Golden Sun: Age of Darkness

Started by Flygon_Zero November 19th, 2004 10:57 PM
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Age 33
Canada =3 The Lost Planet.
Seen June 3rd, 2009
Posted April 20th, 2009
1,321 posts
18.5 Years
Okay, I hope both my fics do good, but what happens can't be helped. Anyways, this story will take place in the time when Alchemy was still free, when it was the cause of wars, before it was sealed up. The characters will be the ones who will eventually seal it, as it was in the games. All the characters will be people from Golden Sun RP's I participated in.

Name: Ken
Adept Type: Wind Adept
Age: 15
Gender:Male
Description: Snow white wild hair with medium body, and basic combat gear
Weapon: Lightning Blade
Personality: Quiet in person who likes to think things out first, but fierce in battle
*Modeled after LiquidThunder*

Name: Amber
Age: 14
Adept type: Wind Adept
WEAPONS: Star Blade
DESCRIPTION: Thought to be Mars Adept when born, but was actually Jupiter. Realized she was Jupiter Adept when she found out she could read minds. Long blonde hair with black streaks
Personality: Is very brave, and strong. When it comes to battles, she has amazing technique, but has poor defensive maneuvers.
*Modeled After Lizzie*

Name:Jonus
Age:12
Adept Type:Earth
Weapon:Earth Blade
Desciption:Brown hair,red vest,long pants.Hes had intense stength training working at a mill.Very fast.
Personality: Headstrong and aggresive. He has trouble thinking out his moves. He is a bit hard headed and has trouble taking orders.
*Modeled after Billybob*

Name:Amy
Age:12
Adept Type: Fire
Weapon:Fire Rod
Description: Shoulder length red hair, dark red eyes, and a red battle suit.
Personality: She is quite the talker, and a very good fighter. She is never quiet, but actually quite loud. Has deep relationship with Jonus....
*Modeled after Pika-Mew*

Name: Erk
Adept Type: Water/Mercury
Age:15
Gender:Male
Description: Long blue hair, with dark blue eyes. Wears a dark overcoat with blue lines going down both sides
Weapon: Poseidon Bow
Personality: He's very calm, quiet, and in battle is very aggressive. He is a powerful ally and an even better enemy
*Modeled after Myself! XD*


The first chapter will be arriving shortly, most likely in a day or two! Hope you like it.
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Kyosuke

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Age 34
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It looks like you rounded up people from the Old Golden Sun RP, and the new one. It should be interesting how this will turn out using user created characters. *puts pressure on you XD* Jk.
"Life isn't perfect, but sometimes you have to make the best of it."

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18.5 Years
PROLOGUE

When the world was still young, the human race discovered a new science. They called it Alchemy. Alchemy enabled the production of lead to gold, but what entrigued them most was the ability to manipulate the base elements of Alchemy. These elements are the power of the Earth, the intense heat of Fire, the harshness of Wind, and the calm and serenity of Water. These elements had a special alignment to different planets, Earth to Venus, Fire to Mars, Wind to Jupiter, and Water to Mercury. When they realized only few people wielded this power, they built four lighthouses in different corners of the country to spread the might of the selected element. Soon, children were born with a specific alignment to a planet, and were gifted with what is known as Psyenergy.

Psyenergy allowed them to call forth their element as a means of attack, defense, healing, or just for show. Mankind however, has a need to dominate and be all powerful. Soon, wars erupted across Weyard, with the citites of each lighthouse fighting for power. Ceveral clans of people fled, which eventually led birth to civilazations like Lemuria, and the lost cousin of Lemuria, Atlantis. The war lasted for many years, with everyone taking part in the bloodshed. Men, women, even some gifted children, fought for what they thought was right.

In the end, five heroes, all young and skillful, ended the fighting. After years of death and peril, they were chosen to put a stop to the fighting by sealing away the cause. They were the chosen Adepts to seal away the then destructive power of Alchemy. Little did they know what they were to cause in the future.

This is the story of Ken, Amber, Jonus, Amy, and Erk. They were the chosen, they were the gifted. They sealed away Alchemy and were almost the cause of everyone's destruction.

So, how was that for an intro to the story?
It's not the best, I know, but hey, it's just the Prologue. It will get better later into the story. When I finish this one, I will see if it was well received, as I am already thinking up a plot for the next installment! XD
*awaits LiquidThunder's comments* XD
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Kyosuke

.·Simple Complexity

Age 34
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19.7 Years
That prolouge was perfect, it did what it was suppose to do, which is tell exactly what the story is about without going into chapters, I could tell you really want this one to be good.

Your text was unusally large and it couldn't be readable, so I just took out the boldness that you added in case you were wondering.
"Life isn't perfect, but sometimes you have to make the best of it."

After 7 years, Xbox Live is Still Amazing

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Age 33
Canada =3 The Lost Planet.
Seen June 3rd, 2009
Posted April 20th, 2009
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18.5 Years
This story will bwe told through the eyes of a different character each chapter. At least I'll try that. This first chapter will be told by Erk. This first chapter won't be the best, but it's just an intro so yeah!

Chapter 1-The Beginning
As I awoke, a giant flash of light shone through my curtains. I slowly got up from my bed, rubbing my eyes as I did.
" Too Early," I yawned." This fighting makes things no easier!"
I walked over and put my thickest blanket over the curtains to block out the Psyenergy flashes. This had been going on for about 3 years already. No one had even tried doing something about it. Everyday the same thing, get up, dress, train for hours, housework, and then, at the end of the day, a few hours to be with my small group of friends.
It's all worth it for me though. Unlike the rest of my group, I have no family. I have to push myself each day just to keep going. It gets hard sometimes, and there's days when I think of joining the fighter Adepts just to get the chance to leave this place. Everyday though, I decide differently. It is like my trainer says," Nothing in life is free. You have to work for everything you get." So I will continue my boring routine, hoping that one day I am rewarded.
After dressing, I realized I was running late, and running through my house, just barely dodging boxes, barrels, and crates, I made it outside to see the face of my Trainer. She was also a Mercury Adept. Her hair was shoulder length and a pale blue, and she had eyes that seemed to be mirror images of the sky's hue. She also had a very obvious scar on her face, passing through her right eye. She told me it was from a raid, when the war was first beginning.
" You're late!" she yelled.
" I'm sorry! I had some trouble waking up!" I said.
" You know what your punishment is so get to it!" she yelled.
" FINE!" I screamed. My punishment was simple sounding, but actually quite complicated. Ciara, my trainer, was really into her looks. As punishment, she has me cast Tundra to cause blocks of ice to appear. These blocks have to be exactly the right size for a life size model of her. This whole process takes quite a few hours, and by the time I got it right, it felt as if my arms were going to fall off, and she had to leave.
" This is not your best work Erk," she sighed,"next time I expect better."
She walked off and threw me a small Psyenergy crystal. I was completely drained, but absorbing the crystals power rejuvenated me. I took one look at the setting sun and said," Shoot! I'm late! They're gonna kill me!"
I started running through what was left of the fields, nothing but a few crops, and some yellowing grass. The wind was blowing gently, but felt angered, and knew Ken and Amber were angry.
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Kyosuke

.·Simple Complexity

Age 34
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Whoa FT this is a much better start then the one you did on the other, Golden Sun fan-fic (which is good too), but you so far included everything a proper fan-fic needs, keep it up.
"Life isn't perfect, but sometimes you have to make the best of it."

After 7 years, Xbox Live is Still Amazing

·!¦[·Latest pieces of Writing·]¦!·
Age 33
Canada =3 The Lost Planet.
Seen June 3rd, 2009
Posted April 20th, 2009
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Whoa FT this is a much better start then the one you did on the other, Golden Sun fan-fic (which is good too), but you so far included everything a proper fan-fic needs, keep it up.
I think you mean FZ but okay. Thanks I guess.....:D I hope the great LT thinks the other chapters, this one included, are good too! :D

Chapter 2- Fun in the Sun?
As I watched the sun set, I started rapidly sheathing and unsheating my Lightning Blade. Where is he? He's late again! I thought. It was the 7 day in a row Erk had been late. I never really liked him though, I always just thought it best to leave him behind, but neither Amy or Amber want to. It's kind of creepy.
" Stop! You're annoying me!" yelled Amy." He'll be here soon so calm down!"
" Sorry," I mumbled," I just don't see why we have to wait. It's not like he doesn't know where the river is. We can just leave and wait for him there."
" No we can't, and you know it," said Amber.
Whatever. I thought. Soon, I saw Erk running over the hill.
" HEY GUYS!!!!" He yelled from afar, waving his hands like a maniac." Sorry I'm late! Again!!"
" He's here now. Can we start walking now?" I asked smuggly.
" Gee Ken, sometimes you can be a jerk," Amy said, striking me with her rod.
I was getting tired of always being perceievd as the bad guy. I know I never liked Erk anyways, but I don't hate him. I think he's weak yes, but I don't hate him. I started walking away now, with my sword unsheated and over my shoulder." When you are all ready," I said," I'll be off swimming in the river. Wave at me like maniacs when you get there!"
As I reached the river bed a few minutes later, I noticed something strange. There was what seemed like a rat, but it was different somehow. As I approached it, it tackled me.
What the.....? I thought.
It flew at me again, after I just stood again, but I managed to dodge it this time. As it flew at me for a third time, I cast Ray on it. It hit the rat, which would normally be knocked out, but it just bounced back up. It flew at me again, hitting me once again.
I jumped back, both in shock and fright. I was already tiring out, as I was just beginning my Alchemy practice. As it prepared itself for another attack, I used the only other one I knew, Whirlwind.
The rat was hit, and this time, it just turned to ashes and vanished. My Psyenergy was weakened, and although I felt a bit stronger, I was too weak to do much else.
I hope the others get here soon!!...........
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Kyosuke

.·Simple Complexity

Age 34
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Opps FZ, why did I think it was FT? XD

Its hard to tell from here if having the fan-fic told from diffrent views, is such a good idea in terms of plotwise, its like a one person RP is going on XD, but as the story progresses we'll see.
"Life isn't perfect, but sometimes you have to make the best of it."

After 7 years, Xbox Live is Still Amazing

·!¦[·Latest pieces of Writing·]¦!·
Age 33
Canada =3 The Lost Planet.
Seen June 3rd, 2009
Posted April 20th, 2009
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18.5 Years
Opps FZ, why did I think it was FT? XD

Its hard to tell from here if having the fan-fic told from diffrent views, is such a good idea in terms of plotwise, its like a one person RP is going on XD, but as the story progresses we'll see.
I know, If it doesn't work out, I will change the style so that it is being told from Erk's point of view, but as you said, we shall see.....*shifty eyes* DUN DUN DUN.
BTW, was this chapter good?
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Kyosuke

.·Simple Complexity

Age 34
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Its not too bad at all, it shows the true character of Ken XD, the only thing that I would change at this stage would be to make it longer, and isted of saying, " I cast Ray on it", try saying something like, "As I lifted my arms, I casted Ray, the electric bolt hit the rat".

And try to keep the font at a readable level, its kind of hard on the eyes *squints*.
"Life isn't perfect, but sometimes you have to make the best of it."

After 7 years, Xbox Live is Still Amazing

·!¦[·Latest pieces of Writing·]¦!·
Age 33
Canada =3 The Lost Planet.
Seen June 3rd, 2009
Posted April 20th, 2009
1,321 posts
18.5 Years
Its not too bad at all, it shows the true character of Ken XD, the only thing that I would change at this stage would be to make it longer, and isted of saying, " I cast Ray on it", try saying something like, "As I lifted my arms, I casted Ray, the electric bolt hit the rat".

And try to keep the font at a readable level, its kind of hard on the eyes *squints*.
You're right, I will try and member that! Thanks for oyur help! I noticed that I seem to just post my fics so that someone who's a good writer *coughLTcough* can tell me what I need to improve upon. Thanks and I hope the next chapter is written a bit more properly! :D
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Age 33
Canada =3 The Lost Planet.
Seen June 3rd, 2009
Posted April 20th, 2009
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18.5 Years
Chapter 3- Beginning of the End
As Erk and myself ran across the fields to the river, we heard Amy and Jonus yelling at us. They were telling us to be careful and keep and eye open for Ken.
As I moved a strand of hair away from my face, I turned to Erk and said," Catch me if you can!"
I started running a bit faster towards the river bed. As I turned, I saw Erk was in a frenzy to catch up to me. He almost tripped twice over his coat, and my laughter at this was so severe, I had to stop.
Surprisingly enough, I had already reached the river bed. I was doubling over in laughter, my eyes shut tightly to keep the tears from rolling out. Then I heard something odd.
" Oh my God....." muttered Erk.
As I turned to see what he was looking at, I saw Ken, sprawled on the ground, his sword just a foot or two away. I screamed drawing Jonues and Amy close.
*SEVERAL HOURS LATER*
We were in the sanctuary in our village of Destiny. The ekder healers and apprentices were looking over Ken as if he were some sort of freak.
We had all been waiting a long time for them to heal him, but so far, all they had been able to tell us was that there was nothing they could do,
My eyes were feeling odd, but I suspected it was from the crying. Erk had tried to make me feel better, but I had snapped at him and he just went off into the corner. This was almost an hour ago.
I got up from the rock hard seats of the sanctum and slowly walked over to Erk, careful not to knock down any of the tools the healers used. when I reached him, I felt the use of Psyenergyn and a bright blue light was shining from the tips of Erk's fingers.
" What are you doing?" I asked surpriesed.
He shuffled his things around, quickly extinguishing the light and hiding something away in his cloak. " No....Nothing! I was doing nothing!" he stuttered.
" Then what was that blue light I saw? What were you working on?" I asked him worriiedly.
Before he could answer though, the elder mage called us up to his desk.
There was a seemingly endless amount of papers, books, quills, and ink all around his desk, and as I started reaching for one, he started speaking.
"Your friend Ken seems to have been attacked by what seems to be a rat. Now, it was no ordinary rat to cause such harm to such a big person, but it seems to have been given Psyenergy. I know this sounds peculiar, but due to the war, Psyenergy has been exposed to the many creatures of our world, and in high amounts. It seems to have caused mutations in all living things, besides humans. This seems to be the only logical explanation for the battle Ken was in. Now, as a mathod to try and stop the fighting, I've arranged for you all to meet with the elder Priest in Vale. If anyone can stop this war, and restore peace, it is him. I realize you all have just started using Psyenergy, but you seem to be the only ones who would take on this task," he sighed. He walked over to Ken and sighed once more." In order to stop more people from being hurt as Ken was, you will need training. I have hired the hand of the most skilled fighter known outside of the war, her name is Isis and she is going to start teaching you all tomorrow."
He went on speaking, but it didn't seem important. I started drifting off, also ignoring the fact that Erk flinched at the mention of Isis.....
I drifted off even more, unaware that it was still too soon for bed, and that I wasn't alone.
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Kyosuke

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Age 34
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This is really good, your writing like a person who has been doing this for a while XD.

Just try and space it out a little more, an add more of the surrouding area such as the ground, surrounding area, etc. but you don't have to go overboard with it. But honestly, so far this fan-fic is gold.

And btw, are you planning on telling the story from other character's perpective from diffrent colour text?
"Life isn't perfect, but sometimes you have to make the best of it."

After 7 years, Xbox Live is Still Amazing

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Age 33
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Seen June 3rd, 2009
Posted April 20th, 2009
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18.5 Years
Well thanks, I personally never think anything I write. Although others tell me it's good, I always seem to think otherwise.
As to the color, if you notice in my first post I gave each different type of Adept a different color.
Jupiter/Wind Adepts got purple as both Sheba and Ivan seemed to favor purple.
Earth/Venus Adepts got brown for the obvious reasons.
Mars/Fire Adepts get a red color due to the other obvious fact. FIRE=RED
As to the Mercury/Water Adepts, my favorite kind, they get blue as they al share blue. As the other adepts of the other elements share a common color in one way or another, the Mercury Adepts share the color blue.
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Kyosuke

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Age 34
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I am the sae way with my writing, I don't really think things through when I write, I just write what comes to mind, and it turns out good.

Ahh, thats sort of creative and I've also noticed how its not really like a RP type of story now.
"Life isn't perfect, but sometimes you have to make the best of it."

After 7 years, Xbox Live is Still Amazing

·!¦[·Latest pieces of Writing·]¦!·
Age 33
Canada =3 The Lost Planet.
Seen June 3rd, 2009
Posted April 20th, 2009
1,321 posts
18.5 Years
I'm now officially crepped out....even if just a bit.
I am the same way. I write what I think, and if you like it great, if not, then I hope you have something to tell me to improve.
I take your comments very seriously and each time I try and improve the quality of my writing. So having you here really helps me with my writing.
Now if only my English teachers like my writing too! :D
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Age 33
Canada =3 The Lost Planet.
Seen June 3rd, 2009
Posted April 20th, 2009
1,321 posts
18.5 Years
" Erk?" I asked," What's wrong? You look pale."

He simply shrugged a bit, but it seemed more like a flinch." Nothing is wrong Amy, not a thing..." He replied emptily. He sounded miles away, nothing more than a distant echo slowly fading into nothingness.
He was growing paler and paler with each second and didn't seem to notice Amber's sleeping self right besides him.
How can he miss that? She snores so loud!!! I asked myself.

" Kids," softly said the elder," I wish you to go and get some sleep. Your trainer is not one to take lightly." As he said this, he seemed to be smiling at Erk.
What could be going on? I wondered.

As I gathered my things for the journey up stairs, I saw that Erk borrowed a blanket from an apprentice and draped it over Amber. He got another for himself, and quietly, covered himself and fell asleep on the chair besides hers.

I walked up the short staircase to an upper level filled with pure beds. They did not seem comfortable. From what I could tell, they were nothing but logs, a blanket, and a small feather pillow. I sighed and picked one overlooking the lower level, giving me a perfect view of the two lovebirds below.

" It's sickening," I heard a soft whisper say.
" What is?" I asked Jonus.
" Those two! Have you never noticed how they are around each other? They always hide their feelings from each other. We all know they like each other...Heck, we support it, but theyb continue with their games. If it was me," He said before I cut him off.
" If it was you, which it's not, what would you do?" I asked innocently. I had always liked Jonus and now was my chance to see how he felt about me.
Even though it was dark, I could just feel he was blushing when he said," Me? I'd take her by the arm and walk her to the lake bed. I'd sit her down on a nice blanket so she doesn't get dirty, then I'd look deep into her eyes," he said, looking into my eyes," and then I'd kiss her. If she didn't get the message, then I guess it wasn't meant to be."
I sat there, anxiously awaiting him to kiss me. As the shadows grew closer though, a faint sound grew louder. I realized he was snoring and sadly went back to viewing the two below.

The more I stared at them, the more I wondered what lied next. Erk was acting rather strangely, even for Erk. Amber seemed extra chipper, and Jonus kept being a jerk and leading me along.

One of these days, I'm gonna play with his mind! I told myself.
The night grew old, and my eyeids got heavier and heavier. I re adjusted my pillow and slowly fell asleep.

One of these days...I'll tell Amy how I feel about her.... I told myself.
I grabbed my pillow tightly against my face, and screamed into it.
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Age 33
Canada =3 The Lost Planet.
Seen June 3rd, 2009
Posted April 20th, 2009
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18.5 Years
" WAKE UP!!!!!" I heard someone scream.
I chose not to do so, and the next thing I knew, I was floating about five feet in the air.
" HEY! What's going on?!" I asked worriedly.

" Isis doesn't like tardiness!" replied Erk mockingly.

" Yeah, and he'd know," she said smuggly, lowering me down." Erk is a student of mine, and knows what happens when you're late. Now, Jonus was it?"
It took me awhile to reply, as I was staring at a scar above her eye. She seemed to notice me staring and moved her hair over it." Uh, yeah. I'm Jonus!"
" You seem eager enough, but Erk, do you think he'll last?"
" Wait," interrupted Amy," how does Erk know you again?"
Erk stopped Isis from answering this and said," I've been training with her. I've been practicing my Psyenergy with her for about two years already, but I'm just barely reaching the novice level of skill. I may be a bit more advanced then you all, but not much...."
"You don't think two years is a lot? You have experience over all of us. I bet the rat I fought wouldn't even have been a struggle for you huh?" asked someone from the shadows.

Amber rushed over to help Ken. She was reaching for his arm to help him steady himself when she said," You shouldn't have kept this from us Erk. I'm kinda sad you didn't even tell me." She turned to Ken and said,"You should lie down, you aren't fully healed yet."

He moved her arm away and replied," I'm fine. I don't need your assistance for such an easy task! Now, let's get to training! Erk is still weaker than me," he said staring at Erk with a cold expression in his eyes," no matter what he says."

Isis calmly walked over to the Elder's desk and picked up a straightedge. She hit her hand with it and said," I'm glad you are all eager, but today...is just the basics. Now, all of you go outside for our warm ups. Today, we will be running a mile around the nearby crops, with these boulders on our shoulders." After she finished speaking, 5 boulders appeared from beneath the wooden floor. " I will be doing this with you all, so grab a boulder and start running. Next, we train our minds with three hours of meditation. To wrap the day up, Jonus's foolishness causes all of you pain!" SHe said, an evil expression on her face.
She grabbed the boulder with ease and put it on her shoulders. Erk and Ken did the same and started walking outdoors.
I sense a rivalry starting I told myself, grabbing my boulder and heading outside.
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Kyosuke

.·Simple Complexity

Age 34
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Seen August 8th, 2018
Posted May 17th, 2014
2,485 posts
19.7 Years
Both the chapters seem to be good, but as contructive critism, it would be nice if you thought more of the story before you type it out. I know that you type what comes to mind, but sometimes its best to proof read, and decide what needs to be changed. It might take awhile but its worth it in the end.

And the story being told by diffrent points of view are sort of confusing, because you have to look up to see who's view its in, and it can get frustrating. Perhaps, give a early hint so readers know who it is.

I'm not trying to be hard and mean, I'm just saying what could be improved.
"Life isn't perfect, but sometimes you have to make the best of it."

After 7 years, Xbox Live is Still Amazing

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Age 33
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Seen June 3rd, 2009
Posted April 20th, 2009
1,321 posts
18.5 Years
I want you to criticize. What better way to improve then to be told how to do it?

I know a lot of people tend to get angry, but I want your comments. I like to think I get better with each comment I get. At least I did in the other fic :D
I'll take all that into mind before posting the next chapter!
YAY CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM!!!!
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I live in tre's heart <3
Seen December 19th, 2005
Posted September 18th, 2005
1,282 posts
18.8 Years
yay! this story is awsome! you really know our charectors! (lol it seems you made Arayl and Amber the same person XD) the writeing is incredible! and description is done very well, it sometimes gets a bit confuseing who's who (like LT said) but you seems to have good instinct with writeing so changeing stuff is just a breeze for you, great job! can't wait for rest! 9.9/10-honestly ^_^
I've left ;_; I might come back to check in on
a few comics, but otherwise i'm pretty much gone.


if you wanna find me i'll be here ^_^
Age 33
Canada =3 The Lost Planet.
Seen June 3rd, 2009
Posted April 20th, 2009
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18.5 Years
Chapter 6- The end of Peace
Erk's POV

The training had been a breeze for me. It was nothing I wasn't already used to doing. I made it through the first part easily, smiling faintly at the look of exhaustion on Ken's face. When he noticed though, he quickly tensed, his eyes narrowing and his eyes glowing.

" Tired already Ken? We barely started," I said, leaning back on my boulder.
" I don't tire as easily as you may think. Besides, you have no reason to be so happy. You've been doing this longer, so it's only natural that you don't feel the effects as badly," he said, wiping the sweat from his brow.

Isis was just barely looking back to see what was happening. She noticed we had all reached the endline of the course, and also noticed that something was about to happen. I knew it as well, but I didn't want to accept it. It was something I'd rather not welcome, and began walking forth to Amber.

" How are you feeling Amber? Was it too much for you?" I asked.
" Erk, I'd rather you not talk to me like that. I'm not some weak little girl who can't even handle boulders. In case you've forgotten, we just started our training. We're supposed to be tired," she replied, a look of disgust on her face.
" Amber, I just wanted to know. I wasn't trying to show off or anything," I said.
"Erk, you and I both know you were. You seem overly confident of your abilites right now. I'd rather not speak to you until you empty out your head a bit.Your new attitude is just not something I'd like to get to know better. When you feel like your old self, come back and we can talk. Until then, I'd be careful of what you say," she replied, a smile on her face.
I turned, mumbling random things, and began walking back. Without any notice, a fist came flying at my face, and soon, my face was turning faster than I thought it could.

I didn't even question it.Ken wanted a fight, and that;s exactly what he was going to get.
" You're going to regret that Ken!" I screamed. I balanced myself, and ran at him. I had just reached him, when I felt someone tug at my back leg. I made contact with the ground quickly and a cloud of dust flew upwards.

I began coughing a bit, dust in my mouth, and laid there a while. I thought it all over in my head. From what I knew, Ken wasn't supposed to be able to do that sort of Alchemy yet, but he hadn't done anything. Amber wouldn't, neither would Amy. That left one person.
I pushed myself up, and rubbed some dust off of my face.
" So," I sighed," You're against me as well Jonus? As you wish. Just know one thing, neither of you stands a chance."

I lifted my hands and began glowing. A bright blue light began encasing my body, and a dim image of an angel shone above me. The blue light mixed with a white light brought forth by the angel, and made its way around me. It spiraled upwards, from my toes to my face, a beautful mix of colors, and a grand feeling of victory.

" That there, " I said, " is called Ply. It's a skill known only to a few Mercury Adepts that allows us to heal ourselves and be ready for any battle. A useful trick really. It means I can't lose."

Jonus and Ken looked at each other, temporarily fixated with a look of shock. Then, the merely smiled. They charged at me, as if they had seen through my bluff.
Although I had phsyically healed, my mind had not, and I was low on psyenergy. It would end as a fist fight, a bloody one at that, and with a lot of pain.

They both charged at me, Jonus quickly stepping behind me to restrain me. Ken was just inches away from making contact, when we all collapsed.

Isis had made her way to the scene, and did not look happy.
She nodded, a look of disappointment in her eyes, and said," I'm very surprised this happened so soon. I knew it would happen, but I didn't think it would come so quickly. All of you, go inside and clean up. If I hear that anything else of this sort is going on, you'll be sorry. Now, we're done for today. Be ready tomorrow morning, at the same time, for our second day of training. Let's hope we get through that without any of this foolishness."
She merely nodded, her eyes now full of sadness, and walked away.
I'm really in a slump right now. All of my chapters are coming out badly.
I may just delete this one and write it over...
Same with the Zero X one. I hate writers block. I have the idea in mind, but I can't put it into words properly...
grr....
My Poetry Thread...Should you get bored XD


Thanks to Kyosuke for the awesome banners. They're amazing ^.^

Seen March 30th, 2005
Posted March 11th, 2005
1,912 posts
18.6 Years
OMGoodness, I remember this one, Rudy! <3 This fic is very well written. You've explained the nature of the characters and let us in on who they really are. That really helps when reading as well as reviewing your work. ^o^

The last chapter (ch. 6) is a bit questionsable. It's sort of confusing and seems to be more of a space-filler IMO. But like you said, writer's block is not a fun thing at all. XD Maybe ways you can fix it up is add a neat little cliffhanger in the end. Or have some unexpected accident or tragedy in there to liven this chapter up a bit.

But I do think the plot is great, and the details are pretty well pronounced too. I hope you right even more chapters to this fic, Rudy! Nice work. ^_~

~Kelsey
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..*) .*)
(. (.` ♥ Kelsey

Now officially moving to a new name, with Steve's OK, I shall now be known as Mori Seirei. ^.~
I live in tre's heart <3
Seen December 19th, 2005
Posted September 18th, 2005
1,282 posts
18.8 Years
omg that last chapter blew me away! each charector took on such a tight twist! the discription was great and so was the story line! plz continue it's sooo good ^_^
I've left ;_; I might come back to check in on
a few comics, but otherwise i'm pretty much gone.


if you wanna find me i'll be here ^_^