Meh, my stuff

Started by DragonTrainer October 23rd, 2004 7:17 PM
  • 961 views
  • 9 replies
Age 32
Seen March 8th, 2012
Posted May 31st, 2007
6,350 posts
19.7 Years
Never thought I'd be doing this again, but oh well, here's soemthing I did, and I don't care about stanzes, rhymes, structure, what makes sense or not or whatever, these are just my feelings, and this is my way of expressing them, correct for or not

Raindrops

I stand here
Looking at the pouring rain
I see every little raindrop
Every heart, soul, life
The raindrop hits the ground
The soul is shattered
Another raindrop falls
Another dream is broken
Another raindrop falls
Another dream is shattered

I see the world
I see the pain
I see the suffering
I see the hatred
I see what weve done

My life, feelings and dreams
Have all been shattered
The pieces all over the floor
Another raindrop falls
And now my life broken

22sa

ロミオとシンデレ �� �� �� �� �� �� �� ��

Male
Canada
Seen January 11th, 2023
Posted November 9th, 2022
8,421 posts
19.7 Years
Never thought I'd be doing this again, but oh well, here's soemthing I did, and I don't care about stanzes, rhymes, structure, what makes sense or not or whatever, these are just my feelings, and this is my way of expressing them, correct for or not

Raindrops

I stand here
Looking at the pouring rain
I see every little raindrop
Every heart, soul, life
The raindrop hits the ground
The soul is shattered
Another raindrop falls
Another dream is broken
Another raindrop falls
Another dream is shattered

I see the world
I see the pain
I see the suffering
I see the hatred
I see what weve done

My life, feelings and dreams
Have all been shattered
The pieces all over the floor
Another raindrop falls
And now my life broken
I like it! I suck at English but your poems seem to be appealing!

Hmm XD. It reminds me of hearing of how God gives thunderstorms to sinful cities for punishment. XD Not that I believe that...

. きみさえ~ いれば
Age 62
Male
Melbourne, Australia
Seen April 26th, 2018
Posted June 9th, 2014
11,439 posts
19.7 Years
What a great metaphor! I love the way you've drawn this one out... it's really appealing for some reason.


"One reason why mathematics enjoys special esteem, above all other sciences, is that its laws are absolutely certain and indisputable, while those of other sciences are to some extent debatable and in constant danger of being overthrown by newly discovered facts."
Albert Einstein

"What science can there be more noble, more excellent, more useful for men, more admirably high and demonstrative than mathematics."
Benjamin Franklin

"Mathematics, rightly viewed, possesses not only truth, but supreme beauty – a beauty cold and austere, like that of sculpture, without appeal to any part of our weaker nature, without the gorgeous trappings of paintings or music, yet sublimely pure and capable of a stern perfection such as only the greatest art can show."
Bertrand Russell

avatar and signature by FoxHound

ANNOY ME AT YOUR PERIL. I am becoming increasingly tired of the unmanly elitism and closed-mindedness of certain members who shall remain unnamed.
Seen March 30th, 2005
Posted March 11th, 2005
1,912 posts
18.6 Years
It's wonderful! Poems aren't just about rhyming or whether the stanza's make total sense to the reader, it's all about the writer's feelings towards the poem, like you said. ^^ I can tell you wrote about how you feel, which is exactly what poem-writing is about. ^_~ I say 10/10

~Kelsey
*)
..*) .*)
(. (.` ♥ Kelsey

Now officially moving to a new name, with Steve's OK, I shall now be known as Mori Seirei. ^.~
Age 62
Male
Melbourne, Australia
Seen April 26th, 2018
Posted June 9th, 2014
11,439 posts
19.7 Years
Don't make it longer otherwise you'll break the flow. I think that length is perfect for that kind of poem.


"One reason why mathematics enjoys special esteem, above all other sciences, is that its laws are absolutely certain and indisputable, while those of other sciences are to some extent debatable and in constant danger of being overthrown by newly discovered facts."
Albert Einstein

"What science can there be more noble, more excellent, more useful for men, more admirably high and demonstrative than mathematics."
Benjamin Franklin

"Mathematics, rightly viewed, possesses not only truth, but supreme beauty – a beauty cold and austere, like that of sculpture, without appeal to any part of our weaker nature, without the gorgeous trappings of paintings or music, yet sublimely pure and capable of a stern perfection such as only the greatest art can show."
Bertrand Russell

avatar and signature by FoxHound

ANNOY ME AT YOUR PERIL. I am becoming increasingly tired of the unmanly elitism and closed-mindedness of certain members who shall remain unnamed.
Age 31
Tennesse -_-
Seen September 28th, 2013
Posted May 23rd, 2005
828 posts
19.7 Years
I like it! I suck at English but your poems seem to be appealing!

Hmm XD. It reminds me of hearing of how God gives thunderstorms to sinful cities for punishment. XD Not that I believe that...
-gets really REALLY big eyes- 22sa!

I really enjoyed your poetry... It's freeing... Away from all my rules... I can't bear to pick it apart... Good job. I look forward to more pieces.

Rogue: "What am I going to do with you Remy LeBeau?"
Gambit: "I have a list, but I left it in my other pants."
-- Astonishing X-Men #1

Rogue + Gambit
The Mississipian and the Lousianian Cajan, too cute together


--The Daily Post, the Xanga of Blaine--
Age 32
Seen March 8th, 2012
Posted May 31st, 2007
6,350 posts
19.7 Years
Here's another, poetry is a good way of catharsis =)

Just one more

Im sick of it
Sick of all the pressure
All the expectancies
Everything you want from me
Sick of it all
Sick of trying to please you
Trying to make you smile

Just one more demand
And Ill be through
End it all
Just one more nag
One more disappointment
One more thing that I can do
And Ill be through