Sniper Sam (may contain some violence)

Started by Goatman56 November 26th, 2004 8:21 AM
  • 448 views
  • 9 replies
Age 31
Seen October 20th, 2019
Posted April 8th, 2016
2,881 posts
18.9 Years
Have you ever played Megaman 1 have you seen those green dudes well there called Sniper Joes but there is a new bot in town and hes Sniper Sam. Now Sniper Sam isn't evil hes on Megamans side to stop the War of Robots and Humans.

Heres the cast of characters
Sniper Sam (main character)
Megaman
Eddie
Zero
Bass
Dr Light
Dr Wily
Robot Masters
Dr Hiroshama

If you think I left anyone out tell me o and by the way this is my first Fan Fic so if you ever want to give me tips you can.*Grammars not one of my strong points.

Prologue

It was a dark night the robot and human wars were rising to the peak. My parents asked me to do a simple chore to get grocieries. A loud noise came from the east entrance of town. The robots were here and they weren't taking pity on any human. I watched in horror as I saw some of my friends,teachers,and even family members struck down. I ran down the ally and hid in a dumpster praying for my life. I got out of the dumpster just as the sun was rising. Were the robots gone or were they in hiding. Before I could even blink I was surrounded by robots with ball and chains. The ball and chains flew at me and struck me down. I could only watch as the blood flew from my body to the ground of the ally. My eyes closed just as a strange figure came and picked me up. I awoke days later. I couldn't believe it I was alive but something felt different. I looked down at my hands I had some wierd gun and a shield.What had happened to me.A man later briefed me and told me what happened. So now there was a new hero but not even he knew what would happen next.

So umm what do you think is it to short for a prologue.
Age 31
Seen October 20th, 2019
Posted April 8th, 2016
2,881 posts
18.9 Years
Chapter 1

The sun began to rise as I walked into town. This town was new to me I've never been out of my hometown. Then a robot ran up to me and I pointed my Sniper buster at him.

"Back off or I shoot!"

"Waahhh I don't want no trouble i'm here to help."

"Who are you."

"I'm Megaman and you are."

"I'm Sniper Sam, Dr Hiroshamas greatest creation."

"O so your his new robot, but were is he I thought he would've come.

"He couldn't come there were to many people to take care of and not enough doctors."

"Alright but lets head over to Dr Lights lab."

"Alright then lets go."

We began to run in the direction of Dr Lights lab but were ambushed on the way. We were both pressed back to back with the robots growing in number.
I readied my Snier Buster and Megaman with his Mega Buster.

"You get the ones on the left and I get the ones on the right, got it."

"Yeah, I got it."

I fired, each blast right on the dot. I was suprised at Megamans ability to charge his blast then fire it. The robots exploded with in range of our bodies. Our armor was getting scuff marks everywhere and we couldn't take much more of this. Finally after a hour or so the robots fell back, but what for there was still thousands of them. Just then a robot landed in front of us, this robot was big, tall, very elite armor, and had the insignia for robot master on him.

"Hehehehe well hello there" I said in a panicing voice.

"W....who are you and what do you want."

"I am the robot master Voidman" he said in a big strong voice.

"Well you know we'd love to stay but we really got to be going."

Me and Megaman teleported away from the superior Voidman.

"Were are we going?"

"To Dr Lights lab of course."

We reached our destination but didn't here a sound. But then a note was found on the floor and it was from Dr Wily.

"Well hello there Megaman I have taken Dr Light to a secret location. There will be riddles on how to find him but if you should fail to find him in time he will suffer. Here is your first riddle: On a three lane street you will find thousands of feet."

"Well what the heck does that mean?"

"I dunno i'm pretty clueless."

"Wait I heard of a street called Thousand Street."

"Well then that has to be it."

Me and Megaman teleported out of there and so began the search for Dr Light.

"Don't worry we'll find him."

"I hope so I really do."

Kyosuke

.·Simple Complexity

Age 34
Pickering, On
Seen August 8th, 2018
Posted May 17th, 2014
2,485 posts
19.7 Years
The prolouge is pretty good, it could use some more info on how he turned into, "Sniper Sam" and explan who Dr Hiroshamas is. And when you said, A man later briefed me." Explain what he said, and why it happened, something like,

"A sinister-like man approached me, and told me that my body was used, and transformed into Sniper Sam, improving my abilities dramatically."

For your first fan-fic this isn't bad at all, just add more to the story of what is going on. And the multicolored text is sort of annoying and hard to read, it would make a diffrence to just make it one colour.
"Life isn't perfect, but sometimes you have to make the best of it."

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Kyosuke

.·Simple Complexity

Age 34
Pickering, On
Seen August 8th, 2018
Posted May 17th, 2014
2,485 posts
19.7 Years
Try using quoations when someone is talking, for example when you said,

"Back off or I shoot!"

"Waahhh I don't want no trouble i'm here to help."

you could say, "Back off or I'll shoot" I yelled with fear in my voice.

"Waahhh I don't want no trouble I'm here to help." The blue robot exclaimed with his right arm in the air, that was also a gun.

Its not really that hard, its just sometimes it can be frustrating to think of new ways for characters to talk, and put a image into a readers head.
"Life isn't perfect, but sometimes you have to make the best of it."

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Desu no Aleph (Ah-LEP)
Seen February 10th, 2009
Posted July 20th, 2008
3,002 posts
18.7 Years
well, for your first fanfic it's pretty good! , my first fanfic that I made ((that was in another web)) was really famous... I'm really good at writing good stories, I want to start one here, the same I wrote in the last web, but I'm afraid that I will not continue it since the 7th chapter XD.... but *cough* anyway, keep going! becuase someone needs courage to write a good story, and you have more than enough courage to write a good one! =)
LOOK AT ME!!!!! Good! now... leave me alone! XD

http://207.46.8.124/cgi-bin/getmsg/peke9%2ejpg?&msg=0D03E21B-1AE6-4797-90C9-C2E192C1F1EA&start=0&len=110892&mimepart=8&curmbox=00000000-0000-0000-0000-000000000001&b=aef3c92fab14f3194454a747cf05fce1&disk=10.1.106.215_d2924&login=maxz72&domain=hotmail%2ecom&_lang=EN&country=MX&SafeRedirect=%26hm___ts%3d1174535620%26hm___ha%3dad07d426dd387a236c308f7379efdad6
Go for it, kid!
Age 31
Seen October 20th, 2019
Posted April 8th, 2016
2,881 posts
18.9 Years
Okay i'm back so here chapter 2

We reached thousand feet street and all was silent. We looked around and robot began to randomly pop out of the ground. The robots had giant hammers with eletric power surging through them. They pulled there hammers up high and slammed down. Me and Megaman were amazed at the enormous shockwave. It slammed into us and knocked us to the ground.

"I'm a little new to this robot thing so i'm jus gonna kill these guys and get it over with."

"You know maybe we should think this......"

Before Megaman could finish his sentence I fired my Sniper Buster. Out of nowhere shields popped out of the ground and the blocked my atks. I was amazed how prepared they were.

"Well o yeah I have a shield to."

"Yeah I think there real scared now."

"Well theres gotta be some way to get by there shields."

The robots only grinned as they pulled up there shields again. I began to scope out the huge shield. I was just looking around for anyway to get them to put there shields down.

Without thinking I blurted it out. "Your shoes untied!"

"That has got to be the stupidest thing you ever......"

Sure enough I lucked out those stupid robots looked down. We both singnaled each other and began taking each robot down. I watched in awe as the robots fell. But just as the robots fell a note flew through the air. It said.....

"Dear Megaman, I see you have solved the first riddle but that does not mean Dr.Light is safe. However this next riddle might be a little tougher and the robots will be harder as well. Here is your next riddle: There is a bump in your path with great size and a bunch of leathal weapons."

"A bump and lethal weapons what do you think Megaman."

"Thats it, its the lethal bump on the east side of town."

"Why do they call it the lethal bump?"

"Because its guarded by every weapon immaginable."

"But why have a big speed bump?"

"It started out as a wall but turned into a bump and we just used it to protect the east side of town."

"O thats wierd."

An with that said we warped to were the next riddle would take place.

Kyosuke

.·Simple Complexity

Age 34
Pickering, On
Seen August 8th, 2018
Posted May 17th, 2014
2,485 posts
19.7 Years
Interesting chapter, you definatly improved on your writing skills, by descriptions, but it could be even better if you added who is talking, it can get confusing.

Also, its a little short, and that there are alot of simple spelling errors that could be corrected and it could be slightly longer.

Enough of the critque, it can only move upward from here *Worst line ever XD*. But it really does have potential, if you keep on improving.
"Life isn't perfect, but sometimes you have to make the best of it."

After 7 years, Xbox Live is Still Amazing

·!¦[·Latest pieces of Writing·]¦!·

Kyosuke

.·Simple Complexity

Age 34
Pickering, On
Seen August 8th, 2018
Posted May 17th, 2014
2,485 posts
19.7 Years
Ya sometimes it can feel like your writing pages of work, but when you post it its not as long as you though tit was.

Good fan-fics don't have to be really long, but it should just take more then 30sec-1 minute to read.
"Life isn't perfect, but sometimes you have to make the best of it."

After 7 years, Xbox Live is Still Amazing

·!¦[·Latest pieces of Writing·]¦!·