Body of Lightning, Soul of Thunder (PG-13)

Started by Kirozane December 11th, 2010 10:02 AM
  • 483 views
  • 2 replies

Kirozane

Frolic and fun~

Age 31
Female
Seen October 8th, 2022
Posted September 30th, 2022
961 posts
13.8 Years
This is a fic loosely based off of Okami. VERY loosely based. I've also been working on it since mid-August. Slow progression is slow.

The gods still exist of course, and turns out the demon spirits still do as well... And the major demons can incarnate themselves in human form. But then. the gods can do the same.

They have been doing so for many years. For the major demon are trying to revive Yami. And the gods have been trying to stop them.

The focus is the split incarnation of Gekigami: Kierra and Okuro.
All Kierra's PoV until chapter seven then it starts to alternate between her and Okuro.

I myself don't think this is a very good story, but others seem to like it... ._.
Hopefully I get advice on how to improve this story. Especially chapter 2. That NEEDS to be changed... I'm just no longer in the mindset to do so as of now.

Not entirely sure what my rating really should be, but due to references to blood (nothing too gory due to my subpar descriprion skills) I'm going for PG-13...

Also before I begin, I will mention the problems I know I have and would like advice on remedying:
•Description
•Progression
•Action

So without further ado....
________________________________________________________________________
Prologue

I don't know where I was going. The dark clouds above me beckoned to me; called me forth with a voice I couldn't hope to resist. My movement was not of my own accord. The raging storm had complete control over me. This terrain was one that I would normally get numerous scrapes and bruises on, but I hopped from rock to rock as if it was nothing. With the liquid grace of the tiger, I easily made it from one end of the former riverbed to the other. And still the storm pulled me forward.

The long, yellowed grass of the plains tickled my legs as I moved to the center of the field. But it was a notion that flickered in my head for mere moments before completely vanishing. My walking was more lethargic now, as if savoring the moments. How a five year old had even slipped away from the village to begin with I would never find out.

I stopped in the middle of the field, in a gap in the grass. Something pulled me to my knees, and I didn't think twice before allowing it to take me. I stared at that same spot in the sky, completely entranced by whatever it was that had called me here. Lightning flickered behind a swirling black cloud, and in that spot, the shape of a massive tiger flickered with it. The tiger's muzzle twitched along with the thunder, telling me that was the sound of it growling. From there, time blurred.

A few strands of dark hair drifted in front of my face as the wind picked up…

A sharp stab of lightning, followed by the snarling roar of thunder…

I could feel my breath becoming harder to obtain…

Everything in my body wanted to run, but I couldn't do so. Whatever force had called me here didn't want me to leave. I was on my knees, completely immobilized…

I could see the tiger now. His immense ivory colored body was a deep contrast from the ebony clouds behind him. The blood red stripes across his body rippled with his breath. He shook this way and that, repositioning the giant bow on his shoulder. His tail whipped across something attached to his back leg and zipped to his bow. The electric energy bristled as that tail pulled the string back. He lowered his head, and pointed the bolt right at me.

And still I couldn't move. I watched in horror as his tail slipped from the string. Finally able to look away, I flinched into a cowering position.

"KIERRA!!!"

I felt hands starting to pull me back, but too slowly. The tail had released the lightning, and with a roar the tiger watched it strike.

I screamed at the immense pain, drowning out the yelp of my attempted savior. The lightning stabbed at me, puncturing my sensitive nerves time and again. I cried from it, screaming when it became too much. It was all I could think to do.

"Kierra! Oh no… Kierra?"

I opened my eyes through the pain, seeing Okuro beside me. My twin was usually so calm and collected. I had never seen him so panicked in my life. I tried to tell him to run, before the tiger got him too, but my body refused to comply. Everything sounded so muffled. I looked at where I saw the tiger, and he was no longer there. My eyes locked on Okuro again, who anxiously looked to the left.

"Niena!! She's over here! Hurry!"

The black waters pulled me under, my last notion being the feeling of fear that wasn't my own.

*****

I spent more time than I wanted to listening to my own heartbeat. Occasionally, I'd hear my own breath, but it was like I wasn't really the one listening to it. I'd occasionally hear a soft nudge of "Wake up," in a voice that wasn't my own, yet sounded familiar all the same. This went on for a long time.

The surface of the blackness bubbled closer, and I pushed through with all of my power. My eyes opened, slowly bringing everything into focus. I flinched from the sunlight on my face the second I comprehended its presence. I sat up, letting out a sigh. A gasp sounded behind me. Trademark Niena.

"You're okay! You worried us all."

I nodded, not feeling up to talking to her. I felt she worried too much about Okuro and I. The fact that she was there after that night, it made a reprimand unavoidable. I sat in silence as she strung together word after word that even to my five-year-old mind sounded cliché. It wasn't long before I tuned her out, keeping a serious expression plastered on my face. That was an art Okuro and I had mastered around our worrywart babysitter. Where are you when I need you, Okuro? I thought to myself.

Or so I thought.

Kierra? Is that you?

I jumped, causing a panic attack in Niena. I disregarded her, and dealt with what I felt were more important matters.

Okuro? You heard me?

Yeah. I still can, you know. The calm tone in his thoughts bothered me a little.

We've never been able to do this before!

I know. It doesn't make sense…


Okuro was always calmer than I was. That placid demeanor made him seem wise beyond his years.

Can you come here? I asked, feeling a little stupid in my asking.

Why? Scared?

No!

Then whaddaya need me for? I could almost hear the smirk that would always tug at his lips after that kind of comment.

Not knowing how to respond to that, I tuned Niena back in. She was asking me something about remembering what she said. As I didn't hear anything, I released the yawn stuck in my throat instead. I guess she thought I was still tired as she scurried out of the room after some incoherent Niena-babble.

Content with the silence, I flopped down on my bed again, and fell asleep rather quickly.

My dreams were about that tiger, and he would remain the subject for many nights to come.
________________________________________________________________________
They seem much older than 5. But that's the only time they are that age so...
Yeah...
Critique away. :3

Kirozane

Frolic and fun~

Age 31
Female
Seen October 8th, 2022
Posted September 30th, 2022
961 posts
13.8 Years
Author's notes: Chapter one is an okay chapter, playing more on emotions than imagery due to the first person PoV. Kierra wasn't really looking around.
______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Chapter One - Perception


I hated him.

The feeling bubbled in me so often now. It was getting harder to hide, thanks to the connection. The back of my left hand had scars of tooth marks dotted across the skin. The palms of my hands bore a line of marks from where my untrimmed nails dug in through my frustration. I spent many a sleepless night trying to stuff that anger back into the box I kept it in when it first reared up in my head. I refused to acknowledge that this fury towards my twin brother had outgrown its hideaway.


After Gekigami's visit, we were tested in our lightning capabilities. As our village worshipped Gekigami above the other brush gods, it was only natural we'd develop an ability to manipulate his lightning. And therefore, since our father was the head, he selected who would go in what order. Naturally the two of us were last. There was some intense skill, even in such young children. But when Okuro stepped forward, He made the "gifted" seem like they were short changed.

The lightning had been so eager; so willing to answer to his call. The shock of the onlookers was palpable. His demonstration seemed to last ten times longer than it really was. I found as he finished I had been moving with the electricity, lost and entranced in its wild energy.

Then I was called forward. I was so eager, maybe even moreso than the lightning had been to answer to Okuro. I had thought that if Okuro had so much raw talent I was bound to be somewhere in that ballpark right?

I couldn't have been more wrong on a bet. In fact, I don't think I could have been a bigger disappointment if I tried. I could barely summon more than a spark, much less control it. To this day, the people's laughter at my failure still echoes in my head. That's when the anger first showed its face. But that anger was more geared towards me than jealousy for my brother. Nevertheless, after a nice verbal lashing from Father, the string snapped, and Okuro just happened to be around to take the initial blow.

"Kierra, not everyone is good at it at first. One kid got zapped in the face, remember?" Okuro chuckled to himself as he recalled it.

I whirled around from the window, glaring daggers in his direction. He flinched back, and I felt a sting of shock through the connection at the sight of the tears streaming down my face. "I'm sorry," he began after the momentary flutter in his control. "I didn't think-"

"Go away." I said it through my teeth.

"I'm trying to-"

"GO. AWAY."

"But-"

"JUST GO AWAY!!" I screamed, both out loud and through our connection. I grabbed the closest object to me, and threw it in his direction as he rushed out of the room. The disc stuck in the wall. I spent that entire night stewing in my anger, locking it away in that little box. I didn't get a bit of sleep.


It was that day that I became his "shadow", so to speak. I'd go with him places out of formality. I'd always end up ignored however, no matter how obvious my presence was. The biggest candidate for Gekigami's incarnation was around. Who cared about his pathetic excuse for a twin sister? As much as that should have fueled that furious monster within me, it didn't. It didn't take long for me to remain unaffected from it.

No. That wasn't it.

What made this beast so hard to keep in check was that even with our link, no matter how much I yearned for it, it would never happen. I could explain it every which way, but I couldn't make my hope a reality.

He would never understand my pain.

Probable incarnation of Gekigami, obvious heir to Father, all around cool, collected favorite… the list goes on and on. As long as he was around, I at least got the respect of silence; a clear sign they wanted to remain on his good side. They didn't want him to know what they did to his shadow when he wasn't around to protect it.


I leaned against the wall on my bed, staring through the foggy window at the birds. They seemed so blissful, so carefree. More often than not now I longed to trade places with them. I wanted to be free from the repercussions of my shortcomings for only a day, if not for good.

I heard the door closing silently behind me, and my brother's familiar footsteps moving towards me. I didn't move, didn't even say in the connection that I felt him come in as the anger faded to depression, as it always did.

"Kierra, you're chewing on your hand again. That can't be good for you. What's wrong?" Okuro's voice was louder than I expected, and I jumped. That startled movement caused me to bite deeper into my hand than usual, and thus feel it for once.

I shook my hand in one direction and my head in another.

He sighed, shaking his head in a "you're hopeless" kind of fashion. "You're trying to hide it from the connection, but I know something has been eating at you since the test. Your hands are proof enough of that."

I smiled in a wistful sort of way, still never looking fully at him. "I should have known you'd have caught on by now…" I bit back self-abusive remarks, and blinked back tears.

"I'm sure I caught on faster than you think I did." He reached out, turned my head to face him and held it so I couldn't look away. His eyes were serious, like normal, but somewhere in the depths I saw that same tinge of worry I saw after Gekigami's strike, though now it was cooler and muted. "Now tell me what it is."

"Why should I?" I scoffed. "Not like it matters. You wouldn't believe me anyway."

He raised one eyebrow. "Try me."

I pried his hand off of my head, leaning back against the dull white wall again. "You don't understand…"

"I probably don't, but whatever it is you're holding in…" he shook his head as he tried to find the words. "…It changed you. You're darker. Even with this connection, you seem like a different person. I don't know you anymore."

It took massive effort to keep eye contact, and even more so to keep my composure. I felt a tear break free, and was quick to wipe it away. I didn't know what to say. I couldn't tell him. I just couldn't. There was so much that wanted to spill into the connection, but I had to shove it all back. If anything, I couldn't burden him with this, even if he was literally the only person who seemed to care. "I… I'm sorry… I don't know if I can talk about it now…"

"Call me when you can then…." He let the sentence hang as he stood up to leave. But through the connection I heard the second half.

I want my sister back.

The door slid shut, and the dam broke. I buried my face in my bed and cried the tears that had been trying to get out for years.

Kirozane

Frolic and fun~

Age 31
Female
Seen October 8th, 2022
Posted September 30th, 2022
961 posts
13.8 Years
Author's note: I hate this chapter hatehatehatehatehatehate it. But I am not yet in the mindset to rewrite it... I need seriously need help with it. :c
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Chapter Two - Escape

"How do you deal with that thing for a sister, Okuro? Is it even human?"

That boy asked my brother the questions while I was right beside him, following it by an annoying cackle. I clenched my fists, instantly tensing up. My breathing deepened as rage flared through the connection, and I tried desperately to contain it. I looked from the ground in front of me to him. It wouldn't be more than three steps to get him and punch him in the face. I narrowed my eyes at the boy, who grinned smugly in response.

"You can't hurt me, KIERRA." He sneered, his voice getting condescending when he said my name. I felt my lip raising for a growl, but quickly stopped myself, staying in check.

I felt myself leaning forward to lunge when a hand grabbed my shoulder. Kierra. Okuro's voice was as firm as his grip on my shoulder. Calm down. He's trying to get to you.

Well, it's working. I snapped.

You need to stay calm. He pressed.

I let out a sigh, and turned away. Okuro began to pull me away. This was the norm. They'd provoke, and Okuro would keep any trouble from happening. That little flare of frustration was blowing out its last embers, when even Okuro agreed the boy crossed the line.

The rock hit the back of my head with enough force to send me stumbling to the ground. Okuro whirled around, probably close to showing anger himself, a rare sight. The boy's laughter was incessant, only fueling the raging fire in my head. Kierra, don't-

But it didn't matter. This anger was too there to ignore. I jumped to me feet, and charged with one word in the connection. NO.

Before it even occurred to him that I was retaliating, I was in his face. A sickening snap greeted my fist as it connected with his face, matching my sudden speed with power. He tumbled a few feet, and I just stayed where I was, breathing heavily, and spouting with rage. I had tuned everything out, but when it all came back, I was greeted with Okuro's anger.

KIERRA!! Do you have any idea what you just did? You could have killed him!

I heard him running towards me, and evaded him easily without the slightest issue. He tried to catch me, to restrain me before I made the problem worse. I stepped out of his way, as he was moving oddly slow to me. After five minutes of this, he did manage to grab me by the arm.

Kierra. Get a hold of yourself. You need to stop.

I snarled, completely overtaken by feral rage. I glared at him with eyes even I knew weren't my own. With one jerk, I easily broke free from him, and ran. I could feel him giving chase, but whatever this power was, he wasn't as difficult to outrun as usual. I needed to get out. I needed to escape. Not only from the ostracism, but from the rage that controlled my every move.

Everything blurred around me I ran. Okuro was far behind me. I stopped, skidding as I killed that ungodly speed. I yelled out my frustration, which echoed in the trees. Again, Okuro came rushing back to me through the connection.

Kierra? Can you hear me? He was placid again, the ripples of anger having long since halted.

Y-yes…

You're lucky you didn't kill that boy. Father doesn't want you around for a while.

Figures. But I guess I'm lucky to have a temporary banishment, rather than permanent or execution.

They wanted you killed. It doesn't seem like that kid's gonna come to for a while.

You pulled strings didn't you?

Of course. I don't want my twin getting killed for defending herself.


The guilt set in at that moment. This wasn't the first time he lessened my punishment for letting my anger get the better of me. You can't keep doing this for me.

You're right. But I'm going to as long as I can, or as long as I have to.

I think I'll be fine where I am for now. See you when I can come back, I guess.

Maybe…
And his open thoughts went silent.

The day seemed much longer after that. The breeze seemed thicker, more suffocating. And the open air became more pressing. This wasn't my first time in this spot, but it never got any easier.

I had difficulty sleeping that night, similar to the first night every time. But as I laid at the base of a tree, I stewed over my guilt. No matter how much I wanted to shield Okuro to my problems, I always ended up getting him as swamped as me. But he was lucky. He was always near enough to the edge to pull himself out for a while. I however would continue to struggle, effectively sinking myself deeper into the mire that was my hardships. These thoughts plagued me until exhaustion weighed me down too much to think.

When I woke up at dawn, I almost cried out. Okuro was laying beside me, and I had instinctively draped my arm around him for comfort. After a few tears of joy, I stood up, and turned to watch the sunrise.