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Why is socialization so important?

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  #1    
Old April 24th, 2010 (8:16 PM).
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    I don't understand why people are considered losers just because they don't socialize.

    Approximately 2 days ago on Facebook, I commented on a "friend's" [more like *******] status, and one of the people said "no friends = loser". And I said that the world must be a warped place if they think the only way a person can have a life is by socializing. Then they said *my* views were skewed, and then general trolling, which I retorted to saying that at least I don't have to deal with other people's dramas. So in the end, sick and tired of being around ignorant people, I've disabled my Facebook.

    I have my reasons why I don't socialize. As you can guess, I've had bad experiences, and don't trust people or hang out with them much in case I do. Being around others make me feel bad about myself [especially when it involves a person who is better than me in every way]; I seriously think I'm not good enough because of that. I'm an ass about many things all the time due to the same reason. Every single one of my problems involve others, so what's the point of having a friend?


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    Old April 24th, 2010 (8:18 PM).
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    There's always online friends, who are surprisingly a lot better than the ones you can find IRL in most cases.
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    Old April 24th, 2010 (8:31 PM).
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      Quote:
      Originally Posted by Forever View Post
      There's always online friends, who are surprisingly a lot better than the ones you can find IRL in most cases.
      I have to disagree. I've met more areseholes online than IRL. They get worse everyday, I swear. :[
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      Old April 24th, 2010 (8:34 PM).
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      I guess it depends on who you choose to talk to...

      I probably think that way just because overall, the nice people on PC outweigh the bad and the friendships made here are stronger on any other forum. Juuust after a while on PC you'll probably make good friends here. Then again, that's only my view, so yeah.
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      Old April 24th, 2010 (8:41 PM).
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        I know how you feel there but you're always going to have jerks. We live in a world of idiots who criticize those for different reasons. I've dealt with it pretty much my whole life and it;s NOT fun. Still, that doesn't make it bad to socialize. You can't shut yourself off from it just because of the bad people you meet. It only makes things worse for you.

        I have problems socalizing for reasons I'm not going to mention. You don't see me locking myself up just because of the jerks, do you? I have great friends and even a boyfriend who loves me more than anything. D: You just have to find the people that have the same interests you do and I'm sure you'll have some great friends.
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        Old April 24th, 2010 (8:49 PM).
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          I think socializing is important becuase you can get more friends and be less shy when you see people you dont know. xD
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          Old April 24th, 2010 (8:50 PM).
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            I think it's too late for that, because I barely have any interest in anything anymore. I just wanna be on my laptop, playing games all day... =/
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            Old April 24th, 2010 (8:52 PM).
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            Quote:
            Originally Posted by Fxcking Tatertots View Post
            I think it's too late for that, because I barely have any interest in anything anymore. I just wanna be on my laptop, playing games all day... =/
            I think I just found your problem. Go outside. Meet people. Talk to people, do things. Being a hermit will get you nowhere. You can't give up on something if you don't put effort into it. :|
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            Old April 24th, 2010 (8:58 PM).
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            It's a rhetorical question, but I feel like answering it anyway.

            It's probably also to do with what people who don't socialize actually do. Not every recluse is a genius artist working on the next masterpiece or finding the cure for cancer. Lots just sit at home, absorbed in some hobby. Maybe it's that people feel slighted that you'd rather do anything else than socialize with them (it hurts their pride), or maybe it just is that you're different from them and that's enough for them not to like you. Most people do want to socialize and think socializing is normal. Therefore anyone who isn't normal = loser. Humans are social creatures and someone might feel that not wanting to socialize makes you somehow defective.
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            Old April 24th, 2010 (9:08 PM).
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            I know this has nothing to do with Facebook, but it does relate to the topic in general. When I was a little kid I couldn't make any friends for years. It wasn't 'cause I wasn't social so much as I was terrible at it so everyone kind of shunned me. My question is why are people (especially girls, from my experience) so apt to shut out those who are less skilled with socializing? It sure as heck doesn't help the person in question develop their skill or allow them to keep a grip on self-confidence. Makes 'em torment themself trying to figure out why they keep failing, and after a long time, begin to think of themself as inherently a failure or develop strong negative connotations with things like 'socializing'. I was pretty much in this boat but college has helped me recover quite a lot, and continues to do so.

            Over time (especially in the past year or so) I have met and befriended more and more folks. Thankfully I've learned that the world is nothing like middle/high school. Yeah, it's full of pricks and ignoramuses, but the real friends you do have, no matter how few or how many, are the ones that make it better in the end. Always stick with the people that make you feel good, not the ones that treat you like poo or drag you through the mud.

            Good lord, I went off on a tangent ._.
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              #11    
            Old April 24th, 2010 (9:35 PM).
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            Quote:
            Originally Posted by Fxcking Tatertots View Post
            I have my reasons why I don't socialize. As you can guess, I've had bad experiences, and don't trust people or hang out with them much in case I do. Being around others make me feel bad about myself [especially when it involves a person who is better than me in every way]; I seriously think I'm not good enough because of that. I'm an ass about many things all the time due to the same reason. Every single one of my problems involve others, so what's the point of having a friend?

            omg, you're like my female counterpart in every single way...right down to being socially jaded and distrustful of people in general. :O

            People are a pitiable creature...always too dependent on others to achieve their own ends and disposing of their "friends" when they no longer need them for social networking. From my experience, there's no such thing as true friendship. It's just something made up by the writers of Saturday morning cartoons to teach kids that the only way to get through life is by depending on others instead of themselves. >_>
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            Old April 24th, 2010 (10:24 PM). Edited April 24th, 2010 by Cassino.
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              A friend is someone for both parties to mutually shoulder doubts and troubles, as well as share joyous feelings and whatnot... A friend puts one in perspective with another being, and thus defines one's own bounds and reasons; something like that. To paraphrase one of Neon Genesis Evangelion's later episodes "with total freedom you are alone, but uneasy; here's a restriction, you are now more sure about everything, but one aspect of freedom has been removed". As we follow this logic, of course, the more confident one can feel, because one's world is defined, yet the less free for the same reason — a sort of bliss in ignorance, I suppose, which most people will actively seek for their own comfort, forming groups... nations. Everything is, ultimately, for the benefit of the individuals involved, and since this is mutual, the benefit of all and thus we have a greater good.

              And that is why, or at least what I believe is why, we as humans are social creatures to whom the concept of friendship is generally held dear.
              Please do ask questions if you have any.
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              Old April 24th, 2010 (10:32 PM).
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                Judging by what you said, I'd say I'm quite a polar opposite to you in this particular aspect. I prioritize socialization. I see it as important to my life, and when I'm feeling socially isolated, it has a lasting effect on my demeanor && ability to function in a regular mental state. When I'm going through difficulties, having people around me (particularly those few I can trust to vent with) helps me to cope.

                That being said, I think there's two reasons people like myself && the people you were talking to feel socialization is important. As with any opinion one has about life, 50% of it has to do with genetics (one being naturally extroverted or introverted) and 50% has to do with environment. You'd stated you'd had rough experiences with people in the past. The more time that passes since those unfortunate events, the more the exception of isolation becomes the norm.

                Inversely, I had the luck of having someone there for me in the most difficult period of my life, someone I could rely on, someone I loved. My trust && dependence on one person branched off as I began inviting more people into my life, thus the presence of others in my life grew && grew.

                I guess what I'm trying to say is that people who consider socialization important are those who have been interdependent && have willingly accepted people into their lives for a while. Over time, one's surroundings can shape who they are. They shaped me.

                I'm not condoning your agitator's butthole-ness. One's circumstances in life are beyond their control, && those they do have control of are personal perojatives, && no one has the right to judge.

                Quote:
                Originally Posted by Fxcking Tatertots View Post
                Every single one of my problems involve others, so what's the point of having a friend?
                I have to disagree with this, personally. When I'm alone, the longer I think about a problem, the more I begin playing the "what-if" game, && the more my thoughts become counterproductive. Having a friend I can trust && vent to who can offer advice && comfort keeps me grounded in contentment && sanity.

                But that's just me offering an alternate way of looking at it, the way the others involved in your dilemma may be looking at it.
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                  #14    
                Old April 24th, 2010 (11:08 PM).
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                I think I just found your problem. Go outside. Meet people. Talk to people, do things. Being a hermit will get you nowhere. You can't give up on something if you don't put effort into it. :|
                This. I'm on a computer all the time (between home, work, and school), but I still get out and interact with people, be it at work, at school, or in my free time. Finding groups of people in your area who share a common interest with you is a great way to make people. And not acting aloof helps quite a bit when meeting new people. (b'-')b

                In your case, find a hobby shop that does LAN gaming nights or something like that, since you seem interested in computer games, unless it's not those kind of computer games you enjoy.
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                Old April 24th, 2010 (11:17 PM).
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                  Quote:
                  Originally Posted by donavannj View Post
                  Finding groups of people in your area who share a common interest with you is a great way to make people. And not acting aloof helps quite a bit when meeting new people. (b'-')b
                  Agreed entirely.

                  Judging by the way the people you were talking to responded, they aren't quite the kind of people who'd be open to your side of the story. Responding to their trolling wouldn'tve made them change their views on the matter, regardless of how much sensible logic you used. Disabling your facebook for the time being, or at least ignoring them, was probably the best thing to do.
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                  Old April 25th, 2010 (12:52 AM).
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                    what if you're not interested in socializing simply because it's not as fun as say, playing a video game, for example?
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                    Old April 25th, 2010 (1:15 AM).
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                      Quote:
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                      what if you're not interested in socializing simply because it's not as fun as say, playing a video game, for example?
                      Not everything in life is fun.
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                        #18    
                      Old April 25th, 2010 (1:30 AM).
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                        Quote:
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                        Not everything in life is fun.
                        true, but if something is not fun, and it's not necessary, why bother with it?
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                        Old April 25th, 2010 (1:35 AM).
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                          Quote:
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                          true, but if something is not fun, and it's not necessary, why bother with it?
                          Well... "necessary" is a somewhat subjective term...
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                          Old April 25th, 2010 (1:46 AM).
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                            Well... "necessary" is a somewhat subjective term...
                            exactly. and it certainly isn't necessary for me to go out and party and drink and have a great time out with people...i haven't got a problem if that's people's thing, but it's not mine. i just don't find any of that stuff fun...i don't find sitting around and socializing just for the sake of socializing fun either...totally unnecessary~

                            i guess it's hard for ppl to understand but i like being hermit and i see no problem with it
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                            Old April 25th, 2010 (2:07 AM).
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                              Quote:
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                              exactly. and it certainly isn't necessary for me to go out and party and drink and have a great time out with people...i haven't got a problem if that's people's thing, but it's not mine. i just don't find any of that stuff fun...i don't find sitting around and socializing just for the sake of socializing fun either...totally unnecessary~
                              that's not the route i was taking.
                              the point i'm trying to make is, what do you define as "necessary"? necessary for life, or necessary for a sustainable lifestyle?

                              it isn't necessary for anyone to go out to parties. fun? yes. necessary? certainly not.

                              on the other hand though, for many people, myself included, socialization && continuous communication is important. social isolation for me is unbearable, as i'm a natural pessimist && my thoughts spiral out of control as i play out impossible yet convincing mental scenarios in an endless game of "what if". having people in life, having a friend, having someone to trust && take advice from prevents me from what one could call neurotic thought.

                              i, for one, see that as "necessary".
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                              Old April 25th, 2010 (2:18 AM).
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                                Quote:
                                Originally Posted by Erin View Post
                                that's not the route i was taking.
                                the point i'm trying to make is, what do you define as "necessary"? necessary for life, or necessary for a sustainable lifestyle?

                                it isn't necessary for anyone to go out to parties. fun? yes. necessary? certainly not.

                                on the other hand though, for many people, myself included, socialization && continuous communication is important. social isolation for me is unbearable, as i'm a natural pessimist && my thoughts spiral out of control as i play out impossible yet convincing mental scenarios in an endless game of "what if". having people in life, having a friend, having someone to trust && take advice from prevents me from what one could call neurotic thought.

                                i, for one, see that as "necessary".
                                oh. i understand what you're saying...well its obviously not necessary for life, and in my case not necessary for sustainable lifestyle...eh maybe i'm in denial? though i've never been anything remotely close to social and it doesn't really bug me...it actually bugs me more being around people who wanna make small talk, which usually turns out to be an unnecessary and awkward experience lolz it's not my fault awkward silences get to them!!

                                going out to parties is not fun, nor is it necessary for me - there ya go, subjective again.

                                lol i see why people value socialization, and i'm not so lost as to struggle to imagine why they find it fun and valuable...the case is simply that it's not for me...i do a lot of thinking, easily get caught up in my thoughts and imagination, and people's voices just disrupt my whole flow you know what i mean? XD

                                i guess another thing is i really don't have much to say to begin with...i usually have little or no insight or interest in the topics ppl bring up and discuss...i'm definitely ignorant, but i can't force myself to be interested in things that i'm naturally not
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                                Old April 25th, 2010 (2:22 AM).
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                                  respectable standpoint. that's why it's subjective.
                                  by continuing the conversation though, you're technically being social =D.
                                  not that i have a problem with it. most recognition i've gotten here thus far... =P
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                                  Old April 25th, 2010 (2:26 AM).
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                                    respectable standpoint. that's why it's subjective.
                                    by continuing the conversation though, you're technically being social =D.
                                    not that i have a problem with it. most recognition i've gotten here thus far... =P
                                    lol the irony of it all!!!
                                    you were baiting me the whole time weren't you? and i took it. well played~
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                                    Old April 25th, 2010 (2:33 AM).
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                                      Quote:
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                                      lol the irony of it all!!!
                                      you were baiting me the whole time weren't you? and i took it. well played~
                                      Quite. =))
                                      Just wait, sooner or later i'll have you partyin' like a rock star.
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