Legendary Revenge (one-shot)

Started by Dragonfree November 5th, 2004 11:18 AM
  • 490 views
  • 6 replies

Dragonfree

Teh Spwriter. :3

Age 33
Female
Iceland
Seen February 9th, 2020
Posted November 28th, 2012
1,290 posts
19.1 Years
Legendary Revenge


I pant, running through the lush forest. For how long will this being chase me? Will it catch me? And strangest of all, why is it chasing me in the first place?

I dont know, seriously. I was just walking when I noticed it. Of course, I was absolutely freaked. Some kind of a bloodthirsty saber-toothed tiger with evil-looking red eyes and horribly long claws.

But what scares me the most is that it seems to have a supernatural control over the element of lightning. The storm clouds seem to follow it around; the lightning strikes seem to go by its will. And it is always after me, with that horrible glare. I sleep in whatever shelter I can find, fearing it. I dont know how I am still alive.

And I dont know why it is after me.

No, wait. Maybe it has something to do with that Pokmon I caught the other day. What did my Pokdex call it again? Sweetun? Seekun? No, Suicune. Thats it. A pretty big, slender thing that could either be a feline or a canine, I dont know. All sky blue in color except for a long, purple cloak that seems to grow from the base of its neck, the white underbelly and some diamond-shaped white spots. And those silky ribbons. The ribbons and the cloak were always rippling in small waves, I remember.

It was weird when I caught it. I just saw that thing and let Ariados shoot a sticky web at it so it couldnt escape. Suddenly all the wild Pokmon of Johto seemed to have something against me, gathering around and snarling, trying to fight me off. I just threw my Master Ball at the thing and ran for it, once matters really started to get serious. But ever since, the Pokmon have been hissing at me wherever Ive passed. Weird.

Most of them I didnt really have a problem beating, of course, being the Johto League Champion and all, but truth to be told, it was lucky I managed to kill that Ent-whatever thing. Man, that was creepy. Like some gigantic, crimson lion with a cloud on its back and chains on its legs. It was the only one that seemed to be a match for my Pokmon, but Scyther took care of it. It was an amazing battle, really, but its a shame it wouldnt show any signs of being hurt so I had to resort to slitting its throat because I dont think it was aware of the rule that Pokmon mustnt attack trainers, judging from its behavior. But it was very shortly after that that this beast started following me. All the more dangerous-looking, too, so I dont want to risk battling it until its necessary. But I feel its going to be soon. That monster is just too fast

A roar of thunder tells me its close. I try to quicken my pace, but Im too tired. I have no choice, though. Trying to fly on Pidgeot away from something thats very obviously an Electric type would be automatic suicide.

I dare stopping to look around. There it stands, the beast, snarling at me, still with that evil look in its eyes.

I point my Pokdex slowly at it.

Raikou, Thunder Pokmon, it says electronically. No data.

Raikou. So thats what its called.

I choose you, Steelix! I announce, holding up my biggest team members Pokball. But Raikou cheats; it sends a small jolt of electricity at the Pokball. I drop it instinctively as it all of a sudden glows white-hot, and it melts in mid-air.

No! Steelix! I shout out, horrified. Raikou just growls, leaning back. Then it leaps, and I feel the tigers wicked, two-inch-long claws dig into my body. The pain is unimaginable, tearing, burning. I scream, but nobody hears it. Those horrible jaws lock around my neck, and I feel the long fangs sink in on both sides.

-------

Warm blood oozed out of the dead boys neck. His eyes were open, fixed for eternity on the stars above. His body would never be found.

That was how the Legendary Beast of Thunder intended for it to be.

Mighty Ho-oh, I have avenged my brother Entei lay your blessing upon this act

Raikou gently removed a purple and white orb from the body and threw it into the air. It came back upon the ground, its two halves separating and releasing a sphere of red light which expanded into a slender shape. The red light faded away, allowing the Legendary Beast of Water to shake her head freely.

Come, sister Suicune, said Raikou with quick glance at the boy. Let us continue our eternal race.

The two Legendaries dashed off into the woods.



(A/N: Please, I know very well that trainers would probably know what the Legendaries are, but this fic assumes that they don't, at least not the majority, OK? When I first saw Raikou on my cousin's Gold version (he got it before me) I had no idea what it was, and that's what this idea sprouted from.)
~Butterfree/Dragonfree/antialiasis of The Cave of Dragonflies

Still not going to sprite for your fangame. Sorry, but I don't really sprite or give out permission for people to use my fake Pokémon anymore.

Lily

◕ ‿‿ ◕ double rainbow.

Female
New Joisey
Seen February 26th, 2017
Posted June 26th, 2011
3,329 posts
18.7 Years
I read this at FF.net. XD But anywayz..

I love this one shot, the idea is quite original. I was just a bit confused...how the tone of the fic changed from an ordinary frightened trainer to an ancient tone used by the Raikou. The idea, I absolutely loved it. It fits, although that paragraph containing the information of how he killed the Entei was a tad bit too big. The ending was very good. Overall, if it really did come out of your lack of understanding from a Raikou, I think it's original and clever. XD

I hope you do more one shots soon...^^

( ‿‿ ) PM me for a contract.

Kylie-chan

[span="background:#000; padding: 2px 10px;"][color=#C47399]NERF [b][i][color=#789DED]THIS[/color][/i]![/b] [color=#F7E1EE]♥[/color][/color][/span]

Age 29
Non-binary
New South Wales, Australia
Seen December 3rd, 2022
Posted October 5th, 2016
14,976 posts
18.7 Years
OK...

First of all, Dragonfree, your stories always start with being chased, which is starting to get a bit boring. Sorry, but, yeah.

The description was pretty fine, although the word family horror was in there a bit... nevertheless, a good job there.

Spelling and punctuation, as always, is to be proud of with you, Dragonfree.

Although this sentence was a bit hard to get... Although I got the gist.

I dare stopping to look around. There it stands, the beast, snarling at me, still with that evil look in its eyes.

I love the way your stories have hardly any plot at all, especially as they're so short, but they still capture the imagination with the end.

The theme was strong and kept on-task, you didn't ramble on much, which helped. Also, legendaries are rather OU, but they were used originally in this story.

Just one bit... the Ho-oh thing was a bit strange... how on earth did a trainer-fleeing-from-a-legendary bit turn into some rite of Pokemon?

And the title was pretty OU but captured the story, I guess. The problem with OU is that so many people don't use it properly but use it heaps, making it OU, and the good writers end up with the choice of using OU properly or having a second-rate title.

Nice job, Dragonfree, just mayhaps a bit less running...?
PON PON WAY WAY WAY

あの交差点で皆がもしスキップをして もしあの町の真中でてを繋いで空を見上げたら
Is there a Treeland? If so, there.
Seen March 13th, 2013
Posted April 22nd, 2011
454 posts
18.7 Years
Meh, reviewed this at SPPF but I'll do it here too. Might be craptastic and rather vague but I'll try all the same *shrugs*.

To start things off, let's begin with description. Tis fantastic, captured my attention and didn't get tedious.

Let's see, plot . . . there was a plot IMO where the trainer misunderstands the true rules of the Pokmon world.

Wonderful grasp on first-person P.O.V. Not many can jump into the character like that, walk around in there shoes and actually write what they see in their own insight.

Nice variation of sentences btw.

The ending, quite fast-paced for my liking but it did tie in with the fic and it had the sense of closure in it so meh *shrugs*.

Mood, very foreboding at the beginning when the boy was running. Loved the fact that the boy killed a legendary and the legendary killed the boy.

Overall, a great one-shot Dragonfree.

On a side note though:

Just one bit... the Ho-oh thing was a bit strange... how on earth did a trainer-fleeing-from-a-legendary bit turn into some rite of Pokemon?
Someone apparently didn't get the theme . . . ^^;

LaTeR dAyZ!

Dragonfree

Teh Spwriter. :3

Age 33
Female
Iceland
Seen February 9th, 2020
Posted November 28th, 2012
1,290 posts
19.1 Years
Always start with being chased? o.O As far as I know, I've only written two fics which start with somebody being chased... those two just happen to be the ones you reviewed, Dark_Pikachu. The Quest for the Legends does not... The Type Chart does not... Sunset Beach does not... Pokmon Master does not... only Irony and Legendary Revenge do. And well, if you count my poems, On the Run does, but not Bonds.
~Butterfree/Dragonfree/antialiasis of The Cave of Dragonflies

Still not going to sprite for your fangame. Sorry, but I don't really sprite or give out permission for people to use my fake Pokémon anymore.

Kylie-chan

[span="background:#000; padding: 2px 10px;"][color=#C47399]NERF [b][i][color=#789DED]THIS[/color][/i]![/b] [color=#F7E1EE]♥[/color][/color][/span]

Age 29
Non-binary
New South Wales, Australia
Seen December 3rd, 2022
Posted October 5th, 2016
14,976 posts
18.7 Years
yeah but I only review the top page because of my eyes... o_O

type chart?! I must read more... that's 3 out of 7 or something, I'm hopeless at math... *murders math textbook* oops Ninetales_001 didn't mean to shred your homework up in the shredder...

(and he replies: Dammit, there goes my weekly funtime! I was looking forward to that, DP!)
PON PON WAY WAY WAY

あの交差点で皆がもしスキップをして もしあの町の真中でてを繋いで空を見上げたら

Dragonfree

Teh Spwriter. :3

Age 33
Female
Iceland
Seen February 9th, 2020
Posted November 28th, 2012
1,290 posts
19.1 Years
The Type Chart is not up here. It's also probably my worst fic in most terms apart from originality, so I doubt I'm putting it here at all.

It is funny, though. XD
~Butterfree/Dragonfree/antialiasis of The Cave of Dragonflies

Still not going to sprite for your fangame. Sorry, but I don't really sprite or give out permission for people to use my fake Pokémon anymore.