My morning started off terrible,
not only did I miss
ed my meeting with my team (
The
Midnight
Ghosts)
but my shower got back
ed up overnight. So when
I don't think things can
't get wors
e, my pager starts buzzing,
and soon my
commissioner fills me in on a S-rank mission.
Here
is how it went: There's been evidence proving that
my enemies (The Mist Four) ha
ve bought a new warehouse
, but it is no ordinary warehouse
. The mist four ha
ve been illegaly making weapons like a 1000-fire arrow cannon and a kunai bomb with a fatal poisonous after effect. And finally they have been
torturing the villagers of the mist
to put a stop to it
. commissioner out.
Well after responding to the
commissioner, I still needed to get a shower. So
I solve
d th
at problem by getting my gear
ready and
embarrassingly, I walked in my underwear to the public shower. A few minutes later
I left the shower and headed off to take care of
The
Mist
Four.
The sky started
to darken. By
the time
I approached their warehouse
, rain was pouring down. Thankfully
The
Midnight
Ghost meet up
was already there. Now we walked toward
s the gate
, when
suddenly we were ambushed. Over 300 mist ninjas were there
, with swords and kunais in their hands.
The group and I started slaughtering every ninja out there. After three hours of fighting and slashing blood we managed to destroy the ninja army
, but that was only the beginning
. The
Mist
Four appeared and
on that day, began the worst war in my history. Enraged
, I ran to their leader and
ended up was brawling like a wild wolf chasing his prey.
Midway through the battle
, my friend Brian in our group was killed when on of
The
Mist
Four stabbed his double weilded sword through
my friend's heart. That was then
, my
cue to unleash my deadliest move
, (The
Bang
Illusion
Wave
). As soon as
I shot the wave
, their leader John
, ran
into the
warehouse and then did something very
unpleasant. He went to the boiler room while
I was letting out my rage
, and he placed a single kunai bomb in the room.
Then a few minutes later he went back
outside continuing
the fight
with me.
Then He laughed and ignited the kunai with a snap of a finger. In desperation
, my group and
I tried to run but the force of the explosion had caught up with us.
We end
ed up falling over 20 feet down a nearby cliff.
The good thing about the explosion was that
The
Mist
Four had died during the explosion
, but the bad news was that barely alive
, I was the only one who remained was just me. My friends had been killed while falling down the cliff.
With the rain still beating down hard, I hated
doing this, but without
a choice
I buried my friends in the moist soil at the base of the cliff
. then i was Though weak
, but I forcefully climbed up the cliff to get to safety. But as soon as i made it to the top
I had passed out
due to the effort
involved. Six days later
I ha
d awoken at the hospital with a series of injuries
. but The doctor advised me that in six weeks
I will be out of here.
So six weeks passed and
I was
finally released
. When that pager r
ang again saying
I ha
d a mission to eradicate yet another group
, alone
...
I think you get a hint of how terrible my life is
, fighting crime
I'll assume this is a one-shot. Mistakes are in red. I highly suggest you use a word program... It will help a lot... Make sure to capitalize the I's.
Also you have quite a few continuity mistakes in this story, from the confusion with the shower thing to the inconsistency with fighting John. To fix these, I suggest rereading your story, and otherwise adding details.
Had this story had much more detail (and indeed dialogue), it would not only be more personable, but real. Right now you are just describing every event as though it passes in a flash...
Also you were writing in the past tense, be sure to stick with that through the whole fic unless a particular portion cannot use it. Be sure to also use the enter key to space things appropriately.
Otherwise this fic has potential, like I said, if you fix it up with more detail and dialogue.