just a short story i made...

Started by 123BOOM May 1st, 2010 6:45 PM
  • 762 views
  • 4 replies

123BOOM

Lilith|Samael|Lucifer

Male
The Sanitarium
Seen July 25th, 2010
Posted July 25th, 2010
12 posts
13.1 Years
Chapter One
I was walking home from school one day when I noticed that I had a tick on my arm. I had no idea how it had gotten there. I tried to rip it off, but it was clamped on my arm tight. Then my vision got all fuzzy and my head started to pound. What is going on? I thought. I heard a loud noise, like a bell. I snapped out of my dream. I hit my alarm clock and got up. My head still hurt. How strange, I thought.
When I got to school I remembered we had a field trip that day. In the woods. Oh great. But that wasn't the end of it.


Haha someone make the next chapter to make a story!
I have escaped the mental hospital joined this site.
Age 36
Seen 15 Hours Ago
Posted 2 Days Ago
This is really lacking the description to make it understandable. Even though the quality of the grammar is good, it's lacking in other ways that make it not quite fit what the standards are of this section.

Slow down the plot pacing a bit and take the time to describe a few things so that your readers don't get confused. Right now, your story's moving kind of fast, and this is short to a fault.

Avatar credit: Fairy