Sprout

Started by JX Valentine October 23rd, 2010 1:51 AM
  • 1067 views
  • 8 replies

JX Valentine

Your aquatic overlord

Female
Harassing Bill
Seen August 19th, 2020
Posted December 8th, 2012
3,276 posts
19 Years
Lawl, first thread in this forum since I was in high school. Figures, right?

This also serves as my entry for the poetry contest. It just sort of took off and went on for a couple of pages, so I figured it'd be best to just put it in its own place and link. Incidentally, I mostly write free verse, so I kinda threw the usual conventions out the window. The only other thing you need to know is that the poem is best read with a pause at the end of every line (and longer ones between each stanza).

So... yeah.



Sprout

There is a seed
in a pot
by a window
in a room
with a bed
in which lies
a little girl
who has been there
for three months,
and the seed
hasn't sprouted
in two,
and the nurses
all give her
sympathetic eyes
because they know
this number
equals five
which is one less
than the number
the doctors gave
to the little girl
and her mother
the morning after
the results
of her blood screening
came back,
and her mother cries
by her bed
in the hours
before she goes to work
while her daughter
is asleep,
dreaming
of the snowy night
when she and her mother
went out and made
snow angels.

Every morning
as soon as she wakes up
the girl pulls the pot
in her lap
and bends over it
(She once had long hair
that would fall around the pot,
but she doesn't anymore.
It fell out.)
and whispers to it
"grow grow grow"
even though
the seed doesn't sprout
and hasn't sprouted
for two months,
then three,
then four.

One morning
the doctors said
there was nothing more
they could do,
so they let
the girl's mother decide,
and she took her daughter
back home
to the apartment
overlooking
that same park
where they made snow angels
one cold night,
and over a cup of coffee
that same morning
the mother remembered
that night:
how cold it was
how much her baby's smile
glowed
in the light
of streetlamps,
how pink she looked
and how she coughed up blood
the next morning.

Every morning
for the next few days
as soon as she wakes up
the girl pulls the pot
in her lap
and bends over it
(She used to do this voluntarily,
but now it's the only way
she can sit up.)
and whispers to it
"grow grow grow"
until she can't.

The morning she doesn't
the mother cries
by her bed
and decides
not to come in
to work that day
or any other day
for a long time.

Two weeks
after the girl--
her mother's
only baby
by a father
who hasn't been around
since before she was born--
is dressed
and viewed
and cried over
and buried,
the mother realizes
that she hasn't been
in that room
for awhile,
(and how could she
after losing
her baby
and the smile
that glowed
in streetlamps
and gave her
reasons,
so many reasons,
to go to work
every morning?)
so she goes
and unlocks the door
and steps inside
to see the pot
by the window.

There was a seed
in a pot
by a window
in a room
with a bed
in which once lay
a little girl
who had been sick
for a very long time,
but now,
in the pot
poking out
of the soil
which hasn't touched water
since the girl
stopped telling it to grow
is a tiny,
green
sprout.
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monkeyandhead

I didn't train to be a Pilot.

Male
Australia
Seen October 10th, 2011
Posted January 10th, 2011
73 posts
12.6 Years
Man that Poem almost made me cry, it is so beautifully worded, and definately read best by taking your time. I really have no criticisms for it other then a few lines not rhyming (but I know that's done purposely, and I'm also guilty for it).

I clap for you, I'm that speechless.
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Zeffy

g'day

Male
Seen December 1st, 2022
Posted January 30th, 2021
6,395 posts
14.1 Years
Spoiler:
There was a seed
in a pot
by a window
in a room
with a bed
in which once lay
a little girl
who had been sick
for a very long time,
but now,
in the pot
poking out
of the soil
which hasn't touched water
since the girl
stopped telling it to grow
is a tiny,
green
sprout.

Best part, imho. This is truly wonderful, remarkable, etc! Although, reading it with the pause every line reminds of that show...xD

mervyn797

What? I'm right here. >D

Male
Seen November 28th, 2011
Posted December 3rd, 2010
1,696 posts
14.2 Years
........
I'm left speechless by this poem. I'm lost for words. The only thing I can say is that the poem is very elaborate and intriguing throughout. It was a delight reading this; you are surely a master of poetry!
And.. you've entered this poem for the PoTW? That is surely a......
Age 28
Male
'.' Why would I say?
Seen January 4th, 2013
Posted December 25th, 2010
71 posts
12.6 Years
I'm left in awe of this poem, the emotion portrayed nearly overwhelming me >.< It was so, so beautiful..There's really nothing to criticize, the word choices were wonderful, the whole lil tempo of the poem fit perfectly with the words, and the ending made me cry. Bravo, I would love to read any poetry written by you, it's absolutely breath-taking.
Life is like a box of glitter. 'Tis shiny. :3
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"
We were just hit with llamas on flaming bricks."
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Daydream

Boo.

Age 29
Male
That thar Kingdom. The United one.
Seen July 2nd, 2020
Posted June 27th, 2018
702 posts
13.7 Years
Ach. I fear PoTW has a winner, or in my eyes at least.

The rhythm works well and I like how the narrative itself isn't necessarily emotional, but the events it describes allows us to empathise and feel emotion. If that makes sense. But yeah, basically good poem and I can't really fault it, because I really like it.
Noble Magic
Courtly intrigue; may contain lightning bolts and necromancy.

JX Valentine

Your aquatic overlord

Female
Harassing Bill
Seen August 19th, 2020
Posted December 8th, 2012
3,276 posts
19 Years
Thanks for the comments, guys. :D I appreciate it.

A few specific notes:

other then a few lines not rhyming (but I know that's done purposely, and I'm also guilty for it).
Aww, don't feel guilty about it. A lot of poetry these days doesn't rhyme. Not saying that it's necessarily a bad thing to have a rhyming scheme (although it doesn't particularly float my boat admittedly); it's up to the poet to decide whether or not it's the best way to convey what they're thinking, y'know?

But I guess what I'm trying to say is don't feel too bad about not rhyming sometimes. It's not a flaw. b)'')b

Although, reading it with the pause every line reminds of that show...xD
XD Okay, I'm curious. What show?

And.. you've entered this poem for the PoTW? That is surely a......
;D

Bravo, I would love to read any poetry written by you, it's absolutely breath-taking.
♥ Thank you!

I've got a few more on my dA. Maybe I'll port them over eventually (although a number of them are pretty short -- including one haiku -- which means I'll need to figure out whether I want a collection thread or just post them all separately anyway).

The rhythm works well and I like how the narrative itself isn't necessarily emotional, but the events it describes allows us to empathise and feel emotion. If that makes sense.
It does, and thanks! That's what I was going for, so it's good to hear that it's effective. b)'')b
Professional ninja. May or may not actually be back. Here for the snark and banter at most.

Need some light reading?
Anima Ex Machina (Chapter 20 now available)
The Leaf Green Incident (SWC 2012 winner)
Braid (Creepypasta apparently)
Domain | Dreamwidth | Twitter