Sydian

fake your death.

Age 30
they/them
Georgia
Seen May 22nd, 2022
Posted November 29th, 2021
33,354 posts
15.2 Years
I have had a decent amount of requests to make a sequel to my old parody oneshot, e1337. So...I crapped one out. The original is pretty old, so I imagine a lot of members haven't read it, so you can read it here. It's only locked because it was revived, so don't get your hopes up that it sucked or anything, haha. It's supposed to be bad!!!!!!!!1 OK???! So without further ado...

e1337: PART DOO

PROLOGUE:

Wehn we last left off in the region of Hoenn (…OR WAS IT KNAOT???!) Mercedes Benz Over Jr. III defeated Lance and tried to resuce Princess Zelda. In this next epic advecnure, Mercedes Benz Over Jr. III will take on something more than just a champion…BUT A WHOLE NEW REGION!!1!!1


[spoiler]THIS IS THE THEME SONG I WROTE FOR THE STORY!!! :
[lots of guitars play and smoke comes all over the stage with the band really epic so cool]
(sing in the tune of the ORIGINAL theme song from the show cause the ORIGINAL is the best and evertyhing new SUX)
We wanna be a CHAMPION!
TO CATCH THEM ALL AND BE COOL
Runnin around the REGION
KILLING BAD GUYSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
AND Stopping THE BAD BREATH THAT
ONIONS BREATHES IN MY FAAAAACE
The fresh breath mints in my pocket
HAVE POWER THAT’S INSIDEEEEE!!!!
POKeMON!!!!!!!!111
eeeee1337!!!
It’s a big cheese!
I KNOW ITS NOT FUN TO READ!
POKEMON!!
OHHHHHH ur my girlfriend
In a world we must condemmmmmm
POKEMON!
eeeee1337!!1
This is part dooooooooooo
The grammar won’t pull us through1!!1
PRoofREAD me
I’ll PROOF READ YOU
POKEMONNNNN
eeeee133337777
EEEEE1337!!!
POKEMON!!!!!!![/notspoiler]


In the great lands of Isshu, wehre the story is now beginning at this time today in the morning, Mercedes Benz Over Jr. III was eating a lot of bacon for atery clogging. However, his alias for the new region was…HOT GUY. (he went to the court house and had it legally changed shut up) So then he saw this present in his room and his archenemy (he’s back ladies and germs!!!) ONIONS was standing there making strange noises that sounded slightly sexual. (The reason Cheren is not here is because he opted not to be here because I kinda paid him a bribe, so fangirls, GO AWAY!!!!0) And Beru was there tripping on acid the floor because she is cluzty like Lopunny!1
ONIONS: GO PICK A POKEMON SO I CAN PICK ONE THAT’S BETTER THAN YOURS BECAUSE IM AN A$$HOL3!!!
HOT GUY winked in anticipation as he slowly opened the box. Beru proceeded to say Japanese things because idek what she says at this part of the game cause I can’t read Japanese.

“Hmm, I dont kno if I approve of these choices bery much so” HOT GUY said vengefully. “But I wil be taking this PINK Mijumaru!”
“I AM SMUG FOR SMUGLEAF IS MINE SO SMUGLEAF GO FORTH AND KICK THY ASS!” ONIONS yelled carefully.
“WAYO!” Beru yelled (this part is to annoy LAarry!!1) She picked a PIGGY that went oink oink!!1 and she CHALLENGED HOT GUY to a monotype run I mean a battle.
Beru reached into her purse and looked as if she were trying to pull out a giant brick. It was apparently difficult to pull a little Pokeball out of her bag. However, she pulled out…a giant brick. Then she threw it at the floor and THEN sent out her Pokmon finally and HOT GUY sent out his Pink Mijumaru who used water gun and beru lost and was sad and made sad faces and put her brick back in her purse….
ONIONS: HOT GUY, battle me!! *sends out smugzy*
HOT GUY: wel ok GO PINKUMARU
The Smugleaf was dancing vivaciously as Pinkumaru glared kindly into his smug eyes.

The Wild Smugleaf is watching carefully! *smugleaf scratches the ground*
pinkumaru threw a pokeblock!
The Wild Smugleaf is eating !
Pinkumaru crept closer!
The Wild Smugleaf fled!

ONIONS: Well u win dis round but I wil be bak!!
and then he flew out the window on his broomstick. Beru just went away and exploded idc about her

HOT GUY was so cool that he went on to the end of the game and he did it without an action replay or anything like that. So he went on to wherever it is that you battle N for the last time. He was prepared. Armed with no Pokedex, no Pokeballs, and pants…he was determined to capture Reshiram (if he was playing Black) / Zekrom (if he was playing White) BUT PLOT TWIST!!
THE EVIL GENIES SWOOPED INTO THE ARENA! All three of them looked like diseased weathermen with tentacles coming out of their clouds. HOT GUY and N laughed in sorrow and disgust of how bad they looked.

N used Hair Flip!
It’s super sexy effective!
Genie trio fainted!
Now back to the mane plot……….
HOT GUY was prepared! He threw an invisible Pokeball at Reshiram/Zekrom……………….
Tilt
Tilt
Tilt
….
CLICK
BA DA DAAAA BADADADA DA DA DAAAAAAAAAA!
HOT GUY chose not to name the Reshiram/Zekrom but now he had to fight N’s Reshiram/Zekrom!
………

But then…………….
The game froze. The end…





!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

ALTERNATE ENDING!:
HOT GUY’s Reshiram/Zekrom used FIRIN MAH LAZAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!

N: ……..ok u win………….u rly r dee bestest super ultra mega alpha waffles pogeman master EVER.


The ~credits~

Me for being a genius
Alex for being a HOT GUY
Larry for hating WAYO!
Beru for being st00pid!!
Klippy for idk I just wanted him on this list
Astinus for birthing me

it’s like I’ve won a nobel peace prize!!!!!1111
BURY ME SIX FEET DEEP COVER ME IN CONCRETE
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Miz en Scène

Everybody's connected

Male
The Wired
Seen 2 Days Ago
Posted August 30th, 2016
1,645 posts
14.7 Years
Eh, I think I prefer the original 1337. ;D

Anyway, this is the first review I've done in a long while, and it's not really like me to do something that's not vaguely grammatical but what the hell. Let's critique comedy.

This won't be long, chill.

First off, in comparison to the the first one, the humour in part deux seems a bit forced. I might have snickered slightly here and there, but that's about it really. There weren't any really extremely lulzy, noteworthy lines like:
“Son your leaving in your underwear!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
which still cracks me up. I think the main problem is that, while you do try to emulate the random, non-sequitorial comedy of the first one, it doesn't work as well. Partially, I think it's because of the almost intelligent comments you add in there. And by intelligent, I don't mean that you're not and shouldn't be trying to act it, I mean that the fic isn't and you shouldn't be trying to force it in. It makes it look like forced humor. A bit like the explaining a joke is akin to killing it.

Example:
However, his alias for the new region was…HOT GUY. (he went to the court house and had it legally changed shut up)
Adding that he had it legally changed is too much of an attempt at explaining what was supposed to be a non-sequiter. Furthermore, the fact that you used 'alias' is also a bit too intelligent for this type of parody fic. You did this lulzily well in your first story:
Eg.
So he ran downstairs, ate some BACON, and ran out the door. He was a 4’3 feet Libra that liked honey baked ham, New Orleans type jazz, and long walks on the beach. “Son your leaving in your underwear!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” his mom called, but he didn’t care..
Here, you string together nonsensical, irrelevant statements and end with like, one of the best freaking punchlines ever. EVAR.

Contrast:
So then he saw this present in his room and his archenemy (he’s back ladies and germs!!!) ONIONS was standing there making strange noises that sounded slightly sexual. (The reason Cheren is not here is because he opted not to be here because I kinda paid him a bribe, so fangirls, GO AWAY!!!!0) And Beru was there tripping on acid the floor because she is cluzty like Lopunny!1
There's too much explaining and not enough non-sequiturs. I mean, if you'd opted for a Douglas Adams type narrative with a snarky, deadpan delivery, you'd be fine with this kind of thing, but instead you're mixing up these different styles. It's a bit jarring actually. To further push this point, take the line "(The reason Cheren is not here is because he opted not to be here because I kinda paid him a bribe, so fangirls, GO AWAY!!!!0)". This would've been waay funnier if you'd said something along the lines of Cheren wasn't here because bacon man beat him up or something. As in, going with the non-sequitur flow of the whole thing. The meta-humor here also just sounds like a tiny bit of a rant so it wasn't that funny.

And uhh, the rest of the narrative follows through in a similar vein as the above. I still think e1337 the first was the best one. So, main point, if you're going for non-sequitur comedy, explaining equals not so good, while randomly chaining together events is good, if you don't overdo it.

Sorry.
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Sydian

fake your death.

Age 30
they/them
Georgia
Seen May 22nd, 2022
Posted November 29th, 2021
33,354 posts
15.2 Years
I blame that I was in 10th grade when I wrote e1337 and I'm now a college freshman with a better vocabulary! But in all seriousness, I tried to take a different approach to this one after reading another parody fic (not on PC mind) where they did something similar. However I guess it made more sense there since it was the author trying to prove herself different from what her reviews were telling her. But thanks for the insight. :) Originals are hard to match up to, though.
BURY ME SIX FEET DEEP COVER ME IN CONCRETE
twitter | twitch | youtube
Age 36
Seen 17 Hours Ago
Posted 2 Days Ago
son i am disappoint

nothing, and i mean NOTHIN, WILL MAtch up with the orig e1337

i still giggled in places

HOT GUY is hot, btw. n_n

but yea, I agree with Mizan that the humor here felt just a little bit more forced. I understand why, since you did grow as a person. (Matured, though? No. u_u) And you really had more fun with ONIONS!!!!!1 before (Ew) and stuff. And yeah, my review isn't as funny as the one I did for e1337 da first.

I still enjoyed this, though. I did laugh.

And I didn't give birth to you. I'm a man. :)

I honestly don't know what happened to my sanity towards the end of this post.

Avatar credit: Fairy

560cool.

An old timer?

Age 24
Male
Eastern Europe
Seen March 29th, 2021
Posted March 9th, 2021
2,002 posts
13.7 Years
She picked a PIGGY that went oink oink!!1 and she CHALLENGED HOT GUY to a monotype run I mean a battle.
CHALLENGE <3

Anyways, I quite enjoyed reading this one, but the original e1337 was slightly better. Moar grammarz mistakes and no steak pants.
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