I am no professional, but since you asked...
Every time I see your face
Every time
we're eye to eye
I remember all the days
When we were in each other's lives
It seemed so long ago
When I loved you with all my heart
But nothing lasts forever
And soon, we were torn apart
Would you say such contractions to your lover? Maybe An' is acceptable but N' is a stretch, imo. 'Cause is okay, though.
'Cause every rose has its thorns
Everything has an end
I know we had our problems
But I thought we
were still more then friends
Last line seems long, compared to the others. Try to condense it? Here are some rhyming words I think you could use in cotangent with problems and whatever else ou want to convey: amend, descend, pretend, intend, lend, transcend
As you left me
forever
You broke me apart
And as I drown in the water
I wish for another start
This stanza seems a bit out of place; perhaps you can find something ~rose themed~ instead of referencing water?
I know every rose has its thorns
That everything has an end
But I didn't
think the flower would wilt
And leave me on my own to depend
As I stand here alone
Looking out the front door
I see the
person I once loved
And the
person I still adore
The speaker loves a person, not a thing, I would imagine.
I wish I could take it back
As I stand there and mourn
But I know what's done is done
'Cause every rose has its thorns.
Little comments/edits in bold. I really enjoyed this poem. Deep. :3
Consider commas? :P
Although repetition emphasizes the speaker's feelings, I believe that you need more variation. Perhaps, you could discuss the beginning or climax relationship instead of the melancholic ending and aftermath/regret. How could the reader have much sympathy when he/she is offered little context about who this partner was and what has happened between the couple? Do explain what was so wonderful about the partner, causing the speaker to still "adore" him/her after the break up. After establishing a foundation and some plot, then happily shift into the mourning and such for a more effective crushing feeling.
What is wrong with thorns? They protect the flower from predators, so would they not protect the lovers from outsiders (e.g. parents, haha). Also, I believe that they are actually called prickles, lol. :)
Thorn differs from prickle; the latter being applied to the sharp points issuing from the bark of a plant and not attached to the wood, as in the rose and bramble. But in common usage, thorn is applied to the prickle of the rose, and in fact the two words are used promiscuously.
I am mentioning the prickle/thorn confusion because you are using a cliche, lol.
Same title as Poison's song, haha.