Spiral and Take Me Dancing

Started by ~Ozy~ November 3rd, 2004 6:55 PM
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  • 3 replies

~Ozy~

PC's Unofficial Poetry Critic

Age 34
White Sword Tower
Seen June 12th, 2012
Posted December 1st, 2006
5,246 posts
19 Years
This was inspired by two things, mainly. First, Blaine's forthrightness in Control, and second, my own particular issues. I used to have anger issues. My medication gave me others. Read, rate, enjoy.

One cut more
And I spiral down
I fall ever deeper
Never hitting the ground.

One cut deeper
I feel the pain
The blood runs down
Red glorious rain.

One cut further
There's no hope, no light
I love the darkness
I can taste the night.

One cut two
I look over again
My knife lies there
No hope, just sin.


Well, there's what I used to be like. My next poem reflects a salvation of sorts. I found somebody I love. Caring for them has really helped me stop with this. In this one, I tried a departure from my usual style. Tell me what you think. It's really not my best, though.

You sent me reeling
Amongst the stars
Planets and glaxies
The cosmos is now
At our command
Our bodies entwined
Our minds as one
Two souls together
Seperated by skin alone
I gaze into your eyes
I share you pain
And now, my love
I find it true
Just three little words
Can't share my heart
Eternally devoted and wed to my darling pet, Nagoyaka Aikouka.


"Your Grace, all that you say is true. On the Trident, Rhaegar fought valiantly, Rhaegar fought honorably, Rhaegar fought nobly, and Rhaegar died.

~Ozy~

PC's Unofficial Poetry Critic

Age 34
White Sword Tower
Seen June 12th, 2012
Posted December 1st, 2006
5,246 posts
19 Years
Thanks, both of you. I really did try to achieve a repetitive, flowing structure in Spiral. Again, thanks.
Eternally devoted and wed to my darling pet, Nagoyaka Aikouka.


"Your Grace, all that you say is true. On the Trident, Rhaegar fought valiantly, Rhaegar fought honorably, Rhaegar fought nobly, and Rhaegar died.