One thing I noticed was that each line brought another syllable. It went from 6 to 7 to 8 to 9. Was that intentional? It's a neat technique, something I haven't seen too often when reading poetry. Most poets tend to stick within a common format of meter such as every line having ten syllables going from short to long per syllable (iambic pentameter). In any case, the verse seems fine I dont think I need to point out any notable points for changing.
No it wasn't intentional at all. I was just trying to make everything rhyme. I guess I was unknowingly doing something not seen too often.
Meter is more consistant here, which is different to the first verse. It has more of a beat as it tends to stay in around 7-8 syllables. It's always something you should keep an eye on if you're aiming for flowing poetry. One thing I was unsure of and that was the use of language when you said "concourse rally". A concourse means a metting of pathways or roads correct? Rally being the collection. A collection of concourse's doesn't make a great deal of sense in my eyes, I could be wrong but just watch out for that and do correct me if I've missed something.
Well I was trying to add a word that you don't see everyday and after looking it up I read that concourse meant
a gathering of people. Then I looked up rally and it said
to call people together for a common action. So I was going for
a gathering of people together for a common action. I was a little unsure too when adding those words together, but I figured I might as well try it.
Much longer verse than the others, neter wise. You're using in and around 12 syllables per line here but I guess it does have a beat but it is a little long winded.
The capitalisation of "Crack" is uneeded and throughou the poem I've noticed you've been capitalising some words at the beginning of some sentences. You should either be consistant in your capitilisation or dont capitalise at all. In other words, if you're going to capitalise a word at the start of a sentence that isn't really necessary, you should do it in all. Otherwise this verse seems to be good.
Well the whole time I wasn't sure whether or not sentences should be incorporated, but I felt like if I only added in commas then the reader would loose the flow. Crack was capitalized because the last line had ended with a period so I thought I had to. I realize now that I missed some capitalization.
Meter is rugged in this verse. You should try adding more syllables to the third line if you're concerned about your rhythm. Again just watch capitalisation, full stops should be a little more consistant in this, in each verse they're in different places. Not a big issue but it can affect flow.
I purposely wanted the third line to be be shorter and have less syllables. I thought in a way that it was suppose to surprise the reader. Meaning the whole time your following a balloon and then suddenly you find out it's the author's balloon. I sort of saw it as the climax of the poem, if poems have climaxes. So by being shorter I wanted it stand out. Is that something I shouldn't have done?
Thanks for taking your time to be so in depth. I really appreciate that!