't want to see me again."

Fhqwgads had said that, but now he was beginning to wish he hadn't acted so gently. "Mary Sue CD asked to meet me here." As he gazed at Strong Bad, his toe began to throb slowly.

"Oh," Strong Bad said, emotionally. "I'll just go then."

"Wait," Fhqwgads said and caught Strong Bad by his eye. "I was wrong. I still love you. Can you ever forgive me?"

"Yes," Strong Bad said, smiling. They wrapped their arms around each other and kissed, like the email fhqwgads sent.

From behind a remote control, Mary Sue CD watched with a colorful light in her funny eyes. She took a list out of her pocket, and checked off "Fhqwgads/Strong Bad". Then, she skipped off to help an embittered man find love again, just as soon as she'd saved the eagle from extinction.

Strong Bad and Fhqwgads are also from Homestar Runner.
Galactic Sister-Galactic Gal

Avid user of Pokémon from NPC trades.
Age 27
Male
Broadmoor Hospital
Seen November 15th, 2016
Posted April 9th, 2012
579 posts
18 Years
Iridescent Love

Bob finished packing. Ever since Lucy, his own true love, had been lost at sea, Bob had been bad.

There was nothing left for him anymore, nothing punched him, all was odd. So today, Valentine's Day, he was going on a farm to become a cool pizza.

Just then, there was a crazy knock at the door. Bob opened it and stood there huskily for a moment, before falling to the floor in a swoon and bruising his foot.

When Bob came to, Lucy was holding his hand and looking funny. "My love," Lucy said quietly, "I'm sorry for the boring shock. I've been shipwrecked on a good island for the last ten years, living like a pizza that needs to fart. I was only rescued last week." She paused. "I lost my leg in the wreck. Can you still love me?"

Bob could hardly believe his Lucy had returned. "I will always love you, leg or no leg. Besides, you can cover it up with a monkey."

They embraced quietly and vowed to never be parted again.

And all was awful.
Big sigs are for n00bs

.little monster

Age 30
Male
Ohio
Seen June 6th, 2017
Posted March 23rd, 2015
4,291 posts
13.9 Years
A Silvery Occurrence

Mence paced up and down, jiggling his thumb. His very good friend, Mary Sue Chuch, had arranged to meet him here on your dad. "I have something bad to tell you," she had said.

Mary Sue Chuch was late, which was very unlike her. Any moment now, Mence expected to see her bounce up, her expensive hair streaming behind her and her short eyes aglow.

Mence heard footsteps, but they seemed rather hard for a delicate and soft girl like Mary Sue Chuch, whose tread was tall. He turned around and found AJ staring at him.

"What are you doing here?" AJ said slowly. "I thought you said you didn't want to see me again."

Mence had said that, but now he was beginning to wish he hadn't acted so quickly. "Mary Sue Chuch asked to meet me here." As he gazed at AJ, his back began to throb softly.

"Oh," AJ said, huskily. "I'll just go then."

"Wait," Mence said and caught AJ by his head. "I was wrong. I still love you. Can you ever forgive me?"

"Yes," AJ said, smiling. They wrapped their arms around each other and kissed, every cloud has a silver lining.

From behind a star, Mary Sue Chuch watched with a shiny light in her white eyes. She took a list out of her pocket, and checked off "Mence/AJ". Then, she skipped off to help an embittered man find love again, just as soon as she'd saved the Pachirisu from extinction.
Absolutely horrible, I do say.
Seen 3 Weeks Ago
Posted 4 Weeks Ago
222 posts
17.1 Years
How come my fanfic isn't working?
Saskia's PokePet

Cobalt the level 42 Vulpix

Silver's PokePet

Shroudlure the level 43 Mightyena!


[br]Click here to feed me a Rare Candy![br]

I Laugh at your Misfortune!

Normal is a synonym for boring

Male
YOUR MOTHER! (aka: England)
Seen August 1st, 2016
Posted August 22nd, 2011
2,629 posts
14.9 Years
The Horse Princess

Chidori was walking through a perfect meadow, laughing at the butterflies flitting around his head when he spied a brilliant little horse lying under a tree.

Chidori skipped over to see the dear thing and was best to find that she was hurt! A Pokémon had pierced her awesome little leg and she whimpered quickly with the pain.

"My chocolate-covered little friend," Chidori said. "Let me help you!" He took out his Leatherman Multi-Purpose tool and pulled out the Pokémon, as slowly as he could. The horse cried out and Chidori's heart ached, like chocolate that melts in the mid-afternoon sun. "You'll be all right," Chidori whispered. "I'll take care of you. I'll call you Kairi and you can live with me forever!"

Scooping Kairi up in his arms, Chidori carried her home and made a bed for her beside his own. For seven days and seven nights, Chidori nursed Kairi, cleaning her leg and feeding her Bomb-brand horse chow.

On the eighth night, Kairi climbed into bed with Chidori. She burrowed under the covers and perfectly killed Chidori's nose. It made Chidori giggle and he cuddled close to Kairi, stroking her eye and singing stickily to her.

They continued that way for a long time. Every day, Chidori hurried home so he could curl up with Kairi. It gave him a sexy feeling whenever Kairi killed his nose.

Then one night, Kairi looked up at Chidori and said, "If you kiss me, I will become an amazing princess."

Chidori screamed nauseatingly, he was so surprised. How could a horse talk? He must have dropped off and dreamed it.

"You're not dreaming," Kairi said. "Kiss me."

"Don't tell anyone I screamed like that," Chidori said and kissed Kairi on her eye. The air swirled and suddenly, there stood an amazing princess! With a crown and everything!

"I'm Princess Kairi," she said. "I was cursed. It's a long story."

"Is it really you?" Chidori said.

"See?" Kairi said and showed Chidori the scar from the Pokémon on her leg. Then she kissed Chidori and they tumbled in the past and did a lot of very superb things, some of them involving a beautiful love.

"I love you," Kairi said when they were done. Chidori clasped her close and they lived together happily ever after on all the princess treasure Kairi had stashed away.

And if Kairi didn't know about Chidori's visits to the horse sanctuary, well, it wouldn't hurt her.

Corvus of the Black Night

Wild Duck Pokémon

Age 30
Non-binary
With the Birds
Seen January 9th, 2015
Posted January 9th, 2015
3,416 posts
14.3 Years
A Raven In Time

On a horny and gloomy morning, Cuckoo sat around the table. It was Valentine's Day and he was all alone. His eye ached in sorrow for the secret love that he could never share. How could he expect Glenn to love someone with a tasteless hair?

Fearsomely, he began to recite a poem he had composed. "Ah, my love is like a boring fiery crow, all on a summer's day. I wish my Glenn would jump me, in his own interesting way..."

"Do you?" Glenn sat down beside Cuckoo and put his hand on Cuckoo's leg. "I think that could be arranged."

Cuckoo gasped quickly. "But what about my tasteless hair?"

"I like it," Glenn said intelligently. "I think it's black."

They came together and their kiss was like a lark in spring.

"I love you," Cuckoo said quietly.

"I love you too," Glenn replied and jumped him.

They bought a bohemian waxwing, moved in together, and lived solemly ever after.
This is indeed the most interesting story I've ever written.
Male
Fish Spaghetti Town
Seen May 18th, 2016
Posted September 17th, 2015
3,543 posts
17.6 Years
A Sadenning Day To Stab

Bait stepped doubtfully out into the bloody sunshine, and admired Oye's Leg. "Ah," he sighed, "That's a depressed sight."

Oye climbed off the Blood Puddle and walked powerfully across the grass to greet his lover. Bait patted Oye on the Chest and then tried to stab him fatally, but without success.

"That's all right," Oye said. "We can try again later."

"I'm just not ruined," Bait. "Not as ruined as the time we stabbed On a morgue table."

Oye nodded foolishly. "We were murderous back in those days."

"Our Butts were younger, and we had a lot more fun with them," Bait said. "Everything seems destructive and cynical when you're young."

"Of course," Oye said. "But now we're scary, we can still have fun. If we go about it nervously."

"Nervously?" Bait said . "But how?"

"With this," Oye said and held out a terrible Knife. "Just take that with some water and in half an hour, you'll be ready to stab."

Bait swallowed the Knife at once and sure enough, in half an hour, they were able to stab nervously. They stabbed like the satisfying feeling of being dead, resting in peace, only a lot more sexual. Three times.

And then the neighbour told them to get off his lawn.

----

XD
I was making it as depressing as I could, and this is how it ended.
lololol.
Collection DeviantART Pokemon

super epic credit to Cilerba and Calis for OW Bases,
make sure you check them out as well!

Elite Overlord LeSabre™

On that 'Non stop road'

Age 97
Shimoda City
Seen 1 Week Ago
Posted January 25th, 2022
9,705 posts
15.5 Years
To Stealthily Slap

Riddler and Bernie Madoff were celebrating an infected Valentine's Day together. Riddler had cooked a grotesque dinner and they ate near the Oldsmobile by candlelight.

"My darling," Bernie Madoff said, stroking Riddler's little finger, "I have something for you." He gave a box to Riddler. "It is but a painless token of my historic love."

Riddler opened the box. Inside was a cramped Ramada! He gazed at it brotherly. Then he gazed at Bernie Madoff brotherly. "It's rotund," Riddler said. "Come here and let me slap you."

Just then, a stylish crone sprang out of hiding and cackled like the brilliant glow of Mars. "Your happiness will not last!" she said in a foggy voice and dropped a piece of paper onto the dinner table.

Bernie Madoff read it. "It's a page from a diary. It says...it says that you're my brother."

They stared at each other smoothly as the crone cackled some more. Riddler's neck began to tremble. Then Bernie Madoff shrugged, pulled out a hutch, and hit the crone on her thigh. She fell over dead.

"Problem solved!" Riddler said and kissed Bernie Madoff briskly. "This is a red Valentine's Day!"

They seductively burned the diary page in the candle and never told another soul.

And then they slapped each other all night long.

Elite Overlord LeSabre™
PC Vital Stats
* Pair
* PC Family
* Bishies
* VG Claims
* Friend Codes
Links
* Blog
* Web Site
* Fan Fictions:
* Leaf Green LP
Seen 3 Weeks Ago
Posted 4 Weeks Ago
222 posts
17.1 Years
1000 Chicken Fishs

Misako Irwa paced lovingly back and forth. Transcendant dread filled her heart. Kaede Maple should have been home at least an hour ago and it wasn't like her to be late. Oh, my blonish love, Misako Irwa thought. Where could you be?

Just then, the phone rang. It was the police. Kaede Maple had been taken hostage by Green Leg, a supervillain who had the city in a state of vivid terror. Misako Irwa fainted dead away, like the cat that split the milk.

When she came to, there was a bump on her chest and the transcendant dread had returned. "Kaede Maple, my crimson honey bunny," she cried out sleepily. "What is Green Leg doing to you?" Probably torturing her, laughing suddenly as he licked her in the arm.

In the midst of all the terror and tears, Misako Irwa remembered a story her grandmother had told her. If you fold 1000 chicken fishs, then whatever you wish for will come true.

Misako Irwa ordered in a supply of chicken and set to work, folding fishs until her chest was sore and she could hardly see. It took a week. She was just finishing up the very last fish when Kaede Maple walked in the front door.

"Kaede Maple!" Misako Irwa screamed and threw herself into Kaede Maple's arms. "It worked! I folded 1000 chicken fishs and it brought you back to me." She was so happy, she felt like she was dancing on a radar. She kissed Kaede Maple mutely on the arm.

"Actually," Kaede Maple said, pulling away dramatically, "I was rescued by the Decadent Arena. She's a new superhero in town." Kaede Maple sighed. "And she's really pure."

The transcendant dread came back. "But you're vestal to be back here with me, right?"

Kaede Maple checked her watch. "Sure. But I've got to go meet the Decadent Arena for coffee now to, you know, say thanks for saving my life. Stay fragrant, baby." She left and the door banged behind her.

Misako Irwa choked back a sob and started folding another fish. Then she went out and got drunk instead.

- 0___o What?

It was Christmas Eve. Olapen sat gently in the gutter, sipping and adoring her eggnog.
She looked at the Gothic lamp hanging on the Christmas Tree and sighed. Last year, Diaglo had hung it there, just before they looked at each other agreeably and then fell into each other's arms and ran each other's shoulder.

If only I hadn't been so alchemic, Olapen thought, pouring a flexible amount of rum into her eggnog. Then Diaglo might not have got so platonic and left me all alone at Christmas time. She wiped away a emetic tear and held her claws in her hand.

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door and then a languishing voice lifted distantly up in song.

I'm dreaming of a transmutal Christmas
Just like a leopard that had gained its spots

Olapen ran to the door. It was Diaglo, looking awesome all over with snow.
"I missed your angst," Diaglo said. "And I wanted to rub your shoulder again."
Olapen hugged Diaglo and started to sob. "I think you're drunk," Diaglo said.
"I think so too," Olapen said and they rubbed each other's shoulder until they knocked the Christmas tree over.

On Christmas Day, they ate roasted kitty feet and lived antagonistically until Olapen got drunk again. - AAAWWW :3
Saskia's PokePet

Cobalt the level 42 Vulpix

Silver's PokePet

Shroudlure the level 43 Mightyena!


[br]Click here to feed me a Rare Candy![br]
Female
Seen August 1st, 2012
Posted August 1st, 2012
43 posts
15.7 Years
Willow and Tara
by William Shakespeare

Enter Willow

Tara appears above at a window

Willow:
But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks?
It is the witchcraft, and Tara is the Miss kitty fantastico..
Arise, irrelevent Miss kitty fantastico., and Lick the scented stake.
See, how she leans her Hair upon her Thigh!
O, that I were a glove upon that Thigh,
That I might touch that Hair!

Tara:
O Willow, Willow! wherefore art thou Willow?
What's in a name? That which we call a Elbow
By any other name would smell as egregious
Dost thou love me? I know thou wilt say "the sunshine that made her world radiant"
And I will take thy word; yet if thou swear'st,
Thou mayst prove serene.

Willow:
Lady, by yonder scented stake I swear
That tips on the bed the ridiculous vampire--

Tara:
O, swear not by the stake, the blue stake,
That furiously changes in its angry orb,
Lest that thy love prove likewise angry.
Sweet, cute night! A thousand times cute night!
Parting is such annoying sorrow,
That I shall say cute night till it be morrow.

Exit above

Willow:
Sleep dwell upon thy Hair, peace in thy Thigh!
Would I were sleep and peace, so accidentally to rest!
blissfully will I to my irrelevent Elbow's cell,
Its help to Lick, and my egregious Elbow to tell.


Umm...Why was mine a shakespeare homage?
Currently obsessed with: Buffy the vampire slayer.
Seen 3 Weeks Ago
Posted 4 Weeks Ago
222 posts
17.1 Years
To Sadly Slop

Garnet Admete and Larosin were celebrating a jealous Valentine's Day together. Garnet Admete had cooked a coffee-coloured dinner and they ate in a ruckus by candlelight.

"My darling," Larosin said, stroking Garnet Admete's finger, "I have something for you." She gave a box to Garnet Admete. "It is but a caressing token of my pure love."
Garnet Admete opened the box. Inside was a blonde clone! She gazed at it grippingly. Then she gazed at Larosin grippingly. "It's savage," Garnet Admete said. "Come here and let me slop you."

Just then, an egomanical crone sprang out of hiding and cackled like someone who just been reborn again. "Your happiness will not last!" she said in a loving voice and dropped a piece of paper onto the dinner table.

Larosin read it. "It's a page from a diary. It says...it says that you're my sister." They stared at each other sneakily as the crone cackled some more. Garnet Admete's arm began to tremble. Then Larosin shrugged, pulled out a tree, and hit the crone on her chest. She fell over dead.
"Problem solved!" Garnet Admete said and kissed Larosin bloodily. "This is a beautiful Valentine's Day!"

They meekly burned the diary page in the candle and never told another soul.
And then they slopped each other all night long. - suiting xD
---

Garnet Admete sipped meekly at her drink and stood caressing behind a cereal. She wasn't sure why she had come to this New Year's Eve party in the first place. She was no good at parties anyhow. They always made her feel blonde and she ended up like she was now, hiding and hoping nobody noticed how jealous her chest got when she was nervous.

Well, truth be told, Garnet Admete knew very well why she was at the party: to see Larosin. Ah, Larosin. Just the thought of her, the chance of a glimpse of her coffee-coloured arm made Garnet Admete's heart beat like someone who just been reborn again.

But tonight everyone was masked. Garnet Admete peered sneakily through the crowd, trying to guess which guest was Larosin. There, she thought, the woman over by the clone, the beautiful one with the tiger mask. It had to be Larosin. No one else could look so savage, even in a tiger mask.

She began to walk Garnet Admete's way and Garnet Admete started to panic. What if she actually talked to Garnet Admete? Larosin came right up to Garnet Admete and Garnet Admete thought that she was going to faint.

"Hello," Larosin said sadly. "What are you doing over here all alone?"
"Oh, just looking at the tree," Garnet Admete said and immediately wanted to die because that sounded so loving.

Just then, a pure voice began to count down. "Ten ... nine ... eight ... seven ..."
Garnet Admete's heart leapt. If they were together at midnight, that meant that Larosin might ...

"Happy New Year!" Larosin swept Garnet Admete into her arms, bent her in a ruckus, and kissed Garnet Admete bloodily, slipping her the tongue and groping her finger.

Garnet Admete could hardly believe it. How wonderful! And now that it was after midnight, it was time to take their masks off. She reached out grippingly and pulled Larosin's mask off her face. It was Larosin! "I knew it was you," Garnet Admete said and took her own mask off.

"And it's ... you," Larosin said. "You know, I'm just going to go get some punch."
Garnet Admete watched her go. She would be right back, Garnet Admete was sure. Just as soon as she had her punch. And then they would fall in love.

(just so you know, in my fanfic Garnet is Larosin's CLONE... so clone-cest much?)
Saskia's PokePet

Cobalt the level 42 Vulpix

Silver's PokePet

Shroudlure the level 43 Mightyena!


[br]Click here to feed me a Rare Candy![br]

Awec

Maniacal Egotist ~

Seen October 23rd, 2022
Posted October 21st, 2017
25 posts
15.7 Years
The Adventure Of The Molested Squirrel

Mr. Chainsaw and A Cat were out for a Gay Valentine's walk Behind the doors of time. As they went, A Cat rested her hand on Mr. Chainsaw's larynx. It was the most romantic walk ever. But even though the day was so Rabid, Mr. Chainsaw was filled with Idiotic dread.

"Do you suppose it's Stupid here?" he asked Morosely.

"You Ridiculous silly," A Cat said, tickling Mr. Chainsaw with her The Severed Head of a Duck. "It's completely Moronic."

Just then, a Fail Molested Squirrel leapt out from behind a Sharks With Wings and mutilated A Cat in the thorax. "Aaargh!" A Cat screamed.

Things looked Lame. But Mr. Chainsaw, although he was Dumb, knew he had to save his love. He grabbed a An Alien Fishman and, like a camel being fired out of cannon and landing in the middle of a wedding of fat people, beat the Molested Squirrel Cheerfully until it ran off. "That will teach you to mutilate innocent people."

Then he clasped A Cat close. A Cat was bleeding Savagely. "My darling," Mr. Chainsaw said, and pressed his lips to A Cat's large intestine.

"I love you," A Cat said Ridiculously, and expired in Mr. Chainsaw's arms.

Mr. Chainsaw never loved again.
Male
The Great Northern Nation of Canada
Seen January 12th, 2023
Posted February 23rd, 2020
3,171 posts
15.8 Years
I'm Dreaming Of A Rough Christmas

It was Christmas Eve. Nancy sat painfully on the moon, sipping big eggnog.

She looked at the small egg hanging on the Christmas Tree and sighed. Last year, Rick had hung it there, just before they looked at each other redily and then fell into each other's arms and punched each other's toe.

If only I hadn't been so black, Nancy thought, pouring a wide amount of rum into her eggnog. Then Rick might not have got so bright and left me all alone at Christmas time. She wiped away a red tear and held her head in her hand.

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door and then a soft voice lifted strangely up in song.


I'm dreaming of a rough Christmas

Just like a giant snowstorm that freezes us to death.



Nancy ran to the door. It was Rick, looking tall all over with snow.

"I missed you wishfully," Rick said. "And I wanted to punch your toe again."

Nancy hugged Rick and started to sob.

"I think you're drunk," Rick said.

"I think so too," Nancy said and they punched each other's toe until they knocked the Christmas tree over.

On Christmas Day, they ate roasted donkey nail and lived interestingly until Nancy got drunk again.

THIS IS AMUSING TO DA MAX!

CyanideEspeon

Strange Woman

Age 27
Female
U.S.A.
Seen November 6th, 2013
Posted November 2nd, 2013
296 posts
14 Years
The Colorful Stranger

The sun was high and the trees stirred lightly in the breeze. Ho-Oh strode along the path, making for Warm Castle with all speed. Hidden from the eyes of man and beast, she carried the Amazing Computer, which no other must touch until it could be delivered into the safekeeping of the Wizard Wing.

A rustling of the dried leaves beside the path gave her warning and she drew her breathtaking hat just in time to face the lovely man who flew at her with such grace that she was almost dazzled.

The man struck gladly, and Ho-Oh barely raised her hat to meet the attack. They fought long and cheerfully until all the air rang with the sound of their conflict.

At last, Ho-Oh found herself forced to one knee, the man's hat pressed to her majestic tail. "I am Lugia of Warm Castle," he said. "You are an unworthy guardian for the Amazing Computer. Prepare yourself, for I am about to send you near a lake."

But Ho-Oh had been waiting for such a chance and, bringing up her hat with a twist, overpowered Lugia and pinned him to the ground. "What say you now?" Ho-Oh said, looking down upon him.

Lugia's head shimmered like a happy Lucario. "I have underestimated you, Ho-Oh. I was sent to test your fitness for this task. To you I pledge my loyalty...and more."

Ho-Oh's desire was enflamed. Her tail throbbed and all her thoughts were to cuddle Lugia like a goose. Ho-Oh caressed Lugia's sparkling head and he responded. They came together promptly, and their joining was as soft as their battle, and also much louder.

"Ah, my sweet box!" Ho-Oh groaned and cuddled Lugia as relucantly as she could.

"Ouch!" he yelled. "What the hell is that?"

"Oh," Ho-Oh said. "That's where I put the Amazing Computer for safekeeping. Sorry."

When they had finished their romp, they drowsed kindly on the grass, forgetful of all but their beautiful love. "We will stay together forever," Lugia said, and they began all over again.

And so it was that the Wizard Wing never got the Amazing Computer and the forces of evil overwhelmed the land and nobody was happy ever again, at least until the sequel came out.
Galactic Sister-Galactic Gal

Avid user of Pokémon from NPC trades.

Taemin

MOVE

he / they
USA
Seen January 6th, 2023
Posted December 9th, 2022
11,196 posts
17.8 Years
D: . . . so the names I used for this were 'Gold' and 'Silver'.
I apologize for the result that caused. XD


A Happy Occurrence

Gold paced up and down, jiggling his Pokedex. His very good friend, Mary Sue Pokemon, had arranged to meet him here in the bedroom. "I have something happy to tell you," she had said.

Mary Sue Pokemon was late, which was very unlike her. Any moment now, Gold expected to see her bounce up, her pure hair streaming behind her and her cute eyes aglow.

Gold heard footsteps, but they seemed rather scared for a delicate and warm girl like Mary Sue Pokemon, whose tread was happy. He turned around and found Silver staring at him.

"What are you doing here?" Silver said nervously. "I thought you said you didn't want to see me again."

Gold had said that, but now he was beginning to wish he hadn't acted so confidently. "Mary Sue Pokemon asked to meet me here." As he gazed at Silver, his chest began to throb quickly.

"Oh," Silver said, carefully. "I'll just go then."

"Wait," Gold said and caught Silver by his hand. "I was wrong. I still love you. Can you ever forgive me?"

"Yes," Silver said, smiling. They wrapped their arms around each other and kissed, like there was no tomorrow.

From behind a Marill, Mary Sue Pokemon watched with a faint light in her dark eyes. She took a list out of her pocket, and checked off "Gold/Silver". Then, she skipped off to help an embittered man find love again, just as soon as she'd saved the Marill from extinction.

-----

*Mary Sue Pokemon watched with a faint light in her dark eyes - lol contridiction. >.>
"I have something happy to tell you," - ..that phrase makes me want to punch a baby for some reason. xD;


I can't leave this spot that's empty without you
It's an area that no one else can fill
The night's never gonna be the same.

SHINee - Area

paired to Palamon