Reality

Started by Azurne October 20th, 2010 12:32 PM
  • 681 views
  • 6 replies

Azurne

The Local Trickster

Age 33
Female
Seen August 19th, 2011
Posted August 16th, 2011
78 posts
14.5 Years
(I was supposed to be writing an abecedarian poem. What happens? I write something completely unrelated and not productive in any way to my intended poem. To be honest, I'm not sure what kind of poem this is. I think with the amount of repetition I put in it, it's a prose poem, except I'm missing a main metaphor. ._.; )


Reality


Her hair is not quite as long, nor does it shine with a single vivacious color. When it blows in the wind, it does not gracefully flow in one fashion, but rather comes apart in threads which make a mess. Her skin is not a flawless milky white, instead sickly pale with acne scars that force her to stand out in a world of sun-kissed bodies and tanned voluptuous breasts. Her voice is not a gift to the ear, but speaks anyway to get her point across, and commands no one’s attention but her own. Her eyes are not large endless orbs, nor do they show her every emotion. Instead they are small, and stare back at a world she decidedly loves. Her smile is not magical, nor does it make the entire room light up at the first quirk of her lips. Instead it brings her personal happiness, and an infinite joy which no 2-dimensional character can ever possess.



I hate my word choices, but that's what I get for scribbling it down in a parking lot. Suggestions are most welcome. D:
Age 28
Male
'.' Why would I say?
Seen January 4th, 2013
Posted December 25th, 2010
71 posts
12.6 Years
Hmm. A whole different kind of poem from the usual ones seen here..I like it. It might help if it was put in line/stanza form though. It'd be easier to read, but regardless, I like it. Alternate word choices..
I'm sorry, but I don't think I can really help with that, as it'd feel like I'm changing the whole poem and I quite like how it is now xD..

Azurne

The Local Trickster

Age 33
Female
Seen August 19th, 2011
Posted August 16th, 2011
78 posts
14.5 Years
Hmm. A whole different kind of poem from the usual ones seen here..I like it. It might help if it was put in line/stanza form though. It'd be easier to read, but regardless, I like it. Alternate word choices..
I'm sorry, but I don't think I can really help with that, as it'd feel like I'm changing the whole poem and I quite like how it is now xD..
Hm... I'd put it in line/stanza form, but Prose poetry isn't written with the usual style of poetry. The best way I can explain is with examples. XD

http://webdelsol.com/tpp/t-su97dl.htm
http://webdelsol.com/tpp/sj1-tpp.htm

If I change it to line/stanzas, I'll have to change things up a bit more, I think. In which case, I'm still at a loss on how to write it. ;.;

<- Not a poet obviously

Thank you for reading it. =D Give me a couple minutes and I'll comment on yours. :3

Azurne

The Local Trickster

Age 33
Female
Seen August 19th, 2011
Posted August 16th, 2011
78 posts
14.5 Years
i really like this one. it really reaches out to normal girls. i think i like it because it sounds like me.
i like it the way it is. don't change it a bit!
Aw, thanks. It sounds like my poem is doing its job, if it sounds like you. ^^

I won't change it too much if the general consensus is positive. :3