Pokémon Pokestera

Started by miley810 August 8th, 2010 9:06 PM
  • 1000 views
  • 4 replies

miley810

Assassin

Non-binary
Kukuroo Mountain
Seen June 29th, 2017
Posted March 14th, 2014
1,241 posts
13.2 Years
here is something I've been working hard on so here u go.Please right a review.Please Enjoy,oh and if u have any questons feel free to ask either on my page or on this.I'll prolbey be checking frequently.Plz reveiw,tell me what u think,and Enjoy!

Pokestera

Lilly the Mew walked down the side walk with Kristena the Espyon.Her best friend.Tommarow's the first day of school.Lilly said dreamly/depresingly.Yhep,replyed Kristena in the same fashon.It was silent for a few moments
So,do u have a outfit picked out for our first day back?Asked Kristina boardly.NO,andits not likeits my first day ever Lilly replied.
I know that as well asyou but u should show your not a spoink.Replyed Kristena.I grew up with these kids.Stated Lilly.Yha but theres a 75% chance there will be a new kid,plus new teachers.Replyed Kristena.So,big deal.Lilly rudly replied.It is a big deal!Kristena said hotemmpered.
Look at the butiful sunset.Said Lilly dreamly.Pleae note this is earth but with pokemon humans.Yha.Agreed Lilly in the same fashon.
Well its late.Said LIlly.It time I went home.Yha mom will have a Milktank if I'm not home soon.Said Kristena.I guess I"ll see you tommarow at school.Yhaha,bye.Said Lilly.They sulited and whent there sepret ways.Lilly got home and went upstairs and saw her lil sits on Lilly's computer.Sara!exlamed Lilly
What?Asked Sara.Get off my comuter!Mom said I could.Stated Sara.Lilly stormed down the stairs.Mom!What?Why did you let Saraon my computerI had...OH NO!




Lilly ran uptairs and into her room.Sara!What did you do with those documents that I had pulled up?!I exited out of them?Did you save them?Nope.Said Sara.That was my book report and best song!I had most of them saved but not all of them!Get off my computer!I'm telling mom!NO!You won't tell the full story!
She heard her mom storm up the stairs!YOu yelled at your sister for no reason!N0!Lilly exclamed!She didn't tell the full story!She erased my book report and best song!Her mom looked Sara.She's lieing!Yelled Sara!Your both grounded.Thats not fair!The both yelled at once.Yes it is!Lilly looked frustraited and depressed.Sara stared at her sister.She's telling the truth.Said Sara sadly.Okay your both off the hook.Yay!Screamed Sara.what!You would ground me for lieing!Yes,but your sister doesn't dosen't know better.Sara stuck out her toung.Lilly stood intinsafingly looking at her sister.
Her mom looked at Sara.Now you are grounded Sara.Ah man!Yelled Sara.Mom!Don't mom me go to your room and go to bed!Thanks a lot sis!BED!Yelled her mom.Lillyed finished her book report and layed down.She woke up the next morning and picked out a purple shirt with a mewgirl that looked a lot like herShe also wore blue gean shorts.

Card Captor Sakura ★ April

Miley ★ BFF // Cousin // Siblings
Sig Credit: Fire Heart (thanks sis!)

My vampire brother: ShinyDiamond
My vampire sister: PinkSapphire
My Pair: Nonexistant...Besides anime characters of course

Fearless Love

self-proclaimed anime dork

Age 26
Female
Derp-Ville
Seen March 21st, 2020
Posted February 9th, 2014
712 posts
15.2 Years
Alright, I like your story, but I'm your cousin, so i'm bias. When you let me read it, it's fine to leave it like you write it, but when you put it on here, you need to go over it. Put quotations when people talk or the readers get confused. It needs to be a little longer because this is really short. Mainly, the talking confused me a bit because I wasn't sure until after I read the sentence that someone is speaking, and I wasn't always sure with who was speaking.

Like I said, I love your stories because your very creative, you just need to put a little more time and care into these things. I hope I helped you a little!
derpy derpy nothing to see here

miley810

Assassin

Non-binary
Kukuroo Mountain
Seen June 29th, 2017
Posted March 14th, 2014
1,241 posts
13.2 Years
well I'm not allowed to do this

Lilly:OH NO!

So I told them I would try one like this and told them they wouldn't be able to understand that

Card Captor Sakura ★ April

Miley ★ BFF // Cousin // Siblings
Sig Credit: Fire Heart (thanks sis!)

My vampire brother: ShinyDiamond
My vampire sister: PinkSapphire
My Pair: Nonexistant...Besides anime characters of course

Aquacorde

⟡ not everything is sink or swim ⟡

Age 29
she/her/he/him
Ankh-Morpork
Seen 3 Hours Ago
Posted March 15th, 2023
12,275 posts
18.9 Years
I would have to say I don't particularly enjoy the story much. I'm sorry, but it seems a bit boring. I would advise you to try to grab the reader's attention within the first eight sentences/two paragraphs. Also, your grammar and spelling need a boatload of work.
Next time, you should have someone proofread your work before releasing it. Otherwise it becomes like this- rather hard to read, at best.
marie & casey & rosey
groc x aquacorde x juno 4ever | rp is just collaborative writing
join rp: ultra sinnoh

miley810

Assassin

Non-binary
Kukuroo Mountain
Seen June 29th, 2017
Posted March 14th, 2014
1,241 posts
13.2 Years
I meant to get my couson to profread it but I got busy writing it and a guess both of us forgot.Guilty as charged.Maybe I could grow up to be something bisides a writer.My stories have sucked ever sence my ferst lame ones

Card Captor Sakura ★ April

Miley ★ BFF // Cousin // Siblings
Sig Credit: Fire Heart (thanks sis!)

My vampire brother: ShinyDiamond
My vampire sister: PinkSapphire
My Pair: Nonexistant...Besides anime characters of course