Poem I Wrote: Alone

Started by pastelspectre April 14th, 2010 12:36 PM
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  • 4 replies

pastelspectre

Memento Mori

Age 25
he/him
The Pacific Northwest
Seen 1 Week Ago
Posted 1 Week Ago
2,156 posts
13.1 Years
I feel so alone...
Afraid...
Like I'm prone...
To everything...

I am small...everything around me...seems so big...
Like a broken ridge, I fall so unexpectedely...

I feel so alone...
Afraid...
So prone...to everything...I am small...I feel like a broken ridge...I fall so unexpectedly...
With all my heart...I fall. Alone.
Age 30
Male
Melbourne, Australia
Seen January 8th, 2013
Posted April 30th, 2012
1,031 posts
14.1 Years
I see where you're coming from, but you need to personalise it a bit more. Well, in my opinion anyway. As in "I'm alone, afraid, prone to everything" isn't really telling us much - most people feel like that when they're alone. I don't know what you can do but try including something extra that makes people think. It's a good start though, and I'm not great at poetry so I can't really speak, good on you for posting this.

pastelspectre

Memento Mori

Age 25
he/him
The Pacific Northwest
Seen 1 Week Ago
Posted 1 Week Ago
2,156 posts
13.1 Years
Thank you, yes I know it's not good. I have another version of it, just with a few changed words though. I can copy it from my notebook.