Old thread

Started by Antoshi October 26th, 2004 6:04 PM
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Antoshi

Imagination Station

Male
Seen March 11th, 2023
Posted January 19th, 2020
132 posts
18.6 Years
Old, irrelevant post. 25char.

Lily

◕ ‿‿ ◕ double rainbow.

Female
New Joisey
Seen February 26th, 2017
Posted June 26th, 2011
3,329 posts
18.7 Years
Try paragraphing. You have no idea how much it helps. ^_^; when using dialogues or moving onto something entirely different, it's best to use paragraph form or else I honestly get lost in there. XD The plotline in the beginning was rather interesting, and quite new..especially the last sentence of the first paragraph. Ooh...scary movie scene.

Latoshi's emotions and feelings you described were quite intriguing, as murder for fun isn't the most original thing I read, but it depends on how you write it. Like I said before, try paragraphing when a new subject arises. I like how you described the murder, like the last paragraph. Oh, this is like a scary movie but in Pokemon style. XD But still, only main thing I suggest are the paragraphs.

Other than that, nice job. ^_^

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