Why is socialization so important? Page 2

Started by Fxcking Tatertots April 24th, 2010 8:16 PM
  • 1855 views
  • 47 replies
Age 33
Male
South Yorkshire, England
Seen February 25th, 2013
Posted June 18th, 2010
314 posts
13.2 Years
There's actually been medical tests proving that being social leads to a healthier life, both mentally and phsyically.

Don't let a few bad experiences ruin it for you, get out there and make some real friends and you'll feel much better for it...


"A clever person solves a problem, a wise person avoids it" ~ Albert Einstein


95% of people on the internet have a statistic in their signature, if you're one of the 5% than don't place this in your signa-- Wait... Damn...

Yusshin

♪ Yggdrasil ♪

Age 30
Quebec, Canada
Seen May 13th, 2013
Posted May 13th, 2013
2,414 posts
13.8 Years
I'm in a similar boat, OP.

When I was a child, I never had any friends. From age four to ten, the only "friends" I had were the people who threw tennis balls at me and called me various names, such as "fat" and "ugly". They also distorted my first name because someone in my class had a similar name with the same pronunciation, but it was spelt in a way that they found more suitable. I was therefore called "Tay-Lore" instead of "Tay-lure" for four years, regardless my telling them not to call me as such.

When I was seven, I was molested by an aunt who got away with it. The same aunt also tried to make me smoke as well as steal from my grandmother. My mother was out of the picture; my father was neglectful. My father, siblings, cousins, and aunts resorted to calling me names like my peers, only it went far worse generally by extending to "*******", "mukface", and other hurtful comments. I had cable until age six; my father than removed it, saying it's crud. At the time, I was angry, but presently I'm thankful he did that since television is, indeed, crap.

When I was entering fifth grade (ten/eleven), I saw the world clearly for how monstrous it is. I still give people way too many chances, since I like to think that the world is a good place, but I'm just lying to myself. I started writing novels at this age because it was the only kind of "company" I could actually get that would let me control it and say how it feels. I found a few friends after changing schools at this time, but most of them didn't like me (perhaps I was too hyper-active?), and one even purposefully destroyed the first novelette that I wrote by dropping it in a bucket of water. Fortunately, her mother saved it for me by blowing it down with a hairdryer, but I'll always remember that.

Around thirteen was when I discovered my father was happy I was bullied my life. His reasoning? He believed it was because I was bullied that I wrote novels, my IQ shot up, and I became gifted in linguistics. I believe that the fact I was isolated from everyone my entire life perhaps allowed for these skills to develop, but I wouldn't agree with the method that my gifts became evident.

It is because of my tyrant peers and terrible family history that I have absolutely no social skills, and sometimes, I can't communicate properly and I insult people without meaning to. I also come off as obnoxious and arrogant, but really, I'm just extremely shy and friendly.

On the Internet, I can express myself better, and after becoming depressed around the age of thirteen and becoming addicted to my Internet friends, my father used that against me, too. He would threaten if I didn't do pretty much every housework-related job in the house, that he'd remove the computer - my "safe haven" from the darkness of my home. I did pretty much everything my father asked me to do for if not, I'd be detached temporarily from the only people I felt cared about me even a little bit.

Present day, I still have no social skills, and it has caused me a lot of problems. Working and dealing with customers traumatizes me; I will need to find a job in the future that doesn't deal with people, because people scare me to death if they're a customer. I'm very self-conscious; I'm afraid what people will think of me, what they will say, and how they'll react. I'm prone to crying if anyone raises their tone. Therapy didn't help; the woman basically said that the Internet was my issue, and not anything else. How could this be, if the Internet friends are the only ones that make me feel nice about myself?

If you don't socialize with people, it'll cause a lot of problems job-wise in the future. Popularity isn't that important; you just need basic socialization skills, or you'll end up in a worse state that I'm in. If you don't socialize, you're not a "loser". You most likely have your reasons because by nature, humans are sociable creatures. If you're not sociable, it's not your "nature", but merely a trait brought on by something that's happened in the past, or by a preference, such as reading, writing, etc. The people who thinks that socialization is "everything" because of popularity-related reasons have skewed views of the world. The only real importance for socialization is so you don't feel alone, vulnerable, insecure... and so that you don't have issues working, and of those other issues, you'll have someone to talk to about them.

I don't believe you're a "loser" if you don't socialize. Not at all. The people based on popularity, fads, and the cheap, ****ty music of modern day are the losers.


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Age 28
Male
Unova
Seen September 9th, 2015
Posted May 17th, 2015
741 posts
14.3 Years
Hmm. I'm sort of torn here. On the one hand, I've pushed everyone I've known in school away for various reasons, and I keep them away. One too many hard-learned lessons caused this. And so, during the school day, I am a black hole of rage and anti-socialization that no attempts to talk to me can have any affect. You would NOT wanna try and talk to me at school.

On the other hand I have a lot of good friends from my out of school activities. I think it all depends on whether or not they accept you for who you are and what the situation or crowd dictates.
Age 31
Male
Brazil
Seen March 15th, 2014
Posted March 12th, 2013
346 posts
13.2 Years
I don't have many friends in rl nor online. It's not that I am rude, I simply like a huge space to myself. Well, if you're happier on your own, don't let people make you feel excluded for not living within crowds.


@Yusshin
Your case is different, you went through many hardships and according to what you said, you're antisocial now. It's not like there's nothing about personality wether you are extravert or introvert. Anyway, you can always look for another professional for therapy if you feel the need, it's not because you've seen a bad one that every psychologist is like that.
Female
Seen May 2nd, 2010
Posted April 25th, 2010
3 posts
13.1 Years
Despite having been "alone" since freshman year of college, I can't stand it at all, I need to be around people, and to talk to them, because for me, the socialization helps to keep me happy and being alone only amplifies my feelings that I can't belong, I can't fit in, no one cares and all those negative thoughts. I'm not the type of person who thinks x number of friends = social, but just having a group of close friends you can get in touch with and talk to regularly helps out a ton in self esteem.

In terms of online vs real life, I have to say that I met my better friends in person, but once college started, I made better friends online, but then it just struck me that I got tired of spending my time on the computer all day long and that I would rather go out and play frisbee or just hang out with my friends in person... only to realize I no longer really had them since everyone had moved on, went to other colleges and made new friends and somehow I got left behind.

I mean, you can say you're fine being online, but at some point, you'll come to realize that there's something about having closer friends that makes you feel better as a whole. Personally as I started drifting away from online communities and games a whole, and started focusing on things I wanted to do outdoors and trying to make friends, I started realizing how much I couldn't stand people online, especially those who took games and stuff too seriously.

Zeph.

Casual Player, Silly Username

Age 30
Male
Scotland
Seen October 16th, 2017
Posted August 8th, 2015
1,294 posts
14.6 Years
Socialising is just natural, aswell as healthy.

Please don't go saying things like you'd rather play games all day. Of course playing games a lot every few days is fine (and fun :P), a social life is worth so much more in the long run.
"You can't fly a tank fool!"
- B.A. Baracus, The A-Team

/ω´ 3`)。

Neil Peart

Learn to swim

Age 32
Male
Helsinki, Finland
Seen April 10th, 2021
Posted March 7th, 2021
753 posts
13.1 Years
It's easy to be labeled an outcast in this country. So many people demean what doesn't appeal to them because it gives them a swelling of pride (for example, homophobes and racists). Shut-ins aren't safe from the radar of intolerance, either.
If you’ve got a problem, take it out on a drum.
Age 32
Female
Ottawa
Seen March 16th, 2015
Posted January 13th, 2011
190 posts
14.3 Years
I can relate. My experiences throughout elementary school left me feeling down-trodden and distrusting of people. I'm a quiet, shy person to begin with, but after that I really withdrew myself.

In highschool, though, I was fortunate enough to open up a bit, and I found a great group of friends. Highschool was definitely a good time for me/

But now that I've moved to a different city and go to college, I've fallen into the same pit I was as a kid. I avoid people, often question why they talk to me, etc.

I must say that I too want nothing more that to stay at home all day and never have to deal with people. It's not healthy, though, I know it's not. I often feel angry, depressed, lethargic. I don't feel well physically, mentally, or emotionally. So I've been trying to go out more and talk to people.
It's hard, but as highschool has showed me, I definitely do feel better when I go out and socialize with my friends. Online friends are great to be around to have fun, but there's something 'extra' when you're around your real friends. I don't know how to describe it. You feel more...fullfilled, I guess.

Unfortunately, there always seem to be more bad people than good ones out there. :/
Best of luck in whatever you do.

NarutoActor

The rocks cry out to me

Age 29
Female
Brooklyn/Marlboro
Seen April 2nd, 2016
Posted March 22nd, 2016
1,974 posts
14.4 Years
humans are like that. We were made to build relationships, why live so isolated?
~There are those people who understand hex, F the rest

Melody

Banned

Female
Cuddling those close to me
Seen March 4th, 2018
Posted March 2nd, 2018
6,459 posts
18.6 Years
I don't understand why people are considered losers just because they don't socialize.

Approximately 2 days ago on Facebook, I commented on a "friend's" [more like *******] status, and one of the people said "no friends = loser". And I said that the world must be a warped place if they think the only way a person can have a life is by socializing. Then they said *my* views were skewed, and then general trolling, which I retorted to saying that at least I don't have to deal with other people's dramas. So in the end, sick and tired of being around ignorant people, I've disabled my Facebook.

I have my reasons why I don't socialize. As you can guess, I've had bad experiences, and don't trust people or hang out with them much in case I do. Being around others make me feel bad about myself [especially when it involves a person who is better than me in every way]; I seriously think I'm not good enough because of that. I'm an ass about many things all the time due to the same reason. Every single one of my problems involve others, so what's the point of having a friend?


NB: Any trolling , and you will be reported.
I have to disagree. I've met more areseholes online than IRL. They get worse everyday, I swear. :[

Honestly, I sympathize with you. I do not even have a Facebook or a Myspace account. I have a LiveJournal account, which I feel is sufficiently off the beaten path...and even with that, you've got to register to LiveJournal and become my friend there to see anything interesting. I'm a very private person, to which self-reflection is a priority

I know how you feel there but you're always going to have jerks. We live in a world of idiots who criticize those for different reasons. I've dealt with it pretty much my whole life and it;s NOT fun. Still, that doesn't make it bad to socialize. You can't shut yourself off from it just because of the bad people you meet. It only makes things worse for you.

I have problems socalizing for reasons I'm not going to mention. You don't see me locking myself up just because of the jerks, do you? I have great friends and even a boyfriend who loves me more than anything. D: You just have to find the people that have the same interests you do and I'm sure you'll have some great friends.
I am that boyfriend. :3


I know this has nothing to do with Facebook, but it does relate to the topic in general. When I was a little kid I couldn't make any friends for years. It wasn't 'cause I wasn't social so much as I was terrible at it so everyone kind of shunned me. My question is why are people (especially girls, from my experience) so apt to shut out those who are less skilled with socializing? It sure as heck doesn't help the person in question develop their skill or allow them to keep a grip on self-confidence. Makes 'em torment themself trying to figure out why they keep failing, and after a long time, begin to think of themself as inherently a failure or develop strong negative connotations with things like 'socializing'. I was pretty much in this boat but college has helped me recover quite a lot, and continues to do so.

Over time (especially in the past year or so) I have met and befriended more and more folks. Thankfully I've learned that the world is nothing like middle/high school. Yeah, it's full of pricks and ignoramuses, but the real friends you do have, no matter how few or how many, are the ones that make it better in the end. Always stick with the people that make you feel good, not the ones that treat you like poo or drag you through the mud.

Good lord, I went off on a tangent ._.
Agreed. It's the people who are kind who you should be with, not the *******s who abuse you. No matter how you try to rationalize it, if someone is abusing you, then they clearly resent you for something and you should GET AWAY!

A friend is someone for both parties to mutually shoulder doubts and troubles, as well as share joyous feelings and whatnot... A friend puts one in perspective with another being, and thus defines one's own bounds and reasons; something like that. To paraphrase one of Neon Genesis Evangelion's later episodes "with total freedom you are alone, but uneasy; here's a restriction, you are now more sure about everything, but one aspect of freedom has been removed". As we follow this logic, of course, the more confident one can feel, because one's world is defined, yet the less free for the same reason — a sort of bliss in ignorance, I suppose, which most people will actively seek for their own comfort, forming groups... nations. Everything is, ultimately, for the benefit of the individuals involved, and since this is mutual, the benefit of all and thus we have a greater good.

And that is why, or at least what I believe is why, we as humans are social creatures to whom the concept of friendship is generally held dear.
Please do ask questions if you have any.
Indeed. Sometimes when there are matters which do not parse correctly, a close friend is always able to put it into perspective. Sometimes there are dilemmas which your personality cannot fathom or solve, and you must seek the answer from someone else. It doesn't mean you're stupid or any less independent...It just means you have the wisdom to seek help when you find yourself in need of it.



All-in-all I do happen to agree with the OP's feelings about society in general, it's occasionally flawed because there are jackasses who simply don't play by the rules as they're supposed to, and these people are truly toxic to all those around them. If you stop and analyze the group, you can usually tell if they're suffering from a toxic person in their group. More toxic people means more problems...and in the rare occasion, there will be a purely toxic group which you should avoid like the plague. You simply must be wise when choosing friends and confidantes. If you don't screen them carefully, you will be burned.
Age 34
Female
My HITT fantasy world. <3
Seen October 1st, 2012
Posted June 8th, 2010
121 posts
13.1 Years
I'm in a similar boat, OP.

When I was a child, I never had any friends. From age four to ten, the only "friends" I had were the people who threw tennis balls at me and called me various names, such as "fat" and "ugly". They also distorted my first name because someone in my class had a similar name with the same pronunciation, but it was spelt in a way that they found more suitable. I was therefore called "Tay-Lore" instead of "Tay-lure" for four years, regardless my telling them not to call me as such.

When I was seven, I was molested by an aunt who got away with it. The same aunt also tried to make me smoke as well as steal from my grandmother. My mother was out of the picture; my father was neglectful. My father, siblings, cousins, and aunts resorted to calling me names like my peers, only it went far worse generally by extending to "*******", "mukface", and other hurtful comments. I had cable until age six; my father than removed it, saying it's crud. At the time, I was angry, but presently I'm thankful he did that since television is, indeed, crap.

When I was entering fifth grade (ten/eleven), I saw the world clearly for how monstrous it is. I still give people way too many chances, since I like to think that the world is a good place, but I'm just lying to myself. I started writing novels at this age because it was the only kind of "company" I could actually get that would let me control it and say how it feels. I found a few friends after changing schools at this time, but most of them didn't like me (perhaps I was too hyper-active?), and one even purposefully destroyed the first novelette that I wrote by dropping it in a bucket of water. Fortunately, her mother saved it for me by blowing it down with a hairdryer, but I'll always remember that.

Around thirteen was when I discovered my father was happy I was bullied my life. His reasoning? He believed it was because I was bullied that I wrote novels, my IQ shot up, and I became gifted in linguistics. I believe that the fact I was isolated from everyone my entire life perhaps allowed for these skills to develop, but I wouldn't agree with the method that my gifts became evident.

It is because of my tyrant peers and terrible family history that I have absolutely no social skills, and sometimes, I can't communicate properly and I insult people without meaning to. I also come off as obnoxious and arrogant, but really, I'm just extremely shy and friendly.

On the Internet, I can express myself better, and after becoming depressed around the age of thirteen and becoming addicted to my Internet friends, my father used that against me, too. He would threaten if I didn't do pretty much every housework-related job in the house, that he'd remove the computer - my "safe haven" from the darkness of my home. I did pretty much everything my father asked me to do for if not, I'd be detached temporarily from the only people I felt cared about me even a little bit.

Present day, I still have no social skills, and it has caused me a lot of problems. Working and dealing with customers traumatizes me; I will need to find a job in the future that doesn't deal with people, because people scare me to death if they're a customer. I'm very self-conscious; I'm afraid what people will think of me, what they will say, and how they'll react. I'm prone to crying if anyone raises their tone. Therapy didn't help; the woman basically said that the Internet was my issue, and not anything else. How could this be, if the Internet friends are the only ones that make me feel nice about myself?

If you don't socialize with people, it'll cause a lot of problems job-wise in the future. Popularity isn't that important; you just need basic socialization skills, or you'll end up in a worse state that I'm in. If you don't socialize, you're not a "loser". You most likely have your reasons because by nature, humans are sociable creatures. If you're not sociable, it's not your "nature", but merely a trait brought on by something that's happened in the past, or by a preference, such as reading, writing, etc. The people who thinks that socialization is "everything" because of popularity-related reasons have skewed views of the world. The only real importance for socialization is so you don't feel alone, vulnerable, insecure... and so that you don't have issues working, and of those other issues, you'll have someone to talk to about them.

I don't believe you're a "loser" if you don't socialize. Not at all. The people based on popularity, fads, and the cheap, ****ty music of modern day are the losers.
You sound a lot like me. except for the whole gifted thing. I'm gifted in writing though so I guess it still counts. XD
amuka anata no kimochi ga hanarete mo
kitto kawarazu aimukeiru
amuka anata ni boku ga mienakute mo
kitto kawarazu aimukeiru
I will walk together, the future not promised
It keeps walking together, to the future in which you are

[cassis by gazette]

[paired with pachy]

tsurai koto sae wasureru kurai
anata wo omotteiru
aenai yoru wo kazoeru tabi ni
kogareru mune
kakechigai no sabishisa tsunoru douka hitorikiri de nakanaide
donna ni hanareteite mo shinjiaeru futari de iyou

Yusshin

♪ Yggdrasil ♪

Age 30
Quebec, Canada
Seen May 13th, 2013
Posted May 13th, 2013
2,414 posts
13.8 Years


You sound a lot like me. except for the whole gifted thing. I'm gifted in writing though so I guess it still counts. XD
lol well, people like us need to support people like us, since we know how it feels ):


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Kura

twitter.com/puccarts

Age 33
Female
London, UK (orig. Toronto, Canada)
Seen August 30th, 2021
Posted August 24th, 2021
10,993 posts
18.7 Years
There's always online friends, who are surprisingly a lot better than the ones you can find IRL in most cases.
I disagree, too. Although I've met some amazing people online, most of the reason that they do seem more amazing is that they don't actually have to put in any effort for anything. They can take a couple minutes to formulate what they're gonna say. They can't actually stay back and see if you'll be ok in a certain situation.. or go out with you when you need someone to be there with you if you need to go to an appointment or event.

It's so biased. Online, you only really deem that they're better according to how much you talk to each other and how well your interests mesh together.. there is no REAL trust or sacrifice unless they prove it to you in other means. (Send you snailmail if you're feeling down. Draw you a picture online. Call you if they haven't seen you in a little while and want to talk.)

I've noticed that online friends are completely meaningless if you basically don't hear from them if you wander to another forum/ don't go on MSN/ etc.

I do have a few online friends that I call/ text/ send snailmail to/ and basically make an effort to say hello and prove to them that I'm a real friend.

Just saying.






Also, social status means nothing if you genuinely enjoy having time to yourself. People like that on Facebook just want to feel like they're better than you (a shining freaking ego) or just get some sort of reaction from you (a shining ego + a crappy attitude/ personality + douchery.)

Either way, in my eyes, people with a negative attitude are deemed losers, and it has nothing to do with how many friends they have. A loser, to me, is someone who can't think things through properly and continuously proves that they are no good to society.


Also, you could've just blocked that guy from Facebook instead of disabling your account. He probably wanted to harass you like that and I think you should've just stood up to him by blocking/ reporting him so that HE gets kicked off or banned from Facebook :/

Just my two cents.
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Melody

Banned

Female
Cuddling those close to me
Seen March 4th, 2018
Posted March 2nd, 2018
6,459 posts
18.6 Years


lol well, people like us need to support people like us, since we know how it feels ):
Exactly! I was essentially in the same boat as you Yusshin, for a while and I still am. I'll admit, life has gotten better as of adulthood (18+) but that's because life in general isn't like school...and even High School was decent for me.

I didn't have bad parents perse, but my mom was a total loser and my dad ended up raising me and my brother. I was somewhat lucky in the respect that I had a little brother...it helped me loads, because I had to teach him things and help him come to terms with things, as he's helped me come to terms with things sometimes.

Yusshin

♪ Yggdrasil ♪

Age 30
Quebec, Canada
Seen May 13th, 2013
Posted May 13th, 2013
2,414 posts
13.8 Years
Your case is different, you went through many hardships and according to what you said, you're antisocial now. It's not like there's nothing about personality wether you are extravert or introvert. Anyway, you can always look for another professional for therapy if you feel the need, it's not because you've seen a bad one that every psychologist is like that.
I was considering seeing a different one. Even my outreach teacher mentioned it to me. I'm very sociable with people I know well, though. It's hard for me to talk to people, make friends, and just plainly be myself. I'm different from other people, and I don't handle criticism very well. In fact, if I'm criticized gravely, I'm more likely not to improve, but to have my already next-to-nothing confidence extinguished completely. I was raised to believe that I wasn't allowed to make mistakes; even though now I believe different, it's very difficult to change what's been implanted into my mind for fifteen years. Heck, I would've committed suicide at fourteen following my having cut my arms with a random piece of beer bottle I found outside had it not been for a certain someone entering my life for good.



Exactly! I was essentially in the same boat as you Yusshin, for a while and I still am. I'll admit, life has gotten better as of adulthood (18+) but that's because life in general isn't like school...and even High School was decent for me.

I didn't have bad parents perse, but my mom was a total loser and my dad ended up raising me and my brother. I was somewhat lucky in the respect that I had a little brother...it helped me loads, because I had to teach him things and help him come to terms with things, as he's helped me come to terms with things sometimes.
Life has gotten better for me, too, but my psychology is broken completely. People scare me. Dealing with money scares me. Being in a group and not knowing anyone scares me. Working independently at a job where I can't ask questions if I'm in doubt scares me. Society scares me. People think I'm a wuss, but I can't help it. I try to mask it, though :| Some people actually believe I'm very sociable, but they're confusing that with my talking to people I know well. When it comes to meeting new people, introducing mysef, interviews, working, school, etc. I'm like a six-year-old with a gun capped at their head.

I've tried to change, too, but it's just too difficult .-.

I sound like a complainer now lol Wonderful >>;


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Melody

Banned

Female
Cuddling those close to me
Seen March 4th, 2018
Posted March 2nd, 2018
6,459 posts
18.6 Years


I was considering seeing a different one. Even my outreach teacher mentioned it to me. I'm very sociable with people I know well, though. It's hard for me to talk to people, make friends, and just plainly be myself. I'm different from other people, and I don't handle criticism very well. In fact, if I'm criticized gravely, I'm more likely not to improve, but to have my already next-to-nothing confidence extinguished completely. I was raised to believe that I wasn't allowed to make mistakes; even though now I believe different, it's very difficult to change what's been implanted into my mind for fifteen years. Heck, I would've committed suicide at fourteen following my having cut my arms with a random piece of beer bottle I found outside had it not been for a certain someone entering my life for good.



Life has gotten better for me, too, but my psychology is broken completely. People scare me. Dealing with money scares me. Being in a group and not knowing anyone scares me. Working independently at a job where I can't ask questions if I'm in doubt scares me. Society scares me. People think I'm a wuss, but I can't help it. I try to mask it, though :| Some people actually believe I'm very sociable, but they're confusing that with my talking to people I know well. When it comes to meeting new people, introducing mysef, interviews, working, school, etc. I'm like a six-year-old with a gun capped at their head.

I've tried to change, too, but it's just too difficult .-.

I sound like a complainer now lol Wonderful >>;
Well, in your case, it is indeed wise to find a professional who can indeed help you with your problems. I know I was lucky, ultimately so, because my nature simply did not permit such damage to my psyche. I always sought second opinions, as it's my personality trait to do so. Now, I may not always take the second opinion so well, but I do analysis of it. Sometimes things which are shot down by the immediate analysis, get salvaged during the postmortem analysis. (I am always analyzing things which have been discussed and decided upon already, and I'm always analyzing memories which are still fresh in my mind. Such is the essence of my personality)

With all that being said, I understand fully how difficult it can be to recover from even minor psyche damage. It's truly difficult because fear is an inbuilt survival mechanism which tends to be a ***** to override. x3

Yusshin

♪ Yggdrasil ♪

Age 30
Quebec, Canada
Seen May 13th, 2013
Posted May 13th, 2013
2,414 posts
13.8 Years
Well, in your case, it is indeed wise to find a professional who can indeed help you with your problems. I know I was lucky, ultimately so, because my nature simply did not permit such damage to my psyche. I always sought second opinions, as it's my personality trait to do so. Now, I may not always take the second opinion so well, but I do analysis of it. Sometimes things which are shot down by the immediate analysis, get salvaged during the postmortem analysis. (I am always analyzing things which have been discussed and decided upon already, and I'm always analyzing memories which are still fresh in my mind. Such is the essence of my personality)

With all that being said, I understand fully how difficult it can be to recover from even minor psyche damage. It's truly difficult because fear is an inbuilt survival mechanism which tends to be a ***** to override. x3
Sometimes, I value certain opinions above others. If my father tells me I'm a total idiot, ignorant, and retarded, and then turns around and calls me something nice, I'm more prone to ignore the nice and absorb the hate .-. It's very unhealthy. I also feel that if someone close to me compliments me, it's an "obligation", and not something they do by will. That's why sometimes I value what random people say to me over what close members tell me, unless it's hurtful. If it's hurtful, I give close people more importance.

I don't know why I developped into thinking like that, but it's really bad. I don't know how to change it, though. I've tried and tried, and I'm afraid that a psychologist will just try to tell me something that I know is wrong, like last time.

The only psychologist I know that would accept me freely has a huge waiting list. I don't know what to do @[email protected] I'm moving soon, too, and I don't know how I'm going to continue with a psychologist if I start over here in the first place...

Meh... Thus, I'm a prime example of the importance of socialization :| Don't socialize, and you'll become a fearful mouse like me ><


Polaret | Fourette | Ecuret | Axew | Zorua | Nanette [Shiny]
"My scar makes me sassy, child!"
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The French Club
Age 34
Male
Toowoomba, Australia.
Seen May 29th, 2010
Posted May 8th, 2010
74 posts
13.1 Years
Having social interaction IS a necessary part of life.
It creates necessary social skills that are needed for survival.
Put it this way, if you're going for a job, particularly something team based, sales for example.
You could have the best sales record in the world, you could be so good you could sell rubbers to a monk, or ice to an eskimo, but if you dont have the skills to be able to interact with people, and someone else does, you have no hope.
No job, no money, no survival.

That is of course but one example. Just off the top of my head.

I personally have never had any of these problems, I was always one of the popular kids all through my schooling. I have tons of great friends, some I see more than others.
I go out, party and do things with groups of people all the time.
It helps that I happen to be overly extroverted though I guess.
- To survive, you would have to be as mad as a hatter...
Which thankfully, I am.


Emerald Team
Age 32
Female
Blackthorn City
Seen May 16th, 2010
Posted April 29th, 2010
161 posts
13.1 Years
Also, you could've just blocked that guy from Facebook instead of disabling your account. He probably wanted to harass you like that and I think you should've just stood up to him by blocking/ reporting him so that HE gets kicked off or banned from Facebook :/

Just my two cents.
I actually de-friended the guy first, then decided it won't work that way and just disabled the whole thing, as there is a bunch of bitter-tasting fish in the sea. I just didn't want to deal with **** anymore. I've been feeling a bit better since I've disabled it, so yeah.

To everyone else, thanks. Don't know what else to say, since it will probably some out wrong.

Neil Peart

Learn to swim

Age 32
Male
Helsinki, Finland
Seen April 10th, 2021
Posted March 7th, 2021
753 posts
13.1 Years
I can simplify this all - if you like being alone, it's not the duty of ANYONE to say you're going to turn out this way/that way. Leave these people alone.
If you’ve got a problem, take it out on a drum.

helix

tea-binger.

Age 31
Male
Seen January 21st, 2016
Posted October 7th, 2012
439 posts
15.4 Years
Can anyone honestly say that there was not a point in their life when they were happy to make someone else happy? One socialises because they wish to connect themselves with the animated, living world around them, and perhaps they give the slightest darn about the people they talk to.

Either way, socialising has merit, allowing one to share knowledge, ideas and expressions with others. But chaining yourself to your social life until all you care about is your interconnection with it is like being in an abusive relationship with the entire world around you and letting them push you down. And those who do choose their social life over themselves as individuals until they lose touch with who they are.. I feel for them.

Not to say I'm so established and whole in myself as a person that I could be a hermit, that is. But I've already decided that if I was ever supposed to choose between my relationship with others and my personal individuality, I would choose myself.