Pokémon Nezlok Region Adventures

Started by Planetes. August 3rd, 2010 8:52 PM
  • 1309 views
  • 7 replies
Age 26
Male
Seen June 6th, 2017
Posted October 9th, 2016
1,162 posts
13.1 Years
Introduction: First off I love Nuzlocke Challenges, if you don't know what that is, use google. So one day I decided, what if there was a region were everything was in Nuzlocke Mode, and so I came up with the Nezlok (hurr durr I'm so creative) Region. I knew that everyone's Pokemon couldn't die, so I decided that the main character would be part of a prophecy, intertwiining the old with the new, ultimately to fufill his destiny and save the Nezlock Region from Impending doom. This is in the form of a script, because I prefer writing that way, but if people whine, I'll change it. Anyway this features a new region, new Pokemon and new characters. ENJOY!

EP1:

Narrator: This is the story of a 12 year old boy named Jack Kizun and his remarkable Pokemon journey throughout the Nezlok Region, however this isn’t an ordinary journey, in the Nezlok Region, there is a prophecy that when the Chosen One’s Pokemon Faint, they are gone forever. This prophecy was supposedly made by a group of jealous Priests in the time of old, but no one pays much attention to it, so the legend slowly and quietly lives on until the Chosen One oneday arises

Narrator: Our story takes us to Shineseed Town, the home of Jack Kizun, the young boy who would soon become a Pokemon Trainer.
-JACK’S ROOM-

Jack: Yes, I’m gonna win, my Wi-Fi record will be three and-

Jack’s Mother: (from downstairs) Jaaaaack! Come down here!

Jack: (reluctantly shuts off the wii) One second!

(Jack trudges down)

Mom: Professor Spruce wanted you to go over to his lab, it sounded urgent.

(Jack dashes out of the house, his light brown hair flowing in the wind)

Alana: Hey Jack!

Jack: Oh, hey Alana did Prof. Spruce want you to come to his lab as well?
Alana: Mhm, and I’m going to be the first to pick a Pokemon!

Mysterious Boy: Nu-uh that would be me!

Jack: Wait, who on earth are you?

Alana: This is Tony, he lives in Kellygrove City, which is just north of here?

Jack: Do you two know each other

Tony: Not at all
 
Alana: (to herself while staring off into space) Oh I wish we did, a lot better at least

Jack: Alana? Are you okay?

Alana: (comes to her senses) Oh…oh…Yeah! I’m fine, let’s go!

Jack: Alright!!!

(The three dash down route 401 to Spruce’s Lab)

Jack: (mid-stride) There it is!

(The three stop to catch their breath and continue in)

Prof . Spruce: I’ve been expecting you!

Tony: What’s up?

Spruce: (adjusts thick glasses) Well, I need you three to test these three starter Pokemon.

Jack: Alright! We’ll do it!

Narrator: Prof. Spruce opened the Poke Balls and the three kids watched in awe as the Pokemon appeared before them. The first was Triimur, the Tree Lemur Pokemon, it was mostly forest green with brown stripes and brown circles around its eyes, this Pokemon seemed to be quick and limber. The Second was Blazgu, an orange Fire Type Turtle Pokemon with a hard greyish shell on its back that stood up on two legs. It flexed its muscles to show its power, it appeared quite sturdy. The third and last Pokemon was a Light Blue fisher cat Pokemon with a Brown Stripe across its body that stood on four legs and has a tail that appeared to have some sort of liquid in it . It looked quite fresh and wild with its whiskers and teeth, but was still a bit cute.

Spruce: Alright! Let’s go out back and test out these Pokemon in Battle
 
 
I'll take any Critique (not complete ripping of my story/script) and praise you want to give. I will also take suggestions for new Pokemon in this region, since I want to get the readers involved.

ALSO FIRST POSTER CAN PICK JACK'S STARTER (and its Gender) and Nickname it (no stupid nicknames, please)



paired to kaori & vrai

kevcrash

Age 27
Male
Maryland
Seen December 12th, 2020
Posted December 3rd, 2018
1,071 posts
14.2 Years
Well, it's creative (the plot I mean) and I think it's cool how you're not killing off the Pokemon. So it won't be after every Pokemon is defeated "It's dead, It's dead, Okay?" (sorry, heard that from a movie).

I think the story is moving a little too fast and they're isn't quite enough detail. It might be just because you're using the script-style writing. So um. Try to improve your best upon it
. Oh and this girl over herr Alana, she mah gurl so break hur heart I'm gon break you wherr it hurts.

the war zone
Seen June 10th, 2013
Posted August 5th, 2010
11 posts
12.8 Years
Hay! I like the nuzlocke challenge too, and your story is good in a script format. One little tidbit, you didn't give the name of the water starter, and the fire one seems a bit like torkoal, if this counts as critique, can the main character have a female trimuur named Leafica? :D I hope you get more posts
edit: saw someone else had posted while I was posting, sorry. XD if the poster above doesn't want to pick... Yeah.
no. you are dead.
Age 26
Male
Seen June 6th, 2017
Posted October 9th, 2016
1,162 posts
13.1 Years
okay, thanks for replying everyone and I appreciate your praise and suggestions.

@Decideblue, the fisher cat is Ferpipa, and Blazgu is more prehistoricish and bipedal unlike Torkoal, I'll try to draw what it looks like to show you

-UPDATE-

Spruce: Alright! Let’s go out back and test out these Pokemon in Battle
 
Narrator: Professor Spruce took the 3 young heroes outside to the garden as some Sentret and Zigzagoon were frolicking among the grass
Spruce: Alright, kids in these Poke Balls are 3 Pokemon, I want you each to take 1.
Jack: Alright, I guess I’ll take the Poke Ball with the leaf on it.
Tony: (to self) Obviously I’ve got to take the Fire type to beat Jack.
(Tony snags the ball with the flame on it)
Alana: Well I guess I’m stuck with this one…
Spruce: Okay well why don’t you click the button and check your Pokemon out?
All 3: (simultaneously) Alright
 
(Triimur pops out of Jack’s Pokeball)
Triimur: Triimur? Triiii! (Climbs on Jack’s head)
Jack: I see you’re a fiesty one, let’s see, since your female I’ll call you Leafica!
Leafica: Gotcha, master! I’ll do my best!
Jack: Yup, alright,- WAIT did you just say something to me?
Alana: Jack?
Jack: Huh? What?
Alana: Now who’s the one in the trance? (laughs lightly)
Jack: Oh, I was just talking to my-
Alana: Your what?
Jack: Myself. I was talking to myself.
Alana: Okay then…, anyway how do you like my Ferpipa, Jack? His name is Hydro?
Tony: He’s not as cool as Smokey, right buddy?
Smokey *snorts smoke out of its nostrils with a sneer on its face*
Jack: Oh yeah, then let’s battle to prove it!
Leafica: You go, Jack!
Spruce: I meant for you to practice fighting the Zigzagoon…
Tony: There’s no time for that, go Smokey!
Jack: Come on, Leafica!
Tony: This’ll be a cinch!
Jack: Scratch attack!
(Leafica goes up to Smokey and scratches it, although Smokey shakes it off)
Tony: Alright, let’s start of by using Withdraw!
Jack: Scratch, Once more
Leafica: (after it uses scratch) We don’t seem to be doing much to it…
Tony: Withdraw again, Smokey!
Jack: You can’t win if your not going to attack! Scratch!
(Same Result, minimal damage)
Tony: Tackle attack!
Leafica: (thrown back) Ouch, that was pretty powerful!
Jack: Use Scratch!
Leafica: No dice, again! This Smokey is a tough one!
Tony: Finishing Time! Tackle!
(Smokey charges and knocks Leafica to the ground)
Spruce: That’s it! It looks like Smokey has won!
Tony: What did I tell ya? We’re the champs!
Jack: (holding Leafica) You okay, girl?
Leafica: Errghh..Yeah, we’ll get em next time!
Jack: Alright! (slaps Leafica five)
Jack: I just don’t get it, we attacked more, why didn’t we win?
Tony: Its simple really, I took advantage of Smokey’ s already high defense, and boosted it to make it far more durable than Leafica, who is much faster and is a better attacker all around. Basically, I won with defense, each Pokemon has their own strengths, Leafica’s is Speed and Attacking, Blazgu’s is Defending.
Jack: I see now, thanks for the tip, Tony!
Tony: (parts hair) My Pleasure.
 
 
 
AN: Only Jack can hear Leafica talk btw.

Post Contest: Pokemon:NA will have new evolutions of Old Pokemon, I want you guys (the loyal readers) to suggest some Pokemon that need evolutions. BEST SUGGESTION WINS AND WILL APPEAR IN THE STORY. Pictures, additional info, and Naming will definitley help you win.
 
 

paired to kaori & vrai
the war zone
Seen June 10th, 2013
Posted August 5th, 2010
11 posts
12.8 Years
Hay, i liked the chapter. ^_^. Interesting premise how they can talk to their pokemon. and YAY. YOU TOOK MY SUGGESTION. :D

Offer for new pokemon evo: Absol's second evo

Name: Bisol
Appearance: it's legs are thicker, and it grows a second horn, giving it a devil appearance, with blue streaks going down it's fur, and the white fur that was on the side without the horn is now on both sides, with the horns above it.

hope yah like it!
no. you are dead.
Age 36
Seen 14 Hours Ago
Posted 2 Days Ago
Hi.

Script fics aren't allowed according to the rules. Script fics are when the chapters are all dialogue with no description, and when it's written "Name: 'dialogue' Name: 'dialogue'."

So the thread is closed. You can try your story again as a regular narration, or take the time to research how a script is written well and try that.

Avatar credit: Fairy