A Light Kiss

Started by Lily November 6th, 2004 8:43 PM
  • 2385 views
  • 10 replies
Is there a Treeland? If so, there.
Seen March 13th, 2013
Posted April 22nd, 2011
454 posts
18.7 Years
Breezy's read this before and reviewed it too so she'll just state the obvious.

Description was nice, kept my attention and didn't lack, you stayed true to the characteres, loved lustful Misty, mood, seductive yet humorous at the end, theme, very interesting, glad to see that it's not mushy and that Ash didn't go with it, conventions, great as usual and flow, smooth yet somewhat choppy in a few places but maybe my eyes are just burning right now seeing as I didn't see it the last time I read this.

Long sentence . . .

No orange air in this one though! ^^ Yay lol.

LaTeR dAyZ!

Kylie-chan

[span="background:#000; padding: 2px 10px;"][color=#C47399]NERF [b][i][color=#789DED]THIS[/color][/i]![/b] [color=#F7E1EE]♥[/color][/color][/span]

Age 29
Non-binary
New South Wales, Australia
Seen December 3rd, 2022
Posted October 5th, 2016
14,976 posts
18.7 Years
Canada???? o.O

Well, it was about the size of a preview and a bit of the first chapter, so it's more like a short story rather than a one-shot, a one-shot's kinda just a story with one chapter sort of.

Misty was rather violent, which is a bit OOC for her, but hey we're talking about a grown-up, determined Misty, but at least she stays in the one character throughout the story.

Ash was captured perfectly. Dense and "oblivious". Good job on characterisation.

The description, was, surprisingly, lacking. The description was copious, but seemed to describe that she was demonic and stuff, which could have been short. *head spins* Short story... o.O

The grammar and spelling was perfect, I think, I can't tell with my head spinning, so, yeah. But not surprising from you, LilyPichu.

I can't find any more fault with it, so, let's leave it at that.

OMG! It's a miracle! o.O DP's first short, un-picky review. Let's preserve this very nanosecond as the nanosecond DP finished her first - and mayhaps last o.O. How did I manage it? - and un-picky review!

You can now proudly add to your laurels: "Only person to date having recieved a short and un-picky review from Dark_Pikachu."

It's very inspiring. That's why I read your stories, Lily. (And they're entertaining.) Now I could write a bazillion one-shots!


*disappears and starts writing*

~DP~
PON PON WAY WAY WAY

あの交差点で皆がもしスキップをして もしあの町の真中でてを繋いで空を見上げたら
Age 37
California
Seen August 20th, 2006
Posted July 17th, 2006
752 posts
18.4 Years
This story is pretty good. I can see why Frosty gave it Standard of Excellence. You do a good job with description, and it got pretty funny toward the end ("And God said 'let there be light' " - one of the best lines I've EVER read in fan fiction). I think I might check out more of your fics later. One thing that irked me is that you said that Misty's hair was black (ebony), but that's pretty much minor compared to the whole thing.

And I'm sorry to be reviving a dead topic, but I just had to put in my two cents.


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Age 62
Male
Melbourne, Australia
Seen April 26th, 2018
Posted June 9th, 2014
11,439 posts
19.7 Years
I think the "ebony" referred to Ash since he has black hair and Lily did say several times that Misty has orange.


"One reason why mathematics enjoys special esteem, above all other sciences, is that its laws are absolutely certain and indisputable, while those of other sciences are to some extent debatable and in constant danger of being overthrown by newly discovered facts."
Albert Einstein

"What science can there be more noble, more excellent, more useful for men, more admirably high and demonstrative than mathematics."
Benjamin Franklin

"Mathematics, rightly viewed, possesses not only truth, but supreme beauty – a beauty cold and austere, like that of sculpture, without appeal to any part of our weaker nature, without the gorgeous trappings of paintings or music, yet sublimely pure and capable of a stern perfection such as only the greatest art can show."
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ANNOY ME AT YOUR PERIL. I am becoming increasingly tired of the unmanly elitism and closed-mindedness of certain members who shall remain unnamed.
Age 32
Female
Destiny Islands; waiting for you
Seen May 29th, 2012
Posted August 31st, 2011
2,242 posts
18.7 Years
Aww thats so romantice. It needs more details to it but still good.
:cer_love:PC Family::pink_love:
PairsDad UncleBig Sister Little Sisters
NephewBig Brother Panhead little sister
Chaos bringing little brotherFun little brother

"For Neptune." </3

Frostweaver

Ancient + Prehistoric

Age 34
Male
Canada
Seen September 11th, 2016
Posted July 30th, 2016
8,246 posts
19.7 Years
Aww thats so romantice. It needs more details to it but still good.
Why bother with details about the romance when it is not meant to be romantic to begin with? ^__^

Plus if anything, there's perhaps too much detail that I still haven't discovered them all... stupid yet cute Lily and all of her favorite hidden symbols >>;
Age 32
Female
Destiny Islands; waiting for you
Seen May 29th, 2012
Posted August 31st, 2011
2,242 posts
18.7 Years
Why bother with details about the romance when it is not meant to be romantic to begin with? ^__^

Plus if anything, there's perhaps too much detail that I still haven't discovered them all... stupid yet cute Lily and all of her favorite hidden symbols >>;
It wasn't?
:cer_love:PC Family::pink_love:
PairsDad UncleBig Sister Little Sisters
NephewBig Brother Panhead little sister
Chaos bringing little brotherFun little brother

"For Neptune." </3
Female
~Under the Sea~
Seen August 16th, 2016
Posted January 4th, 2006
140 posts
18.2 Years
XD That was a strange fic... 'Specially coming from you, Lileh. o.o

I think you were missing a few commas near the beginning, but other than that it was great. =)

Misty was a bit more violent than I expected her to be, but I suppose she just wanted Ash that badly. X)

Ash was dense, as usual. (^.^) Yayness.

The ending felt cut off though. =/ There really wasn't any big conclusion. Meh.

'Twas okay. Not my favorite from you, but still a nice fic. =) *Lolly*