Hoenn Horror: When Trainers and Pokemon Go Bad

Started by Jirachi Master November 9th, 2004 1:17 PM
  • 478 views
  • 10 replies
Mauville City, Getting Cash at The Game Corner
Seen July 19th, 2005
Posted February 10th, 2005
258 posts
18.8 Years
"Aww!! What do you want from me?!?!?!" Ash yelled as the policemen grabbed his armpits and dragged him in to the police car. It had been a long, mushy day, with the rain, darkness, and now this.

Why were the police taking Ash away? Ash had been a bad, bad little boy today... After almost hurting the whole staff of the bank very badly, the staff finally gave in and gave him the 10,000,000 Poke-Money that he requested.

So he then went over to Poke-Burger King and demanded several hamburgers, fries, and chicken nuggets for free. The Manager finally came out after arguing with the cashier, and just kept saying No. So Ash decided to jump on the staff like a donkey; starting with the Manager.

Next it was off to the mall to streal some more items from EB Games. But there had been so many reportings about Ash, that Ash was caught right then and there. So that brings us back to where we were at the beginning of the story. Now it was off to court for Criminal Ash. "But I didn't do it!!!", Ash repeatedly said. But there was so much proof that Ash lost the trial. Do you want to know what happened next? Ash --> :dead:

"Johto Jokers: Da Bad Boys"
Coming Soon!
Please Join The Hogwarts Key!

Happily Paired With Charizard Flame!


^You better watch out!^

Lily

◕ ‿‿ ◕ double rainbow.

Female
New Joisey
Seen February 26th, 2017
Posted June 26th, 2011
3,329 posts
18.7 Years
Looks interesting...all I can say for now.

This..requires paragraphs. ;_; Paragraphs by the dozen, I don't know, but you put way too much things in the huge paragraph...making it more like a summary rather than a fanfic. The beginning was unique to read, but Ash's character is quite strange. You put him OOC a bit...

Read the fanfiction rules, and avoid these summary like fanfics. ^^;

( ‿‿ ) PM me for a contract.
Mauville City, Getting Cash at The Game Corner
Seen July 19th, 2005
Posted February 10th, 2005
258 posts
18.8 Years
Looks interesting...all I can say for now.

This..requires paragraphs. ;_; Paragraphs by the dozen, I don't know, but you put way too much things in the huge paragraph...making it more like a summary rather than a fanfic. The beginning was unique to read, but Ash's character is quite strange. You put him OOC a bit...

Read the fanfiction rules, and avoid these summary like fanfics. ^^;
Sorry about that, I will edit it and put in paragraphs.
Please Join The Hogwarts Key!

Happily Paired With Charizard Flame!


^You better watch out!^

Lily

◕ ‿‿ ◕ double rainbow.

Female
New Joisey
Seen February 26th, 2017
Posted June 26th, 2011
3,329 posts
18.7 Years
OOC means out of character. In this case, it means Ash isn't acting very much like himself...It is still OOC, although the paragraphing greatly improved. However, try aiming your intentions on the details now to improvise your length...^^;

( ‿‿ ) PM me for a contract.
Mauville City, Getting Cash at The Game Corner
Seen July 19th, 2005
Posted February 10th, 2005
258 posts
18.8 Years
I know Ash isn't acting like himself, that was the whole point of the story. I thought it would be funny seeing Ash do something that he would never do. ^_^
Please Join The Hogwarts Key!

Happily Paired With Charizard Flame!


^You better watch out!^
Is there a Treeland? If so, there.
Seen March 13th, 2013
Posted April 22nd, 2011
454 posts
18.7 Years
Uh oh, Ash got arrowed! =O

Lol, let's see though . . . Ash was terribly OOC but by the title, I knew this was going to be an insanity fic so I'll let that past. Though, it is kind of funnier IMO when you do keep the character in character while writing an insanity fic to see there reaction and whatnot.

A note on insanity fics though: Give them a basic plotline. Don't just write random things from your head otherwise you can kill the insanity with its . . . insanity. ^^; Or teh potty humor (if you put some in there) . . . or whatever.

Right now, it seems as if your listing facts instead of giving the fic personality. Makes it stand out IMO but meh.

So um yeah. ^^;

LaTeR dAyZ!
Seen November 10th, 2004
Posted November 10th, 2004
3 posts
18.5 Years
Umm...yeah. I put arbitrary things in. XD Just a funny little thing. I get A's in school so I figured why not bring in my crazy ideas from home and my writing into the weirdest fic you've ever seen. But on Johto Jokers i'll try top add a plot. Thanks for the comments! :)
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