Will get to Apocalyptic Dawn soon. This is mostly just to get me back into reviewing.
Almost like some sort of angel, he entered the room and light seemed to pour from every crack that it could get through.
Be careful about commas. They're tricky bastards.
In this case, notice how replacing the "and" with a period gives you two complete sentences? That's an indication that you're actually looking at a compound sentence, so you'll need a comma right after "room." Try this period trick whenever you write conjunctions (and, but, or, nor, for, yet, so) to make sure you're not missing any punctuation. (You do this a few other times in the chapter, so it's a good trick to try.)
Other than that, you begin with very clear description. It's easy to imagine this creature, and the way you describe it (that line about mysticism and grace, starting off by comparing him to an angel, giving us a flash of his emerald eyes) lend him an ethereal quality. My only wonder, though, is how much of this is your description and how much of this is Sgt. Shock's. If it's his, then remember to take a good look at what he's doing. Notice how the audience can get a clear visual in their head of every last detail, and notice how all those details are important for building the mood in the opening of the fic? That's something you really should learn how to do on your own if you ever want to write a fic by yourself and not as a collaboration. (I know you have trouble doing this, so I'm just saying this would be a good way to start learning how to write by yourself.)
If you took an image of his and described it in your own words, then kudos. I'm definitely seeing improvement from the first time I've reviewed you.
“Who are you? And where am I?” Her tone, on the other hand, was a rasping growl. It indicated she felt threatened in this place of healing.
I feel like you can actually do without the sentence about how she's feeling threatened. The reason why is because she's already saying this with her body language. Her voice is in a low growl, and she's looking towards her swords right after this point. That to a reader says that she's uneasy, but she has a reason for not wanting to jump up and slice his head off. So, the sentence ends up being redundant.
With that thought in her mind, she picked up and sheathed her swords, before focusing on the monk again.
Since POB already brought up the comma issues, I'll just leave the rest of this alone and focus on the story.
“I am Elder Pere, and you currently reside in my specialized martial arts centre, which doubles as a medical wing.” Pere answered.
This feels a bit awkward as one sentence. One would think that if he's a master, he'd speak simply, whereas tacking on things like "which doubles as a medical wing" usually happens if you're giving someone a tour or a teenager. It just has a casual ring to it, which sort of contradicts his angelic nature. Try separating this into two sentences.
Also, agreed with POB about dialogue.
Pere placed one clawed hand on his patient’s shoulder, and looked at her with eyes that seemed to smile. “My dear Kina, you wouldn’t remember that your mother was killed by an enemy’s ice whip when you were five. I understand that you witnessed your father’s untimely passing, struck down by Sobar’s arrows. You sustained a mortal wound. However, my abilities were able to bring you back. What will you do now?”
Again, agreeing with POB here. It's just odd that out of nowhere, this stranger is telling her what is essentially the basis of her life story. Not only that, but it seems rather irrelevant. He's not really saying that he tried to bring her parents back. He's just saying they died, and she didn't. On top of that, he's doing it in a way that feels like he's only saying this to tell the reader Kina's backstory.
What really makes this feel out-of-place is the fact that he's a total stranger to her (because he had to introduce himself not too long ago), but she doesn't seem to react to the fact that he just told her vital and potentially sensitive parts of his backstory. I mean, if I was an orphan and if someone came up to me and told me the exact details about how my parents were assassinated, I'd be wondering how he got that information (especially if I was wary enough to be looking at my swords this entire time, too).
And even if I didn't start suspecting him of being part of the group who assassinated my parents, I'd be wondering if he was part of the group who failed at saving them. Which means either way, I'd probably be pissed off. Now, I know that Kina's not me, but even so, there's pretty much no reaction whatsoever here. There's not even really a WTF moment. She's just completely okay with Pere telling her how her parents died, even though she has no idea who he is.
The group that had killed Kina’s parents were known as Moonlight Circle. Their aim was to end the lives of any and all individuals who were potential targets.
For no apparent reason? O_o I mean, if you're a villain, you've got to have some kind of motivation, even if it's just because you're completely whacked out of your gourd. Otherwise, it just seems like they kill people for the sake of giving the good guys something to kill back. In other words, it doesn't really give your characters much depth.
Green eyes almost like a predator’s were the only thing that came to mind.
Green eyes... like Pere's. Yet, she doesn't suspect him at all.
Not saying that I think Pere killed her folks when it's too early in the game to grasp his characterization. This is just looping back to the no reaction bit I mentioned earlier.
A fire suddenly ignited in the warrior feline’s amber eyes. “I will be ready. I will fight harder. I have been wronged. I couldn’t do anything to defend my parents. I will have vengeance on all of those who commit wrongs in this world. From now on, I live for death and will be known as Kina Swordfate!”
While I do have to say I like the sudden burst of vengeance (because it says how impulsive this character is), I'm a bit wary because she didn't do anything up until now. She just sort of sat there and didn't react to, well, what she probably should have reacted to. So, it feels like she automatically jumps in and believes this story from this creature she apparently automatically trusts (just because he looks angelic), and that's not exactly a good thing for someone who wants to go out, seeking justice. As in, it feels like she'll automatically want to kill the people who look evil and trust the people who look good without much further questioning, just because, hey, that's what she did with Pere, right? On the one hand, it'd be interesting if she
did get manipulated all over the place because of this. On the other, you'll want to be wary that you'll have to avoid creating a fairly predictable fantasy story where the people who look evil
are evil if you're going to consider this impulsiveness and gullibility a negative trait.
On top of that, again, a lot of your information about her backstory seemed out of the blue. Now, I'm assuming that she was wounded at the same time as her father. (Which also makes me wonder why she didn't react to the fact that her father was killed. I mean, sure, she wants vengeance on her father's murderers, but think about how you'd react for the first five minutes after realizing your dad's dead.) How did she connect the two attacks to the Midnight Circle, first of all? Did she and her father investigate it? Did Sobar announce who he was working for? What were the last memories Kina had before she found herself in the medical wing? (And I'm not talking about eyes or anything. I'm talking about the last moments before she was hit.) In other words, it feels like you're delivering a lot of backstory, but it also feels like you're not supplying the reader with details Kina
would know about her attack.
And why didn't she wonder how Pere managed to get at her if her last memory was of being shot down by Sobar? Wouldn't this all arouse some form of suspicion? I mean, she
was looking at her swords at the beginning (and it
is established that she doesn't feel comfortable in the medical wing), so she
does seem to be a little on the cautious side.
So, to wrap it up, on the positive side, your description is beautiful. You've conjured up a clear image of these characters, and we can get a vague image of the room they're in. On top of that, the story looks pretty interesting because, hey, who can argue with a vengeance quest?
The negative side, however, is that you have to be cautious with your information and with your characterization. Don't have characters react the way you need them to for the sake of the plot. Have them react the way anyone would. Build a personality for them and step into their shoes to figure out how they would feel if, for example, they were told exactly how their parents died. Give them reasonable motivations, not just motivations for the sake of the plot. Finally, with your backstory, be careful about how you present it. Don't info dump. Reveal it smoothly, as POB said, and provide the reader with details the character they're following would logically know.
In all, not too bad, but it really could use some polishing.