Life loved free.

Started by monkeyandhead October 25th, 2010 1:03 AM
  • 541 views
  • 3 replies

monkeyandhead

I didn't train to be a Pilot.

Male
Australia
Seen October 10th, 2011
Posted January 10th, 2011
73 posts
12.6 Years
Just a little poem I wrote on the train, it's supposed to be one of those poems that you just sit back and enjoy (if you enjoy it), it really has no hidden deep meaning, the meaning is pretty clear. Comments appreciated : ).

The old man sat there
By the pond
Near a tree,
Autumn leaves had bloomed
And the ducks roamed free

He took his hand
To a bag
As he stared to the sky,
Flew away the ducks
he would of fed

Days went by
As clouds drifted through the sky,
The leaves would move with the wind
As smoothly as life could render them

And as he looked
Ducks swam through blue
And into brown
Where the fish were found

And as he peer
to the duck and salmon
They would crash in water
As if it were habit

The old man sat there
By the pond
Near a tree
Autumn leaves had bloomed
And life loved free.
http://actappalled.carbonmade.com/

monkeyandhead

I didn't train to be a Pilot.

Male
Australia
Seen October 10th, 2011
Posted January 10th, 2011
73 posts
12.6 Years
On a train you say? That's very nice.

The poem is great! It could use a bit of reworking on some of the lines, but that's just me.

A poem that has a very clear meaning is a good change of pace. I love it when that happens.
Yea I noticed that as well, some of the lines don't need to rhyme, while others would just make it run more smoothly. I might fix it up sooner or later, thanks for the idea.
http://actappalled.carbonmade.com/