Reveiw my poem ^_^ please

Started by Undying_Aura October 30th, 2004 8:25 AM
  • 579 views
  • 1 replies
Age 35
I live in the boaring town off perry in OHIO! The Wheat state Whopee!
Seen November 23rd, 2004
Posted November 23rd, 2004
42 posts
18.6 Years
What do u think of my new poem... its for the halloween season... it would be great if you could posts and help me grow as a writer ^_^ thank u everyone...

Halloween


fallow me

dance along the silver trail

like mercury shimmering and

tapping the ground like fairys prancing...

fears melting in to the light of the moon

for the light is a relm of safty



dream on sweet fallowers till you cant anymore

as the dreams die they slowly trail off

scattering into the night

like the shattering of glass


glued on wings and wearwolf fangs

hearts racing as steps quicken

shells of the fallowers are shed

lying helpless ont he ground

and the spirits emerge glowing in fresh dew


only on one night does this happen

where identitys can be forgoten thrown behind

and a new for can emerge

if only for one night

Fallow me sweet dreamers ...

before the sun rises again
Paired with Stephenel ^_~..
Seen May 21st, 2011
Posted May 9th, 2006
6,683 posts
19.5 Years
I love the subject and some of the metaphors you've used ^^
But some of the actual way of writing was a little confusing, such as
"like mercury shimmering and
tapping the ground like fairys prancing
fears melting in to the light of the moon
for the light is a realm of safty"
Not completely sure where one idea ends and the next begins ^^
But lovely idea and words ^^