Gundam SEED: Guilt (PG-13)

Started by Ciera November 29th, 2004 11:56 AM
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  • 3 replies
Age 32
Arizona
Seen April 2nd, 2006
Posted April 2nd, 2006
663 posts
18.9 Years
Chapter One: Memory Returning

The death of Nicol Amalfi.

The vicious image, and the fierce, shrill scream of horror and pain as the Strike Gundam's sword was cut into the cockpit of the Bllitz Gundam, cutting into the young boy's middle. The hatred that was emitted in the voice that was Athrun Zala, as he witnessed his best friend's destruction, as the hand of his once friend, Kira Yamato. Athrun's pure grief, his pure rage, pushed him past his limits; to berserker.

The two equally powerful Gundam's, with two equally enraged pilots, fought, tearing at each other's throats mercilessly. Striking blow after blow, until each were exausted... Until Athrun decided to risk it all... Just to destroy the young man, Kira.

The Aegis, a powerfully built, beautiful Gundam, a monstrocity with Athrun in the cockpit, slowly ran out of energy, as Athrun pushed the machine to it's extreme limits.

Finally, the Gundams were beyond repair; beyond salvaging; as the two coordinators fought, with everything they had. The Strike; Aile Strike; was at the Aegis's mercy, with it's cockpit ripped open, exposing Kira to the stench of the open rage, the Aegis's 580mm multi-phase energy cannon, the Scylla, aimed right at the cockpit. Athrun had the fight won; except for something no one had been counting on.

The Aegis Gundam running out of power. Drastic measures, too drastic, Athrun had no choice. He typed in the passcode; 2887; he evacuated, his launcher pack carrying him away from the Gundams... Kira Yamato gasped in horror as he relized what had been happening... It was too late.

Fin. Chapter One





A/N: Merged two fights into one- yes, I know what I'm doing ^^; And yes, I know it's short. All of my chapters will be short, writing long chapters is an epidemic to me.
I believe


Oh, yes, I'm back. I was gone again, but here I am now. ^_^

Kyosuke

.·Simple Complexity

Age 34
Pickering, On
Seen August 8th, 2018
Posted May 17th, 2014
2,485 posts
19.7 Years
Like you said its kind of short, but seeing how you already know what your doing, its ok its short ^^.

The only advice I can give is if your going to do two fights, it would be better to add some "filler" into it, not really description wise cause you did a good job with it, but just talk more about the fights, the one between the Blitz Gundam and the Strike Gundam ended in just one paragraph, you said you don't like to write long chapters, but just add more to whats going on with Kira Yamato, and his best friend. But other then that its really good.
"Life isn't perfect, but sometimes you have to make the best of it."

After 7 years, Xbox Live is Still Amazing

·!¦[·Latest pieces of Writing·]¦!·
Age 32
Arizona
Seen April 2nd, 2006
Posted April 2nd, 2006
663 posts
18.9 Years
Chapter Two: Nightmare Awakening

Athrun Zala sat up suddenly; he realized he was in his quarters.

"You baka!" Athrun found himself against the wall, Yzak Joule at his throat. "You let the Strike kill Nicol!" Hatred burned in Yzak's eyes, and it frightened Athrun.

"Yzak, get your hands off me." Athrun stared back into the enraged eyes of his friend. Yzak angrily dropped Athrun, and backed up a couple steps.

Hissing quietly, Yzak had thrown curses at Athrun. "You baka! You let the Strike kill Nicol! After that, the Legged ship took Dearka! Look what happened to your precious team! The Blitz, and the Aegis are destroyed beyond repair, the Duel is greatly damaged, and the Buster is in the hands of the Naturals! Don't forget the Strike- it's unaccounted for by ZAFT!"

Athrun stared back at Yzak, his eyes dulled with pain, and anger.

"I killed the pilot of the Strike..."

"You.. what? You killed him?" Athrun nodded.

"I'm coming in..." The electronic door opened, to reveal Rau Le Crueset, the captain. Yzak stood straight and saluted to Crueset, and Athrun weakly began to climb to his feet. "Ah, Athrun, no need to stand. You need to regain your strength. As for you, Yzak, could you possibly leave us some privacy?"

"Hai." Yzak turned on his heel, and hurried out of the room, happy to be ably to get away from Athrun.

"Athrun, you do know that you will be awarded with a medal for defeating Strike? It was our greatest nuisance, and now that it's gone, we're free to attack the Legged ship... But of course, there will be a memorial set up for our fallen..." Rau looked at the ground, after sighing and handing Athrun a small silver bracelet. "Here..."

"Wha...?" Athrun took the bracelet, and looked up at Rau, confused. "What's this for...?"

"It was found in the pocket of Nicol's uniform."

Fin. Chapter Two

A/N: I meant as in two different fights between the Aegis and the Strike :P
And I'm not trying to 'rip off' my chapter from the show, I'm merely using the events to come up with MY OWN dialouge, and some new goings on.
I believe


Oh, yes, I'm back. I was gone again, but here I am now. ^_^

Ryoutarou

Seen April 2nd, 2023
Posted December 29th, 2020
30,927 posts
19.3 Years
I'm not going to remark on the length, you said yourself you have something wroked out for it. But this whole thing seems just like a rip off of Gundam Seed episodes 30-33. Chapter one is like the last half of 30, chapter two just seems like a rehas of 32 and 33.