OK, the whole 'plot' of the poem is good, but you seriously have to wrok on spelling, and you poem should be in the format that I have it, and other people have it in their poem threads, it's just easier to pick out the flow that way. I'd say do a whole revision of the poem, then repost it here and we'll have another look at it. ^_~
~Kelsey
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Kelsey
Now officially moving to a new name, with Steve's OK, I shall now be known as Mori Seirei. ^.~