Hallows Eve Poem (Halloween)

Started by Prometheus October 29th, 2010 2:17 AM
  • 793 views
  • 5 replies
Age 24
Male
Conisbrough UK.
Seen January 16th, 2011
Posted December 18th, 2010
338 posts
12.7 Years
The little boy ran too the house
Messing about with his mothers blouse
He shook with fear
And screamed for dear

As he cried
He saw someone died
He laughed at first
Then his eyes birsted

Now don't mess
Or you wont be blessed
This ain't no game
Your death a shame



LOL, That sucked.
' A greedy father has thieves for children ' Serbian Proverb.

mervyn797

What? I'm right here. >D

Male
Seen November 28th, 2011
Posted December 3rd, 2010
1,696 posts
14.2 Years
The little boy ran too the house
Should that have been to instead of too?

Your death a shame
Again, it should have been "Your death is a shame" It didn't sound grammatically correct.

Yes, this might not be the best poem that can be written, but if this is your first one, then its all fine. :) I'll be looking forward to a better piece of poetry the next time. ^_^
Also, an added note, the rhyme seems to be forced. You can always try free style poetry.