Beautiful Ice

Started by Scytheteen January 3rd, 2011 9:33 PM
  • 584 views
  • 3 replies
Age 28
Male
NY
Seen January 29th, 2014
Posted January 14th, 2014
1,290 posts
15.8 Years
This is a poem i wrote about a year ago, I hope you guys like it

Beautiful Ice

The cold icy bed
Laying in a pool of water

The mistress struggles for survival;
Struggles to keep her children alive

A cold-blooded predator in the night,
Stalking and readying for attack

A swift motion of the beast
And her blanket tears in two.

The mistress sinks lower into her bed.
Feeling no guilt, no shame.

***

Comments? Thoughts? Criticism?
Why, Yes
Chris Martin is my avatar.

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Regeneration

meow

Male
Somewhere I Belong
Seen December 15th, 2016
Posted July 23rd, 2016
1,421 posts
12.5 Years
I'll agree with TJgamer, the structure is perfect. I can see that your thoughts describing the scene have been put forward in a real good manner.

I can't really find any flaw in this poem hence I shall deem it awesome. :D

Though this isn't really required, you should be a bit more careful when it comes to punctuation, just makes the poem flow better. Then again, it isn't necessary.
Age 28
Male
NY
Seen January 29th, 2014
Posted January 14th, 2014
1,290 posts
15.8 Years
It's very...unknown. The story has such a mysterious feeling to it.
The structure is nice. Your free-verse style was pleasant to read.
Good work.
thank you! it means a lot that you liked it!

I'll agree with TJgamer, the structure is perfect. I can see that your thoughts describing the scene have been put forward in a real good manner.

I can't really find any flaw in this poem hence I shall deem it awesome. :D

Though this isn't really required, you should be a bit more careful when it comes to punctuation, just makes the poem flow better. Then again, it isn't necessary
Thanks for the feedback! I always feel a little more lenient about my punctuation when doing free verse, but I'll keep it in mind for other things I write cause i suck at punctuation.
Why, Yes
Chris Martin is my avatar.

Safari Type: Ghost
Shuppet, Dusclops, Phantump
PM for FC