Pokémon The Crimson League

Started by Impo November 20th, 2010 8:44 PM
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  • 32 replies

Impo

Playhouse Pokemon

Male
Earth
Seen 1 Week Ago
Posted December 7th, 2021
2,456 posts
13.3 Years
Well, hi guys, I'm Impo. I've been creating a little novel as a side-project of mine, but have a little writers block. So I'm letting my creative juices flow with this little story about Pokemon.

We've all beaten the Gyms, Elites, our Rivals and the Champion. But what if those who did combined in a tournament to see who really was the best? I wrote this as a way to see how the best trainers matched up against each other, and I probably will add names (of people in PC) who I think are pro battlers. I am open to names, so you can suggest all you want :) . Actually, please do, because I'm not good at names. Also, I don't currently have Microsoft Word, so this is all done in notepad, so sorry if there are some grammar and spelling errors. But I do use online checkers. I'm not to good at intro's, but here's chapter one.

Oh, and I will try to make this more exciting than normal battles and the overused OT setting. I hope you like it :) .

---

Chapter One:


The Crimson League

Impo was a sixteen year old male from the region of Sinnoh, with ambitions of becoming the best pokemon trainer in the world. He had received his first pokemon at the age of ten, it was a Slakoth from his father.

From there his pokemon adventure began, capturing and training many powerful pokemon, battling and defeating trainers and overcoming all the challenges along the way. He has successfully challenged and defeated all eight Gym Leaders in Sinnoh, and is particularly fond of Psychic, Ghost and Normal pokemon.

Impo had just woken up and shuffled in his bed to find the television remote. After finding, he switched on the TV and shifted the way he was lying down so he was facing the TV. While watching television in his hometown of Sunyshore, a commercial advertising a new Pokemon League, the Crimson League.

This league was situated on a luscious island just to the east of Route 223, and was proclaimed as the tournaments for those who aspired to be the best pokemon trainers. It caught Impo's attention, and he listened quietly, wanting to know more.

"Do you think you have what it takes to battle the best? Do you have a family of pokemon in your PC? Well, come to the Crimson League Island and prove your power, or just watch the epic battles! The winners will receive cash prizes, and a chance to be in the Crimson League Elite! This amazing event takes place over the seventeenth to the twenty-fourth of November, don't miss it!"

Impo watched the commercial end and switched the television off. He then walked to his computer and typed 'Crimson League' in a search engine, and clicked on the official cite. A red background illuminated the computer screen as Impo read all the finer details of the Crimson League Island.

It turns out it is actually a knock-out tournament, and the boasts about prizes were not over exaggerated. The first prize winner would receive a chance to face-off in a battle against the Sinnoh Champion; Cynthia, and based on their skills, will receive a place as the Crimson League Elite and a cash prize of 10,000 dollars.

The runner up would receive 5,000 dollars and a chance to be in the Crimson League Trio. Then concluding the prizes, the third and fourth trainers will receive 2,000 dollars and a chance to be in the Crimson League Trio, like the runner up.

Apparently, the Crimson League Elite and the Crimson League Trio is equivalent to the Sinnoh Champion and the Elite Four.

It was free to sign up, but there was a challenge hopefuls needed to pass to gain a place in the tournament preliminaries. Registration closed on the sixteenth of November at noon, sharp. All those registered were given a hotel room to sleep in while the tournament took place and free meals for them and their pokemon. The hotel room also included a machine like those in Pokemon Centers that heal pokemon and restores their status and power points.

There was also a map of how to find the island, which Impo downloaded onto his Poketch. Impo closed the browser and logged off his computer.

This was his calling. He had been waiting for this opportunity for a while, a chance to show his potential. All he had to do was register by the sixteenth and he was in. He looked at his calendar at realized that today was when registration closes. It was only eight o'clock though, so he rushed to try to prepare for his journey.

Impo jumped out of bed and ran into the bathroom. Stripping his pyjamas off he turned on the hot water and stepped into the shower, avoiding the water until it was at the right temperature. After he had woken up properly and felt refreshed, Impo stepped out of the shower and grabbed a towel.

He began to wipe himself dry. Looking in the mirror, Impo wiped his short, brown hair before patting his wet face to remove the water. It was half past eight by the time Impo was dry. He looked in the mirror to see if he was completely dry; he hated when he was wet, it made him feel cold.

Impo checked his face for any remaining drops of water. Impo had brown eyes and thin eyebrows. His face had a few pimples dotted across his cheeks, but they were only small and not noticeable unless you looked close.

He had a medium sized nose and normal looking ears, except one had a brown dot where an ear piercing would be, creating an optical illusion suggesting he has his left ear pierced. Impo described himself as not muscular or thin, but not fat either.

Impo then brushed his teeth and sprayed some deodorant under his arms. He walked to his closet, his towel wrapped tightly around his waist. He picked out a loose shirt and shorts to wear, then realizing if he was going to spend a week on an island he would need more clothes.

Putting on his clothes and socks, Impo placed his feet inside his sand shoes then tied his laces in double knots. Impo ran downstairs, finding his mother in the kitchen.

"Hey mum, I'm entering the Crimson League Tournament," he said.

"That's nice dear, remember to take your mobile and some money," Impo's mother answered, chopping up some carrots.

"Oh yeah, I forgot about that!" Impo exclaimed, bring his index finger to his forehead. "I was also wondering if you could send me some extra clothes, I'll text you the address."

"Sure thing, sweety," his mother now adding the diced carrots into a simmering pot.

"How long are you going for?"

"Well, hopefully about a week."

"Who's going with you?"

"Just me and my pokemon."

"How much money are you taking?"

"I don't know, one hundred dollars?"

"Don't spend it all at once, okay?"

"Okay, Mum."

"Text me when you arrive there."

"Sure thing."

Impo ran back upstairs to retrieve his wallet and mobile phone, then stopped in front of his closet again.

"I can't forget those." Impo retrieved his belt and siphoned it through the straps on his
pants, placing six pokeballs in each of the holders.

"Now I'm ready!"

Impo ran back downstairs, skipped the last step and landing with a thud on the floor.

"Cya mum," Impo said.

"Good luck sweetie," his mother replied as he ran out the door.

Impo exited his house along the top east of Sunyshore city and began running across the solar panel roads and down the stairs into the bazaar. He travelled upwards until he reached the shore of the beach.

Impo pulled a pokeball from its place on his belt and freed the pokemon inside from the ball. A Starmie twirled out of the pokeball and landed in the water, creating a large splash.

"Okay Starmie, follow my directions." Impo grabbed onto Starmie's violet fins as the starfish began to propel itself through the water. Following Impo's directions, Starmie arrived on the shore of Crimson Island at eleven o'clock.

"Thanks, Starmie. You're a lifesaver," Impo said, thanking his pokemon as he withdrew it, replacing its' pokeball back on his belt. He began walking up the beach towards a stone path which had a signpost at the very beginning.

Impo reached the signpost and read its' contents.

'Crimson League Center Ahead, Don't Expect It To Be Easy.'

Impo ignored the signs warning and began to walk ahead. The path was surrounded by grass and odd trees, it was a fairly peaceful and relaxing setting. Impo noticed yet another signpost in the distance, and walked up to inspect it.

'Have you heed the warning?
It may look like a nice place,
But once it rains you will have to embrace,
Either victory or defeat.
Getting through will be an admirable feat,
Or turn back now
And take a bow.'

Impo tried to decipher the message in the poem, but was having little luck. Instead he tried to venture forward, he noticed that behind the signpost the path was blocked by a wall of trees. All looked the same, with and odd trunk with yellow spots and two club shaped branches. They also all had a forked branch atop of them.

Approaching the trees, he realized that he couldn't squeeze through them; they were practically conjoined to form a solid wall. He began to turn back to read the signpost again, when he realized there was more printed on the back.

'Congratulations, you have found a hint!
Have the trees been a little trouble?
Maybe fetching them a drink shall help?'

Impo thought that was a little stupid, but nonetheless he added it to the problem.

"Okay, the tree's need a drink. But on the other side it mentions rain... Maybe if it rains I'd get somewhere..." Impo had a sudden brainstorm, and released Starmie's pokeball from his belt again.

"Make it rain, Starmie!" Impo threw the pokeball high in the air, Starmie twirling out once it had reached the throw was at its' peak. Starmie's core glowed a magnificent red as it began to twirl slowly to the ground, storm clouds appearing in the process.

As Starmie descended further drops of rain began to appear, and once it was firmly on the floor a light drizzle occurred. The tree began to wriggle and shake, shocking Impo.

The wall of trees ran away, leaving only the three middle ones. Impo suddenly realized that these were in fact Sudowoodo, and not actually trees. Annoyed at the fact that he didn't realize something seemingly obvious, Impo cautiously waited to see what
the three Sudowoodo would do.

"Stop now, Starmie," Starmie's core began to glow again, and the rain ceased. "I should have brought an umbrella," realized Impo, talking to himself.

Once the rained stopped the three Sudowoodo appeared angry and attacked. Caught off guard Impo retreated backwards as the Sudowoodo began to walk over to him. With each step they angrily thumped their toe-less feet on the stone path.

Reaching for a pokeball on his belt, Impo cried out:

"Help us out, Roserade!"

Roserade burst from its' pokeball, crossing it's bouquet arm's. She then placed her arm's in front of her waist, as if ready to battle.

"Energy Ball and Water Pulse! Go!"

Roserade brought both its' arms together, creating a bluish green ball of energy. While Starmie began to do spin its second star, its' core glowing wildly. The two pokemon aimed their attacks and then unleashed them.

Roserade's Energy Ball hit the Sudowoodo on the left in the face, knocking it out before it even responded to the attack. Starmie's core released a ball of water aimed at the Sudowoodo on the right. When it made contact the ball burst and a wave of water washed over the Sudowoodo.

"Sudo!" The remaining Sudowoodo gulped as he saw the other two Sudowoodo faint.

The branches on Sudowoodo's head began to glow gold and it jumped backwards. It then produced an Energy Ball like Roserade's and then fired it at Starmie, who wasn't expecting a retaliation. Starmie's core began to glow dimmer as it was hit with the Energy Ball, it was thrown backwards but was not knocked out.

"Hang in there, Starmie. Use another Energy Ball, Roserade, quick!"

Roserade and Sudowoodo both crossed their arms' and produced another ball of energy. The two sent their attacks at each other, both bluish green balls colliding in the center of the two pokemon. The impact caused a small explosion, blowdrying most of the water from Impo's clothes.

The two pokemon were a little dazed from their power of their attacks, about the same time Starmie regained its' composure.

"Finish this, Starmie! Ice Beam!"

Starmie's core glowed a pale blue, and Starmie propelled the attack at Sudowoodo by spinning its' second star. Sudowoodo was stilled dazed by the Energy Ball collision, and was hit by the Ice Beam directly. Groaning in pain, the Sudowoodo fainted.

"Yes! Nice work, team." Impo congratulated his pokemon while he returned them into their pokeballs. He glanced at his watch as he realized the time.

"Ten to noon? Oh no!" Impo ran past the fainted Sudowoodo's and continued along the stone path. He began to see another signpost in the distance, and a dark red building on the horizon.

Completely ignoring the sign post (Impo thought it would be congratulatory), Impo ran inside the large red building. Catching his breath and clutching the stitch in his side, Impo observed the building. Inside the building was red, and had a fairly large lobby.

At the end there was a receptionist sitting at a large desk, who caught Impo's attention. The Center featured a large fountain and benches around it, where some teenagers were sitting, discussing the tournament in excited voices.

There were also chairs conveniently littered around the lobby, so people could relax. Impo glanced at the large clock behind the receptionist's desk. Four past twelve. He was late.

-----

I hope you liked it :)
And no, the Impo in this story is not depicted as me in real life :P .


Mirimaju

Coordinator Extraordinaire

Age 28
Male
Omaha, Nebraska
Seen February 5th, 2011
Posted January 17th, 2011
28 posts
12.5 Years
This fanfic is already off to an amazing start intresting choice of pokemon I'm pressed with how you describe the pokemon themselves and how they produced their attacks. I'm excited for the next chapter and to see more of his Pokemon =) Best Wishes on this
From Kanto to Johto to Hoenn to Sinnoh and now Isshu I will always love Pokemon <3

Impo

Playhouse Pokemon

Male
Earth
Seen 1 Week Ago
Posted December 7th, 2021
2,456 posts
13.3 Years
This fanfic is already off to an amazing start intresting choice of pokemon I'm pressed with how you describe the pokemon themselves and how they produced their attacks. I'm excited for the next chapter and to see more of his Pokemon =) Best Wishes on this
really? thank you so much :D

Impo

Playhouse Pokemon

Male
Earth
Seen 1 Week Ago
Posted December 7th, 2021
2,456 posts
13.3 Years
Haha no problem just supporting a fellow fanfic author now for that next chapter haha =)
oh, and do you mind if I use part of your username for a chapter?
considering you're my first comment :) ?

your debut will be in the third chapter.

Impo

Playhouse Pokemon

Male
Earth
Seen 1 Week Ago
Posted December 7th, 2021
2,456 posts
13.3 Years
here's chapter two :) . I'm looking for people from PC who are good battlers so I can portray them as characters, PM me your nominations please, even nominate yourself :D !

Chapter 2


The Receptionist

Bursting through the doors of the red building, Impo hurriedly ran to the front desk. Situated at the front desk was a young woman who caught the eye of Impo - it appeared that this receptionist was no older than seventeen. She had a white shirt covered by a black vest paired with a black dress just above her knees for her uniform.

She had wavy blond hair and blue eyes, a small nose and seemingly soft lips. She didn't look like she was wearing vast amounts of makeup, but she didn't need to.

"Am I too late to sign up?" he asked, scared to hear the answer.

"Hmmm... I'm afraid you've arrived a few minutes late, registration has closed," the receptionist replied.

"What? No! I have to get in! Please, I'll do anything!"

"I'm sorry, sir, but you're late."

"But...but..." It wasn't fair. Impo had been waiting for this moment for a long time. He didn't want to give up, not when he was so close.

"I'll battle you?! If I win, I can enter!" Impo anxiously waited for her reply.

"Ummmm...." She was clearly considering it, noticing this, Impo seizing his opportunity.

"But if you win, I'll give you a mystery egg." Impo arched one of his eyebrows, hoping raising the stakes would make the receptionist give in.

"What kind of mystery egg?" she asked. Impo grinned, seeing he had piqued her interest.

"That's what makes it a mystery." He held the last syllable of his sentence, trying to nag his way into a battle.

"Okay. I'm game. Standard three-on-three, okay?" The receptionist gave in. Glad he was able to twist the situation, Impo prepared his pokemon.

"Where do we battle?" Impo asked the receptionist. He thought she would know the best place for a battle.

"Hmmm.... just outside here there should be a field, perfect for a battle."

"Awesome."

Impo began to walk outside while the receptionist quickly placed an 'On Break' sign on her desk and hurried outside.

The field was the perfect size for a battle, about the same as a football field, but relatively small in comparison to the Crimson League Center.

A slight breeze danced across the blades of grass as Impo and the receptionist found a place unoccupied by people that was large enough for a battle.

"I hope this doesn't count as my break..." She stared blankly as she thought about losing her 'hard-earned' break, "I'm Abby by the way, nice to meet you."

"I'm Impo," the two shook hands as a formal greeting, then they stationed themselves on opposite sides of the field. "Ready to battle?" Impo yelled, trying to talk to Abby despite being far apart.

"I hope you are," she conjured a pokeball from her vest and spun around, "Introducing Gardevior! My battling beauty!" She released her pokeball and out emerged her Gardevoir, who elegantly floated just above the air, her gown-like body swaying in the wind.

"Nice, but can you handle this?" Impo asked, throwing his pokeball in the centre of the field to releasing his quadrupedal tank-like Metagross.

"Let's go! Metagross, Agility! Quick!" Impo commanded, hoping to give his Metagross some extra speed.

"Meta!" Metagross grunted as it relaxed it's body to sharpen its speed.

"Future Sight, Gardevoir!" Gardevoir's whole body began to glow, its' gown-like body swaying more and more aggressively as time passed.

"Okay Metagross, now use Zen Headbutt!" Impo pointed his index finger with great velocity at Abby's Gardevoir. Metagross charged at Gardevoir with astounding speed, Gardevoir now glowing a deep blue, and her body
swaying aggressively as the psychic power coarsing through her.

"Now!" Abby shouted. The moment Metagross was less than a centimetre from Gardevoir, she unleashed her psychic power and threw Metagross back in the opposite direction.

"Metagross! C'mon, don't give up!" Impo tried to encourage Metagross as it slided to a stop, leaving a trail of overturned grass from where it was hit.

"All right Gardevoir!" Celebrated Abby, dancing on the spot with similarly to Gardevoir, who was twirling in the air.

"Shake it off!" Impo ordered, "counter with a Bullet Punch!"

"Dodge Gardevoir!" Metagross lifted itself off the ground charged at Gardevoir, its' arms glowing red. Its' speed from the agility and increased priority too fast for Gardevoir. Metagross began to spin around and repeatedly
punched Gardevoir with it's steel arms. Gardevoir wimped in pain and collapsed onto the grass.

"Gardy!" Abby's voice hinted that she was worried.

"Okay Metagross, you're doing great! Meteor Mash, go!" Metagross produced a happy sound at the mention of praise, then levitated higher into the air. A silhouette of a meteor covered Metagross' front arm and it began to rush to Gardevoir, whose frail body was still stunned by the assault from Bullet Punch.

"No! Gardevoir! Get up!" Abby began to plead with her pokemon, but it was no use. The moment Metagross made contact with Gardevoir the meteor broke into many small golden star particles, and the force caused the surrounding land to collapse into a small hemisphere. Impo and Abby used their arms to shield their faces from the dust, and when it parted saw Gardevoir unconscious on the collapsed land while Metagross just levitated, staring at his trainer.

"Haha! Yes! Nice work, Metagross. I knew you could do it!" Impo smiled from ear to ear as Abby returned Gardevoir to its' pokeball.

"You did well, Gardevoir," she said, gently caressing the pokeball, "I might be able to wipe that smile of your face if I turn up the heat." Grinning at Impo she retrieved her second pokeball. More determined than before, Abby threw her next pokeball high into air, where a Ninetales burst out landing elegantly on the ground. The Ninetales then ferociously growled at Metagross, flexing each one of its' furry tails in an intimidating manner so each one was straight in the air, but Metagross wasn't affected by the roar or appearance of it's next opponent.

"Ready to make Metagross soup?" Abby said confidently to her Ninetales from the sidelines. Ninetales nodded, a deceiving smile on it's face.

"Confuse Ray, Ninetales." Abby's voice was soft yet clear, and all the tail's of her pokemon began to glow and twist in unison, as if they were moving to a heavy pulse. Ninetale's eyes glowed coherent to her tails, and then
released a sinister purple ray zigzagging towards Metagross, hitting it square in the metal like 'X' on it's face. Metagross became entangled within the ray, levitating up and down energetically, hurting itself in the process.

"Metagross! Snap out of it!" Impo tried to regain control over Metagross, but the Confuse
Ray was a direct hit. At the same time Ninetales was creating white flames from inside her mouth, embers sizzling around her fangs.

"Unleash your Heat Wave, knock it out!" Abby had gained control over the battle, Ninetales released the fire from it's mouth and it travelled with the wind to a confused Metagross and Impo. Metagross groaned in pain,
confused and burning. It fainted and landed with a thud on the dirt trail it had made earlier. Ninetales ceased the weather and howled in victory, Abby mimicking her pokemon in delight.

"Metagross, Return," Impo said in a discouraged voice, whiping the sweat from his face.

"Lets go for a quick kill. Sound fun?" Brandishing his pokeball like a weapon, he released it. The pokeball spun around in the air and eventually released a Slaking onto the battlefield.

"Shake it up Slaking! Use Earthquake!" Impo yelled, and Slaking jumped in the air then smashed the ground with amazing force, surprising Abby and Ninetales. Slaking had surprised its' opponents with it's speed and power. The battlefield shook, Abby screamed as she fell on the grass, while Impo remained stable, knowing the power of the attack. Ninetales howled as the ground shook around her and she fainted on the still shaky ground as Slaking began to eat the grass around him on the field. The final afterwave of the quake stopped and Abby was able to stand up again. The score was now in Impo's favour: 2 to 1.

"You better not have got my uniform dirty!" Warned Abby, as she withdrew another fainted pokemon, "You did great, Ninetales." She comforted her pokeball while Impo also returned his bulky ape-like Slaking to it's pokeball.

"One-hit knockout! Nice job!" Impo congratulated his pokemon before placing it back in his pocket. "You underestimated Slaking, didn't you?" Impo grinned at Abby.

"Well, I admit I didn't think it was going to be that fast. It looked sluggish," Abby admitted, "But it's not over yet, let's win this, Azumarill!" Producing her last pokeball from her vest, Abby's Azumarill merrily bounced out of her pokeball, one of her rabbit-like ears covered her eye.

"Cute," Impo said in response to her pokemon choice, "Gengar! Show them how it's done." Impo's Gengar burst out of its' pokeball, emitting a high pitched screech making Abby and Azumarill cover their ears. Gengar had a sinister grin on it's face as the third round of the battle started.

"Ice Beam, Azumarill!"

"Shadow Ball!" Gengar's arms began to glow with blue electricity as a blue ball began to form in Azumarill's mouth. Gengar placed his hands together sending a shadowy blob at Azumarill just as the icy cold beams erupted from Azumarill's mouth. Azumarill's Ice Beam shot through Gengar's Shadow Ball, and the two pokemon were hit directly by each other's attacks.

"G-G-Gengar!" Gengar shrieked as it was hit with the Ice Beam, frozen from the cold force.

"Azu!" Azumarill yelled as the shadowy force toppled her over, hitting her directly in the stomach.

"Arrrghhh! Thaw out Gengar!"

"Hang in there, Azumarill!" Both trainers were trying to guide their pokemon through the battle. Azumarill slowly got up from the ground and became focused on the battle again.

"Awesome work, Azumarill! Now finish this with Hydro Pump!" Azumarill listened to her trainer and charged up the power of her attack. Gengar was still frozen, but was beginning to thaw out.

"Quickly Gengar!" Impo began to worry about losing; it wasn't an option. Abby was now grinning with satisfaction. Gengar had thawed out of half of the ice and Azumarill was almost finished preparing it's Hydro Pump. Azumarill unleashed it's attack just as Gengar thawed out of the ice, Azumarill sending jets of water from her mouth.

"Take him down with you, Gengar!" Gengar's eyes turned purple and his body glowed in a similar fashion just before the powerful sprays of water made contact with him, knocking Gengar out. Abby jumped up and down in celebration.

"Yes! Go Azumarill!" Azumarill turned to face Abby, with a happy grin plastered on her face.

"Not so fast." Impo said, watching the glow from Gengar dispersed from his body and began travelling towards Azumarill.

"Wha? Azumarill! Look out!" Abby's warning was too late. Azumarill turned around just as the dark purple glow engulfed Azumarill, who looked around scared. Suddenly Azumarill cried in pain and fainted.

"No! Azumarill!" Abby wept as she recalled her last pokemon, "But how?"

"Nice trick, Gengar." Impo said to Gengar, returning it to his pokeball. Impo and Abby began to walk to each other, and met in the middle of the battlfield.

"Well, nice battle," Abby said gloomily, "I guess you won yourself a spot in the tournament."

"Thank you. I almost thought I was gonna lose, you were pretty good with your pokemon." Impo said, trying to cheer Abby up, who blushed and smiled modestly.

"Really? Thanks, but how did you beat my Azumarill? She just fainted."

"That was Destiny Bond, a move that knocks out an opponent if they make you faint. Comes in handy, huh?"

"Yeah, well, come back to my desk so I can register you." Abby said, noticing the aftermath of their battle, "gosh, I hope no-one notices."

"Only the blind people won't." Impo joked. The two began to walk back to the Crimson League Centre happily chatting, leaving the remains of their battle on the field.

---

I hope you liked, the first battle of my story :)
Male
Australia
Seen December 23rd, 2010
Posted December 11th, 2010
103 posts
12.6 Years
This is really great!! The battle scenes are fantastic, and the description of the environment is good too! This has inspired me to write my own fic! Definately subscribing to this!

Do you want a Trainer Card like this?
Do you just want a plain old Trainer Card?

Then visit Will94's Trainer Card Shop! Your one stop shop for all things Trainer Card!
Male
Australia
Seen December 23rd, 2010
Posted December 11th, 2010
103 posts
12.6 Years
WHAT! Don't stop!!
It isn't often you find a fic with good battles, and I was laughing alot in the first chapter with the Mom scene!

Do you want a Trainer Card like this?
Do you just want a plain old Trainer Card?

Then visit Will94's Trainer Card Shop! Your one stop shop for all things Trainer Card!

Impo

Playhouse Pokemon

Male
Earth
Seen 1 Week Ago
Posted December 7th, 2021
2,456 posts
13.3 Years
WHAT! Don't stop!!
It isn't often you find a fic with good battles, and I was laughing alot in the first chapter with the Mom scene!
you're making me blush.
I'll post the next one maybe tonight or tomorrow.

Impo

Playhouse Pokemon

Male
Earth
Seen 1 Week Ago
Posted December 7th, 2021
2,456 posts
13.3 Years

Chapter 3


The Trial (Featuring Mirimaju of PC), Part 1

Impo and Abby returned to the lobby of the Crimson League Center, where an angry teenager was impatiently waiting for Abby's return.

"Could you please wait a second, while I help this guy out?" Abby asked Impo.

"Sure," Impo agreed.

This teenager roughly looked like the same age as Impo. He also shared the same features, but his pupils were smaller and his hair was blonde and long. This stranger had skinny features and glasses, almost like a
stereotypical nerd. Except he looked rather angry as he faced Abby as she returned to her desk.

"Uh oh," Abby sighed. She cleared her throat and dusted the residue of her battle off her uniform.

"Good evening, sir, is there a problem?"

"A problem? Yes, as a matter of fact there is." The teenager replied in a surprisingly calm voice, as it looked like he was about to explode. "I have been waiting for the receptionist to finish her break for the past hour, doesn't
that seem like a extended break?"

"I'm sorry, but I'm afraid that was my fault." Impo interjected, he could see the teenagers surprised look as he began to make her absence seem just. "I asked for the receptionist's assistance, and she assisted. Surely you aren't implying that helping a customer should count as a break?"

"Well, no." The blonde haired teen looked down at his old shoes.

"So, what exactly were you after, sir?" Abby ended the subtle feud and continued helping the client.

While Abby helped the settled adolescent, Impo patiently waited by the fountain for her to finish. While doing so, Impo texted his mother the address where she had to send his clothes. After a few minutes the teenager left the building, and Impo walked back up to Abby's desk.

"Who was that?" Impo asked, curious for no apparent reason.

"Oh, that's just another trainer, turns out he only wanted to know when the trials started." Abby breathed out heavily, wondering why people got flustered over the most simplest things.

"Okay. So here's your number, keep this safe as it's how we identify participants." Abby said, handing a plastic card to Impo. Impo glance at his card, he was number forty-two.

"No problems," Impo replied, placing it in his wallet.

"Here is your room key, to find your room just go up those stairs to the left."

"Gotcha," Impo placed his room key in his pocket.

"And at four o'clock today the trails begin, so be prepared. They are held behind this building."

"Will be," Impo laughed. Impo glanced at the giant clock behind Abby. "Wow, it's already two!"

"Really? Wow, I'm off the clock!" Abby said, rejoicing. She jumped off her chair and walked out from behind her desk. "Gosh, I'm hungry. I need some lunch. Have you had lunch yet?"

"Now that you mention it, I could go for some grub," replied Impo. Ever since the adrenaline rush of the battle subsided he actually did start to feel hungry. "Would you like to grab some food?"

"Ummm... That sounds great," despite enjoying the sound of lunch, Abby took a while to answer.

"There's a restaurant where we can eat in here. If you show them your card you eat free and they make food for your pokemon too!" Abby exclaimed, leading the way.

"Really? Awesome!" Impo said, enthusiastically following her.

Abby led Impo to a doorway left of her desk and down a corridor. The corridor opened up into a large restaurant, the aroma of freshly cooked food surrounding them. Impo and Abby lined up to place their orders. After ordering they walked to one of the outside tables and patiently waited for their meals. They released their pokemon into the garden of the restaurant, where they foraged for berries and other food. Having no mouth, Starmie just floated on the duck pond with its' core flickering lazily.

The food arrived shortly after Impo and Abby witnessed Slaking strip a bush bare of all it's Oran Berries. Impo and Abby began to produce some small talk while they ate their meals. Impo discovered that Abby was also hoping to enter the tournament. Her parents were co-founders of the Crimson League, but they weren't keen on bending the rules for their daughter. So she joined in the registration and applied for a part-time job as the receptionist, so she could get a better understanding of the tournament.

"Wow, that's sneaky. In a smart kind of way," Impo said, shocked at how well thought out Abby had planned her tournament entry. After all, Impo just decided the day he saw the commercial.

"Yeah. Mum and Dad realized what I was doing, so they stopped telling me everything. I don't even know what the trial is," she said gloomily.

"Speaking of which, what's the time?" Impo asked, sucking his last spaghetti string through his mouth. He made a slurping sound as he did so.

"It's three fifty-five!" Abby gasped, checking her watch. Impo choked on his spaghetti.

"Quick, we'll be late!" He said, running into the garden of the restaurant. Impo and Abby found all their pokemon and began running to the back of the hotel. The two managed to navigate through the giant building and locate it's back, and arrived in very big forest.

There were trees and vines everywhere. Long grass crawled up the legs of anyone who stepped in them and mysterious noises were coming from the very middle of the forest. There
were many hopeful trainers here, all sporting different pokemon. Impo recognized the guy from the Abby's desk with an Alakazam.

"Okay, is everyone here?" An old man yelled through a microphone, seizing the attention of his large audience. Abby revealed the identity of the man to Impo.

"That's my dad," she said, happily.

"Yes," a few people yelled out energetically while some merely murmured their answer.

"Okay. So everyone here wishes to be a part of the Crimson League, but unfortunate only sixteen of you can be a part of this event. Therefore, in order to make sure the best are placed in the tournament we have organized a little... trail... shall we say. This has been made so we know your skills as a trainer and also too create friendships. You will be divided into pairs and you will have to venture to the other side of the forest here.

The pairs will be picked by me and the first eight pairs will be in the tournament. When I say 'Go' the race will begin." Abby's dad continued with the rules, all the hopefuls listening absent-mindedly. "The rules are as follows; you cannot switch partners, and you can only use one pokemon of yours in the forest. So that means between you and your partner there will be two pokemon. You can attack other pokemon, but if one of your pokemon faints you cannot revive them, and if you and your partner's pokemon faint, you are eliminated from the competition. You cannot attack other trainers though, that will be a immediate disqualification. Also, there will be more than just grass in the forest. If any group gets in trouble, just send your pokemon's attacks up straight into the sky and we'll come and retrieve you. Everyone got it?"

"Yes," the answer sounded the same as the one for the question earlier.

"There are forty-two trainers here, so that means there will be twenty-one groups. I'll begin the sorting." The microphone screeched as the old man tucked it under his arm, and he pulled a list of numbers out of his pocket.

Placing the list in his right hand and the microphone in the left, Abby's father began to read out the pre-organized list.

"Now, I expect you all know your numbers. When yours is called out please stand behind me with your
partner. All right," he started to go down the list "Number one, line up here with fourteen."

"Oh that's me, number one!" Abby said excitedly, hurrying to line up behind her father. She was paired with a man in his late twenties. Abby appeared to resent being with a partner who was so much older than her, but her partner didn't mind. Impo silently laughed to himself as he saw fourteen's grin greet Abby's weak smile.

"Now, you number and what pokemon are you using?" Abby's dad asked, the microphone screeched again as he searched for a pen in his pockets.

"Number one, and Vileplume," Abby said, releasing her flower pokemon who stood shyly behind her.

"Number fourteen, and Pidgeot," Abby's partner said, his Pidgeot had been out of it's pokeball before it arrived behind Abby's dad. It crossed it's wings and screeched when it heard it's name.

After naming every group, only two numbers remained. Impo had seen the boy from the Abby's desk walk off with a girl and her Sableye. Impo was standing alone in front of Abby's dad, only one other person standing in front of him.

"Numbers twelve and forty-two," Abby's dad announced, "you're the last group."
Impo and number twelve walked up to Abby's dad, telling him their numbers.

"Number forty-two, and...." Impo looked at the pokeballs on his belt. He wanted to win. But he hadn't properly restored his pokemon's health after their battles. He had been hoping to use his Roserade, but his only choice was his one pokemon that was ready.

"...And?" Abby's dad was waiting for an answer, Impo's partner patiently humming to himself.

"Forty-two and Infernape," Impo finished. he produced Infernape's pokeball from his belt and the monkey

"I'm twelve and Mijumaru is my pokemon!" As number twelve stated his pokemon, everyone who heard it scratched their heads. They were all trying to think of a pokemon who had that name.

"...Umm, could you please tell me the species name?" Abby's dad asked, trying not to sound impatient.


"It is," and with that he released his 'Mijumaru' from his pokeball. Everyone gasped as this unknown pokemon nervously straightened the shell on its' stomach nervously. The pokemon was light blue, dark blue and white. It appeared to be a water pokemon. It had a circular head with a big dark orange nose, and speckles on its' cheeks. Mijumaru had a pale blue torso with a pale yellow sea shell attached to it's center. It had no digits on it's hands, which appeared to be rounded. Its' feet had flipper-like toes with a dark blue colour. Mijumaru also had a plank like tail, also dark blue.

"You see, I'm from Isshu, and this was my first pokemon." Number twelve explained, patting Mijumaru on its' head. It smiled and giggled, exposing its' small fangs.

"Okay, that's all sorted out. Now, I'll give everyone some time to prepare some strategies, but be quick, it's only five minutes!"

"Hello! My name is Juri." Number twelve officially introduced himself.

"Hi, I'm Impo," Impo tried to sound cheerful, but he couldn't. He was aiming to become the best, but he was paired with a foreigner and their first-stage (looking) pokemon. Impo hoped to get lucky in this trial.

Impo

Playhouse Pokemon

Male
Earth
Seen 1 Week Ago
Posted December 7th, 2021
2,456 posts
13.3 Years

Chapter 4


The Trial (Featuring Mirimaju of PC), Part 2

"Okay, do you have an strategies?" Impo asked his teammate, Juri. Juri was a male, probably the same age as Impo. He had thick blonde hair curved into a side-fringe and deep brown eyes. He looked a little muscular, with hairy legs for a teenager. Impo began leading Juri to a starting spot near Abby. She was talking to her teammate, finally ignoring the age difference. They were just about to start their trial; a paired race.

"Well, for starters, let's not start next to those two." Juri pointed to Abby, much too Impo's dismay. "It's best if we start on the opposite side."

"What? How do you know?" Impo wanted to know Juri's reasoning.

"It'll be obvious once we start," Juri explained. "When we start, run as fast as you can-"

"Well, that was obvious," Impo interjected.

"And then set up some obstacles to slow every else down." Juri finished his ideas, which Impo thought were actually pretty smart.
All the groups were lined up in front of the forest. Abby was situated at one end, and thanks to Juri, Impo was at the other.

"Ready?" Abby's Dad said, screaming into the microphone.
After seeing all the trainers nod and ready themselves, Abby's Dad starting the race.

"Set? Go!"
The first seconds of the race were hectic. Impo and Juri sprinted towards the forest while everyone else ran behind them. Abby and her partner unleashed their tactics while on the opposite side of the forest.

"Vileplume! Sleep Powder!"

"Pidgeot! Whirlwind!"

Vileplume secreted a green powder from the flower of its' head, while the Pidgeot flapped it monstrous wings and sent it over the other contestants.
Impo and Juri were not affected by the attack as they were already under the shade of the forest, but more than half of the groups fell asleep in the tall grass. Running into the forest, Impo and Juri began to set up some traps for their opponents. They ducked and swerved to avoid the branches and vines.

"Infernape, Stealth Rock!" Impo commanded, and sparkles began to appear around Infernape. The sparkles grew bigger, and eventually turned into sharp rocks. Infernape screeched and the rocks spread all over the entrance of the forest.

"Shell Blade, Mijumaru!" Juri's Mijumaru pulled its' shell of its' torso and threw it at the obstacles at the entrance. It cut through the branches and vines, and they piled into a small wall. Then like a boomerang the shell returned to Mijumaru, who jumped in the air caught it. Impo and Juri now continued along the forest at a jogging pace.'

"How'd you know to stay away from Abby?" Impo asked, wondering how Juri knew of Abby's tactics.

"Oh, you mean the Vileplume girl? I thought it was obvious." Juri ducked to avoid an oncoming branch.

"Really, I - what's that buzzing sound?" Impo stopped in the middle of his question to turn around. In doing so, he saw what appeared to be a hive of angry bug pokemon angrily heading towards them.

"Run!" Juri screamed, grabbing his Mijumaru and sprinting away, Impo following his suit.

They were running as fast as they could, quickly running out of breath.

"Infernape, Flamethrower!" Impo gasped, finally stopping and leaning against a tree. Infernape released a orange red stream of fire from its' mouth. Infernape knocked out all of the angry bugs, and bodies of Combees, Volbeats and Illumises fell to the floor.

"No! Why did you do that!" Juri screamed, staring angrily at Impo.

"There were chasing us, what was I supposed to do?"

"WELL, YOU WEREN'T MEANT TO START A FIRE IN A FOREST!" Juri bellowed, seeing the embers on the tree's and branches. Impo was shocked, he had been oblivious to the surroundings. Before the blaze begun crawling up vines and across branches, Juri directed his Mijumaru to put out the fire.

"Quick Mijumaru, Hydro Pump!" Mijumaru inhaled deeply, then breathed out what seemed like a pool of water, extinguishing the fire with a great sizzling sound, and a little smoke.

"...." Impo looked down sheepishly. He didn't mean to start a fire. A sudden rustling of the bushes behind them revealed a family of Shiftry's also appeared angry from the fire. There were two Shiftry's and a Nuzleaf. The Shiftry's angry faces could be seen from under their shaggy white hair. The Nuzleaf, on the other hand, seemed scared. The two Shiftry began to screech out loud, raising their fan-like hands. A flurry of leaves began to surround the two Shiftry and they began to twirl around, the air currents made by their hands made sure the leaves followed. The two then stopped spinning, and the leaves flew at Impo, Juri and their pokemon.

"Arghhhh!" Impo, Juri and Infernape ducked behind a fallen log to avoid the leaves. Mijumaru began to run to its' trainer but the current was to harsh, and the little pokemon was caught in the centre of the attack.

"Mijumaru!" Juri screamed, he was almost in tears at the sight of his pokemon being injured. Impo noticed that further ahead the vines became thinner, and an opening would lead them to the finish line.

"Infernape, Close Combat, now!" Impo didn't plan on losing. Not when he had come this far. Infernape jumped on a tree trunk and pushed all its' force on it. It flew at one Shiftry and kicked it, the Shiftry crying in pain then falling to the floor. Infernape then rushed over to the other one and repeatedly punched it, until it was knocked out. Infernape then jumped back to its' trainer. The attacks from the Shiftry's stopped as soon as they fainted, and Mijumaru emerged, with bruises from the assault.

"Wow! How did it survive?" Impo gasped, amazed that a small water type could survive two powerful Shiftries.

"Simple. It was holding a Rindo Berry," Juri pulled out a berry, which looked distinctly like snow peas. "Mijumaru's hurt though, so we have to finish, quick."
Impo and Juri began to run towards the thinning vines, until a piece of grass glowed green and tripped Mijumaru. The small pokemon toppled over itself and fainted.

"No!" Juri wept and withdrew his pokemon. "But who?" Juri and Impo turned around, seeing the Nuzleaf behind them. The Nuzleaf stood quivering, looking scared of what was going to happen to it.

Juri's sadness turned to anger and he roared in frustration. The Nuzleaf whimpered in fright and ran off, leaving the two Shiftry's laying unconcious.

"Wow. You have a nice pair of lungs," Impo said, raising his eyebrows.

"Thanks," Juri replied, huffing and puffing. The two once again ran towards the exit of the forest, this time being stopped by an invisible wall. Impo stopped when he saw Juri run headfirst into it.

"Nice job, Alakazam." It was the boy from Abby's counter, smirking to his partner. They ran off with their pokemon to the finish line as Impo tried to feel away around the solid air. Impo suddenly realised it was a barrier and ordered Infernape to remove it.

"Brick Break, Infernape. Quick!" Infernape jumped into the air, and hit the invisible wall with the side of its' hands. Its' gold 'wrist-bands' glowed white as it destroyed the wall. Impo felt a wave of air breaking, rippling the long grass apart.

"Okay! Finish line here we come!" Impo said enthusiastically, grabbed the stunned Juri and running towards where the others went. Juri recovered from his collision and began to run with Impo. This time they made it to the finish with no interuptions.

"Yes! Ha-hah!" Impo and Juri celebrated as they crossed a red finish line. The two high-fived, and recieved some applause from an old lady waiting next to the boy from Abby's desk.

"Congratulations! You're team number two to finish! Here's proof of your finish," she handed both Impo and Juri red ribbons. "And if you don't mind waiting for people to finish, that'd be great. Will here tells me some are still asleep!" She giggled at here last words and pointed to the boy with an Alakazam.

"Yes, we're in!" Juri said, merrily dancing on the spot.

"I know. I'm so relieved," Impo confessed.

"Woo-hoo!" Impo and Juri turned around to see Abby and her partner emerge from the forest. The old lady approached them too. Impo and Juri heard their conversation.

"Well done, team number three!" She handed them a green ribbon each. "Do you mind waiting for the rest to finish, I hear some are having a nap." At the mention of that the two burst out laughing.

"That was our doing," Said Abby, through fits of giggles.

"Ah, I see," said the lady, smiling. She spoke to address the everyone finished, and said, "Now everyone, I forgot to mention there are machines over there to restore your pokemon health." She pointed to the three white machines behind her. "You are all permitted to use them now, and feel free to let your pokemon enjoy the nature." She ended her speech, and went to sit on a mossy stump.

The three groups hurried over to the machines and deposited their pokemon. Everyone except Abby and Impo only healed one pokemon. Abby healed the three from her battle with Impo as well, and Impo selfishly took a whole machine to himself, recovering his whole party. Ten minutes passed and the fourth and fifth teams arrived. About the same time as the old lady gave your conrgatulatory speech, everyone recieved their pokemon back from the machine, fully healed. Everyone then released their full party except for Juri who only released his Mijumaru, and they all began to mingle as the last two teams re-engerized their pokemon. Watching their pokemon was fun sight to watch, as Mijumaru began spinning Starmie's back star. Slaking began to pick it's snout-like nose, much to the dismay of Abby's Gardevior. Abby's Gardevior tried to remove Slaking's fingers from it's nostrils without much success, and Slaking yawned and Gardevior finally sighed and gave up.

After another fifteen minutes of watching, the first eight teams arrived and recieved their ribbons. The old lady appeared once again to remind everyone not to loose their ribbons and bid everyone good night. Impo slid his ribbon loosely into his pocket and merrily walked to his hotel room. He was in such a happy mood he thought nothing could bring him down. Well, one thing would have, but he failed to notice.

"Mr. Mime, use Theif."

bobandbill

one more time

Male
A cape
Seen 6 Hours Ago
Posted 22 Hours Ago
16,786 posts
15.2 Years
Guys, make sure your reviews (or rather, posts here) are constructive - one-liners saying 'I can't wait' or 'I need to catch up!' doesn't really say anything about the story and furthermore is against the fanfic rules. Mention say a couple of things you liked in particular and/or why you liked the story, for instance, but what's going on here atm doesn't cut it.

Anyways Impo, overall you have a neat story going here, certainly. The writing flows nicely. The progression is smooth and you write the events well - the battle scene also seems to have improved some as well. I rather liked the forest obstacle course event as well, which showed some neat ideas such as the sleep powder and whirlwind combination. =)

There some stuff to fix here and there, but here's what I found upon my quick read-through:
He had received his first pokemon at the age of ten, it was a Slakoth from his father.
Watch for continuing a sentence too much like so (a run-on sentence in other words) - no need for a comma after ten when starting a new sentence there would fit better with the current wording used (i.e. '...age of ten. It was a...'), or say rewording to '...at the age of ten - a Slakoth, from his father.' for as-is it reads awkwardly.
It turns out it is actually a knock-out tournament, and the boasts about prizes were not over exaggerated. The first prize winner would receive a chance to face-off in a battle against the Sinnoh Champion; Cynthia, and based on their skills, will receive a place as the Crimson League Elite and a cash prize of 10,000 dollars.
Watch for tense confusion - you have for instance is (present) and were (past) in the one sentence and more conflictions in that paragraph, for instance (would and will).
"Sure thing, sweety," his mother now adding the diced carrots into a simmering pot.
Another awkward-sounding sentence here, with the part following the dialogue sounding like it is missing a couple of words. (Say, 'sweety," his mother said, now adding/currently adding...').
"I can't forget those." Impo retrieved his belt and siphoned it through the straps on his
pants, placing six pokeballs in each of the holders.
There's still some instances were it seemed you hit enter in the wrong moment, like here (after 'on his'). It kinda disrupts and looks odd, so watch out for that.
All looked the same, with and odd trunk with yellow spots and two club shaped branches.
an, and club-shaped.
Annoyed at the fact that he didn't realize something seemingly obvious, Impo cautiously waited to see what
the three Sudowoodo would do.
Another case of enter being hit in the middle of a sentence here (after 'see what').
Starmie's core began to glow dimmer as it was hit with the Energy Ball, it was thrown backwards but was not knocked out.
Another case of what seems to be you trying to merge two sentences together with a comma which doesn't really work (it sounds awkward when you read it aloud).
"I hope this doesn't count as my break..." She stared blankly as she thought about losing her 'hard-earned' break, "I'm Abby by the way, nice to meet you."
Comma after break should be a full stop there, as you would treat the dialogue at the end as its own sentence.
"I'm Impo," the two shook hands as a formal greeting, then they stationed themselves on opposite sides of the field.
And here the sentence following 'I'm Impo' doesn't flow on from it (it doesn't talk about how he said it or anything, but instead talks about them shaking hands), and so I would change the comma to a full stop and the to The there (I'm Impo." The two...).
Slaking had surprised its' opponents with it's speed and power.
Still have to watch out for using it's/its - here in both cases the correct one to use would be its, as you're twice referring to Slaking's power and opponents. its' shouldn't be used, and it's mans it has/it is.
"You better not have got my uniform dirty!" Warned Abby, as she withdrew another fainted pokemon, "You did great, Ninetales."
As mentioned from that PM before, Warned should be warned as that sentence does flow on from the dialogue, but 'You did great...' is again a different sentence, and hence the comma before it should really be a full stop.
Gengar had a sinister grin on it's face as the third round of the battle started.
its over it's here.
"No! Azumarill!" Abby wept as she recalled her last pokemon, "But how?"
And like other instances, full stop over the comma here.
"Thank you. I almost thought I was gonna lose, you were pretty good with your pokemon." Impo said, trying to cheer Abby up, who blushed and smiled modestly.
As 'Impo said, ...' flows on from the dialogue and reads as one sentence with it, treat it as such and hence change the full stop there to a comma.
"Yeah, well, come back to my desk so I can register you." Abby said, noticing the aftermath of their battle, "gosh, I hope no-one notices."
See above - and should be '...their battle. "Gosh, I hope...'.
"Only the blind people won't." Impo joked.
Change to a comma.
This stranger had skinny features and glasses, almost like a
stereotypical nerd. Except he looked rather angry as he faced Abby as she returned to her desk.
I would change 'except' to 'However,' here - just seems to fit better.
"A problem? Yes, as a matter of fact there is." The teenager replied in a surprisingly calm voice, as it looked like he was about to explode. "I have been waiting for the receptionist to finish her break for the past hour, doesn't
that seem like a extended break?"
full stop after 'there is' should be a comma, and another case of enter being hit in the middle of a sentence there too.
"Oh, that's just another trainer, turns out he only wanted to know when the trials started." Abby breathed out heavily, wondering why people got flustered over the most simplest things.
I would make a new sentence at 'another trainer' there as it sounds like Abby is saying a run-on sentence there. (The sentence after the dialogue can be treated as both a new sentence or the same with the dialogue actually though, heh).
"Okay. So here's your number, keep this safe as it's how we identify participants." Abby said, handing a plastic card to Impo. Impo glance at his card, he was number forty-two.
Full stop should be a comma, and the comma after 'card' does not really work as it just creates an awkward pause there - say a hyphen or a new sentence would work better. Also, glance should be glanced (tenses).
The food arrived shortly after Impo and Abby witnessed Slaking strip a bush bare of all it's Oran Berries.
its over it's.
"Quick, we'll be late!" He said, running into the garden of the restaurant
he over He.
There
were many hopeful trainers here, all sporting different pokemon. Impo recognized the guy from the Abby's desk with an Alakazam.
Enter in the middle of the sentence thing here again.
Therefore, in order to make sure the best are placed in the tournament we have organized a little... trail... shall we say.
trial.
"Now, I expect you all know your numbers. When yours is called out please stand behind me with your
partner. All right," he started to go down the list. "Number one, line up here with fourteen."
Change the comma at the end of the dialogue to a full stop, add in the full stop after 'the list', and note the spacing in the middle of the sentence.
"Now, you number and what pokemon are you using?"
your over you.
"I'm twelve and Mijumaru is my pokemon!" As number twelve stated his pokemon, everyone who heard it scratched their heads. They were all trying to think of a pokemon who had that name.
It is," and with that he released his 'Mijumaru' from his pokeball. Everyone gasped as this unknown pokemon nervously straightened the shell on its' stomach nervously.
"You see, I'm from Isshu, and this was my first pokemon."
Note that it now has an english name (Oshawott) as does the region (Unova), so you might as well edit all instance of those Japanese names then. =p
The pokemon was light blue, dark blue and white. It appeared to be a water pokemon. It had a circular head with a big dark orange nose, and speckles on its' cheeks. Mijumaru had a pale blue torso with a pale yellow sea shell attached to it's center. It had no digits on it's hands, which appeared to be rounded. Its' feet had flipper-like toes with a dark blue colour. Mijumaru also had a plank like tail, also dark blue.
plank like should be plank-like, firstly... and its over its'. Also note that here (although the beginning of the description was quite good) the description is too listy, not helped by most of the sentences having a very similar length and starting with It/Its - it gives it a repetitive feel and makes it sound like an extended list of points about it rather than description within a story.
"Hello! My name is Juri." Number twelve officially introduced himself.
"And then set up some obstacles to slow every else down." Juri finished his ideas, which Impo thought were actually pretty smart.
Should be a comma in both instances of bolded full stops, and 'number' there.
She giggled at here last words and pointed to the boy with an Alakazam.
her.
Slaking began to pick it's snout-like nose, much to the dismay of Abby's Gardevior. Abby's Gardevior tried to remove Slaking's fingers from it's nostrils without much success, and Slaking yawned and Gardevior finally sighed and gave up
its over it's in both instances, and the sentence felt that it was continued a touch too much with the 'and it yawned and it gave a sigh and gave up' aspect going there - could be worded better, I feel.
"Mr. Mime, use Theif."
Thief.
All in all it is good - just have to watch out for the (often) consistent mistakes, such as the use of commas/full stops (especially around dialogue), and tenses.

Staff Anime Villain Collab - Earl de Darkwood - Interstella 5555

Daily | Drabble Dex | A Change of the Season
The Retelling of Pokémon Colosseum
Paired to Sheep :>

Impo

Playhouse Pokemon

Male
Earth
Seen 1 Week Ago
Posted December 7th, 2021
2,456 posts
13.3 Years

Chapter 5


The Thief, Part 1 (featuring Mirimaju and Dark Pulse of PC)

Impo had a great sleep. It was when he woke up he screamed. After getting dressed and showering he realised he had lost his ribbon.

"No! This can't be happening!" Impo screamed, tearing his spacious hotel room apart.

He checked the pocket's of his pants and opened all of the drawers. Kneeling on the floor he checked under his bed and nightstand. He began crawling on all fours looking for a hint of red on the cream carpet. After hopeless after hopeless attempts to recover the ribbon, Impo admitted he lost his precious ribbon and grumpily sat on his bed. He was fuming with anger, throwing his spare pokeballs against the wall. Impo's tantrum was interrupted by a knock on the door.

Impo slowly opened the door, realising the noise he made and hoping he wasn't going to be ridiculed. He answered the door, seeing Abby in her work uniform. She had a forced smile, but upon seeing Impo she relaxed a little.

"Oh, hey Impo." Abby smiled, noticing the mess upon his floor. "Is something wrong? There have been complaints about the noise."

"Uhhhh, sorry. I kinda lost my ribbon from the trials," Impo admitted sheepishly.

"Is that all?" Abby said cheerily, "just come to my desk and I can issue you a new one."

"Oh..." Impo said, quietly. He followed Abby out the door, scanning the surface of his room one more time before locking it with his room key.

Abby led Impo back down to the lobby. Juri was waiting at Abby's desk. He was waiting patiently but anxiously with his Mijumaru, tapping his fingernails on the wooden desk. As he saw Abby approach he walked up to her.

"Miss, my ribbon was stolen!" He wailed, burying his face in his hands.

"...Really? Well, I lost mine," Impo said, trying to comfort his trail partner.

"Hmmmm... you to were partners, right?" Abby inquired, walking around her desk and sitting in her chair.

"Yes."

"Well, maybe someone has stolen both of the ribbons. Stealing just one would be odd, as the other partner would notice something fishy." Abby began to scan down the list of people who had passed the trails.

"Well, what do we do?" Impo asked, he wasn't letting some thief steal his chances of glory.

"That's simple. We just need to find the people who stole our ribbons and take them back." Juri said, stating the obvious.

"Okay Juri. Tell me who they are. Point them out for us." Impo said, agitated by his statement.

Juri scanned the lobby. After a minute of Impo and Abby staring blankly at him, he looked back at them cluelessly.

"Maybe if we set a trap, that way the people we want will come to us?" Juri said, tired of staring at people in the lobby.

"....That's actually a good idea. Abby, can you help us?" Impo said, turning to face Abby, who was typing furiously on her computer.

"Done!" She said happily, smiling at Impo and Juri. "You guys know how the date of the next meeting to discuss your opponents were on the back of the ribbons, right? Well, I've just sent a message to all the legitimate owners of the ribbons saying there was a typo, and that the real date is two hours after the one mentioned. I've also notified my parents, so the meeting goes as planned, just later."

"Awesome!" Juri and Impo exclaimed. Impo didn't bother mentioning that he hadn't even checked the back of his ribbon, just the front. He thought it was a little embarrassing.

"Ummm... when is the meeting being held?" Impo asked, twiddling his thumbs.

"The real one is now at noon, and the trap is at ten o'clock. I suggest you go now, as it's half past nine. I have to stay here. I think dad's a little angry at our battle the other day, so I have to be careful with my actions." Abby said.

"Let's go, Impo. The meeting was meant to be held on the field outside, so we should head there now."

"Okay."
Impo and Juri ran outside the crimson building, and headed for the unoccupied area of the field. It was opposite the side to Impo and Abby's battle. Impo could tell as the ground was still healing from it's beating.

"Now we wait." Juri said, sitting on the grass. He began to draw circles with a stray leaf as Impo stood up, waiting for two people to show with their ribbons.

Impo and Juri didn't need to wait long. Less than ten minutes had passed and there was a man walking up to them. Juri stood up and they both turned to face the approaching person. Impo didn't remember this person as a winner, and by the look on his face Juri didn't either. The man approached them, and produced to red ribbons from his coat pocket.

"I'm guessing you want these back? Not a chance," The man grinned menacingly. This man appeared to be in his twenties. He had very pale skin and black hair, covering half his face. His clothes were gray and black, not a hint of colour was on him. Impo immediately thought this man represented an 'emo'.

"We earned those fair and square! We're getting them back no matter what!" Impo said, angrily. He released his whole party onto the battlefield.

"Let's go! Impo!" Juri released his whole party as well. The man didn't flinch, or retreat at the sight of twelve pokemon closing in on him.

Impo quickly thought this problem would be solved in a matter of seconds. He stared at all their pokemon. Juri had another pokemon he didn't know of, it was like a grass monkey. He also had a Heracross, an Absol, an Ampharos, an Arcanine and his Mijumaru. Impo stood over his pokemon (Starmie, Roserade, Infernape, Slaking, Gengar and Metagross) and waited to see his opponent's reaction.

"Humph. You're no match for Pulse! The Double Battle King!" Pulse reached for only two pokeballs and released them from their restraints.

A Mr. Mime and Absol appeared from their pokeballs. They both looked pale for some reason, and weren't smiling or showing any signs of happiness.

"Absol, use Perish Song!" Pulse's Absol sang a piercing song, emitting black song notes from its' mouth. The dull song notes charged to the twelve pokemon of Juri and Impo, and circled around them.

"Mr. Mime, Barrier!" Pulse's Mr. Mime conjured beams of light from its' fingertips, and created a box around their opponents. Impo recognized the attack Perish Song, and quickly tried to withdraw his pokemon.

"Starmie, Slaking, Everyone! Return!" Impo tried to withdraw his pokemon, but the barrier Mr. Mime created kept the pokemon in play.

The twelve pokemon stared confused at the music notes surrounding them, the eerie notes emitting the song from Absol's mouth, even though Absol has his mouth closed. Impo and Juri gasped as all twelve of their pokemon fainted. Juri fought back tears and Impo tried not to scream out in anger and frustration.

"Humph, you don't deserve to be in the trials. Me, the double battle king failed to gain a position in the top eight." Pulse said, explaining his reasons for stealing the ribbons. "Yet a two children, one with a little scrawny pokemon were one of the fastest to run the forest. It disgusts me. Mr. Mime, finish them off."

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A little short, i'm sorry.
i hope you like it :)