Is there a Treeland? If so, there.
Seen March 13th, 2013
Posted April 22nd, 2011
454 posts
18.7 Years
Well, here's the story that started off my writing career. The infamous HLBMA . . . I think it rather sucks in the beginning but gets somewhat better in the middle-ish. So don't judge this fic by the beginning chapters lol.

So here's some info you might need to know . . .

"< . . . . >" things in that would be what I like to call Pokmon Tongue Translated or PTT for short (can you tell I love 'em acronyms? =P). A few fic writers use this as well but meh. See, back in the eariler days, I was into developing the characters, more of the Pokmon the the actual trainers lol. So yeah, that's the story of PTT.

So enjoy, and yes I know, this chapter sucks monkies.


----------------------------------------------------------------


Chapter 1:

A girl sighed as she sat down on a wooden crate in a moving truck; she placed her head between her knees as if it were to help her get rid of the queasiness in her stomach. But to no avail as the truck turned sharply, causing her and a few boxers to careen into the metal wall. The girl ducked just in time as a cardboard box flew over her head.

This unfortunate girl was known as May Maple. She was a eleven-year old girl with a spunky attitude though sometimes her temper got the better of her. Her short chestnut-brown hair cut down to her shoulders was partially covered in a bandana, decorated with red and white Pokballs. Her collared red shirt matched her bandana quite well and her black biker shorts were more than above mid-thigh. Her hands (which were currently stuck underneath her thighs when she collided into the wall) were covered in white gloves.

May's sapphire-colored eyes usually sparkled with pure bliss but right now they were dull and lifeless from the uncomfortable ride and the darkness in the truck. A yellow fanny pack hung loosely at her hips carrying the necessary supplies that she need: Combs, brushes, hair ribbons etc. What was she suppose to carry in their anyways? Potions and Pokballs? Its not like she was a trainer or anything . . . yet that is.

"OUCH!" May cried out, barely dodging a falling crate.

A Machoke opened the moving trunk's backdoor with one muscle-packed arm, the other arm beginning to unload boxes.

"You are such a good driver," said May sarcastically, rolling her dark-blue eyes. "No really! You are . . ."

The power-packed Machoke sweat-dropped, catching on to her sarcasticness. "Machoke! Ma ma choke? Machoke cho choke machoke . . ." he replied as if saying, "Shut up! I got you here didn't I? Like you could drive any better . . ."

May climbed out of the truck as her ever-so-perky mom exited the new house.

"May!" May's mom, known as Mrs. Maple, greeted her, a sunny smile not leaving her face for a second. "Welcome home!" She raised her arms and waved them as if she were celebrating.

"Yeah, yeah whatever," May grumbled, thinking about Johto and all the friends she left behind. "Who would name a continent Hoenn? That's a stupid name . . ." she muttered under her breath.

Mrs. Maple either didn't hear her or chose to ignore her. "Let's go inside!" she remarked cheerfully as she led May into the house where a couple Machokes were placing things downstairs.

"I hope they unpack better than they can drive . . ." May murmured.

"You even get your own room!" Mrs. Maple said cheerfully, oblivious to her daughter's grumbling. "Dad even gave you a clock! Isn't that nice of him?" Her eyes sparkled. "That dad of yours . . ."

"I guess so . . ." May replied as she climbed up the stairs and found her room. Inside, there was a television set covered in dust, a shaggy red rug, her computer that awaited for her to be turned, and other things. "Though I don't know what's so special about a **** clock in the first place, I could always get a watch," she finished her sentence when her mother was out of ear shot.

She adjusted the clock on the wall to the right time when she heard her mom yell, "Check if all your things are here! We don't need anything missing right now do we?"

May sighed, taking a quick sweep of her room with her eyes. Being the easily bored girl that she is, she turned on her computer and found a Pokemon Potion in her computer. Hastily shoving it into her bag - not knowing why seeing as she did NOT have any Pokmon in the first place - she ran down the stairs and saw the end of Pokmon News reporting on her dad's gym.

"Dad was on the television?" she asked as the next show came on.

"Yeah, but we missed it," Mrs. Maple answered sadly but she smiled all the same as if her face were always pulled by hooks like a fish. " Oh, May! Our neighbors are friends of Dad. Uh, Birch was their last name I believe. Why don't you go and visit them?" she suggested.

"Um . . . okay Mom, sure," May replied, muttering quietly to herself. "Like I have much choice."

The blue-eyed girl walked outside and observed her surroundings. It was a relatively small town, consisting of a few houses and a Pokmon Lab.

"It's not a Goldenrod City, but it'll do," May thought out loud.

The soon-to-be-girl trainer walked over to the house next door that stated 'Professor Birch's House' on a sign. She hesitantly knocked on the door, but no one answered.

'Aw, who gives a shiz anyways? It not like anyone in Johto knocked . . .' May thought while she entered the house.

"Oh, you must be the new neighbors!" a lady ran downstairs and greeted May. "May right?"

"Er- yeah," May answered slowly; she forced a smile on her face in return to be polite.

"Okay, hi!" the lady exclaimed, shaking May's hand. "I'm Professor Birch's wife, Mrs. Birch. You can meet my son, he's upstairs. He wanted to make a new friend anyways." Mrs. Birch scooted May up the stairs. "I think he's packing up. He's going on a journey soon you know."

"Good to know," May said hurriedly, climbing the long passage to the second story thinking, 'How sad! This guy doesn't have friends!' She entered some boy's room and found a eleven-year old boy checking his backpack. May walked closer to this boy.

"Bag full, Pokemon healed . . . Hi! Who are you?" the mysterious boy asked, holding out his hand.

"Oh, hi, I'm May, your new next door neighbor," May shook his hand in return. She inspected this strange boy while exchanging greetings.

He was about an inch or two taller than she was, making him at least five foot six. His eyes were a dark crimson-red which you could melt in - if you liked him of course - and his somewhat tamed snow-white hair was covered in a black and red bandana - Hoenn Colors - decorated with the Hoenn League symbol, a circle with a semi-circles around it. Also exclaiming his Hoenn Pride was his outfit: a black tee-shirt with red stripes at the sleeves. His sleeves ran all the way down to his wrists part of his sleeves looked pushed up anyhow as if it were too long. His pants were also black but the ends were red and yellow. May could see that he had an one-strap yellow backpack which he was busy shoving in Potions and empty Pokeballs before she came. One Pokball was clipped on his belt.

"So you're the gym leader's kid huh? I thought you would be a boy, since boys usually make better trainers . . ." the boy replied thoughtfully, raising one closed fist to his chin.

"Are you saying girls can't train Pokmon?"

"Yeah, pretty much."

"And I wondered why you didn't have friends!" May frowned, crossing her arms. "When I do get a Pokmon, I'm gonna beat you soooo bad that-"

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry, just messing with ya!" he put his arms up in surrender sort of way. "Hey, as an apology, I can catch you a Pokmon if you wan- oh wait, sorry, I have to help my dad with his research. See you later!" He headed out of the room before adding, "And I doubt you could beat me."

"He's a weird, weird boy," May thought out loud, feeling a light blush rising up to her cheeks. "But what the hell is his name? He never did tell me . . ." The young girl went downstairs, said goodbye to Mrs. Birch and went to check out the lab to find the Professor. She spotted it easily; it was in front of Brendan's house. The girl walked over and entered the lab but only found the professor's assistant.

"The Professor went to do some field work," the Professor's Assistant said while he readjusted his glasses.

"Huh?" May asked curiously.

"Ah, fieldwork is when you go outside to observe Pokmon in their natural habitat. The Professor isn't the type to sit down and do paperwork," the assistant chuckled.

"Ok, thanks," May waved good-bye to the assistant and jogged out the door. "Fieldwork?" she mumbled to herself.

"Help! The Professor's in trouble!" a little boy with blue hair and a thick pair of glasses cried loudly.

"What?" May cried and ran down towards Route 101. She saw a middle-aged man in a lab coat, being chased by a hyena Pokmon with crimson-red eyes and a dark black and gray fur coat.

"HELP!" the man yelled, running in circles to avoid the Bite Pokmon.

"But how?" May asked worriedly as she watched the scene.

"See that bag over there?" the man pointed towards a yellow backpack. "It contains three Pokballs! USE ONE OF THEM!" he shouted as he backed into a tree slowly, the dog Pokemon advancing on him.

"Oh, alright then." May shrugged and ran over to the bag. Pulling out a Pokball, she yelled, "Go . . . whoever you are!"

In a dazzle of white sparkles, out popped a small, delicate little chick Pokmon. She ruffled her red-orangish yellow feathers and her right claw dug into the ground. The yellow feathers that stuck out on the top of her head swayed gently in the wind.

"Torchic!" the Chick Pokmon cried.

"Go Torchic! Use your Scratch attack!" May commanded.

Torchic ran and used one of her claws on the Bite Pokmon, also known as a Poochyena, who immediately began to fight May, much to the Professor's relief. The Poochyena didn't notice the oncoming Chick Pokmon as he howled in pain as Torchic's talons dug into his skin. In return, he growled a fierce little growl. Torchic stepped back a bit, her feathers ruffling in a nervous manner.

"You can do it Torchic! Finish it with another Scratch attack!" May told the Pokemon.

"Chic!" Torchic chirped cheekily and clawed into Poochyena's flesh.

The poor Poochyena ran away quickly thanks to his ability to run away fast.

The Professor sighed in relief/ "Thank you uh . . ."

"May," May finished for him as she returned the Torchic.

"May. . .?" the professor said thoughtfully. "Oh yes, you're the new neighbors! Hi I'm Professor Birch. Nice to meet you!"

"Likewise." May smiled cheerfully as she returned the Torchic to her Pokball.

"Would you come with me back to the lab?" the professor inquired as he picked up his backpack.

"Uh sure . . . why not?"

---

Back in the lab, both professor and girl had a discussion . . .

"May, I think you have what it takes to be a great Pokmon trainer," Professor Birch stated. He couldn't contain his grin. "I saw you battle that Poochyena with ease. Amazing . . . just like your dad."

"I just kept using Scratch attack, no biggie," May pointed out, sweat-dropping.

"Still . . ." the professor added. "It seems like Torchic liked you from the start and I feel that it will like you even more if you had it as a starter Pokmon."

"Does that mean I can have her?"

"Yeah, of course!"

"Suicune, that's totally awesome! Thanks!" May cried excitedly, releasing her Torchic.

The Professor smiled. "Yes, well, my son, Brendan-"

"Is your son that white-haired kid with the Hoenn color pride going on?"

"Why, yes, yes it is."

"Oh, I met him . . . never told me his name that Brendan boy . . ."

"Yes, he can be rather . . . ignorant sometimes. But he will teach you the ropes of Pokemon training if you ask him. He's on Route 103, looking for Pokemon right now, getting their data. That's why he traveling in the first place besides the fact that he wants to be Pokemon Master."

"Isn't that almost every boy's dream?" May rolled her eyes. "Alright Professor I'll go ask him for some pointer, see you later!"

The new found girl trainer exited the lab with Torchic happily hopping beside her. "Route 103, that's only a few minutes from here," she said to herself. She began to walk past Oldale Town and stared walking up towards 103; she found Brendan staring at a tree. She could clearly see him scribbling on a notebook, his reddish-brown eyes wide. "I knew he was weird," she murmured.

"I heard that!" Brendan turned around to face her, an angry look plastered on his face. May froze in her spot, sweat-dropping. "So, what do you want?" he asked cheekily. May knew that this boy has a cocky side.

"Your dad told me to ask you to teach me the ropes of Pokemon training," May answered as her Torchic jumped up and down in one spot.

"Haha, funny." Brendan laughed arrogantly. "Let's see if you were telling the truth!" He released a Pokmon from its Pokball. "Go Mudkip!"

In a blaze of white light, a small mudfish Pokmon popped out and growled excitedly as he slapped his blue tail against his tiny blue body. His face has two orange spots where his face cheeks were and an orange plunger-looking thing - which is the only way to describe it - stuck out from the top of his head like Torchic's yellow feathers. His four paws dug at the ground as he lowered his head, ready to pulverize the Chick Pokmon.

May cocked her head, confused. "Whatcha doing?" she asked idiotically seeing as she never was in a Pokmon battle before.

Brendan slapped his head in frustration. "It's a Pokmon battle, stupid!" he answered, rolling his eyes.

May glared at the white-haired boy. "Stupid? I'm not stupid! But they say it is contagious. Go Torchic but stay as far away as you can from Brendan over there. You might catch his stupid!" Torchic jumped out at took a battle stance.

"Mudkip, start off with Mudslap attack!" Brendan ordered, flustered by May's taunt. The Mudkip dipped his tail into some dirt and flung it at the Torchic.

"Careful Torchic! Ground attack are super effective on Fire types," May warned the Pokmon. Being home-schooled by her father did pay off after all.

Torchic heeded her warning and easily evaded the attack.

"Good!" May cheered. "Try using your Growl attack!"

"Counter it with Tail Wag Mudkip!"

Torchic chirped cutely and Mudkip wagged his tail cutely. Both attacks countered against each other.

"Tackle it Torchic!" May commanded.

"Torchic!" Torchic cheered and tackled Mudkip full on with her head.

"Mud . . ." Mudkip moaned as he skid back a few feet.

"Are you alright Mudkip?" Brendan asked worriedly.

"KIP!" Mudkip stood up, an angry look on his face.

"Let's show 'em who's boss. Tackle it too!"

Mudkip charged at Torchic and rammed her with the orange thing on his head; a critical hit.

"Tor!" Torchic chirped as she rammed into the base of a tree. She slid down slowly and rested at the tree's outer roots.

"Hang in there Torchic! Finish him with a Scratch!" May commanded, getting more and more into the battle.

"Chic!" Torchic ran towards Mudkip and scratched it hard with her claws. Mudkip roared - despite the fact that it did sound adorable - in agony falling over and fainting, swirls in his eyes.

"Mudkip!" Brendan cried concerned and picked up his fallen Pokmon.

"Sorry Brendan," May apologized, picking up her Pokmon too. She mentally slapped herself; she didn't have to apologize for winning! If her dad had to . . . well . . . he might as well make a recording of the **** word.

"It's alright, I just need to go to a Pokmon Center . . ." Brendan replied, down-fallen by his defeat. He began to walk to Oldale Town. "You better get back to the lab . . . tell my dad that you won . . ."

"Wait up!" May shouted, but he still kept walking, "Do we think we hurt his ego?" May asked Torchic.

"<Maybe but that's boys for ya!>" May's Pokmon replied smartly, blinking her eyes twice to look innocent.

May laughed and began to walk back toward Littleroot, kinda peturbed that she understood her Pokemon. On the way there, they found Brendan by the entrance of Oldale Town, an eccentric Mudkip jumping at his heels.

"Finally Slowpoke!" Brendan yelled, smirking at his joke.

May shook her head but smiled sweetly. "I've known you for a hour, but it feels like that I've known you for years with all this name calling . . ."

Brendan ran his fingers through his hair. "I'm not the shy type if you can tell. . ."

"Yeah, your more of the smart aleck type huh?"

"Whatever girl . . ."

"The name is May!"

"Does it look like I care? I have to meet my dad."

"Ok, no need to get your whitey tidies in a twist . . ."

"I don't wear whitey tidies! I wear-"

"Big boy undies?"

"Haha funny. Hysterical really," Brendan remarked back sarcastically. "Hey, were here already. That was fast."

"Go figure," May replied, shrugging as she entered the lab. "Hey Professor! We're back!" she called out, her voice echoing in the lab.

"Hey dad!" Brendan shouted, his voice also rebounding throughout the room.

"Hey Brendan! Hey May! Did you two have a battle?" the Professor asked curiously as he threw the paperwork he was working on over his shoulder. He cussed as the papers were sucked in by the fan.

"Yeah," Brendan grumbled, crossing his arms and scowling. "Did you just cuss dad?" he asked.

"He's just mad 'cause he lost," May added happily, placing Torchic on her shoulder.

The Professor chuckled/ "Well you two seem to be good trainers so far. I'd think it would be good if you two traveled together throughout the Hoenn region. In fact, I asked both your moms and they said you two should travel together."

"NO! Your lying!" Brendan and May exclaimed in unison.

"The Pokmon world is vast and dangerous," the Professor added, rubbing his chin. "You never know when you two might need to bail each other out of situations. I wish I got to travel with someone early like you too . . . but . . ." he trailed off as he went down a trip on memory lane.

"But-" the two trainers argued, interrupting Professor Birch's thoughts.

"No ifs, ands, or buts," the Professor cut them off. "You two better pack up and start your journey!"

----------------------------------------------------------------

Well wasn't that sucky? =P It does get better I hope lol.

LaTeR dAyZ!
Is there a Treeland? If so, there.
Seen March 13th, 2013
Posted April 22nd, 2011
454 posts
18.7 Years
Trust me poketrainer, it gets worse. =P

But thanks for reading and teh review guys! ^_^


"talking" = talking

'italics' = thinking

"< talking >" = Pokmon talking translated

----------------------------------------------------------------

Chapter 2:


Brendan paced in front of the new girl trainer impatiently, waiting for her to tie her running shoes. What was taking her so long? Did she tie her hands IN the bows or something? Well, she did look like an idiot when he first met her . . . and the fact that she didn't know what a Pokemon battle was when he challenged her. Girls. . . all they know about is shopping and being mad once a month for some strange reason that he did not dare to question.

"MAY! Hurry up! It's bad enough we have to travel together!" Brendan finally bursted as he stared impatiently at the bandana-wearing girl. "It's not like you're slow enough already! Sheesh . . . by the time we get to be a OLDale town, we'll be OLD!"

"Gee, sorry." May rolled her eyes. "I just can't tie these stupid running shoes!" She hassled with the laces, but was finally able to tie them. "Besides, you already have the hair color for an old person, no need to rush." The girl trainer stood up and smiled innocently at the boy trainer. "Let's go gramps!"

"Finally!" Brendan replied, picking up his faithful Mudkip up off the ground. "Did you just call me gramps?"

May ignored his question. "So. . . how so you get these things to work anyway?"

Brendan read the instructions. "Hmm . . . well it says to push the B button-"

The white-haired trainer stopped mid-sentence when May began to poke him at the shoulder repeatedly. She giggled softly to herself while doing this.

Brendan was annoyed by this girl already and has only been two hours. How was he suppose to live though this? "Do you mind if I ask . . . WHY THE HECK ARE YOU POKING ME!" he shouted, raising his arms in the air.

May smiled innocently and dragged her right foot in a circle, her hands behind her back. She looked down. "Well, your name starts with a B and it said to push its buttons . . ."

"On the shoes!" Brendan yelled, steaming.

"Wow, you're very easy to annoy," May observed placing a finger on her chin. "It's gonna be fun traveling with you!" she remarked happily. "Fun fun fun! I think I put too much maple syrup on my pancakes today . . ."

"Yeah, I've noticed." Brendan shook his head. "Latios, how am I suppose to travel with you for almost a year? You're already beginning to tick me off . . ."

"Let's get the show on the road!" May cried cheerfully, ignoring Brendan's last statement. She began to skip down the road, her Torchic happily hopping behind.

The white-haired trainer shook his head and shoved his hands in his pockets, following the crazy girl and her Torchic. At least Mudkip wasn't as stupid as she was . . . hopefully anyways . . .

Brendan and May began to walk up the Route 101, enjoying the gentle breeze that swayed through their hair.

"Hey, when do you think were going to reach a gym?" May asked curiously. "Is there one in Oldale Town that I didn't see or something?"

Brendan closed his eyes for a second, a peaceful look sketched on his face. "I know there's not a gym in Oldale Town, just yet anyways, but Petalburg is nearby. You need at least four badges to battle with the leader there though," he answered, remembering the gym leader's test he took a few months ago in Pokmon School.

May smiled brightly. "That's my dad's gym! That's why we moved here in the first place!"

"Is that a good thing or bad thing?"

"What is?"

"Moving here."

"Well, its been cool so far, so yeah, it's a good thing."

Brendan smiled as they made there way to Oldale Town. At least this chick didn't seemed annoyed with him yet.

"We should stop for supplies and stuff . . ." May pointed out as she looked at the PokMart. "You never know when your going to need a Potion or an extra Pokball!"

"Yeah, good idea," Brendan agreed, opening the PokMart door for May. "Ladies first."

"Then why aren't you going in before me?" May sneered. "Sorry, I couldn't help it! You totally set yourself up for that one."

"Yeah, whatever," Brendan grumbled and went inside after May went in.

A little while later, they emerged from the store. Both trainers bought two Potions, Antidotes, Paralyze Heals, and five Pokballs, adding to the five that Brendan and May had from the beginning.

"Man, I'm already low on cash," Brendan complained, looking at the emptiness of his wallet.

"Yeah, but at least we get money for beating other trainers at battling," May pointed out.

"That's true . . ." Brendan admitted. "I just hope we get to battle soon. There's a urge in me that's telling me to battle soon or I'll blow up!"

"I never seen a person blow up before," May said thoughtfully, perching Torchic on her shoulder. "Let's just head toward Route 103."

Suddenly, a eleven-year old boy appeared wearing a backwards light-blue cap, a white tee-shirt, and dark denim jean shorts. He was clutching a Pokball in his right fist.

"You wanna battle?" he asked, a determined smile etched on his face.

"No way! I saw them first!" a Lass appeared, her ebony-colored hair was in two long braids, a white t-shirt that clung tightly to her body and a black miniskirt also appeared out of no where and argued with the Youngster.

"Nuh uh!"

"Uh huh!"

Brendan sweat-dropped. "Okay, I'll battle you and May here can battle that Youngster, deal?"

The two other trainers looked at each other another and nodded, "Fine," they stated in unison.

"K, but I start!" the Youngster smirked. "Go Zigzagoon!" Youngster threw the Pokeball that was enclosed in his fist.

"Ziggy!" the young raccoon Pokmon cried.

May smiled and pointed toward Torchic. "Let's go Torchic!"

"Chic!" Torchic chirped and faced Zigzagoon.

"Zigzagoon, use your Tackle attack!" the Youngster commanded. Zigzagoon ran rapidly at Torchic and tackled her at Torchic's left side. Torchic groaned as she skid back a few feet.

"Hang in there Torchic!" May shouted as she clenched her hands into fists. "Try using Scratch!"

Torchic chirped; she jumped up and scratched Zigazagoon's face hard with a mighty sweep of her claw.

"ZOON!" Zigzagoon moaned, trying to touch his face with a short forepaw.

"You can do it Ziggy! Try Tackle again!" Youngster encouraged his Pokmon.

"Use your Tackle too Torchic!" May cried, replying to her opponent's attack.

The two Pokmon ran at each other and collided at their heads. Torchic was dazed a little bit, but Zigzagoon stumbled around a little before finally fainting.

"Zizagoon return!" The young trainer recalled his Pokmon. "You did great Ziggy! You deserve a nice rest!" He looked up towards May. "That was a good battle! You're a great trainer!"

May smiled and picked up Torchic at the same time. " Thanks, you're not-so-bad a trainer yourself!"

"Kay, enough of this peace treaty!" the Lass exclaimed impatiently. "Let's battle!"

Brendan smiled smugly. "You got it! Go Mudkip!" he pointed towards Mudkip who immediately jumped out and onto the battle field, a smirk plastered on his face just like his trainers'.

"Let's do this! Go Taillow!" Lass released a small swallow-looking Pokemon. "Start things off with your Growl attack!"

"Tai!" Taillow let out a small, yet cute chirp, that lowered Mudkip's attack power. Mudkip howled in protest.

"C'mon Mudkip!" Brendan cheered. "Use your Tackle attack!"

"Kip!" Mudkip ran at Taillow at full speed, but Taillow easily dodged it.

Lass smirked, "My little Taillow is too fast for your Mudkip!"

Brendan growled in frustration.

"< Now what? >" Mudkip asked his trainer worriedly.

Brendan began to grin, despite the fact that Lass had the upper-hand in this battle. "Mudkip! Use Mudslap!" Mudkip sent a blast of mud and dirt toward Taillow.

Lass sneered. "Ground attacks don't have any effect on Flying types!"

Brendan smirked. "Mud Slap not only attacks a foe, but it does much more. Look around."

The Lass trainer looked around her bird. " Oh no! Taillow can't see!!"

"Yeah, so Mudkip . . . Tackle!" Brendan ordered.

"Mud!" Mudkip jumped into the dust cloud and knocked Taillow out, the bird clearly fainted from impact.

"ALRIGHT! MUDKIP!" Brendan cheered while Mudkip flipped over and grinned.

"Return Taillow!" Lass returned her Pokmon. "You did awesome!" She then said to Brendan, "That was an awesome battle! I'd never expected that from anyone!"

"Expect the unexpected, as I always say," Brendan stated, scratching Mudkip's head.

May stifled a laugh by coughing, "-cough- Haha! -cough- What a -cough- loser! Okay, I'm good . . ."

Brendan rubbed the back of his head and smiled. "Uh . . . right . . ."

Lass smiled sweetly. "Well, me and my bro have got to head home, hope to see you later cutie!"

"Ew, you called that kid cute?" the youngster made a face and stuck out a tongue. "Girls . . ."

Brendan felt woozy. "Heh, bye . . ."

"Bye!" May waved off to them and smiled as they headed back towards Oldale Town. She then smiled smugly at Brendan.

"What?" Brendan asked, confused.

"You like her, don'tcha?"

"Heck no! I like someone else!"

"Yeah, whatever, c'mon," May sneered and walked away towards Petalburg.

Brendan starred at her, "Hey! Wait up!"

"Hurry up you Slakoth!"

Brendan sighed and shook his head, laughing. "You think whatcha wanna think May Maple."

----------------------------------------------------------------

Don't you love my lack of description? -.- I would change it but . . . meh.

Oh btw, if you haven't caught on already, this fic is based on the R/S games (excluding Emerald lol because I'm already way too deep in the R/S plotline somewhat). So yeah, thanks for reading!

LaTeR dAyZ!

Kylie-chan

[span="background:#000; padding: 2px 10px;"][color=#C47399]NERF [b][i][color=#789DED]THIS[/color][/i]![/b] [color=#F7E1EE]♥[/color][/color][/span]

Age 29
Non-binary
New South Wales, Australia
Seen December 3rd, 2022
Posted October 5th, 2016
14,976 posts
18.7 Years
Looks like Brendan and May love each other... hahahaha Hoennshippers will conquer! And Orangeshippers...

OK, well, this is the new game genre... *yawn* but you did a great job.

Just a niggly issue with the Lass, she said "you did awesome." although it's speech and doesn't have to be correct, she should have said, "You did awesomely."

The description was brilliant in the first chapter, well, pretty good anyway, although Chapter 2 was lacking a bit.

You made a few typos, but they were clearly pressing the / when you meant to press its neighbour ".".

The jokes were funny, and you've stayed within character boundaries, in other words you haven't done what I'm infamous for - whoops, an OOC.

The grammar and spelling was almost perfect - I say almost because I'm a bit long-sighted (don't ask) and may have missed something. (Pun not intended.)
Oh hold on, you spelt Zigzagoon as Zizagoon, unless that was its nickname...

The paragraphing was easy on my eyes.

Although the genre is OU, you did a good job of it, you did it proud.

Don't beat yourself up; heck, you've gotten Fic of the Week and I haven't, so you shouldn't beat yourself up (although beating me isn't much of an achievement...)

EDIT - I forgot, you said Hoenn Color, and Hoenn Pride. Pride and color are common nouns unless they are the names of someone, so unless it's his name or the title of something like a book, e.g. "Forests of Silence" (woot picked up my DQ reference?) or starting a sentence, etc. they should be pride and color.

Hang on, have to go check my inbox.

keep on writing,
your humble fan and reviewer
~DP~
PON PON WAY WAY WAY

あの交差点で皆がもしスキップをして もしあの町の真中でてを繋いで空を見上げたら
Is there a Treeland? If so, there.
Seen March 13th, 2013
Posted April 22nd, 2011
454 posts
18.7 Years
Looks like Brendan and May love each other... hahahaha Hoennshippers will conquer! And Orangeshippers...

OK, well, this is the new game genre... *yawn* but you did a great job.
Not sure how to respond to that . . . Do you mean that Hoennshipping is being overdone with the "*yawn*" remark you just pulled?

Anyways, thanks for reviewing DP, I'll fix those typos later when I've got the time. ^^

LaTeR dAyZ!

Kylie-chan

[span="background:#000; padding: 2px 10px;"][color=#C47399]NERF [b][i][color=#789DED]THIS[/color][/i]![/b] [color=#F7E1EE]♥[/color][/color][/span]

Age 29
Non-binary
New South Wales, Australia
Seen December 3rd, 2022
Posted October 5th, 2016
14,976 posts
18.7 Years
no I meant the genre is OU but the story is NOT boring...

No! No! Hoennshipping PWNS! It can never be overdone! There can never be too many signs of Hoennshipping/Franticshipping!

You're welcome for the review.
PON PON WAY WAY WAY

あの交差点で皆がもしスキップをして もしあの町の真中でてを繋いで空を見上げたら
Is there a Treeland? If so, there.
Seen March 13th, 2013
Posted April 22nd, 2011
454 posts
18.7 Years
Guess what? Only about . . . 24 more chapters until the real fun begins. -_- ooooonnnnng time . . . so until then, read the craptastic chapters. ^^ Enjoy! And thanks for reviewing, really appreciate it.

--------------------------------------------------------

Chapter 3:
"Hey B boy? What should I name Torchic?" May asked her companion as they waited for their Pokemon to get healed at the Petalburg Pokmon Center. "Ember, Pyro, Flare or something else?"

"Flare," Brendan answered, "because you don't here the Pokemon name 'Flare' as often. But what should I name Mudkip? Kippers?"

"Kippers?" May raised her eyebrows. "Aren't those the smelly fish?" She made a face in complete disgust. "I always hate when my mom served us those for dinner, yuck!"

"UGH!" Brendan smacked his head down at the table the two trainers were sitting at. "K, so I won't name him Kippers, since it might make you flinch whenever you see Mudkip." He sat up and rubbed the spot underneath his bandana where his head careened with the table. "But do you have any better names?"

"Hmm . . ." May thought and rubber her chin, "well-"

"I knew I should of gotten Treecko," Brendan complained, knocking his head on the table, "that way I could name it Geiko, you know, after that commercial with the gecko."

"What are you talking about?" May pushed his head back up. "Mudkip's a great Pokmon, all three starter Pokmon are great. It's just that Mudkip is the hardest to name."

"Yeah, I know that," Brendan groaned, still rubbing his forehead, "especially the part where Mudkip is the hardest to name part."

"Why don't ya name him . . . um . . . Storm! Or Thunder, yeah! Lightening perhaps?"

"Those are Electric Pokmon names May!"

"I'm just suggesting Brendan, no need to have a fit-"

"CHANSEY!" a large, pink Pokmon, dressed in a nurse's outfit, cried in a sing song voice, causing May and Brendan to jump up.

"Oh, thanks Chansey!" May smiled happily as she took both Pokeballs off the metal tray that Chansey was holding. The Chansey left soon afterwards.

"Come on out Torchic!" May released the young chick from its ball. Torchic came out in a flash of red light and reappeared, very happy to see her trainer.

"Hey Torchic, I'm going to nickname you Flare, is that ok?" May asked her Pokemon.

"<Sure!>" Torchic a.k.a Flare chirped cheerfully, ruffling her feathers in the process. "<I know its hard to say Torchic all the time!>"

Brendan smiled at the sight when May hugged Flare; he released his Mudkip also.

"Mudkip!" Mudkip cried brightly, jumping up into his owner's arms, "<Do I get a nickname too>?" he asked hopefully, a goofy grin plastered on his face.

Brendan frowned. "Sorry buddy, I can't think of a nickname for you yet, but I promise I will! Maybe. . . Typhoon. No. Muddy? Bemired Muddy Mudkip . . . maybe I'll go with that. But I'm going to a little bit more time to think about it okay pal?"

Mudkip sighed a bit, but held up his grin.

"Well, I'm going to go visit my dad in his gym, do you want to come with me?" May questioned, getting up and stretching her legs. She perched Flare on her shoulder once again.

"I guess so, it's not like were in a hurry," Brendan followed May out the door and turned on his running shoes, jogging over to the gym.

"HEY DAD!" May yelled happily, immediately running to a middle-aged man with jet black hair and a determined expression on his face.

The man grinned down at his daughter and hugged her. Letting go he said, "May! How did you get here without a Pokmon? It's dangerous to travel this far without someone."

May beamed. "If you haven't noticed yet, I got a Pokmon from Professor Birch, our next door neighbor! She's a Torchic, but I nicknamed her Flare!" She paused for a moment. "And I'm not traveling alone! I'm traveling with the Professor's son Bren-"

"-Dan," Brendan entered the gym and finished May's sentence for her. He walked over to May's dad and shook his hand. "Nice to meet you Mr. Maple!"

"Please, call me Norman," Norman replied, shaking Brendan's hand also. "I see you got a Pokmon too. A Mudkip right?"

"Yeah, that's right," Brendan grinned, but it faded a little bit, "but I can't seem to think of a nickname for him . . . do you have any ideas?"

"Sorry, but I don't have any ideas," Norman's smile dampened a little bit, "but you have plenty of time to think of the perfect nick name for Mudkip, so no worries!"

Suddenly, the glass doors opened, and in entered a small, frail eleven year-old boy, a little bit shorter that Brendan, but the same height as May. "You said you would help me catch a Pokemon before I left Norman . . ." the boy remarked in a weak, yet steady, voice.

"Ah, yes, Wally," Norman replied. "Here, you can borrow my Zigzagoon." He tossed Wally two Pokballs, one already containing a Pokmon and the other to catch one with. Norman then looked toward Brendan and May. "Can you two see if Wally catches a Pokmon okay?"

Brendan and May nodded. "Sure," they answered in unison.

"Thank you," Wally stuttered quietly. "Thank you for everything. . ."

Wally, May, and Brendan went back towards Route 103 to a small patch of wild grass were Pokemon lived. A few seconds later, a rare Ralts appeared.

"WHOA! A Ralts!" Brendan said in awe. "Even my dad has trouble finding those in the wild! Their even rarer than the Surskits that live around here!"

Wally stepped back a bit and mumbled, "Uh, go Zigzagoon!" he threw the Pokeball and a Zigzagoon shot out. "Go Zigzagoon! Tackle attack!"

"Zig!" the Zigzagoon tackled Ralts; Ralts only took some damage, but it was still holdong on strong. Ralts countered the move with a Growl attack. Zigzagoon cringed, but stood still, ready to battle.

"Zigzagoon, try using your Tackle again!" Wally commanded, sounding more and more confident in himself as the battle progressed.

"Zoon!" Zigzagoon cried and tackled Ralts head on.

Ralts was in the critical red zone. Wally threw a Pokball. "Uh, go Pokball!" Ralts was caught in the Pokball's grasp. The ball shook, and shook, and shook, until the familiar 'ding!' was sounded.

"AWESOME! I CAUGHT A RALTS!" Wally yelled happily, holding the Pokball at arms length.

May smiled at his antics. "Let's go show my dad then!"

---

"NORMAN!" Wally shouted excitedly. "LOOK! I caught a Ralts!"

Norman chuckled as he took back his Zigzagoon from Wally. "Good job Wally!" he congratulated him as he placed his Zigzagoon back in his belt holder.

"Thanks, oh and you too May for supporting me!" Wally grinned merrily.

May smiled sweetly in return. "No problemento Wally! I'm always happy to help other!"

Wally's cheeks flushed a bit. "Heh, it's quite hot in here. . ."

"Not really, since this is an air-conditioned building. . ." Brendan growled under his breath. May elbowed him in the arm sharply.

"Yes, its really hot," Norman covered up for Brendan and smirked at him. "Maybe someone switched the air-conditioner to the heater."

Yet again, the glass doors opened, but this time it was Wally's mom. "Wally dear! Time to go!"

"That's my mom. I'm moving to Verandturf Town," Wally explained. "I guess I'll see you later! Bye May! Oh, and Brandon!" Wally walked out with his mom and closed the door.

"It's BRENDAN!" Brendan shouted at the closed glass doors, frowning.

Norman laughed out loud. "Well, you two better get going, I suspect that your eager to get towards the next city."

"Hey! When do we get to battle you?" May asked as her father pushed them out of the gym.

"Don't worry, soon," Norman smiled. "I'll be ready when you do come!"

"Ok, bye-!" May started but the doors already closed, "-dad. . . I have a strange feeling that he wanted us out of there, huh Flare?"

Flare nodded in agreement and jumped down into May's arms.

"Ok, bye Wally-kins, we'll come visit you in Veranturf Town soon!" The two new trainers saw Wally's mom hug Wally in the distance. They ran over to the mother and son.

"I'll do my best mom! I love you and miss you already!" Wally replied, getting out of his mom's grasp. He spotted May and Brendan again, "Good-bye again May . . . Brandon . . ." May waved good bye to Wally as he left with his aunt, while Brendan crossed his arms and scowled.

Wally's mom smiled. "I want to thank you both for helping Wally catch a Pokmon. I have't seen him smile like that for ages. He's been a sickly boy ever since he's been a young child. We believe that the air is better in Veranturf Town than here. It's just hard to see him go. . ." Wally's mom blew her nose into a tissue. "There I go crying again. I promise I wouldn't cry . . . but I have to go now. Thanks again May and Brendan!"

Brendan smiled along with May, finally glad that someone got his name right - other than May - today. "Bye Wally's mom!"

Brendan and May began to exit Petalburg City to get to Rustboro, hopefully before dusk. It was relatively quiet; nothing but golden silence between Brendan and May was going on.

"So . . ." Brendan began, trying to lighten the mood. "Uh, look! The beach! Isn't it cool? I liked going to the beach when I was little. It was very fun. Did you go to the beaches in Johto when you were little?"

"Huh?" May said, clearly bored, not paying much attention to Brendan blabbering on and on. "Oh yeah, I did hear the legend of Ho-Oh when I was little, yeah . . ."

Brendan practically anime-fell. "Apparently, we're not on the same topic . . . It's getting late, we better set up camp here . . ."

"Alright, I was getting tired anyway," May replied, immediately piling bits of twigs, logs and leaves together for a fire where the ocean tide wouldn't get to.

Brendan unrolled his sleeping bag, and tried to get a fire going with a couple of matches on the wood pile May created. "Why. Don't. These. Matches. Work?!"

Flare, clearly annoyed at Brendan's unsuccessful attempts at getting a fire started, blew reddish-yellowish flames at the logs, accidentaly burning one of Brendan's fingers in the process.

"AHHH!" Brendan screeched, and ran over to the ocean, the tide gently cooling down the burnt finger.

"Talk about weenie roast . . ." May murmured to the Pokemon who giggled in response.

"I HEARD THAT!" Brendan shouted as he got into his sleeping bag grumpily.

"You swear he has ears like a Loudred," May murmured to the Pokemon again.

"I heard that too!"

May sweat-dropped as she unfurled her sleeping bag next to Brendan and got in. "Well pleasant dreams B Boy!" she closed her eyes and quickly fell asleep.

Brendan wasn't so lucky. He kept looking at May's sleeping form. 'Calm down Birch, it's just a girl like a foot away from her. It's not like your going to jump-!'

There was a rustle of leaves and the breaking of twigs. May woke up alarmed and jumped on top of Brendan.

"What was that?" she asked worriedly.

Brendan flushed and thanked the legendary Pokmon for the darkness of night. "It's probably just a wild Pokemon, stupid." Might as well keep his dignity while he was at it.

"Oh, yeah, sorry Brendan," May apologized and got off of Brendan. "Good night again!"

"Ummm . . . No prob May . . . g-good night . . ."

May yawned and fell asleep again, leaving Brendan to his thoughts; he rolled on his back to look at the stars. 'You idiot Brendan!' he scolded himself in his head. 'One minute your all cool, the next, you can't even say a frickin' sentence! It's only a girl after all! And I'll admit that she is kinda of sort of cute in a strange, awkward kind of way but still. . . just remember, if something DOES happen to her, her dad will kill you, not unless your parents don't kill you first! Okay. . .'

Finally, Brendan shut his eyes and fell into a peaceful slumber.

--------------------------------------------------------

-_- Are teh crappy chapters over yet? But anyways, that's done and over with. . . thanks for reading!

LaTeR dAyZ!

Isaac Gravity

Supports hot-bloodedness

A quiet place where I can stare at the clouds
Seen August 23rd, 2008
Posted August 23rd, 2008
262 posts
18.5 Years
The chapters aren't as bad as you claim them really. They seem to be in alot better balance wise than the way I write. (That's the flaw of an action/adventure fanatic or just me) Ontop of that the everything has this really quirky/upbeat feel to it. But that's just what I think.

Jazzy.

Just a cute silly girl

Age 32
Mexico, but I'm Russian
Seen December 9th, 2004
Posted December 9th, 2004
35 posts
18.5 Years
Yay! Your fanfic rocks! It's extremely easy to read and very interesting... it's like seeing *coughreadingcough* a cartoon of the GBA Ru/Sa games. Keep up the good work!
And if she wants to think that the first chapters suck (although I strongly disagree with that) she's in her right. Sometimes it's better to be negative because if someone flames your work you won't care anyway.

Melody

Banned

Female
Cuddling those close to me
Seen March 4th, 2018
Posted March 2nd, 2018
6,459 posts
18.6 Years
Yay! Your fanfic rocks! It's extremely easy to read and very interesting... it's like seeing *coughreadingcough* a cartoon of the GBA Ru/Sa games. Keep up the good work!
And if she wants to think that the first chapters suck (although I strongly disagree with that) she's in her right. Sometimes it's better to be negative because if someone flames your work you won't care anyway.
ugh thats not the point ! if she says her work sucks and someone insults it she will have another reason to think it sucks! so she isnt in the right,look it doesnt suck!!

Kylie-chan

[span="background:#000; padding: 2px 10px;"][color=#C47399]NERF [b][i][color=#789DED]THIS[/color][/i]![/b] [color=#F7E1EE]♥[/color][/color][/span]

Age 29
Non-binary
New South Wales, Australia
Seen December 3rd, 2022
Posted October 5th, 2016
14,976 posts
18.7 Years
Well, like Jake said, you only have a punctuation problem that didn't come into the review, like your is a pronoun and you're is the contraction for you are, not "like your going to" instead of "like you're going to".

and you need a few more commas, like in "Well, pleasant dreams, B boy." it was "Well pleasant dreams B boy." or something.

well I'll stop nitpicking that will hopefully help.

O.o That confirms it! join the Franticshippers! w00t love this story! Brendan's in love - with May!

Franticshipping/Hoennshipping = the best!
PON PON WAY WAY WAY

あの交差点で皆がもしスキップをして もしあの町の真中でてを繋いで空を見上げたら
Age 33
Philippines.
Seen April 8th, 2012
Posted April 9th, 2010
1,331 posts
18.3 Years
Breezy, do you actually have to make like three threads of the same fic? This is getting confusing ang annoying........ -_-;;;;;

Do you want me to post in the other two threads too? So that you will be reminded?

Spriting done by me. Don't be stealing. ;x
Click on the link to go to Mikoto's fanlisting.
GPXPlus Profile | Other Links
Age 33
Philippines.
Seen April 8th, 2012
Posted April 9th, 2010
1,331 posts
18.3 Years
I want this thread to die. >=D *stabs fic and runs* I just hate the beginning chapters . . . *wishes she could post from chapter 27 and above instead*
Well, I don't think this thread will die unless I stop posting ehre, now don't ya think?

Spriting done by me. Don't be stealing. ;x
Click on the link to go to Mikoto's fanlisting.
GPXPlus Profile | Other Links