Miracle Beam A Treecko's destiny (PG-13)

Started by Trainer_Trevor November 6th, 2004 6:14 PM
  • 468 views
  • 6 replies
Age 29
Good Question I Forgot
Seen February 14th, 2015
Posted November 14th, 2009
33 posts
18.6 Years
Summary:

There is a Treecko named Ashlee who is embarked on a mission to find the Miracle Beam. When a nasty team called PokeGang finds out they will stop at nothing to stop her. Will she make it? Or will that team take her and take the Miracle Beam itself? Read to find out

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"I was-"Sorry maam," (Innterupted)
thinking (Thinking)
"<Hi,>" (Other Pokemon talking)
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Chapter One
WHAT!!!

There is a town called Igneous, which is some of the setting. This was no ordinary town either. It was full of Treecko. A Treecko is a grass Pokemon with hooks to climb up things with. A Treecko is also very smart too.

The town was covered in trees. In those trees were green leaves. It was like a jungle in the town of Igneous. Well, our story begins in Igneous outside. There were Treecko playing with each other. One of them was Ashlee. Ashlee was very bright. She was smart too.

"Your Daughter is the smartest in town, we need her on this mission," A team of Treecko were talking to Ashlees parents.

"She is only 10 in Treecko years," her mother Sceptyle said. What is that in human years?"

"22," One of the men said.

"Okay she can go but if she is hurt-"She wont get hurt," She was interrupted as a Treecko talked.

"I was talking," she said. "Make sure she comes home okay."

"Sure thing maam,' they said leaving.

Ashlee was outside with to of her friends. They were Jessica, Cynthia, and Carmen. They were talking painting each others nails.

"I cant wait to be a teen in Treecko years," Ashlee said. "Were past teens in human years."

The men walked over to Ashlee looking at her.

"Ashlee we talked to your mom and we need to take you to her," They said.

They went to her house as she saw her mother stand there. She was nervous. Treecko, Grovyle, and Sceptyle can tell when people are nervous so they knew Ashlees mom was nervous.

"Ashlee I need to tell you something," her mom said.

"Oh boy," Ashlee breathed.

They walked into the living room and sat on the couch. Her mom looked at her. She looked at her mom.

"Honey you be in shock but these group of men need you to go on a mission," she stammered.

"Huh, come again?" she asked.

"These men need you to go on a mission to find something called a Miracle Beam," she said.

"Why me?" she asked.

"Youre," she stammered. "Youre the smartest of Igneous."

"HOW COME THEY ARENT DOING THIS?" Ashlee yelled.

"Uh I think theyre JUST SCARED AND ARE PUTTING UP MY DAUGHTERS LIFE TO FIND THIS MIRACLE BEAM!" her mom yelled.

They looked at each other. Ashlee was nervous. She didnt know what to do. She was just a kid! She wasnt old enough to go on a mission. She knew she was smart but a mission you got to be kidding.

"I really dont understand why Im doing this, Ashlee said. "I know Im smart BUT IM ONLY 10!"

"I agree," her mom said.

"I know its hard but youre the only one we can rely on," they said.

She looked at her mom with scared tears in her eyes. She was nervous even more now she didnt know what could happen to her. She built up courage.

"Ill do it," she said. "Only for the town."

"First you had no choice and well it is for the town," the men said.

She went outside with a rock. The company gave her a sword for things. She walked off out of distance. She got a map out. She saw where Copper was and thats where she had to go to find it. But it was deep in that town too.

"Why me," she said.

She kept walking on the route she looked around and saw something coming her way. It was probably just a Pokemon but little did she know an evil team called PokeGang was watching her. She had to be careful and luckly she might not have to fight.


I'm using Microsoft Word but my Font is Arial from your author Travis Mashburn
Is there a Treeland? If so, there.
Seen March 13th, 2013
Posted April 22nd, 2011
454 posts
18.7 Years
A lot of examples in here . . . be warned.

There is a town called Igneous, which is some of the setting. This was no ordinary town either. It was full of Treecko. A Treecko is a grass Pokemon with hooks to climb up things with. A Treecko is also very smart too.
Igneous is some of the setting huh? What's the rest of it then? Also, only *A* Treecko is smart? Why not all? XP

What's with the repeating? You are repeating in your story. Your story contains repeating. Repeating means you repeat yourself.

^ That's how I you wrote your beginning. For example:

A Treecko is also very smart too.
Ashlee was very bright. She was smart too.
Well obviously if ya told us that. =P Oh, here's more repetition on the same topic:

"Your Daughter is the smartest in town, we need her on this mission," A team of Treecko were talking to Ashlees parents.
. . . . -.-

Anyways, erm, your character personality is kind of interesting, borderline almost human really. o.O But I suppose its a nice change from teh average basic Pokmon characteristic.


A team of Treecko were talking to Ashlees parents.
The men walked over to Ashlee looking at her.
Uh oh, looks like you got your animals confused. =P Either the men just randomly popped up or the Treeckos were actually Dittos in disguse and they changed into men. What fun! *end sarcasm*

Typos here, typos there, watch out for 'em and proofread more carefully k? ^^

I never thought I'd say this about a Pokmon of all things but make sure Ashlee doesn't turn into a Mary-sue. Smart, was chosen to find this miracle beam . . . watch it aighty?

Plotwise, meh, its alrighty I guess, I have never read anything like this but it didn't really catch my attention. ^^;

LaTeR dAyZ!
Age 29
Good Question I Forgot
Seen February 14th, 2015
Posted November 14th, 2009
33 posts
18.6 Years
Thanx Breezy You know me form Serebii i'm travis_and_chlesea
_________________________________________________________________________
Chapter Two
The Deadly Fight

This is a weird twisted story. It has Pokemon but they dont have their powers. So I was letting you know so you wouldnt get confused why they gave Ashlee a sword.

Ashlee saw a Pokemon in the view. It was coming her way. It was in a black jump suit. It carried a sword like her.

<Little did you know your being watched>, it said

Why are you even spying? Ashlee said.

<We want that Miracle Beam>, he said.

Touch ***** cat, Ashlee called to him. I will win this fight.

They clanged swords. They were blowing at each other but never hitting each other.

Give up, Ashlee said.

<Never> Mudkip said. I will beat you and would and in the future I will have the Miracle Beam.

They clanged swords together. They were fighting harder now. The swords were getting louder. They werent stopping at nothing. They were trying to kill each other.

You idiot, Ashlee called out. You should have never have done this.

<Why>? Mudkip said.

You loose, she yelled jabbing him in the heart. Youll live for a while, or until I pull out this sword, What do you have to say?

BACK UP!!! he yelled out. Swarms of people came out. It was like fighting the impossible.

Bring it on, Ashlee called out

They all came toward her with swords. She fell over holding her sword against her. She was going to get the Miracle Beam (Which really will give them powers) and could die!

Im only 10, she yelled. I havent lived a good life yet.

<Shut it>, they called.

She got up and she was mad. No one told her to shut up. She looked angry. She ran and flipped over a guy. She pierced threw its heart from the back. Then she chopped a guy in half.

Anyone else, she yelled.

They all stepped forward.

Okay I guess you all do, she said. All I say is WATCH IT!

She flipped started clanging her sword everywhere. Then she took and pierced threw a Mudkip. Then they all ganged up. One Mudkip made a poke at her. She flipped over it hitting the blade on his side.

So I guess you guys are chickens, she said. TO BE KILLED!

She jumped up and jumped on a Mudkip. She chopped him threw the head. Then she ran slicing a Mudkip in the stomach. She ran around in a circle around them. She was running pretty fast too.

<What the heck is she doing>, one of them said.

Then she ran in slicing threw two Mudkip. She sat down and waited for them to come her way. But the shame was there were only three coming her way at all. She got up. She sliced threw all three

Well I have to say Mudkip cant fight, Ashlee replied.

She walked off into the mist. She held up a map. She looked at it deeply.

So Im almost to sedimentary, she said. But I have a long way to go.

She walked off into the dark. It was like a cave fir sorts. She saw light and walked toward it. Then she walked up stairs and was out. She had walked threw a small cavern.

WOW! she stated. She was in front of a beautiful town. It was big and round. It was full of her weakness though. They were Torchic. Ashlee walked in the town.

What a town, Ashlee said

She walked around looking. The buildings were huge and everything looked gold. It was clean because Torchic really keep clean. Ashlee was amazed. She looked up Sedimentary. She had 3 more towns to go to get to Copper. But the routes were really long.

This town is nifty, she said. I think Ill visit around. Torchic werent outside.

She walked up to a building and went in. All the Torchic looked at him. They all gasped. Ashlee looked at them.

What? Ashlee said.

Three Torchic walked up to her.

<This isnt a town for you>, they said.

Ashlee gulped and grabbed her sword.
Age 31
Seen January 2nd, 2006
Posted December 22nd, 2005
1,214 posts
18.6 Years
Ehhhh... this is A veryyyy strange fan fic... that it is...Pokemon with swords, and no moves... not the best, but original. I give it a 50/100. But thats just me.Hopefully it'll get better...
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